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Daddy's Little Girl: Second Edition

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ShyNaughtyGirl said:
I’m here!!!

You didn’t kill anything Cas


I don’t have a lot to offer or add to safe words and such. For all my little tendencies and Daddy explorations, I’ve never been in a truly bdsm relationship or anything that I would need to have a safe word.

It’s intrigued me some, I do like to be spanked and even restrained but I think anything more might send me into a panic mode lol
Click to expand...

I think my point in posting that safeword stuff, is that we need to have the ability to safeword even if you are not engaging in heavy S/M, humiliation or pain play.

The first time I ever used my safeword was not during any kind of intimacy or play...it was in the midst of an argument. Suddenly I felt unsafe and triggered and it all felt not okay and wrong to me. Was I in danger? No. Was I feeling panicked and anxious and unable to think? yes actually.... I used my safeword and the whole conversation/argument came to a screeching halt. It helped give us a space to access and stop without any complicated discussion and without hurting each other with our words.

Did we go back to that hard topic and figure it out later, yes. We did. But just knowing and experiencing the effectiveness of safewording was very affirming.
 
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ShyNaughtyGirl said:
I never thought of it that way, thank you for sharing that.

I need healthier ways out of fights and/or arguments
Click to expand...

I agree with cb...safe words are for more than just play time. I use it when I get anxious even in a conversation. Sometimes I wait too long, and he ends up screaming it quite loudly - knowing I'm doing so in my head. It's a relief he knows me so well...it's a relief to have that time out.
 
ShyNaughtyGirl said:
But what if my husband doesn’t understand any of that or this?


He’s not the dominant one in our marriage as much as I wish he was, his “maleness” for lack of a better word has decreased over the last year when I’ve needed him to be stronger


He’s the type who just internalizes and feels guilt if there’s discord
Click to expand...

You can use this in any form. "Time out" when you both need to walk away from something intense, to be revisited later. All you need to do is communicate that this is a word or phrase you'll use when you need to break away. You're at a point where you're too flustered/angry/whatever to discuss things rationally, and you hope that this is something both of you will use as a technique to led to more productive discussions and a stronger understanding of positions and marriage. That was a bit long lol. (It's not just a BDSM thing)
 
barefootgirl69 said:
You can use this in any form. "Time out" when you both need to walk away from something intense, to be revisited later. All you need to do is communicate that this is a word or phrase you'll use when you need to break away. You're at a point where you're too flustered/angry/whatever to discuss things rationally, and you hope that this is something both of you will use as a technique to led to more productive discussions and a stronger understanding of positions and marriage. That was a bit long lol. (It's not just a BDSM thing)
Click to expand...

Absolutely. this is not just a BDSM thing.
And time outs are important for both parties.
We all know there is a point at which talking more, or arguing longer is counterproductive. Call it and walk away without pointing fingers or saying stuff you can't take back.

Just make sure that the ground rules are clear. Try to fight fair, always, but when either of you call a time out, or safeword, all conversation on that topic stops. Immediately. no buts or ands or last words. Just stop. Period.
When things are cooler, you can schedule a time to take it up again.
 
Safe words, time outs, whatever....use them if they work for you.

Always always be mindful that your partner is also your friend. To my mind, this is possibly the most important role.

Friends are chosen. We do well to honor our friendship with the idea that we will avoid harming them and reminding them of the same.

Wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, doms, subs, friends, lovers, daddys, littles, all are friends of some sort. They deserve our trust, honesty, and generosity even as we deserve theirs.

Preserve each others dignity.

Be a good friend first, always.
 
Mrtenant said:
Safe words, time outs, whatever....use them if they work for you.

Always always be mindful that your partner is also your friend. To my mind, this is possibly the most important role.

Friends are chosen. We do well to honor our friendship with the idea that we will avoid harming them and reminding them of the same.

Wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, doms, subs, friends, lovers, daddys, littles, all are friends of some sort. They deserve our trust, honesty, and generosity even as we deserve theirs.

