Let's Talk About 'Gentle' FemDom

[Wild_Honey_66]

Bumping this because it was on my mind today.

A lot of what I see in femdom pics/porn turns me off. I'm affectionate and service-oriented as both a Top and a bottom, with a strong inclination to nurture. I like to undress my pyls and groom them, care for their physical needs and make sure they are satisfied sexually.

The stereotype of Dommes who are hands-off, or anything to do with chastity, really leaves me cold. Of course, as with many things, it might only take the right person with a different perspective to change my feelings on this subject, but it seems unlikely.

 

[Hardon4u21]

Bumping this because it was on my mind today.

A lot of what I see in femdom pics/porn turns me off. I'm affectionate and service-oriented as both a Top and a bottom, with a strong inclination to nurture. I like to undress my pyls and groom them, care for their physical needs and make sure they are satisfied sexually.

The stereotype of Dommes who are hands-off, or anything to do with chastity, really leaves me cold. Of course, as with many things, it might only take the right person with a different perspective to change my feelings on this subject, but it seems unlikely.

I've fantasize about being dominated, but have never followed through in large part because I want to submit to a dominant woman but in a gentle almost instructive way.

 

[cf23430]

Bumping this because it was on my mind today.

A lot of what I see in femdom pics/porn turns me off. I'm affectionate and service-oriented as both a Top and a bottom, with a strong inclination to nurture. I like to undress my pyls and groom them, care for their physical needs and make sure they are satisfied sexually.

The stereotype of Dommes who are hands-off, or anything to do with chastity, really leaves me cold. Of course, as with many things, it might only take the right person with a different perspective to change my feelings on this subject, but it seems unlikely.

you are truly a lovling and caring woman. i wouldlove to give myself over to a woman like you

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Bumping this because it was on my mind today.

A lot of what I see in femdom pics/porn turns me off. I'm affectionate and service-oriented as both a Top and a bottom, with a strong inclination to nurture. I like to undress my pyls and groom them, care for their physical needs and make sure they are satisfied sexually.

The stereotype of Dommes who are hands-off, or anything to do with chastity, really leaves me cold. Of course, as with many things, it might only take the right person with a different perspective to change my feelings on this subject, but it seems unlikely.

What puzzles me is this. I don't think the two guys who posted above are that unusual. And certainly no more unusual that the guy who really wants to be locked in a penis cage, not allowed to cum, and all that usual stuff we find on the internet. Given that, why isn't there more truly "Gentle Femdom" porn? My sense is that men drive porn and what men want, drives what's out there. (sorry, ladies, this maybe isn't how it should be, but I think it's because men spend money on porn...money drives it). It seems odd to me that if there is enough interest in ball-busting porn to show up as much as it does, there should be enough interest in gentle femdom for it to show up as well.

 

[cascadiabound]

What puzzles me is this. I don't think the two guys who posted above are that unusual. And certainly no more unusual that the guy who really wants to be locked in a penis cage, not allowed to cum, and all that usual stuff we find on the internet. Given that, why isn't there more truly "Gentle Femdom" porn? My sense is that men drive porn and what men want, drives what's out there. (sorry, ladies, this maybe isn't how it should be, but I think it's because men spend money on porn...money drives it). It seems odd to me that if there is enough interest in ball-busting porn to show up as much as it does, there should be enough interest in gentle femdom for it to show up as well.

I suspect that while there may be an interest in "gentle FemDom" that it runs even more against the societal grain than the ball busting stuff which you have to be "man enough" to take. idk.

 

[cookiecat]

I started the fem domme picture thread in the cafe. There's another guy "pet" thread there too, which is skewed just a little different, I think. Lots of overlap, though.

In my interweb searches, I don't think the male Dom / female sub images are that much different than female D, male s. Lots of harsh images in dirty dungeons. Where is the bondage and flogging in a well lit room with cool carpeting and sunshine yellow walls!?

There is just lots more male D/ female s everything, including gentle stuff.

In the picture thread, I tend to post pictures I like - either visually appealing (colors, positions, filters, the background) or situations I could see myself in. I identify as submissive. I love chastity and orgasm denial! I tend to gravitate toward pushing boundaries through humiliation and harder physical stuff.

