Complete sentences and full paragraphs that need to disappear

[IrezumiKiss]

"It was a dark and stormy night."

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

Hmmmm...this one's harder than I figured, sentences are hard enough, don't even know of any paragraphs offhand...whaddya youse guys come up with?

 

[CyranoJ]

I tend to view even the worst sentences and paragraphs (of which I've produced more than a few) as learning opportunities. So I would, ideally, strike almost none of them.

But I have to say I wish I could un-read this paragraph from List of the Lost for the crime of polluting my appreciation of a fine songwriter and pop-culture icon:

Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.

Just... just what the fucking fuck. Fuck.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

But I have to say I wish I could un-read this paragraph from List of the Lost for the crime of polluting my appreciation of a fine songwriter and pop-culture icon:

Originally Posted by Morrissey
Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.

Just... just what the fucking fuck. Fuck.

http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/03/Daaamn-GIF.gif?gs=a

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Kanye-West-Shaking-Head-No.gif

http://i.impiri.us/prince-wut.gif

Oooooooh. That's baaaaad. Like mixing gin, Prosecco and cabernet together type bad. You might've closed down the thread already, bruh!

 

[CyranoJ]

Literally one of the worst motherfucking sentences I've ever read, and there have been some doozies.

We can probably gin up some other worthy contenders, though. The Bad Sex Awards are a great source...

 

[Aglaopheme]

Oooooooh. That's baaaaad.Like mixing gin, Prosecco and cabernet together type bad. You might've closed down the thread already, bruh!

The Brooklyn Beauty.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/41/97/c8/4197c8d241bc091ff5902785838f14b4.jpg

 

[Oh_That_Guy]

"It was a dark and stormy night."

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

Hmmmm...this one's harder than I figured, sentences are hard enough, don't even know of any paragraphs offhand...whaddya youse guys come up with?

I know this is a parody thread but why pick classic opening lines? You think Dickens should disappear? And dark and stormy night is just a fragment. Depending on who you ask depends on whether or not it's a good line. That one is iffy.
I think there could be a good argument that Popeye shouldn't go away either. It's a part of our culture although I think few actually know Wimpys line these days.

 

[someoneyouknow]

I know this is a parody thread but why pick classic opening lines? You think Dickens should disappear? And dark and stormy night is just a fragment. Depending on who you ask depends on whether or not it's a good line. That one is iffy.
I think there could be a good argument that Popeye shouldn't go away either. It's a part of our culture although I think few actually know Wimpys line these days.

According to Hemingway, "It was a dark and stormy night." is a complete sentence. He was known for his short, succinct sentences and most likely would have considered a shining example of getting to the point.

 

[Oh_That_Guy]

According to Hemingway, "It was a dark and stormy night." is a complete sentence. He was known for his short, succinct sentences and most likely would have considered a shining example of getting to the point.

Hemingway didn't write that and no, it's not a complete sentence. The sentence is:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

 

[pensivepoet]

Hemingway didn't write that and no, it's not a complete sentence. The sentence is:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

Suddenly,a dog barked, a door slammed, the maid screamed and a shot rang out.
Yes, it was a night as black as murder.

 

[oggbashan]

Hemingway didn't write that and no, it's not a complete sentence. The sentence is:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

And that was one of Bulwer-Lytton's shorter sentences.

It is surprising that he was nearly as popular as Dickens - then.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Hemingway didn't write that and no, it's not a complete sentence. The sentence is:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

Take out the semicolon that joins it with the rest and both parts will still stand alone as their own complete sentences, however.

Its more popular context outside of its literary origins fits better with the intention of the parody here.

http://www.northstarnerd.org/.a/6a00d8341c5fd253ef016763bef46c970b-450wi

 

[phrodeau]

Here's a paragraph contender: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=73999584&postcount=70

I count six spelling errors.

 

[oggbashan]

Herman Melville's longest sentence in Moby Dick:

Though in many natural objects, whiteness refiningly enhances beauty, as if imparting some special virtue of its own, as in marbles, japonicas, and pearls; and though various nations have in some way recognised a certain royal pre-eminence in this hue; even the barbaric, grand old kings of Pegu placing the title 'Lord of the White Elephants' above all their other magniloquent ascriptions of dominion; and the modern kings of Siam unfurling the same snow-white quadruped in the royal standard; and the Hanoverian flag bearing the one figure of a snow-white charger; and the great Austrian Empire, Caesarian, heir to overlording Rome, having for the imperial color the same imperial hue; and though this pre-eminence in it applies to the human race itself, giving the white man ideal mastership over every dusky tribe; and though, besides all this, whiteness has been even made significant of gladness, for among the Romans a white stone marked a joyful day; and though in other mortal sympathies and symbolizings, this same hue is made the emblem of many touching, noble things -- the innocence of brides, the benignity of age; though among the Red Men of America the giving of the white belt of wampum was the deepest pledge of honor; though in many climes, whiteness typifies the majesty of Justice in the ermine of the Judge, and contributes to the daily state of kings and queens drawn by milk-white steeds; though even in the higher mysteries of the most august religions it has been made the symbol of the divine spotlessness and power; by the Persian fire worshippers, the white forked flame being held the holiest on the altar; and in the Greek mythologies, Great Jove himself made incarnate in a snow-white bull; and though to the noble Iroquois, the midwinter sacrifice of the sacred White Dog was by far the holiest festival of their theology, that spotless, faithful creature being held the purest envoy they could send to the Great Spirit with the annual tidings of their own fidelity; and though directly from the Latin word for white, all Christian priests derive the name of one part of their sacred vesture, the alb or tunic, worn beneath the cassock; and though among the holy pomps of the Romish faith, white is specially employed in the celebration of the Passion of our Lord; though in the Vision of St. John, white robes are given to the redeemed, and the four- and-twenty elders stand clothed in white before the great white throne, and the Holy One that sitteth there white like wool; yet for all these accumulated associations, with whatever is sweet, and honorable, and sublime, there yet lurks an elusive something in the innermost idea of this hue, which strikes more of panic to the soul than that redness which affrights in blood.


I've done it myself:

https://www.literotica.com/s/breathless-stargazing

 

[Oh_That_Guy]

Take out the semicolon that joins it with the rest and both parts will still stand alone as their own complete sentences, however.

Its more popular context outside of its literary origins fits better with the intention of the parody here.

http://www.northstarnerd.org/.a/6a00d8341c5fd253ef016763bef46c970b-450wi

So you want a Snoopy sentence to disappear? That's worse than Wimpy.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

The Brooklyn Beauty.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/41/97/c8/4197c8d241bc091ff5902785838f14b4.jpg

Okay, I gotta try this. Never thought these two would go together.

But Hendricks' is on point.

 

[someoneyouknow]

Hemingway didn't write that and no, it's not a complete sentence. The sentence is:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

I never said Hemingway wrote it. I only said he would consider it a complete sentence considering how he himself wrote.