Preserve each others dignity.

Be a good friend first, always.
Click to expand...
:heart::heart::heart:
 
https://66.media.tumblr.com/2213e3ded63db6532c65501c6a497c28/tumblr_ps14m7i12X1y55b7xo1_1280.jpg

I am thinking I should make a batch of these this weekend! :D


Ingredients

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup chopped pretzels
18-20 caramels cut in half (I like to use Trader Joe's Fleur de Sel Caramels)
Pretzel twists for pressing on cookies about 36
Extra sea salt for sprinkling on cookies

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a large baking sheet with a Silpat baking mat or parchment paper and set aside.
  2. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
  3. Using a stand mixer, cream butter and sugars together for about 3 minutes. Add in the eggs and vanilla and mix until combined. With the mixer on low, slowly add in the dry ingredients. Stir in the chocolate chips and chopped pretzels.
  4. Form the cookie dough into balls, about 2 tablespoons of dough. Place a caramel piece in the center of the dough ball, making sure the cookie dough completely covers the caramel. This will prevent the caramel from oozing out in the oven. Place on prepared baking sheet, about 2 inches apart. Gently press a pretzel twist on top of each cookie. Sprinkle cookies with sea salt.
  5. Bake cookies for 10-12 minutes or until the edges are slightly golden brown. Remove from oven and let cookies cool on the baking sheet for 2-3 minutes. Transfer to a wire cooling rack and cool completely.
  6. Note-the cookies will keep in an airtight container for 3-4 days.
 
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cascadiabound said:
https://img1.mashed.com/img/gallery/the-best-chocolate-desserts-youll-ever-taste/intro-1510159185.jpg

chocolate always helps me when I can't figure anything else out.
Stick around, and you will find your feet on the path again, even if it is a new strange road.
best of luck to you EW. :)

********************

https://66.media.tumblr.com/72f2fb980cdc3ad3e1db72d1d9239219/tumblr_pqzx76JyXd1t4nt4o_1280.jpg

"Not everything called love actually is love. There are twisted imitations and devious deceptions out there. Not everyone who wants to love you knows how to love you. There are people who have not yet learned Love’s ways or who have been taught a distorted version of love. If you’ve been burned, know that it was not Love that hurt you. It was but a distorted shadow of what love should truly be."

quote by John Mark Green​
Click to expand...

cascadiabound said:
https://66.media.tumblr.com/c3b9ba11f0b7864e7659dff32a42d95d/tumblr_mhglbkAaoG1qh2vxqo1_640.jpg

brownie anyone? :rose:
Click to expand...
Trying to catch up on the thread and all I can do is focus on the brownies! Mmmm. Why is it when one is dieting you want all the chocolate that much more?!
ShyNaughtyGirl said:
You guys, our fingerprinting and background checks are done, we start our 27 hrs of training next Tuesday and our first home visit with a case worker is Wednesday afternoon....by June 1st we will officially be licensed to foster and adopt 🥳🤩
Click to expand...
This brought happy tears to my eyes! Congrats, Shy!
cascadiabound said:
Safewords are SUPER important. But do you know WHEN to use it?

When you’re bleeding.
When your hands have gone numb.
When having your leg behind your head has become precarious because you’re going to fall off the sex bench.
When the crop/paddle/belt have become to painful to handle.

Also

When your feelings are hurt
When a bad memory is triggered
When your anxiety is ramping up
When you don’t want to have sex
When you want to have sex but want different sex.

Or

When you are uncomfortable, but think saying no or safewording would make your Dom mad, so you suffer through the discomfort only to have a nasty case of sub drop but you still don’t communicate that to your partner(s) and you proceed to melt down all day and say mean things that you don’t really mean to people you care about because you’re still afraid to share your real feelings with your partners because you don’t want to upset them…..

Yup, that’s when it’s MOST important to use it.

