cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
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Daddy's Little Girl: Second Edition
- Thread starter barefootgirl69
- Start date
- Status
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
https://66.media.tumblr.com/005b92f548c3525679d6c964eed3af1e/tumblr_pqui4tEpNx1wx7ehc_1280.jpg
this. every day every day every day
this. every day every day every day
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
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Subfrenzy - beware
https://66.media.tumblr.com/e31e483e5767f1076bb993371802c01e/tumblr_inline_pqw2g8TNYn1vgyr4e_540.png
Definition: Sub-Frenzy, sometimes/often happens with new subs (and there is a counterpart with Doms, by the way), where you are overcome with the need and want to dive into every aspect of D/s you can think of, from journaling, orgasm control, tasks, structure, guidance, check-ins, and the granddaddy of them all, collaring.
Most often sub-frenzy means neglecting important parts of your life such as work, family, and friends, but also importantly, overlooking the red flags in your D/s relationship, which often results submitting to a vile human being who preys on people. The frequency with which this happens makes me ill. The story goes like this: a woman innately is drawn to D/s, but being new or newly infatuated, loses her bearings and gives all of her vulnerability to somebody, not because they earned it, but because she aches inside to submit because she has such a need to experience all of the BDSM/ D/lg feels and, unfortunately, ends up regretting it later.
This is why some of the best advice is: don’t look for a “Dom” - look for a good human being, then broach the subject of D/s.
How do you avoid subfrenzy?” With the right person there is beauty in diving in full force. Giving your complete and total self, under the right circumstances, is an amazing thing. The love story so many people have come to read about or think they are witnessing around them is very enticing.
The difference between “sub-frenzy” and just being in love is that your judgment is often outside your control as a sub, which is why choosing the right person to submit to is so important.
Common Red flags include:
I struggled with sub frenzy, and am not sure it is possible to avoid it. But it can also cause serious damage; my progress with D/s was negatively impacted by it.
I caution all submissives to be aware of the signs, because it is so common. As a new sub I had a harder time managing it, but even as I progress I still feel like I ebb and flow and sometimes feel frenzied again. Certain traits such as OCD and hypersexuality may make you more susceptible, but it is an individual experience - no two sub frenzies are exactly the same. Awareness is key, but even being intellectually aware of the possibility, when you are so needy and desperate to have those needs met, it is easy to have blinders on to the dangers. It is important to both know about it and understand the potential for harm.
cb
https://66.media.tumblr.com/e31e483e5767f1076bb993371802c01e/tumblr_inline_pqw2g8TNYn1vgyr4e_540.png
Definition: Sub-Frenzy, sometimes/often happens with new subs (and there is a counterpart with Doms, by the way), where you are overcome with the need and want to dive into every aspect of D/s you can think of, from journaling, orgasm control, tasks, structure, guidance, check-ins, and the granddaddy of them all, collaring.
Most often sub-frenzy means neglecting important parts of your life such as work, family, and friends, but also importantly, overlooking the red flags in your D/s relationship, which often results submitting to a vile human being who preys on people. The frequency with which this happens makes me ill. The story goes like this: a woman innately is drawn to D/s, but being new or newly infatuated, loses her bearings and gives all of her vulnerability to somebody, not because they earned it, but because she aches inside to submit because she has such a need to experience all of the BDSM/ D/lg feels and, unfortunately, ends up regretting it later.
This is why some of the best advice is: don’t look for a “Dom” - look for a good human being, then broach the subject of D/s.
How do you avoid subfrenzy?” With the right person there is beauty in diving in full force. Giving your complete and total self, under the right circumstances, is an amazing thing. The love story so many people have come to read about or think they are witnessing around them is very enticing.
The difference between “sub-frenzy” and just being in love is that your judgment is often outside your control as a sub, which is why choosing the right person to submit to is so important.
Common Red flags include:
- Does this Dom have a good relationship with former subs or exes? Would he be open to allow you to talk to them? Does he speak of them in high regard? Do they speak of him in high regard? All my exes from years back with rare exceptions have been some of closest friends after.
- Does he get impatient if you are not ready to broach a new D/s topic?
- Does he make your D/s exclusively about sex and sexuality?