As I explore (and embrace) my switch side, I guess I do put what I like as a sub in the pictures I post.

What does gentle fem domme porn look like? I see lots of foot worship going on!! How is it different than just a guy eating a girl out?

Honey, I'm curious what differentiates your Top side vs. your sub side? As you described your nurturing, service oriented nature, ensuring sexual gratification, it sounds subby (probably because that's my onclination).

How do you create that Top vibe??

(Fledgling Dommes want to know!!)

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I suspect that while there may be an interest in "gentle FemDom" that it runs even more against the societal grain than the ball busting stuff which you have to be "man enough" to take. idk.

j

Yeah, this is probably part of it. I will admit some trepidation to even posting in these threads.

In my interweb searches, I don't think the male Dom / female sub images are that much different than female D, male s. Lots of harsh images in dirty dungeons. Where is the bondage and flogging in a well lit room with cool carpeting and sunshine yellow walls!?

This is an interesting point. I think in general, porn tends to the outrageous. e.g. Women with fake boobs so large as to be a caricature. Etc. etc.

As a voyeur, I'm far more interested in "real" than outrageous. Perhaps that's part of the issue.

 

[cascadiabound]

j

Yeah, this is probably part of it. I will admit some trepidation to even posting in these threads.

This is an interesting point. I think in general, porn tends to the outrageous. e.g. Women with fake boobs so large as to be a caricature. Etc. etc.

As a voyeur, I'm far more interested in "real" than outrageous. Perhaps that's part of the issue.

I think that the more dramatic, the more outrageous, the more outlandish, extraordinary, costumed sex performances make for more "interesting" images in the traditional porn view. Porn = more exciting and different than anything you could possibly achieve in your real life. Bodies younger and more beautiful, groomed more perfectly, with gear and accoutrements that are exotic - not what you have in your toy chest. Or depicting acts that surely, your long time partner would never agree to or be interested in trying.

Things that are deeply sensual or sensuous, that are subtle and require nothing but the imagination and two (imperfect) human bodies to connect, do not make for lucrative porn - I suspect.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

How do I create a Top vibe? Well, the chemistry is organic - either it's there or it isn't. He (or she) wants me to control him, and there's enough of the right kind of tension to make that appealing to me.

How can I be nurturing and still look like a Top? The difference is really in the mindset of the participants, more than anything. When I give Daddy a rubdown, I'm thinking primarily about his needs and desires: do his feet hurt from walking? His back and shoulders from doing yard work? Does he prefer the smell of coconut oil or sesame? Would he enjoy a foot soak with Epsom salts? Does he need me to bring him a cold drink, and what sort of drink would he like? When I am serving him, my focus is on what pleases him, and my pleasure is secondary.

When I'm grooming my pets, the reverse is true. Of course their pleasure and preferences are important to me, but the scale of influence is slightly tipped in my favor. I like lots of input from them, I want to hear their opinions, but they typically are more concerned with my pleasure than with having their own way. I may ask my pet what sort of tail he fancies, but if I don't like what he's chosen, it's up to me to decide. Likewise, when selecting which color ribbon to tie around his balls, I might ask his favorite color (black), but I have the final say (purple ). Of course my goal is that we're both having fun, and we do, otherwise what's the point?

The last time I asked Daddy did he want me to bring him a drink, his reply was that he needed the massage more than the drink. The decision was his call, and we were in agreement on that. The last time I asked one of my pets for feedback his response was to say, 'Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.' Again, we are on the same page, it's just a different page.

In both situations, either party can opt out at any time. But because I choose to defer to Daddy, the balance of power rests with him. On the other hand, I make the rules for my pet. He doesn't have to agree, but he knows that if he doesn't like it, he can go find someone else. The balance of power lies with me, and with what I am willing to give him.

Does that help? Do you need more concrete examples? Obviously I'm not likely to be choosing a tail for Daddy's butt, or a ribbon to tie around his balls - although there's no rule that says he can't like those things, they aren't inherently submissive. I might wash the hair of both partners, or tend to their nails, or help them dress or undress, but in each case, the goal and the atmosphere is slightly different.

