Why do older men become bi-curious?

[GentlemanJedi63]

My opinion and journey

I don’t claim to have an answer as I think any man who admits these feelings has his own experience and journey to reference. Perhaps it’s just that we suppress these desires until we get to an age where we’re not as hung up on societal expectations or hung up on labels.

My own personal journey began in 1982 as a 19 year old when I began a journey filled with confusion, guilt, shame, and embarrassment as I became aware of arousal when I thought of men. That went on for about 20 years until I finally acknowledged and admitted to myself that I was, in fact, “bicurious”. Move forward about 15 more years, and I believe I had slowly began accepting my desires. I say that I have become more accepting of my desires since for the last several years, I have become much more comfortable with my desires, and I see them as part of myself, not as an aberration. In that time, I have developed interests, preferences, fantasies, and have stopped using the term “bicurious”. I still consider myself as curious since I have not yet taken the plunge, but I identify my desires as being either gay or “gay curious”. I still prefer women, and would not describe myself as gay, but have become more comfortable with my interest in the male anatomy.

Now, if anyone out there can direct me to a nice gay gentleman between 65-75, who would be willing to teach this married, 58 year old a few things about man sex, then let me know!

Jim

 

[Dellacd33]

So true

I'm 61 and widowed for 5 years. I feel like its time to branch out! I Love hard cocks and cumshots on sexy shemales and Cd's! I Love Lingerie.....its just so Damn sexy!
I'm looking forward to sharing a hard cock sucking and anal experience with my first, (like me) Safe, CD!!! I still am incredibly turned on by women but why not have a sexy cock that is attached to a sexy "woman"!!??? Best of both worlds!

It's just so much fun. We all have a right to look as sexy as possible, and that means short skirts, lingerie, stockings and fuck me shoes, if you can wear them that is.

 

[Buscando]

Hi, My name is ... and I'm ???

I don’t claim to have an answer as I think any man who admits these feelings has his own experience and journey to reference. Perhaps it’s just that we suppress these desires until we get to an age where we’re not as hung up on societal expectations or hung up on labels.

My own personal journey began in 1982 as a 19 year old when I began a journey filled with confusion, guilt, shame, and embarrassment as I became aware of arousal when I thought of men. That went on for about 20 years until I finally acknowledged and admitted to myself that I was, in fact, “bicurious”. Move forward about 15 more years, and I believe I had slowly began accepting my desires. I say that I have become more accepting of my desires since for the last several years, I have become much more comfortable with my desires, and I see them as part of myself, not as an aberration. In that time, I have developed interests, preferences, fantasies, and have stopped using the term “bicurious”. I still consider myself as curious since I have not yet taken the plunge, but I identify my desires as being either gay or “gay curious”. I still prefer women, and would not describe myself as gay, but have become more comfortable with my interest in the male anatomy.

Now, if anyone out there can direct me to a nice gay gentleman between 65-75, who would be willing to teach this married, 58 year old a few things about man sex, then let me know!

Jim

Good evening, JenGed, and thank you for your clear, cogent and articulate contribution to the conversation.

While your stated history would reflect the experiences and attitudes of many of us here, we each have our own stories to tell and history to deal with, don't we?

I did find something of a contradiction, or at least a curiosity (really, no pun intended), in your story however, in that you had discontinued the use of one label, i.e., "bi-curious," but then potentially adopted a couple of others, in the form of "gay" or "gay-curious."

I mention this only because it brings up some degree of confusion for me, and perhaps others as well. I feel that if we are sexually open-minded and receptive, then we are just that. But then, of course, bi-sexual may be a useful term to let others know that you are in fact open to play with both sexes. Beyond that, it becomes problematic in a number of ways and for a number of reasons.

Personally, for whatever it's worth(?), I wonder about the "gay/gay-curious" designation you then brought up, since it would seem that if, as you say, you "...still prefer women, and would not describe myself as gay..." you are pretty clearly saying that, since you haven't yet had a m/m experience, you're therefore still bi-curious.

I suppose my confusion comes from the ambiguity of the statement about your preference for women, but curiosity about m/m sex, which you seem to describe as then becoming gay.

Though you prefer sex with females, but also have sex (in whatever form or for whatever reason) with males, then you are by definition bi-sexual.

I just offer this because you seem to be struggling with the selection of labels, while also struggling to be free of them.

In the end, it's pretty simple when you think about it. If we have occasional sex in any form with a member of the opposite sex, that's, by definition, a bi-sexual designation, pure and simple. And if you and your selected partner enjoy it, what's wrong with that?

