How would you fuck a watermelon? Let's discuss

[Lord Pmann]

Okay... Soooo, I was talking with someone about one of my favourite comedy bits regarding watermelon fucking.

https://youtu.be/AKmDy4IW12A

A brief overview if you do not want to watch:

Ricky Gervais reads a pamphlet aimed at homosexuals who keep cumming in each others' asses. This is meant to stop the spread of HIV. It has ten suggestions.

One of them is "Why not cum into a piece of fruit, e.g. watermelon?" (This is at about 4:40 on the video)

So, the dilemma. I was discussing this with my friend and our idea of how to fuck a watermelon is different.

My idea:

1. Get an auger.
2. Drill a pmann dick sized hole (thus the auger) into the watermelon (this is a huge melon).
3. Fuck melon for 2-4 minutes.
4. Cum into melon.

My friend's idea:

1. Cut watermelon in half.
2. Fuck watermelon for an unknown period of time.
3. Cum into melon.

I never even thought about it that way. My fucking experience has always been some kind of hole shaped object- a vagina, a sex toy, my hand, a vacuum, etc. I never fathomed the idea of just fucking it, willy nilly.

So, enlighten me. How would you fuck a watermelon? My way? My friend's way? Or do you have a more clever way to fuck it?

 

[JerseyJade]

Okay... Soooo, I was talking with someone about one of my favourite comedy bits regarding watermelon fucking.

https://youtu.be/AKmDy4IW12A

A brief overview if you do not want to watch:

Ricky Gervais reads a pamphlet aimed at homosexuals who keep cumming in each others' asses. This is meant to stop the spread of HIV. It has ten suggestions.

One of them is "Why not cum into a piece of fruit, e.g. watermelon?" (This is at about 4:40 on the video)

So, the dilemma. I was discussing this with my friend and our idea of how to fuck a watermelon is different.

My idea:

1. Get an auger.
2. Drill a pmann dick sized hole (thus the auger) into the watermelon (this is a huge melon).
3. Fuck melon for 2-4 minutes.
4. Cum into melon.

My friend's idea:

1. Cut watermelon in half.
2. Fuck watermelon for an unknown period of time.
3. Cum into melon.

I never even thought about it that way. My fucking experience has always been some kind of hole shaped object- a vagina, a sex toy, my hand, a vacuum, etc. I never fathomed the idea of just fucking it, willy nilly.

So, enlighten me. How would you fuck a watermelon? My way? My friend's way? Or do you have a more clever way to fuck it?

Not trying to change the subject or anything, but...

One: You need to find better friends that what you have.

and Two: You definitely need to get a hobby or something. Just don't let it have anything to do with watermelons!

 

[kurrginatorX]

https://www.xvideos.com/video676276/sitofilia_transexual

This is how it's done.

 

[tnman03]

Not trying to change the subject or anything, but...

One: You need to find better friends that what you have.

and Two: You definitely need to get a hobby or something. Just don't let it have anything to do with watermelons!

Best answer...

 

[Lord Pmann]

Not trying to change the subject or anything, but...

One: You need to find better friends that what you have.

and Two: You definitely need to get a hobby or something. Just don't let it have anything to do with watermelons!

Wrong. My friend is the best.

I do have a hobby. I harvest watermelons.

https://www.xvideos.com/video676276/sitofilia_transexual

This is how it's done.

I'm going to watch that after work.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Wrong. My friend is the best.

I do have a hobby. I harvest watermelons.



I'm going to watch that after work.

You won't be disappointed. There's also one with longmint you may enjoy: https://www.xvideos.com/video13617669/long_mint_and_a_melon

 

[Hornblende]

Seedily.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

omg. I did not find this comedian on my watermelon video search last week, so yet again, for a second week in a row, I am sitting at my desk, cackling at watermelon fucking.

I had never once given this a moment of thought until last Wednesday, when it became my weird random google search for the day. (just don't ask). I have still given no thought to how I would fuck a watermelon, but I did learn some things in reference to men fucking watermelons, any melons, or really any fruit that you might consider adding to your steps.

1) Confirm you are not allergic to prolonged contact with whatever fruit chosen by doing a prior patch test similar to what is done hair dye (on your wrist for example, then waiting at least 2 days). While it may be comedy gold, it is probably not comfortable to discover an allergy to the fruit after the fruit fucking has occurred. Coconutters seemed to have the highest rate of allergic reports but some with pollen allergies did learn watermelon fucking was really not a good idea.

2) Do not try to determine if your erection can hold or lift the weight of the watermelon. Apparently, it can not, then while waiting for x-rays you must explain how you dropped a watermelon on your foot. Again, comedy gold to me, but maybe not for the fruit fucker. Probably best to come up with a story before hand, in case an accident should occur.

3) Consider photographic or videographic documentation along the way. If something goes horribly awry, the better the documentation, the more hilarious it is when posted on the internet.

and random side note, Do not escalate internet searches to fruit gang bangs.

 

[Suz_anne]

I sure hope we're not talking about baby watermelons being fucked here. #inappropriate

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

Why would I or anybody want to waste a perfectly good watermelon when there are so many goats & pillows available?

 

[beachbaby179]

Why would I or anybody want to waste a perfectly good watermelon when there are so many goats & pillows available?

#voiceofreason

 

[mrppv]

I prefer pineapples

 

[alwaysaway]

Your friend sounds amazing.

 

[Miles Long]

Probably a better question is how wouldn't I fuck a watermelon!

 

[Suz_anne]

Probably a better question is how wouldn't I fuck a watermelon!

Warmed up or cool out of the icebox?

 

[A_Hockey_Guy]

I'd fuck OVER a watermelon

Buy at the store. Make it feel like it was going to a picnic where it would be loved.

Then leave it in the car to rot.

Boom. Fucked it over.

It's depression will never subside.

 

[Airka4real]

https://www.xvideos.com/video676276/sitofilia_transexual

This is how it's done.

Seedless, huh?
Think the WalMart produce clerk recommended that?

How would that conversation go?

 

[alwaysaway]

I'd fuck OVER a watermelon

Buy at the store. Make it feel like it was going to a picnic where it would be loved.

Then leave it in the car to rot.

Boom. Fucked it over.

It's depression will never subside.

This made me laugh.

Footnote: Depression is not funny. But the scenario, completely.

 

[Miles Long]

Warmed up or cool out of the icebox?

https://media0.giphy.com/media/9DnzBDe9bF06OICDfQ/giphy.gif?cid=790b76115d12d3086c47394241ba2b3a&rid=giphy.gif

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

So, enlighten me. How would you fuck a watermelon? My way? My friend's way? Or do you have a more clever way to fuck it?

Why, with Pmann's dick, of course

I prefer pineapples

Ouch! Just fucking ouch!

 

[Suz_anne]

https://media0.giphy.com/media/9DnzBDe9bF06OICDfQ/giphy.gif?cid=790b76115d12d3086c47394241ba2b3a&rid=giphy.gif

Just as I expected. Perv.

 

[Miles Long]

Just as I expected. Perv.

https://media1.giphy.com/media/enZ3A3ihJiUgw/giphy.gif?cid=790b76115d12da7e5656344f4df1fb4e&rid=giphy.gif

 

[Sh75]

Id be concerned about attracting ants

 

[mnbreastluver]

Fuck, I’m not going to go over this again. I think is was posted on the confession thread. Yes, I fucked a watermelon before. Hey, I was lonely but also horny.

 

[kurrginatorX]

I sure hope we're not talking about baby watermelons being fucked here. #inappropriate

Hilarious!!!!!