- Does he absorb what you say, take interest in you, your journals, your work, your school, your hobbies, etc.
- Do you feel like you are one of the most important things in his life? (you absolutely should have no question about that if you are submitting your control to him)
- Does he push subjects too soon? For example, orgasm control and collaring are for mature D/s relationships, where love and deep trust should be established. Does he want this before he earned it?
- Does he take interest and care about your work, family, friends, life, etc, or is it all about him, and sexual gratification?
I struggled with sub frenzy, and am not sure it is possible to avoid it. But it can also cause serious damage; my progress with D/s was negatively impacted by it.
I caution all submissives to be aware of the signs, because it is so common. As a new sub I had a harder time managing it, but even as I progress I still feel like I ebb and flow and sometimes feel frenzied again. Certain traits such as OCD and hypersexuality may make you more susceptible, but it is an individual experience - no two sub frenzies are exactly the same. Awareness is key, but even being intellectually aware of the possibility, when you are so needy and desperate to have those needs met, it is easy to have blinders on to the dangers. It is important to both know about it and understand the potential for harm.
cb
Last edited:
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
Newsub122
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2016
- Posts
- 2,631
❤ this.
https://66.media.tumblr.com/e31e483e5767f1076bb993371802c01e/tumblr_inline_pqw2g8TNYn1vgyr4e_540.png
Definition: Sub-Frenzy, sometimes/often happens with new subs (and there is a counterpart with Doms, by the way), where you are overcome with the need and want to dive into every aspect of D/s you can think of, from journaling, orgasm control, tasks, structure, guidance, check-ins, and the granddaddy of them all, collaring.
Most often sub-frenzy means neglecting important parts of your life such as work, family, and friends, but also importantly, overlooking the red flags in your D/s relationship, which often results submitting to a vile human being who preys on people. The frequency with witch this happens makes me ill. The story goes like this: a woman innately is drawn to D/s, but being new or newly infatuated, loses her bearings and gives all of her vulnerability to somebody, not because they earned it, but because she aches inside to submit because she has such a need to experience all of the BDSM/ D/lg feels and, unfortunately, ends up regretting it later.
This is why some of the best advice is: don’t look for a “Dom” - look for a good human being, then broach the subject of D/s.
How do you avoid subfrenzy?” With the right person there is beauty in diving in full force. Giving your complete and total self, under the right circumstances, is an amazing thing. The love story so many people have come to read about or think they are witnessing around them is very enticing.
The difference between “sub-frenzy” and just being in love is that your judgment is often outside your control as a sub, which is why choosing the right person to submit to is so important.
Common Red flags include:
- Does this Dom have a good relationship with former subs or exes? Would he be open to allow you to talk to them? Does he speak of them in high regard? Do they speak of him in high regard? All my exes from years back with rare exceptions have been some of closest friends after.
- Does he get impatient if you are not ready to broach a new D/s topic?
- Does he make your D/s exclusively about sex and sexuality?
- Does he absorb what you say, take interest in you, your journals, work work, your school, your hobbies, etc.
- Do you feel like you are one of the most important things in his life? (you absolutely should have no question about that if you are submitting your control to him)
- Does he push subjects too soon? For example, orgasm control and collaring are for mature D/s relationships, where love and deep trust should be established. Does he want this before he earned it?
- Does he take interest and care about your work, family, friends, life, etc, or is it all about him, and sexual gratification?
I struggled with sub frenzy, and am not sure it is possible to avoid it. But it can also cause serious damage; my progress with D/s was negatively impacted by it.
I caution all submissives to be aware of the signs, because it is so common. As a new sub I had a harder time managing it, but even as I progress I still feel like I ebb and flow and sometimes feel frenzied again. Certain traits such as OCD and hypersexuality may make you more susceptible, but it is an individual experience - no two sub frenzies are exactly the same. to it, so in some ways it is also individual. Awareness is key, but even being intellectually aware of the possibility, when you are so needy and desperate to have those needs met, it is easy to havin blinders on to the dangers. It is important to both know about it and understand the potential for harm.
cb
A
AlwaysFara
Guest
https://66.media.tumblr.com/e31e483e5767f1076bb993371802c01e/tumblr_inline_pqw2g8TNYn1vgyr4e_540.png
Definition: Sub-Frenzy, sometimes/often happens with new subs (and there is a counterpart with Doms, by the way), where you are overcome with the need and want to dive into every aspect of D/s you can think of, from journaling, orgasm control, tasks, structure, guidance, check-ins, and the granddaddy of them all, collaring.