He may be gay, but as long as you are also engaging in sex with someone of the opposite sex, you are of course bi-sexual in your practices.

As for seeking someone to hook you up with "... a nice gay gentleman between 65-75, who would be willing to teach this married, 58 year old a few things about man sex ...," I'd ask, why limit yourself? As you can readily see from the multitudinous posts on this site, there are a whole lot of married and single bi guys who would love to offer you their assistance and experience.

If, however, you do strongly prefer a gay man for the experience, then perhaps we're looking at something different after all.

Either way, nothing happens until you make it happen. Whatever the result turns out to be, it's your voyage of discovery, so shove off and fill your sails with the wind.

 

[cheesehead2]

Good evening, JenGed, and thank you for your clear, cogent and articulate contribution to the conversation.

While your stated history would reflect the experiences and attitudes of many of us here, we each have our own stories to tell and history to deal with, don't we?

I did find something of a contradiction, or at least a curiosity (really, no pun intended), in your story however, in that you had discontinued the use of one label, i.e., "bi-curious," but then potentially adopted a couple of others, in the form of "gay" or "gay-curious."

I mention this only because it brings up some degree of confusion for me, and perhaps others as well. I feel that if we are sexually open-minded and receptive, then we are just that. But then, of course, bi-sexual may be a useful term to let others know that you are in fact open to play with both sexes. Beyond that, it becomes problematic in a number of ways and for a number of reasons.

Personally, for whatever it's worth(?), I wonder about the "gay/gay-curious" designation you then brought up, since it would seem that if, as you say, you "...still prefer women, and would not describe myself as gay..." you are pretty clearly saying that, since you haven't yet had a m/m experience, you're therefore still bi-curious.

I suppose my confusion comes from the ambiguity of the statement about your preference for women, but curiosity about m/m sex, which you seem to describe as then becoming gay.

Though you prefer sex with females, but also have sex (in whatever form or for whatever reason) with males, then you are by definition bi-sexual.

I just offer this because you seem to be struggling with the selection of labels, while also struggling to be free of them.

In the end, it's pretty simple when you think about it. If we have occasional sex in any form with a member of the opposite sex, that's, by definition, a bi-sexual designation, pure and simple. And if you and your selected partner enjoy it, what's wrong with that?

He may be gay, but as long as you are also engaging in sex with someone of the opposite sex, you are of course bi-sexual in your practices.

As for seeking someone to hook you up with "... a nice gay gentleman between 65-75, who would be willing to teach this married, 58 year old a few things about man sex ...," I'd ask, why limit yourself? As you can readily see from the multitudinous posts on this site, there are a whole lot of married and single bi guys who would love to offer you their assistance and experience.

If, however, you do strongly prefer a gay man for the experience, then perhaps we're looking at something different after all.

Either way, nothing happens until you make it happen. Whatever the result turns out to be, it's your voyage of discovery, so shove off and fill your sails with the wind.

Well spoken. All i might add would be you need to decide what type wind you choose to fill those sails with. Fill them look forward enjoy the journey. Who knows you might find a new home

 

[Chasebrown96]

As someone younger with an affinity for older guys I think so many of these posts are well thought out. What I have often heard is one the confidences to finally open up because responsibilities are more taken care of so as the traditions rat race fades then opens time for self reflection. Also because guys are fun lol.

 

[GentlemanJedi63]

Well spoken. All i might add would be you need to decide what type wind you choose to fill those sails with. Fill them look forward enjoy the journey. Who knows you might find a new home

Everyone has brought up good points, and I’ll admit that I commit the sin that I complain about the most: labeling. I say I don’t use labels, but then label myself as (fill in the blank).

If anything, I am curious, and I am open to sexual encounters with men, bi or gay. In reality, all I can honestly say is that I am interested in a sexual encounter with another man, and that once engaged, there is no label that will make a difference anyway.

 

[comegently]

In some cultures such as ancient Greece, same-sex play was considered normal for older men.
It is still completely routine in French Polynesia, especially when it comes to young guys getting their first sexual experience with a Trans female (this custom preceded the use of the term "Trans" by a long way).
There is no need to apply the term "gay" or its equivalent.
At some level, all labels are made up; they are ways of framing things, not those things themselves.