Source: i-am-dubs

https://66.media.tumblr.com/8e51472208363e0ede847f309d9301ad/tumblr_pqqsouXg0H1wd3q54o1_500.jpg
Click to expand...
I always been anti-safe word. I had this crazy idea your partner should ALWAYS know you well enough... What ridiculous idealism. I like how you ladies discussed how it's okay to use a safe word for everyday communication. I am trying to think of a safe word now.... Lol.
This week I kissed a friend. It was fun but not "butterflies" fun. However there was some heavy petting on his part. I miss being touched. But suddenly it all became too much. My headspace was cloudy. I wish I had a safeword to use then. Instead I just told him I needed a minute and we paused and talked it out. I care for him. But it didn't feel romantic if that makes sense enough. Thankfully he is a good enough friend to get me. Although he told me I'm not a "butterfly" girl for him either. So....?!?
Littles and Daddies - do you think that butterfly sensation is just a physical reaction?
I'm trying to slowly navigate the dating scene after a long time of... not being in a good spot... Should I be looking for a "butterfly" person? I want a real connection, not just a friends with benefits situation. I guess I learned that the hard way this week. I seem to only get butterflies with people who aren't going to work out... I get emotionally invested... They don't.
Any stories of how that feeling of butterflies was able to manifest into something raw and real?
Mrtenant said:
Safe words, time outs, whatever....use them if they work for you.

Always always be mindful that your partner is also your friend. To my mind, this is possibly the most important role.

Friends are chosen. We do well to honor our friendship with the idea that we will avoid harming them and reminding them of the same.

Wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, doms, subs, friends, lovers, daddys, littles, all are friends of some sort. They deserve our trust, honesty, and generosity even as we deserve theirs.

Preserve each others dignity.

Be a good friend first, always.
Click to expand...
Tyvm for this reminder! Perfect words to live by.
 
SquirtnBrat said:
This week I kissed a friend. It was fun but not "butterflies" fun. However there was some heavy petting on his part. I miss being touched. But suddenly it all became too much. My headspace was cloudy. I wish I had a safeword to use then. Instead I just told him I needed a minute and we paused and talked it out. I care for him. But it didn't feel romantic if that makes sense enough. Thankfully he is a good enough friend to get me. Although he told me I'm not a "butterfly" girl for him either. So....?!?
Littles and Daddies - do you think that butterfly sensation is just a physical reaction?
I'm trying to slowly navigate the dating scene after a long time of... not being in a good spot... Should I be looking for a "butterfly" person? I want a real connection, not just a friends with benefits situation. I guess I learned that the hard way this week. I seem to only get butterflies with people who aren't going to work out... I get emotionally invested... They don't.
Any stories of how that feeling of butterflies was able to manifest into something raw and real?
Click to expand...

butterflies...
there is something magical about a certain kind of physical/ emotional connection that gives you that "take your breath away, tummy tumbling" feeling.
I think that at least in early days of intimacy, if you don't have it with the person you are kissing, it should be seen as a red flag that the chemistry just isn't there. Obviously, just having *chemistry* is not enough... you have to actually LIKE the person for who they are.... they way they treat you when you are not intimate, their values, having at least a few things in common and an ability to hold a conversation.

I love that feeling of butterflies - of weak knees and stumbling a bit over my words as I blush furiously.
and yes... I have had that feeling and have it turn into long healthy relationships. :heart:
 
Hi, everyone, just checking in. I hope that I'll be feeling better soon and posting a bit more in here. Anyone have any chicken soup?
 
SquirtnBrat said:
Littles and Daddies - do you think that butterfly sensation is just a physical reaction?
I'm trying to slowly navigate the dating scene after a long time of... not being in a good spot... Should I be looking for a "butterfly" person? I want a real connection, not just a friends with benefits situation. I guess I learned that the hard way this week. I seem to only get butterflies with people who aren't going to work out... I get emotionally invested... They don't.
Any stories of how that feeling of butterflies was able to manifest into something raw and real?
Click to expand...

