❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AlwaysFara]

#31

Continuing Education & Mentors

We've talked about the past but what's the newest thing you've tried or learned about?
Have you ever been the one to teach someone something brand new to them?

Back on track.

The newest thing I’m learning is how to balance my budget, post divorce. I’m learning as I go.

 

[Bramblethorn]

#31

Continuing Education & Mentors

We've talked about the past but what's the newest thing you've tried or learned about?
Have you ever been the one to teach someone something brand new to them?

Nothing new on the kink side so I'll have to talk about non-kink stuff:

Me: still learning German via Duolingo, learning Python programming in an online course, and some machine-learning stuff on the job.

Teaching others: I write training courses for work now and then. It's taxing but I really enjoy it. Sometimes it's technical stuff, last year it was LGBTI+ awareness, probably going to do a mathematically-themed one this year. That moment when somebody says "I understand now!" is one of my favourite feelings.

(Sorry this is so vague, there's only so much I can share here!)

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#31

Continuing Education & Mentors

We've talked about the past but what's the newest thing you've tried or learned about?
Have you ever been the one to teach someone something brand new to them?

I learned a bit about fisting from someone who's done it (male).

 

[AveryElle]

#31

Continuing Education & Mentors

We've talked about the past but what's the newest thing you've tried or learned about?
Have you ever been the one to teach someone something brand new to them?

The newest thing I've tried/learned about is electro stim. I've wanted to try it, and was able to. I'm not sure I liked it as much as I thought I would, but I didn't dislike it and I plan on experimenting with it more. It is a lot of control to give someone - things like spanking and whipping are a different type of control to me. But there's actually a class on electro stim that we plan on taking if it's offered again. The colors of the electricity are pretty amazing.

I don't think I've taught anyone anything in a specific way. I'm willing to try almost anything if someone I'm with asks, or wants to explore more. As long as we both agree it may not be our individual thing once we try it, it's worth trying almost anything.

I've turned down any sort of serious anal plugging and a few vaginal things I don't want to find out require me to do more kegels than I do. Not my bag. But hopefully he's explored that elsewhere.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I need submissions!!

 

[barefootgirl69]

I need submission!! *cracks the whip*

FYP YW!!!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#32

#32 (suggested)

Acceptance

Was it hard for you to accept your kink or a particular one of your kinks? Did you feel ambivalent, embarrassed, awkward or ashamed of it? How were you able to embrace this as a positive part of yourself?
Are/were there kinks of your partners (past or present) that you had a hard time embracing? Were you able to accept or was it a deal breaker?

 

[Whiskeyjack]

It's well outside my area of study, but I understood ancient Greek to be the parent language of Latin? Wouldn't that make for a lot of overlap? Or am I mistaken?

Greek isn't Latin's parent language, but it's possible that they shared a common ancestor language many centuries before the ancient era. Latin did borrow heavily from the Greek, though. Centuries of trade and the proximity of the two cultures meant there was a ton of crossover and cognates between the two languages. Also, throughout much of the Roman Empire, knowing Greek was a sign that you were educated. In parts of the Empire especially in the east, Greek was the lingua franca, not Latin.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

FYP YW!!!

Lol, the inner Domme shows herself at last.

 

[midwestyankee]

I need submissions!!

How domly of you.

 

[AveryElle]

#32 (suggested)

Acceptance

Was it hard for you to accept your kink or a particular one of your kinks? Did you feel ambivalent, embarrassed, awkward or ashamed of it? How were you able to embrace this as a positive part of yourself?
Are/were there kinks of your partners (past or present) that you had a hard time embracing? Were you able to accept or was it a deal breaker?

I have never been embarrassed or ashamed of any sexual proclivity, but that is, I think, largely because I don't NEED to do those things in order to feel sexually fulfilled. And a full time kink-centric relationship would actually be exhausting for me, thus I don't consider myself involved in any lifestyle, as it were.

However, there are kinks that I personally find disgusting. I've learned about partner(s) being into them, and even having a basically full time relationship centered around it. It's not a deal breaker, depending on what it actually is, but it has changed the way I view them. It's also different when a partner knows I think something is gross, and then lies about it being something they partake in (if that makes sense). I am not getting into specifics because I don't want to offend anyone since YKIMK.