 

[Crios]

In some cultures such as ancient Greece, same-sex play was considered normal for older men.
It is still completely routine in French Polynesia, especially when it comes to young guys getting their first sexual experience with a Trans female (this custom preceded the use of the term "Trans" by a long way).
There is no need to apply the term "gay" or its equivalent.
At some level, all labels are made up; they are ways of framing things, not those things themselves.

Obviously Western society is much more rigid and straightjacketed in terms of what is considered acceptable between consenting adults.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

It is.

The fundamental problem, I think, is an obsession with defining. You do this, so you are x. You do this, so you are y. As I've said before, whatever you doing and whoever you're doing it with, if the objective is mutual enjoyment and ultimately, orgasms, it's just sex.

 

[PRVPRNT]

Labels

The why is different for each guy.

I'm a 57yo str8 MWM, I say str8 because that's how I live my life.

Started connecting with other guys who were Str8 married and curious out of curiosity...sex without female emotions attached seemed novel.

Some guys weren't getting any at home, some were openly Bi and some just wanted to know that there were other guys with the same thoughts and desires.

If you're new it's filled with anxiety and bonding happens over jo to porn in the same room; which seems familiar.

It either does or doesn't escalate from there.

But why later in life is the big question. I suppose for the same reason that same guy would hire an 18yo escort, because it's novel, a new experience in the mundane routine of life, which after 20-30 yrs of marriage weighs heavily on you.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

For me,

it was about not wanting to die wondering. I'm glad I took the plunge and when COVID settles down, I'll do it again.

 

[Crios]

The why is different for each guy.

I'm a 57yo str8 MWM, I say str8 because that's how I live my life.

Started connecting with other guys who were Str8 married and curious out of curiosity...sex without female emotions attached seemed novel.

Some guys weren't getting any at home, some were openly Bi and some just wanted to know that there were other guys with the same thoughts and desires.

If you're new it's filled with anxiety and bonding happens over jo to porn in the same room; which seems familiar.

It either does or doesn't escalate from there.

But why later in life is the big question. I suppose for the same reason that same guy would hire an 18yo escort, because it's novel, a new experience in the mundane routine of life, which after 20-30 yrs of marriage weighs heavily on you.

I also think we start to regret the things we DIDN'T do, more than the things we did.

 

[Xyhorn]

Looking through the responses it seems there are two common responses: those that have always had a curiosity or attraction to men and those that recognise sex with men is quick and easy. I fall into the second camp. As I got older sex with my wife waned. Eventually I got fed up of making myself cum and wanted someone else to do it for me. Men were the easy solution.

But, I hear you ask, what about arousal if I am not attracted to men? This may be where age comes in. I view it as sex and can remove the attraction from the equation. Additionally, I don't have a one on one hook up, rather I visit a sauna. The anonymity, the exhibitionism, the voyeurism and openess to sex all contribute to increasing my arousal. Believe me, sitting naked in a dark steam room with a man's hand travelling up your thigh and then stocking your cock while all around you are the sounds of sex you will be more than aroused.

 

[Bathtubbill]

Looking through the responses it seems there are two common responses: those that have always had a curiosity or attraction to men and those that recognise sex with men is quick and easy. I fall into the second camp. As I got older sex with my wife waned. Eventually I got fed up of making myself cum and wanted someone else to do it for me. Men were the easy solution.

But, I hear you ask, what about arousal if I am not attracted to men? This may be where age comes in. I view it as sex and can remove the attraction from the equation. Additionally, I don't have a one on one hook up, rather I visit a sauna. The anonymity, the exhibitionism, the voyeurism and openess to sex all contribute to increasing my arousal. Believe me, sitting naked in a dark steam room with a man's hand travelling up your thigh and then stocking your cock while all around you are the sounds of sex you will be more than aroused.

Isn't this so true

 

[Wageslave]

Looking through the responses it seems there are two common responses: those that have always had a curiosity or attraction to men and those that recognise sex with men is quick and easy. I fall into the second camp. As I got older sex with my wife waned. Eventually I got fed up of making myself cum and wanted someone else to do it for me. Men were the easy solution.

But, I hear you ask, what about arousal if I am not attracted to men? This may be where age comes in. I view it as sex and can remove the attraction from the equation. Additionally, I don't have a one on one hook up, rather I visit a sauna. The anonymity, the exhibitionism, the voyeurism and openess to sex all contribute to increasing my arousal. Believe me, sitting naked in a dark steam room with a man's hand travelling up your thigh and then stocking your cock while all around you are the sounds of sex you will be more than aroused.

