❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AlwaysFara]

^^^THIS^^^

This is good stuff. We had a similar discussion around these parts three or four years ago. Maybe it’s a good thing to bring up seriously again.

Thanks for sharing your insights.

And then we have the knuckle head over in the PG who thinks every single friend group is a “click” and passive aggressively taunts those/us women (usually women, he will never talk that way to a man unless provoked).

I need my women here. My group. My girls.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Agreed. Incredibly insightful and could probably be shared in the PG too.
I always felt like what differentiated a group of friends from a clique was an exclusive attitude. The whole "can't sit here" mind set.
Everyone (mostly everyone) is trying their best and it costs nothing to be welcoming.

Thanks Paul!

 

[AlwaysFara]

Agreed. Incredibly insightful and could probably be shared in the PG too.
I always felt like what differentiated a group of friends from a clique was an exclusive attitude. The whole "can't sit here" mind set.
Everyone (mostly everyone) is trying their best and it costs nothing to be welcoming.

Thanks Paul!

I agree. I find so many of the women give me so much. Some are friends with each other, some are not. I don’t check with my friends before making new ones, nor they with me.
I’m just grateful.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Yes, thank you, Paul.

I never saw it as a "clique" where I was getting excluded. I was the unknown in the equation, where (I've learned) most people are wary of new people because of alts/deceit, etc. Also...I'm not the type to readily warm up and get cozy and share secrets (my life) openly. This forum (to me) is more of sharing things than flirting on the PG - I even handled the GB better because there's no depth, just arguing. Again, my perception may not be everyone's perception.

When people are familiar with one another, conversation flows readily... that's why I added "it might be me" in my original comment - coming as a newb to the BDSM forum, trying to find my place or spot or a conversation I could fit in.

This thread has really been great for me personally.

 

[midwestyankee]

I remember feeling quite intimidated when I first started posting in this forum. By then I’d been around Litnfor three years but I was just getting to the place where I realized there was a name for this preference I have for taking control of sex and that there was a lot more to learn than I had imagined. Most of the regulars seemed to have known the Marquis de la Sade in person, or at least had studied 7nder someone who had been flogged by him, so to speak, and I was a ridiculously shy guy just learning about it all. Eventually my curiosity got the better of me and I started joining in the conversation, but it took a while. I get the hesitation.

 

[cookiecat]

When I first came to bdsm forum, it was a lot more active. Talk was definitely more active. Maybe it was pre-Tumblr? When I looked back at the fist Oral Servitude thread, images weren't as prevalent.

I went away for several years and came back about two years ago. Lots changed. Not better or worse. Just different. There was a little clique stuff going on. A few folks made me feel like their point of view was the only point of view. I appreciate different points of view - so maybe it was the way I read it? Maybe it was the way it was written? Either way, I've learned to not take things online so personally.

I hope the bdsm forum is welcoming to those who seem to want to participate. Or be a place of good info for those lurking. I like the connections I've made here and the support I've received over the last couple years.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Most of the regulars seemed to have known the Marquis de la Sade in person

 

[midwestyankee]

And you think I’m old!

 

[Jakevillines]

Could you give me a lesson on him

 

[cookiecat]

Well.............. what now?

 

[AlwaysFara]

When I first came to bdsm forum, it was a lot more active. Talk was definitely more active. Maybe it was pre-Tumblr? When I looked back at the fist Oral Servitude thread, images weren't as prevalent.

I went away for several years and came back about two years ago. Lots changed. Not better or worse. Just different. There was a little clique stuff going on. A few folks made me feel like their point of view was the only point of view. I appreciate different points of view - so maybe it was the way I read it? Maybe it was the way it was written? Either way, I've learned to not take things online so personally.

I hope the bdsm forum is welcoming to those who seem to want to participate. Or be a place of good info for those lurking. I like the connections I've made here and the support I've received over the last couple years.

Your pool party and all your game threads were very inclusive.
The only one I really remember being like... UGH... with was MyNameisNo’s Daddy.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

And you think I’m old!

I prefer vintage

 

[midwestyankee]

I prefer vintage

I like how you think.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Well.............. what now?

I like how this has become a town hall of sorts

 

[cookiecat]

I like how this has become a town hall of sorts

Very much!!