Most often sub-frenzy means neglecting important parts of your life such as work, family, and friends, but also importantly, overlooking the red flags in your D/s relationship, which often results submitting to a vile human being who preys on people. The frequency with which this happens makes me ill. The story goes like this: a woman innately is drawn to D/s, but being new or newly infatuated, loses her bearings and gives all of her vulnerability to somebody, not because they earned it, but because she aches inside to submit because she has such a need to experience all of the BDSM/ D/lg feels and, unfortunately, ends up regretting it later.
This is why some of the best advice is: don’t look for a “Dom” - look for a good human being, then broach the subject of D/s.
How do you avoid subfrenzy?” With the right person there is beauty in diving in full force. Giving your complete and total self, under the right circumstances, is an amazing thing. The love story so many people have come to read about or think they are witnessing around them is very enticing.
The difference between “sub-frenzy” and just being in love is that your judgment is often outside your control as a sub, which is why choosing the right person to submit to is so important.
Common Red flags include:
- Does this Dom have a good relationship with former subs or exes? Would he be open to allow you to talk to them? Does he speak of them in high regard? Do they speak of him in high regard? All my exes from years back with rare exceptions have been some of closest friends after.
- Does he get impatient if you are not ready to broach a new D/s topic?
- Does he make your D/s exclusively about sex and sexuality?
- Does he absorb what you say, take interest in you, your journals, your work, your school, your hobbies, etc.
- Do you feel like you are one of the most important things in his life? (you absolutely should have no question about that if you are submitting your control to him)
- Does he push subjects too soon? For example, orgasm control and collaring are for mature D/s relationships, where love and deep trust should be established. Does he want this before he earned it?
- Does he take interest and care about your work, family, friends, life, etc, or is it all about him, and sexual gratification?
I struggled with sub frenzy, and am not sure it is possible to avoid it. But it can also cause serious damage; my progress with D/s was negatively impacted by it.
I caution all submissives to be aware of the signs, because it is so common. As a new sub I had a harder time managing it, but even as I progress I still feel like I ebb and flow and sometimes feel frenzied again. Certain traits such as OCD and hypersexuality may make you more susceptible, but it is an individual experience - no two sub frenzies are exactly the same. Awareness is key, but even being intellectually aware of the possibility, when you are so needy and desperate to have those needs met, it is easy to have blinders on to the dangers. It is important to both know about it and understand the potential for harm.
cb
This should be a sticky.
barefootgirl69
🧡 Wild Lil Cupcake
- Joined
- May 14, 2015
- Posts
- 80,886
This is why some of the best advice is: don’t look for a “Dom” - look for a good human being, then broach the subject of D/s.
Beautifully written, cb!
This was the best advice I received years ago when I was new. I actually had a Daddy friend that mentored me, taught me what to look out for, taught me about safety if meeting someone, etc. Open the field up to people, be friends with others, when it's right it will fall into place. And, that's exactly how things have happened more than once.
Beautifully written, cb!
This was the best advice I received years ago when I was new. I actually had a Daddy friend that mentored me, taught me what to look out for, taught me about safety if meeting someone, etc. Open the field up to people, be friends with others, when it's right it will fall into place. And, that's exactly how things have happened more than once.
DarkSimian
RONIN
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2011
- Posts
- 29,487
You guys, our fingerprinting and background checks are done, we start our 27 hrs of training next Tuesday and our first home visit with a case worker is Wednesday afternoon....by June 1st we will officially be licensed to foster and adopt
Woohoo, Shy! Way to go! ((((((((((((super hugs)))))))))))))
Also to Cas: thanks for the post on subfrenzy- I learn something new here every day
And to BFG: tag, you're it! (no tag backs)
barefootgirl69
🧡 Wild Lil Cupcake
- Joined
- May 14, 2015
- Posts
- 80,886
You guys, our fingerprinting and background checks are done, we start our 27 hrs of training next Tuesday and our first home visit with a case worker is Wednesday afternoon....by June 1st we will officially be licensed to foster and adopt
This is fantastic news! I'm so excited for you!