And then there are deal breakers that aren't kink-related to me, but still bother me and end relationships. Because I'm a bitch.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

How domly of you.

<curtsies>

Didn't I inform everyone that you're all my yummy little slaves now?

 

[Mei5ter]

<curtsies>

Didn't I inform everyone that you're all my yummy little slaves now?

I must have missed that memo. But if you’d care to write that on the board 25 times wearing your schoolgirl outfit, I’ll give it due consideration...

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I must have missed that memo. But if you’d care to write that on the board 25 times wearing your schoolgirl outfit, I’ll give it due consideration...

Ok....maybe not ALL

Now back to the question

 

[cookiecat]

#32 (suggested)

Acceptance

Was it hard for you to accept your kink or a particular one of your kinks? Did you feel ambivalent, embarrassed, awkward or ashamed of it? How were you able to embrace this as a positive part of yourself?
Are/were there kinks of your partners (past or present) that you had a hard time embracing? Were you able to accept or was it a deal breaker?

A lot of my kinks involve embarrassment, feeling awkward and shameful. Early on, I had a difficult time sharing these delightful kinks because of that shame. It wasn't until I started dating someone who enjoyed getting inside my head and twisting me around, exposing those feelings and wrapping them up in orgasms and acceptance.

This guy, though, was really really in to pushing boundaries. For him, it wasn't even really the specific act, it was the process of breaking down my shock and indignance, seeing if I would be obedient. Let's just say dogs and being shared with strangers were high on his list. I learned a lot about my hard limits in that relationship.

These "darker" desires aren't anything I share unless it's with someone who enjoys that kind of kinkery. Mr. cookie and I hit it off in many vanilla ways and the fact he had similar lewd ideas rolling around in his brain sealed the deal.

Have I accepted it in a positive way? Mostly yes. I'm willing to open up that side of me to a trusted partner.

I will say, now that I have about 15 years of in the flesh bdsm under my belt, one thing I won't tolerate from a potential partner is laziness or a cliched approach to bdsm. I can't really put my finger on it now - maybe someone who "tasks" me with showing up in public without a bra or some such nonsense - but I know it when I hear it. It's a limit.

Not as embarrassing is my love of spanking. I decided to join a local spanking group. Spanking itself wasn't embarrassing with a partner. But admitting it in public, being spanked in public at a party, role playing teacher / bad student - those things were super embarrassing for me. I learned it was really fun to share that particular kink with like-minded folks.

Overall, I've accepted my submission as a positive part of life. I don't think being "submissive" is a kink - but thinking of myself as being in service is. I like to think submission is a healthy part of who I am.

 

[QuietStrength]

#32 (suggested)

Acceptance

Was it hard for you to accept your kink or a particular one of your kinks? Did you feel ambivalent, embarrassed, awkward or ashamed of it? How were you able to embrace this as a positive part of yourself?
Are/were there kinks of your partners (past or present) that you had a hard time embracing? Were you able to accept or was it a deal breaker?

It really depends what is meant by acceptance. Personally, I quickly adjusted to my own kinks as I discovered them, mainly by reading stories. In private, that is. By myself, fantasising or masturbating, I reckognise all my kinks and greet them fondly . However, sharing these kinks with other people, that is a whole other matter. I guess if you accept your kinks fully, you should not have a problem letting a lover know about them, but I have never dared to take that step. Here on Lit, in the sweet bliss of anonymity I do dare todo it, sometimes, but to share it with a world who doesn't really know who you are feels very different from telling someone who knows you. Especially when deep inside, you feel it will not be appreciated.

Love,

Qs

 

[seela]

Nope.

 

[Bramblethorn]

#32 (suggested)

Acceptance

Was it hard for you to accept your kink or a particular one of your kinks? Did you feel ambivalent, embarrassed, awkward or ashamed of it? How were you able to embrace this as a positive part of yourself?
Are/were there kinks of your partners (past or present) that you had a hard time embracing? Were you able to accept or was it a deal breaker?