 

[clistenovena]

I wondered the same thing. Like dragons, it's probably one of those fantasies meant to remain a fantasy. Kinky imaginations can be captured by some strange things.

This kinky mind is now captured by dragons and snorting cum. And the first one is easier to imagine than the second. I'm worried for me.

(ps. No snorting-cum shaming, real or imagined, occurred during the making of the above statement.)

I was just sitting here thinking about cliques in general, both online and IRL.

Paul, thank you for thinking those ideas through, and even more for sharing them all. And as one who enjoys the psychology of behavior, it was a damned good read.

I never saw it as a "clique" where I was getting excluded. I was the unknown in the equation, where (I've learned) most people are wary of new people because of alts/deceit, etc.

You know, this is how I view it. Or try to anyway. I don't want to jump towards the negative perception if I'm not included in the group chat or what have you. It takes time to to know and get to know others enough to let them in. Trust doesn't just happen (and probably shouldn't) in an instant, whether in here or out there. Especially with the nature of the conversations that happen in bdsm forums. Sensitive topics for sure.

Ugh. I'm rambling.

I hope the bdsm forum is welcoming to those who seem to want to participate. Or be a place of good info for those lurking.

Sometimes I'm participatory and many times, I lurk. Either way, the welcome here has been noticed.

 

[John_Q_Public]

Oh my goodness… cliques? Again?

Reminds me of this...

"YOU ARE A BITCH."

"Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?"

"NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you're gonna like who you wanna like."

 

[AlwaysFara]

Oh my goodness… cliques? Again?

Reminds me of this...

"YOU ARE A BITCH."

"Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?"

"NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you're gonna like who you wanna like."

“Okay, so what about you, you hypocrite? Why don’t you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties?!”

 

[Bramblethorn]

The BDSM forum, especially talk, spent a long time bickering over what should and should not be here. It used to be something of a catch all fetish area before they created the fetish subforum. To this day personals are routinely posted to the talk forum. I remember there being constant trouble with individuals who seemed to be trolling deliberately, in addition to the highly elietist and/or caustic individuals who may not have been here just to hurt feelings, but thought nothing of it just the same. You had to just ignore them and move on.

No few of us became perceptably jaded, and newcomers often got cold receptions, particularly if they were opinionated.

Not everyrhing about the old days was good.

I feel like every online community I've ever been on has had some variation of this discussion.

There's a selection bias that makes the old days seem better than they were. The people who enjoyed the old days were more likely to hang around than the ones who didn't. It's like the folk who say "my generation didn't have vaccinations or seatbelts, and we survived" - well, not all of them did survive, but only the ones who got lucky are around to tell us what it was like.

 

[John_Q_Public]

“Okay, so what about you, you hypocrite? Why don’t you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties?!”

"Don't you ever talk about my friends. You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean."

 

[barefootgirl69]

If you don't like the conversation, you could always just see your way out.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I feel like every online community I've ever been on has had some variation of this discussion.

There's a selection bias that makes the old days seem better than they were. The people who enjoyed the old days were more likely to hang around than the ones who didn't. It's like the folk who say "my generation didn't have vaccinations or seatbelts, and we survived" - well, not all of them did survive, but only the ones who got lucky are around to tell us what it was like.

I actually got into a huge discussion about this on FB regarding spanking.

 

[John_Q_Public]

Ah, the good old days...

 

[AlwaysFara]

"Don't you ever talk about my friends. You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean."

This is probably one of the most quoted John Hughes movie of all time. My kids can quote it.
Love it.

That being said, I think we gravitate towards those we share a lot of commonalities with, but, yeah, like Paul says, it’s the exclusion of others that makes it more of a “click”.
As an adult, though, I have no time for people I don’t enjoy anymore.
Get off my lawn!!!

 

[John_Q_Public]

This is probably one of the most quoted John Hughes movie of all time. My kids can quote it.
Love it.

That being said, I think we gravitate towards those we share a lot of commonalities with, but, yeah, like Paul says, it’s the exclusion of others that makes it more of a “click”.
As an adult, though, I have no time for people I don’t enjoy anymore.
Get off my lawn!!!

Excuse me?