Woohoo, Shy! Way to go! ((((((((((((super hugs)))))))))))))
Also to Cas: thanks for the post on subfrenzy- I learn something new here every day
And to BFG: tag, you're it! (no tag backs)
My mama always said it wasn't proper to chase boys.
*smoothes out my dress*
I know you'll be back around.
*tags Shy* You're it! He ran over there!
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Smoothshavendad
Here to have fun
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Posts
- 19,526
[COLOR="purple "]This is fantastic news! I'm so excited for you![/COLOR]
My mama always said it wasn't proper to chase boys.
*smoothes out my dress*
I know you'll be back around.
*tags Shy* You're it! He ran over there!
This is so exciting! Thrilled for you!!!
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
Cas, you are simply the best!!!
The pie looks delicious and your post above was on point. I’ve been guilty of sun-frenzy as well but I’m very very lucky that I have someone who is always a home base for me and keeps me grounded. That’s where the love and years of trust comes into play. I just wish he liked being called Daddy - he’s not into the title
This is why some of the best advice is: don’t look for a “Dom” - look for a good human being, then broach the subject of D/s.
Beautifully written, cb!
This was the best advice I received years ago when I was new. I actually had a Daddy friend that mentored me, taught me what to look out for, taught me about safety if meeting someone, etc. Open the field up to people, be friends with others, when it's right it will fall into place. And, that's exactly how things have happened more than once.
Glad to be of service. This stuff is just so important.
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
Woohoo, Shy! Way to go! ((((((((((((super hugs)))))))))))))
Also to Cas: thanks for the post on subfrenzy- I learn something new here every day
And to BFG: tag, you're it! (no tag backs)
You are welcome DS.
Super duper congratulations to Shy! Lord knows we need more foster parents.
E
ExiledWelshman
Guest
Hey everyone. This is a cross post from the BDSM forum. I thought putting it here might be helpful for me as well.
So, some of you might know me. If you do, you may know some of my history.
For those who don't, and I would never be so presumptuous to think that many of you do, in brief I was a Daddy Dom to someone and when it was good it was so very very good. When it was bad...holy shitbags...let's just say we were incredibly good at hurting each other.
And not in the fun ways.
Thing is, I kind of feel like she wrote the book for me. I didn't have much experience before. Certainly I had played at being dominant in terms of "fun" but never lifestyle.
I feel a little like I have lost it my way with it. I know I love it and it was a part of me long hidden. But when shit IRL goes very very badly wrong and it impacts your ability to be a good Dominant, should it be so hard to find your way back?
I feel very very lost right now.
So, some of you might know me. If you do, you may know some of my history.
For those who don't, and I would never be so presumptuous to think that many of you do, in brief I was a Daddy Dom to someone and when it was good it was so very very good. When it was bad...holy shitbags...let's just say we were incredibly good at hurting each other.
And not in the fun ways.
Thing is, I kind of feel like she wrote the book for me. I didn't have much experience before. Certainly I had played at being dominant in terms of "fun" but never lifestyle.
I feel a little like I have lost it my way with it. I know I love it and it was a part of me long hidden. But when shit IRL goes very very badly wrong and it impacts your ability to be a good Dominant, should it be so hard to find your way back?
I feel very very lost right now.
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
https://img1.mashed.com/img/gallery/the-best-chocolate-desserts-youll-ever-taste/intro-1510159185.jpg
chocolate always helps me when I can't figure anything else out.
Stick around, and you will find your feet on the path again, even if it is a new strange road.
best of luck to you EW.
********************
https://66.media.tumblr.com/72f2fb980cdc3ad3e1db72d1d9239219/tumblr_pqzx76JyXd1t4nt4o_1280.jpg
"Not everything called love actually is love. There are twisted imitations and devious deceptions out there. Not everyone who wants to love you knows how to love you. There are people who have not yet learned Love’s ways or who have been taught a distorted version of love. If you’ve been burned, know that it was not Love that hurt you. It was but a distorted shadow of what love should truly be."
quote by John Mark Green
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E
ExiledWelshman
Guest
https://img1.mashed.com/img/gallery/the-best-chocolate-desserts-youll-ever-taste/intro-1510159185.jpg
chocolate always helps me when I can't figure anything else out.