I do hope that's the case

 

[Pines]

I agree with Xyhorn on this. Whether it be in a bathhouse or a outdoor cruising area the anonymity, the exhibitionism, the voyeurism and openess to sex all contribute to increasing my arousal also. I'm not interested in the guy, it's all about sex. That's why I prefer an anonymous encounter.

 

[PleasePeesMe]

Yes

All about the cock, not the man. If we had glory holes where I live, I think I'd be a frequent visitor, just getting my fill, no questions, no strings.

 

[CuriousGuyVa]

Plenty reasons mentioned why older guys become bi-curious to various extents, and all seem individually valid. Being in that "older guy" group, we were raised in an era when such curiosities were firmly taboo. Do you think that it's just perhaps some guys are just hard wired to have a bi-curious interest and as society is more open now, as we get older we're more inclined to let those interests surface?

 

[straitupcurious]

Plenty reasons mentioned why older guys become bi-curious to various extents, and all seem individually valid. Being in that "older guy" group, we were raised in an era when such curiosities were firmly taboo. Do you think that it's just perhaps some guys are just hard wired to have a bi-curious interest and as society is more open now, as we get older we're more inclined to let those interests surface?

I think everything you've said here is spot on, couple that with the fact that for the most part M/M
is much less complicated so it's a win/win for guys. Oh, and did I mention that as long as both are safe and healthy it's good for you too, a guy needs frequent ejaculation.

 

[Just2Kinky]

I am a 64 y/o mwm and, over the last few years, I have become more and more bi-curious. In email exchanges with other men around my age, I have found that well over half of them are experiencing the same thinh. Is this a common phenomenon?

In my case! I'm not sure I can say I've become more bi curious as I get older. I've developed rather a preference for MM activities.

 

[klippert]

All about the cock, not the man. If we had glory holes where I live, I think I'd be a frequent visitor, just getting my fill, no questions, no strings.

easy p'easy....its about sex... no other phenomenon, pop-psychology or divers packaged label. I've recently been with a buddy. he and I have no other interest than sex. We are in loving but sexless marriages and would rather feed our m/m urges. No baking cookies, watching chick flicks. its about sex.

 

[Luv2watchuplay]

I agree

easy p'easy....its about sex... no other phenomenon, pop-psychology or divers packaged label. I've recently been with a buddy. he and I have no other interest than sex. We are in loving but sexless marriages and would rather feed our m/m urges. No baking cookies, watching chick flicks. its about sex.

It is about sex. And why not. Variety is the spice of life and I think we loosen up sexually as we grow older and go with the flow. I love being bi.

 

[Kinkedroad]

All about the cock, not the man. If we had glory holes where I live, I think I'd be a frequent visitor, just getting my fill, no questions, no strings.

Definitely this.

 

[IsItBad]

u know how you know

you know how you know you are gay?

first of all.....i do note a serious disproportion of bi and gay men here on lit......i long ago concluded that there are just alot of gay and bi dudes that have come to lit.....i guess hoping to hook up with some more gay and bi dudes

imho, however, i don't think old men, or any men, just suddenly become bi or gay......i think they just suddenly decide to act on it......in reality they have been harboring some dick lust all along......probably been watching some gay porn.....probably been fantasizing about sucking a dick or having theirs sucked by a guy.......or ....maybe having their ass fucked

but.....they didn't just turn that way.......it was there all along.....they just tried to repress it and be "normal"

my best friend used to always say "you are gay as fuck"......and he would die laughing and then he would say "you know how i know you are gay?" and id say no, please do tell......well you know how when you are looking at porn and a guy is fucking a girl? and id say yeah....and he'd say well you KNOW you'd rather that guy have a big gigantic dick than a little shrimpy dick.....and id say....ok....probably.....and then hed bust out laughing again and say......"thats because you are fucking gay as hell".......if he said it once he said it 1000 times

anyway, if there is an overriding point to this diatribe it is simply that i dont think anyone just turns gay or becomes bi or such......i think it was always there and finally some day people get the nerve to act on it......

thats just my 2 cents

also, while i am at it, as a public service announcement........just because YOU are gay or bi or wanting some dick does NOT mean that all men ......so please stop attempting to befriend non-gay non-bi dudes to try to seduce them or lure them into jacking off with you or whatever......and for God's sake .....do not pretend to be a woman so you can try to get some dick.......just be who you are and be honest about it .....and your chances will be alot better

amen

 

[blazingsaddles69]

Hmmm sexy hard cocks leaking precum that does it for me xo