Every time I see He’s messaged me
Every time we talk on the phone
Every time He tucks me in before I sleep
Every time I feel a memory of Him bubble to the surface
Every time He takes my face in His hands and kisses me
Every time He gives thoughtful feedback or just shares with me
Every time He reaches to hold my hand
Every time we see each other again for the first time
It is like the butterflies have decided to show themselves...
It is more than physical for us,
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You shouldn’t settle.
Someone who doesn’t make you feel that excitement
When you see them,
When you lean in to kiss them,
When you hear their voice,
When you feel their lips touch yours for that first time, every time,
When you feel their touch on your thigh,
When they say something so meaningful to you both for the first time,
When you smell their shirt when they hold you close...
If those butterflies don’t show, you’re settling for less than what you deserve.

And you deserve the very best.

Disclaimer: it can be the most terrifying thing ever too (the fear that I could lose Him is crippling), but worth every second.
 
cascadiabound said:
I think my point in posting that safeword stuff, is that we need to have the ability to safeword even if you are not engaging in heavy S/M, humiliation or pain play.

The first time I ever used my safeword was not during any kind of intimacy or play...it was in the midst of an argument. Suddenly I felt unsafe and triggered and it all felt not okay and wrong to me. Was I in danger? No. Was I feeling panicked and anxious and unable to think? yes actually.... I used my safeword and the whole conversation/argument came to a screeching halt. It helped give us a space to access and stop without any complicated discussion and without hurting each other with our words.

Did we go back to that hard topic and figure it out later, yes. We did. But just knowing and experiencing the effectiveness of safewording was very affirming.
Click to expand...

barefootgirl69 said:
I agree with cb...safe words are for more than just play time. I use it when I get anxious even in a conversation. Sometimes I wait too long, and he ends up screaming it quite loudly - knowing I'm doing so in my head. It's a relief he knows me so well...it's a relief to have that time out.
Click to expand...

barefootgirl69 said:
You can use this in any form. "Time out" when you both need to walk away from something intense, to be revisited later. All you need to do is communicate that this is a word or phrase you'll use when you need to break away. You're at a point where you're too flustered/angry/whatever to discuss things rationally, and you hope that this is something both of you will use as a technique to led to more productive discussions and a stronger understanding of positions and marriage. That was a bit long lol. (It's not just a BDSM thing)
Click to expand...

cascadiabound said:
Absolutely. this is not just a BDSM thing.
And time outs are important for both parties.
We all know there is a point at which talking more, or arguing longer is counterproductive. Call it and walk away without pointing fingers or saying stuff you can't take back.

Just make sure that the ground rules are clear. Try to fight fair, always, but when either of you call a time out, or safeword, all conversation on that topic stops. Immediately. no buts or ands or last words. Just stop. Period.
When things are cooler, you can schedule a time to take it up again.
Click to expand...

Mrtenant said:
Safe words, time outs, whatever....use them if they work for you.

Always always be mindful that your partner is also your friend. To my mind, this is possibly the most important role.

Friends are chosen. We do well to honor our friendship with the idea that we will avoid harming them and reminding them of the same.

Wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, doms, subs, friends, lovers, daddys, littles, all are friends of some sort. They deserve our trust, honesty, and generosity even as we deserve theirs.

Preserve each others dignity.

Be a good friend first, always.
Click to expand...

Sorry for the multiple quote, but where was this advice during both my marriages, and 90% of my relationships....:rolleyes:

Would have saved a lot of hurt feelings....:(
 
DarkSimian said:
Sorry for the multiple quote, but where was this advice during both my marriages, and 90% of my relationships....:rolleyes:

Would have saved a lot of hurt feelings....:(
Click to expand...

barefootgirl69 said:
*hugs the beastie*

But, now the future is looking brighter, yes?
Click to expand...

DarkSimian said:
Very much yes :D

11 days....
Click to expand...

Advice is worth what you paid for it. :D
Hope you find it useful going forward. No sense in beating yourself up for shit in the past. It is done.

And so happy for you too that things are better and you are in short term count down mode. Happy happy happy. :):rose::)
 
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