Stick around, and you will find your feet on the path again, even if it is a new strange road.
best of luck to you EW.
********************
https://66.media.tumblr.com/72f2fb980cdc3ad3e1db72d1d9239219/tumblr_pqzx76JyXd1t4nt4o_1280.jpg
"Not everything called love actually is love. There are twisted imitations and devious deceptions out there. Not everyone who wants to love you knows how to love you. There are people who have not yet learned Love’s ways or who have been taught a distorted version of love. If you’ve been burned, know that it was not Love that hurt you. It was but a distorted shadow of what love should truly be."
quote by John Mark Green
Hugs. Thank you, my learned friend x
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
Let's talk about aftercare
How to: Aftercare your Sub
Ideas and Tips
These tips may vary depending on what your sub likes/enjoys or doesnt like/enjoy.
Try taking these into consideration before anything else:
Always ask how they feel, does anything hurt?
Make sure they know they are safe and you care about them
Simply ask if they need anything, Reassurance? A glass of water? Cuddles?
Respect if your sub needs some space, doesn’t feel like talking, or just wants to sleep
After Care Ideas
Aftercare is not only very important but essential, for both vanilla and kinky sex.
Sub drop is how a sub might feel depression/anxiety or even considering their self worth after sex, especially BDSM/Hardcore Sex.
It is very important to be there for your sub as well as reassure them that they are safe, and you care for them.
This is also when you tend to any wounds that may have occurred during sex, like welts, bruises, cuts or rope burns.
DO NOT:
Immediately leave your sub alone or unattended to for an extended amount of time after sex! especially after hardcore/rough/bdsm sex scenes.
Leave any wounds received by the sub unattended to
Try to jump into some unrelated activities THAT CAN WAIT, without proper after care; ex. asking them to do chores, get ready to go grocery shopping.
Failure to comply with essential aftercare risks the trust you and your sub share and your subs mental security after sex,
especially after Hardcore/BDSM/Rough Scenes; ex. Rape Play, Bondage, Spanking, Anal Play and many more.
*************************
does anyone want to share their needs for aftercare or times when you received the aftercare you needed or when aftercare was a missing element?
How to: Aftercare your Sub
Ideas and Tips
These tips may vary depending on what your sub likes/enjoys or doesnt like/enjoy.
Try taking these into consideration before anything else:
Always ask how they feel, does anything hurt?
Make sure they know they are safe and you care about them
Simply ask if they need anything, Reassurance? A glass of water? Cuddles?
Respect if your sub needs some space, doesn’t feel like talking, or just wants to sleep
After Care Ideas
- Holding/ Cuddling your sub
- Praising them: ex. ‘You were such a good girl’, ‘You did so well’
- Treating any wounds: ex. from spanking, rope burn, etc.
- Putting a cold/warm wet compress on any welts, cuts, or bruises
- Kissing any welts, cuts or bruises
- Running them a warm bubble bath
- Wrapping them into a warm fluffy blanket
- Massaging them (w essential oils, sensitive skin lotions)
- Watching their favorite movies, shows
- Listening to their favorite music *preferably soft, calm music
- Giving them a treat they enjoy
- Carrying them where ever they might need to go
Aftercare is not only very important but essential, for both vanilla and kinky sex.
Sub drop is how a sub might feel depression/anxiety or even considering their self worth after sex, especially BDSM/Hardcore Sex.
It is very important to be there for your sub as well as reassure them that they are safe, and you care for them.
This is also when you tend to any wounds that may have occurred during sex, like welts, bruises, cuts or rope burns.
DO NOT:
Immediately leave your sub alone or unattended to for an extended amount of time after sex! especially after hardcore/rough/bdsm sex scenes.
Leave any wounds received by the sub unattended to
Try to jump into some unrelated activities THAT CAN WAIT, without proper after care; ex. asking them to do chores, get ready to go grocery shopping.