 

[Hardon4u21]

How do I create a Top vibe? Well, the chemistry is organic - either it's there or it isn't. He (or she) wants me to control him, and there's enough of the right kind of tension to make that appealing to me.

How can I be nurturing and still look like a Top? The difference is really in the mindset of the participants, more than anything. When I give Daddy a rubdown, I'm thinking primarily about his needs and desires: do his feet hurt from walking? His back and shoulders from doing yard work? Does he prefer the smell of coconut oil or sesame? Would he enjoy a foot soak with Epsom salts? Does he need me to bring him a cold drink, and what sort of drink would he like? When I am serving him, my focus is on what pleases him, and my pleasure is secondary.

When I'm grooming my pets, the reverse is true. Of course their pleasure and preferences are important to me, but the scale of influence is slightly tipped in my favor. I like lots of input from them, I want to hear their opinions, but they typically are more concerned with my pleasure than with having their own way. I may ask my pet what sort of tail he fancies, but if I don't like what he's chosen, it's up to me to decide. Likewise, when selecting which color ribbon to tie around his balls, I might ask his favorite color (black), but I have the final say (purple ). Of course my goal is that we're both having fun, and we do, otherwise what's the point?

The last time I asked Daddy did he want me to bring him a drink, his reply was that he needed the massage more than the drink. The decision was his call, and we were in agreement on that. The last time I asked one of my pets for feedback his response was to say, 'Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.' Again, we are on the same page, it's just a different page.

In both situations, either party can opt out at any time. But because I choose to defer to Daddy, the balance of power rests with him. On the other hand, I make the rules for my pet. He doesn't have to agree, but he knows that if he doesn't like it, he can go find someone else. The balance of power lies with me, and with what I am willing to give him.

Does that help? Do you need more concrete examples? Obviously I'm not likely to be choosing a tail for Daddy's butt, or a ribbon to tie around his balls - although there's no rule that says he can't like those things, they aren't inherently submissive. I might wash the hair of both partners, or tend to their nails, or help them dress or undress, but in each case, the goal and the atmosphere is slightly different.

Can one person be your Daddy one night and your pet another? They both sound really exquisite. I love being teased and caressed but I would also like to subdued and made to be your toy.

 

[cookiecat]

<snip>
Does that help? Do you need more concrete examples? .

It does, thanks.

 

[SecretSubM88]

I think that the more dramatic, the more outrageous, the more outlandish, extraordinary, costumed sex performances make for more "interesting" images in the traditional porn view. Porn = more exciting and different than anything you could possibly achieve in your real life. Bodies younger and more beautiful, groomed more perfectly, with gear and accoutrements that are exotic - not what you have in your toy chest. Or depicting acts that surely, your long time partner would never agree to or be interested in trying.

Things that are deeply sensual or sensuous, that are subtle and require nothing but the imagination and two (imperfect) human bodies to connect, do not make for lucrative porn - I suspect.

I wonder why this is the case though, I can't be the only man in existance who is going through pornhub thinking... "jeez did no-one ever think of filming normal sex? especialy if you are looking for Femdom or as you might call it, gentle Femdom, there is just nothing to be found that I would not concider extreme... which is a pity.

 

[cookiecat]

Secretsubm88 - have you seen the gentle fem domme picture thread? Do you find those images extreme? What kind of porn / images would you enjoy that portray the gentle side??

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Secretsubm88 - have you seen the gentle fem domme picture thread? Do you find those images extreme? What kind of porn / images would you enjoy that portray the gentle side??

I can't speak for him but.
Your thread has some images that work for me, and some that don't (I suspect that is not a surprise).

In general for me, I think I'm interested in images that depict strong women who are taking sexual pleasure in their men. If you think about many of the more "standard" porn images, they are the exact opposite (these are not even "BDSM" per se). Images like women on their knees giving BJ's or getting fucked from behind, etc.
I'd like of the opposite of those. Men performing oral. Women riding me. Whatever. Images that depict women in strong dominant roles and position, but not women who are out to "hurt" or belittle or degrade men. (for the record, I'm even less a fan of pictures of women being abused and degraded).