I still feel ambivalent about CNC, which is one of my biggest kinks. I try to be kind IRL, I think I mostly succeed, so why do I enjoy the idea of hurting somebody else and taking control of them?

As a fantasy, I don't think it's anything shameful, and I accept that it's not likely to go away. But I still feel qualms about it now and then.

I've been pretty fortunate with partners - our kinks have meshed together nicely.

 

[AlwaysFara]

#32 (suggested)

Acceptance

Was it hard for you to accept your kink or a particular one of your kinks? Did you feel ambivalent, embarrassed, awkward or ashamed of it? How were you able to embrace this as a positive part of yourself?
Are/were there kinks of your partners (past or present) that you had a hard time embracing? Were you able to accept or was it a deal breaker?

There are 2 kinks that I struggle with. Defer to Bramble’s post on all things “CNC”. The other one is NOYB.
Most of my kinks? I’m fine with, and I’m relieved that I have a safe someone and a safe place with/in which I can explore.
After being squashed for so long, I’m not ashamed at all. My only shame comes when I think of how I settled for less for so long, just because he wasn’t into it. Never again.

I don’t have that much experience with kinky men, until recently. I’m happy with where I am. Our kinks mesh. The one kink I don’t want to discuss is something that we kinda went through together. So, all good.

One of my ex’s had a foot fetish, which is not my thing. I tolerated it, and it was in no way a deal breaker.

 

[AveryElle]

Since it’s been discussed, CNC was one of something I cannot abide by. If that’s your thing, fine. But as someone who was assaulted, I cannot get into that mindset. I am sure some victims find it empowering but as a victim, I can’t see it.

The other area of kink that I cannot abide by is one that is very popular but really does turn me off. I just am choosing to ignore when someone is into it unless they try to get me to participate.

I don’t at all mean to poo poo the CNC people. Go for it. Just not with me*

*I broke my attacker’s nose. I could see myself being ‘taken back’ there and actually fighting back. Not sexy to break someone’s nose.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Since it’s been discussed, CNC was one of something I cannot abide by. If that’s your thing, fine. But as someone who was assaulted, I cannot get into that mindset. I am sure some victims find it empowering but as a victim, I can’t see it.

The other area of kink that I cannot abide by is one that is very popular but really does turn me off. I just am choosing to ignore when someone is into it unless they try to get me to participate.

I don’t at all mean to poo poo the CNC people. Go for it. Just not with me*

*I broke my attacker’s nose. I could see myself being ‘taken back’ there and actually fighting back. Not sexy to break someone’s nose.

Unless it’s their kink.

I’m sorry for your past attack.

 

[AveryElle]

Unless it’s their kink.

I’m sorry for your past attack.

That’s true!
Somewhat safe to say a partner that wants me to punch them isn’t the partner for me

 

[Bramblethorn]

Since it’s been discussed, CNC was one of something I cannot abide by. If that’s your thing, fine. But as someone who was assaulted, I cannot get into that mindset. I am sure some victims find it empowering but as a victim, I can’t see it.

And there's the thing - I can understand your reaction to CNC far more easily than I can make sense of my own. Many of my friends are survivors of assault, so I don't take it lightly... but some of those same friends are the partners who've enthusiastically participated in CNC with me. So it's all rather confusing for me, and I'd guess for them also.

 

[AlwaysFara]

And there's the thing - I can understand your reaction to CNC far more easily than I can make sense of my own. Many of my friends are survivors of assault, so I don't take it lightly... but some of those same friends are the partners who've enthusiastically participated in CNC with me. So it's all rather confusing for me, and I'd guess for them also.

This.

 

[John_Q_Public]

Since it’s been discussed, CNC was one of something I cannot abide by. If that’s your thing, fine. But as someone who was assaulted, I cannot get into that mindset. I am sure some victims find it empowering but as a victim, I can’t see it.

The other area of kink that I cannot abide by is one that is very popular but really does turn me off. I just am choosing to ignore when someone is into it unless they try to get me to participate.

I don’t at all mean to poo poo the CNC people. Go for it. Just not with me*

*I broke my attacker’s nose. I could see myself being ‘taken back’ there and actually fighting back. Not sexy to break someone’s nose.

I can totally picture you breaking someone's nose!