Failure to comply with essential aftercare risks the trust you and your sub share and your subs mental security after sex,
especially after Hardcore/BDSM/Rough Scenes; ex. Rape Play, Bondage, Spanking, Anal Play and many more.
*************************
does anyone want to share their needs for aftercare or times when you received the aftercare you needed or when aftercare was a missing element?
Last edited:
jeff_is_smiling
Mentally Controlling
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2002
- Posts
- 110,053
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
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Nzerxx
Really Experienced
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Moochienanu
Gives hot transcript
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2018
- Posts
- 7,776
*************************
does anyone want to share their needs for aftercare or times when you received the aftercare you needed or when aftercare was a missing element? [/QUOTE]
I have a bit of a scary story. If you don’t want to hear about a little hurting, don’t read the next paragraph.
I went out with a sadist to dinner. It was before I met Daddy and I thought I needed pain more than connection. I mean, I realize now what a poor decision this whole thing was, and I can and have used the entire situation as a yardstick for everything else now... anyway, dinner went well and I thought I was getting a good vibe from the sadist, so I set up a play time for the following week (holy shit balls, so fucking quick for this without even a real discussion about what would be involved in play). As soon as I got to his place (alarm bells?), he pulled me into his kitchen by my hair (fucking alarm bells) and took my phone (holy fucking alarm bells!), placing it in a cabinet for the rest of my time there. We never discussed safe words (holy fucking alarm bells, Batman!!!), and I was so new to things I didn’t know the stoplight system... I was essentially in a scene without a way out. Needless to say, as soon as he was done, I wanted out. Actually, I wanted out much sooner, but had no way to actually communicate it (please people, if you get anything from this, protect yourself and discuss safe words and exit strategies before you play). So, once the time came that my opening was available, I grabbed my things and stumbled (mostly naked, weeping, bruised, and bloody) out his door, into my car, and sped away. I didn't want aftercare from him, but after what happened to me in the days after, I should have sought care from someone else whom I trusted. I became completely socked. No energy. Past depression and looking for suicidal outs. If it weren’t for my family being in the same building as me the next few days, I am convinced I would have been in the hospital from where my mind went.
Alternatively, after a couple hard spankings on Friday, Daddy gave my bum kisses and told me I was His very good girl many times... He makes me feel like I get and deserve so much more than I ever thought I did before.
I guess what I’m trying to say is aftercare is an important element to any real relationship, but especially one where power dynamics play key roles and I’m glad you raised it as a topic, CB.
does anyone want to share their needs for aftercare or times when you received the aftercare you needed or when aftercare was a missing element? [/QUOTE]
I have a bit of a scary story. If you don’t want to hear about a little hurting, don’t read the next paragraph.
I went out with a sadist to dinner. It was before I met Daddy and I thought I needed pain more than connection. I mean, I realize now what a poor decision this whole thing was, and I can and have used the entire situation as a yardstick for everything else now... anyway, dinner went well and I thought I was getting a good vibe from the sadist, so I set up a play time for the following week (holy shit balls, so fucking quick for this without even a real discussion about what would be involved in play). As soon as I got to his place (alarm bells?), he pulled me into his kitchen by my hair (fucking alarm bells) and took my phone (holy fucking alarm bells!), placing it in a cabinet for the rest of my time there. We never discussed safe words (holy fucking alarm bells, Batman!!!), and I was so new to things I didn’t know the stoplight system... I was essentially in a scene without a way out. Needless to say, as soon as he was done, I wanted out. Actually, I wanted out much sooner, but had no way to actually communicate it (please people, if you get anything from this, protect yourself and discuss safe words and exit strategies before you play). So, once the time came that my opening was available, I grabbed my things and stumbled (mostly naked, weeping, bruised, and bloody) out his door, into my car, and sped away. I didn't want aftercare from him, but after what happened to me in the days after, I should have sought care from someone else whom I trusted. I became completely socked. No energy. Past depression and looking for suicidal outs. If it weren’t for my family being in the same building as me the next few days, I am convinced I would have been in the hospital from where my mind went.
Alternatively, after a couple hard spankings on Friday, Daddy gave my bum kisses and told me I was His very good girl many times... He makes me feel like I get and deserve so much more than I ever thought I did before.