I can't believe I posted this in this thread. I've lurked...but....

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I can't believe I posted this in this thread. I've lurked...but....

It's about damn time.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

It's about damn time.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

 

[cascadiabound]

I can't speak for him but.
Your thread has some images that work for me, and some that don't (I suspect that is not a surprise).

In general for me, I think I'm interested in images that depict strong women who are taking sexual pleasure in their men. If you think about many of the more "standard" porn images, they are the exact opposite (these are not even "BDSM" per se). Images like women on their knees giving BJ's or getting fucked from behind, etc.
I'd like of the opposite of those. Men performing oral. Women riding me. Whatever. Images that depict women in strong dominant roles and position, but not women who are out to "hurt" or belittle or degrade men. (for the record, I'm even less a fan of pictures of women being abused and degraded).

I can't believe I posted this in this thread. I've lurked...but....

My earlier point holds. I think that for the "standard" porn industry ideal...the woman is never the active partner unless you go hard Dominatrix which tend to be visually degrading images.

Also...IMO, the acts described above: Men performing oral, being riden etc may "appear" dominant in imagery, but may or may not be in your relationship. These acts can be either male submissive or male dominant just as easily. Cause it is all in the dynamic between the two people which determines who is in control.

Images of degradation are complicated. For instance...I find images of women who are gagged to be really really hard for me to look at. They make me deeply uncomfortable. They are not arousing. I will generally will not post or link such an image (I think never, but maybe I have?). However....I know that being gagged can be a very arousing experience.

I probably have no business posting in this thread...but, I keep having thoughts on this side track conversation. Apologies if I have overstepped.

~cb

 

[fmrhusker]

FemDom, Gentle FemDom, and Aggressive are indeed three separate things. I adore kissing a woman’s sex (Sorry, I just can’t use the word “pussy’; it sticks in my throat, uh, keyboard). A woman asking me to kiss her is a mind-bending turn-on; I go insane to taste her and just cannot say “No.” But it is ABSOLUTELY VITAL that the lady NOT KNOW the true, eternal depth of my weakness, or she would completely own me forever! So I make up some semi-excuse like, “Well, normally I don’t like to, but just this once, for you, OK.” A FemDom could make me kiss her by command or threat of force (not real, of course, play-acting), but that doesn’t excite me. An Aggressive woman may ask me to kiss her, and I will, but it’s entirely for her own pleasure and she accepts my excuse and doesn’t push it. But my real fantasy is a Gentle FemDom. She nestles into my arms, turns on the warm honey, and keeps pressing me to kiss her until I’m so crazy to taste her that I can’t see straight! If she truly knows my weakness, she doesn’t let on, but she plays to my psyche! I don’t know if she knows, but I’m torn between ecstatic joy and terrified helplessness. She’s asking me to kiss her more and more lately, and with ever more sweetness and confidence. Does she know? I’m beginning to suspect that I’m in serious trouble ….

 

[cascadiabound]

^^^^ this is interesting.

Other guys have this kind of dynamic playing in their heads?

Thanks for sharing.

 

[SecretSubM88]

Secretsubm88 - have you seen the gentle fem domme picture thread? Do you find those images extreme? What kind of porn / images would you enjoy that portray the gentle side??

I can't speak for him but.
Your thread has some images that work for me, and some that don't (I suspect that is not a surprise).

In general for me, I think I'm interested in images that depict strong women who are taking sexual pleasure in their men. If you think about many of the more "standard" porn images, they are the exact opposite (these are not even "BDSM" per se). Images like women on their knees giving BJ's or getting fucked from behind, etc.
I'd like of the opposite of those. Men performing oral. Women riding me. Whatever. Images that depict women in strong dominant roles and position, but not women who are out to "hurt" or belittle or degrade men. (for the record, I'm even less a fan of pictures of women being abused and degraded).

I can't believe I posted this in this thread. I've lurked...but....

You couldn't have put it clearer, lakesailer, these are exactly the images I mean. Although some bondage and soft pain play also gets my motor running like crazy... (personaly, I prefer nails and teeth over whips and paddles, speaking in imagery here, as I have no RL expierience with whios or paddles) I have to admit I am a frequebt visitor of your thread cookie

Love,

 

[lakesailer_mi]

So, this AM, there was a new thread in the PG..."Music Videos that turn you on"

While I can think of a lot, the ones I posted, because they appeal to me the most, were Pat Benatar and Joan Jett (yeah I'm dating myself... my age is no secret).

Above, I think it was Cookie that pointed out that some of the images I suggested could go either way, it depends on the dynamic between the two people. Which I have to say was insightful.

For me part of it is an attitude of the woman. A strength. A sense of self? It's not "tough bitch." I've plenty of "tough bitches" who I don't think would work for me at all. It's not someone who is angry at men. (which, at least in my interpretation of much of the femdom porn, seems to be there).
It is women who love men. Love their bodies. Know what they want. And they will take it.
(and it would be nice, if what they wanted was me).

 

[oggbashan]

Some of my stories are gentle femdom.

This is one: https://www.literotica.com/s/her-pink-quilted-coat

A sample from The Vinyl Dress:

"Well, yes. You are my Mistress and I thought .."

"You THOUGHT! You couldn't think if your life depended on it. Am I supposed to wear that to demonstrate how I control you? I suppose I'll have a whip and pose with my heel spiked on your chest? Being your "Mistress" is a state of mind, not silly clothing. If I was wearing dirty jeans and a paint stained T-shirt I'll still control you because I have more brains in my little finger than you have in total."

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Some of my stories are gentle femdom.

This is one: https://www.literotica.com/s/her-pink-quilted-coat

A sample from The Vinyl Dress:

"Well, yes. You are my Mistress and I thought .."

"You THOUGHT! You couldn't think if your life depended on it. Am I supposed to wear that to demonstrate how I control you? I suppose I'll have a whip and pose with my heel spiked on your chest? Being your "Mistress" is a state of mind, not silly clothing. If I was wearing dirty jeans and a paint stained T-shirt I'll still control you because I have more brains in my little finger than you have in total."

ogg!

***********

'State of mind' - yes. I feel like a broken record, but I don't look like any of those women in the FemDom Tumblr pics, and I'm sure as fuck not about to change my personal style for someone else's idea of what a Domme ought to look like. Please.

My closet is filled with maxi dresses, long skirts, lacy tanks, quirky tees, and pretty little blouses. And sandals. No mini skirts, no leather corsets, no thigh-high boots. And do you want to know what I wear in the bedroom? Nothing. That's right, I like to be naked when I'm having sex. Which isn't to say that I'd be unwilling to dress up for a partner, only that my wardrobe is a reflection of my taste in clothing, not my kink, and i don't need to wear black anything to dominate a man.

In fact, I kind of like the juxtaposition of bossing someone around while not 'looking the part.'

 

[oggbashan]

ogg!

***********

'State of mind' - yes. I feel like a broken record, but I don't look like any of those women in the FemDom Tumblr pics, and I'm sure as fuck not about to change my personal style for someone else's idea of what a Domme ought to look like. Please.

My closet is filled with maxi dresses, long skirts, lacy tanks, quirky tees, and pretty little blouses. And sandals. No mini skirts, no leather corsets, no thigh-high boots. And do you want to know what I wear in the bedroom? Nothing. That's right, I like to be naked when I'm having sex. Which isn't to say that I'd be unwilling to dress up for a partner, only that my wardrobe is a reflection of my taste in clothing, not my kink, and i don't need to wear black anything to dominate a man.

In fact, I kind of like the juxtaposition of bossing someone around while not 'looking the part.'

As I see it, 'gentle femdom' can be so subtle that the male victim might not even know that he is being manipulated by the woman. She runs his life, and his sex life, and he likes that. She likes it because she is in control and her desires are met too.

If she can keep him happy and contented with her dominance, she's an exponent of gentle femdom even if her control is effectively inescapable.