I guess what I’m trying to say is aftercare is an important element to any real relationship, but especially one where power dynamics play key roles and I’m glad you raised it as a topic, CB.
DarkSimian
RONIN
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2011
- Posts
- 29,487
*wanders in, wonder where BFG and Shy are, because I am not IT 
*
*
DarkSimian
RONIN
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2011
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Oh....I'll get you, my pretty (and your little dog Toto, too!)
plus, you have a PM
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
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- Aug 11, 2015
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thank you so much for sharing your story, Moocheinanu.
It is SO IMPORTANT to negotiate expectations and safe words etc BEFORE you ever play with anyone. I think this ties right back into sub frenzy. Sometimes we need something, or think we need something so much we get blinders on and all of our good sense and judgment just fly out the window.
I recall when I was new to this on-line world of sexting and control, that I found myself in non-negotiated scenes with people I did not know well enough to play with, and, being a pleaser, had a hard time (frankly impossible time) being able to use my words or even just fucking turn off my computer and walk away when I found myself in a scene that was NOT okay for me. And, yes... I know just what you mean about not wanting one iota of aftercare from the person who I just had been interacting with when it was all over.
Because my imagination is both a blessing and a curse, these on-line scenes felt extremely real to me and the memory of them is deeply imprinted in my engrams. When safe play has touched nerves from those situations, I have a reaction almost akin to PTSD.
And yes... I should have figured out some way to get myself aftercare some way some how. It probably would have helped those times feel less traumatic. I do recall trying to tell people who I thought cared about me about what had happened as I sobbed, but I think they thought I was a bit of a silly girl and why couldn't I just "get over it" and besides it was my fault that I hadn't just disengaged the moment I was uncomfortable (oh so easy to say, and so difficult to do when you are in frenzy and you can hardly figure out which way is up).
While I was lucky to not actually be beat up, bruised and bloody from those encounters (Mooch... I am SO SORRY that happened to you), I feel psychic "bruises" from engaging in stuff that was way way beyond my hard limits... if only I had known to safeword... to set those limits ahead of time. I was WAY WAY WAY too trusting. (shakes my head)
cb
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cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
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Safewords are SUPER important. But do you know WHEN to use it?
When you’re bleeding.
When your hands have gone numb.
When having your leg behind your head has become precarious because you’re going to fall off the sex bench.
When the crop/paddle/belt have become to painful to handle.
Also
When your feelings are hurt
When a bad memory is triggered
When your anxiety is ramping up
When you don’t want to have sex
When you want to have sex but want different sex.
Or
When you are uncomfortable, but think saying no or safewording would make your Dom mad, so you suffer through the discomfort only to have a nasty case of sub drop but you still don’t communicate that to your partner(s) and you proceed to melt down all day and say mean things that you don’t really mean to people you care about because you’re still afraid to share your real feelings with your partners because you don’t want to upset them…..
Yup, that’s when it’s MOST important to use it.
Source: i-am-dubs
https://66.media.tumblr.com/8e51472208363e0ede847f309d9301ad/tumblr_pqqsouXg0H1wd3q54o1_500.jpg
When you’re bleeding.
When your hands have gone numb.
When having your leg behind your head has become precarious because you’re going to fall off the sex bench.
When the crop/paddle/belt have become to painful to handle.
Also
When your feelings are hurt
When a bad memory is triggered
When your anxiety is ramping up
When you don’t want to have sex
When you want to have sex but want different sex.
Or
When you are uncomfortable, but think saying no or safewording would make your Dom mad, so you suffer through the discomfort only to have a nasty case of sub drop but you still don’t communicate that to your partner(s) and you proceed to melt down all day and say mean things that you don’t really mean to people you care about because you’re still afraid to share your real feelings with your partners because you don’t want to upset them…..
Yup, that’s when it’s MOST important to use it.
Source: i-am-dubs
https://66.media.tumblr.com/8e51472208363e0ede847f309d9301ad/tumblr_pqqsouXg0H1wd3q54o1_500.jpg
Last edited:
cascadiabound
MrTs barmaid
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2015
- Posts
- 29,722
did I kill the thread?
where is everyone???
where is everyone???
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