The beauty of submissive men

[SEVERUSMAX]

Excellent.

 

[sub2DomFemale]

Excellent.

Thanks

 

[sub2DomFemale]

(crawls over to the corner, kneels quietly)

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Thanks

You're welcome. I like to see people comfortable in their own skin, free to be themselves. I wasted too many years worrying about others thought of me, but decided over time to just say "fuck it, this is who I am, a bisexual, polyamorous male switch. They can deal with it."

 

[LucianDevine]

Well, in a consensual D/s relationship, the ultimate control actually lies with the sub in the sense that they voluntarily submit to that person, trusting them with the power temporarily. Speaking from the experience of both ends, as a switch, I think that there is something of a particular honor and compliment that you give someone by trusting that person to dominate you, by voluntarily surrendering yourself to that person's will.

You're pretty much spot on with this statement, and it's one of the aspects about the relationship and interactions. It means so much when the sub has a strong personality all their own, and willingly chooses to give up the control to somebody else. Also like you said, to the casual onlooker, the dom/me has all the power in a scene, when in reality, it's the opposite. The sub has the ultimate say when it comes to how much they can take. The dom/me can naturally stop whenever they want, but if it gets to be too much for the sub, for whatever reason, their safe word gives them the final say in the matter, a fact that is known, and likely respected by both parties.

That being said, the safe word should not be taken lightly or used as such. I sort of have the opposite problem on this front. When my Mistress is spanking me, or beating my ass with whatever implement she desires at the time, I always try to take "just one more". Then, after that one more, I try to take another "one more". It gets to the point where I know I've had enough and should safe word, but try not to in the hopes of further pleasing my Mistress by pushing myself.

There was actually one occasion like this where my Mistress took it upon herself to stop when she knew I'd had enough, even though I hadn't safe worded. She could have kept going until I finally had no choice but to force myself to use it, but instead, she did what needed to be done, and ended the scene. It's an experience that I will always remember.

 

[Veroe]

This is why I don't read books like that. They warp your expectations. I think that actually being a switch helps me figure it out better how to dominate than any Hollywood or fan fiction novel. I know what is real dominance based on what I recall from the sub mode.

Most of my interest in BDSM comes from books I've read. (Not Fifty Shades: I prefer books from more talented writers-Joey Hill and Tiffany Reisz to name two of my faves). I don't practice or have any practical experience in any BDSM lifestyle-I said before that before I stumbled over a book by Joey Hill I had thought BDSM was a thinly veiled excuse to act like an asshole towards another human being.

So as melodramatic and unrealistic as an actual participant in the lifestyle may find them I am very grateful because they've opened my previously closed mind to the fascinating complexity and beauty of dominance and submission.

Personally I'd lean towards female domination and male submission though I play a pretty good maledom in an SRP if say so myself, and probably could play my dream domme very well if I got over the weirdness factor of playing a girl in an SRP. But that'd be just like playing a policeman or elven warrior or Stormtrooper. A character I'd play to the best of my ability as a writer. However its the male submissive that speaks more to me than the others-hence above mentioned dream domme.

All of that was to say that while I have zero practical experience of any kind its thanks to things I've read that I've learned as much as I have about the actual thing and am intensely curious to learn and understand more (like I still don't get humiliation-that's still an asshole being an asshole to another human being to me-but apparently some people find value in it so why is that?).

 

[LucianDevine]

Most of my interest in BDSM comes from books I've read. (Not Fifty Shades: I prefer books from more talented writers-Joey Hill and Tiffany Reisz to name two of my faves). I don't practice or have any practical experience in any BDSM lifestyle-I said before that before I stumbled over a book by Joey Hill I had thought BDSM was a thinly veiled excuse to act like an asshole towards another human being.

So as melodramatic and unrealistic as an actual participant in the lifestyle may find them I am very grateful because they've opened my previously closed mind to the fascinating complexity and beauty of dominance and submission.

Personally I'd lean towards female domination and male submission though I play a pretty good maledom in an SRP if say so myself, and probably could play my dream domme very well if I got over the weirdness factor of playing a girl in an SRP. But that'd be just like playing a policeman or elven warrior or Stormtrooper. A character I'd play to the best of my ability as a writer. However its the male submissive that speaks more to me than the others-hence above mentioned dream domme.

All of that was to say that while I have zero practical experience of any kind its thanks to things I've read that I've learned as much as I have about the actual thing and am intensely curious to learn and understand more (like I still don't get humiliation-that's still an asshole being an asshole to another human being to me-but apparently some people find value in it so why is that?).

I got interested in bdsm by reading erotic stories. I found that it worked out really well for me, because I basically got to choose the context in which I saw, and thus learned from it. The stories showed me just how much joy can come from being devoted to a benevolent dom/me. I took what I read to heart, and now do the best I can to please my Mistress every day, even though we're not exactly a 24/7 bdsm couple.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I got interested in bdsm by reading erotic stories. I found that it worked out really well for me, because I basically got to choose the context in which I saw, and thus learned from it. The stories showed me just how much joy can come from being devoted to a benevolent dom/me. I took what I read to heart, and now do the best I can to please my Mistress every day, even though we're not exactly a 24/7 bdsm couple.

I just downloaded this book on amazon and thought some here might be interested.... I get nothing in return.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H2MOQ2C/ it is free right now but it is part of a series and based on reviews, has a cliffhanger (which is normal in a series)

Anyways.. it seems that in fiction, and as someone posted earlier in the thread, having Dommes just does not happen. And the ones that do exist, seem to get blasted for whatever reason. I have had several men approach me on Fetlife who identify as unsure, or even one or two as a Dom, who are interested in subbing. Why does it have to be such a taboo?

 

[sub2DomFemale]

I got interested in bdsm by reading erotic stories. I found that it worked out really well for me, because I basically got to choose the context in which I saw, and thus learned from it. The stories showed me just how much joy can come from being devoted to a benevolent dom/me. I took what I read to heart, and now do the best I can to please my Mistress every day, even though we're not exactly a 24/7 bdsm couple.

I found BDSM kinda as an accident. I was a young 23 seeking for something online. When I first talked to that first Mistress I knew my place in this world. I have many mistakes over the last 16 years but I have learned and am still learning. I've been a r/l 24/7 slave two different times in that time period. Both ended bad. Bad decisions on my part wanting a Domme so bad I chose the wrong ones. This time I hope I find the right one. One thing for all young sub patience is a great key to have. Respect also.

 

[Veroe]

I just downloaded this book on amazon and thought some here might be interested.... I get nothing in return.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H2MOQ2C/ it is free right now but it is part of a series and based on reviews, has a cliffhanger (which is normal in a series)

Anyways.. it seems that in fiction, and as someone posted earlier in the thread, having Dommes just does not happen. And the ones that do exist, seem to get blasted for whatever reason. I have had several men approach me on Fetlife who identify as unsure, or even one or two as a Dom, who are interested in subbing. Why does it have to be such a taboo?

I'm going to get that book, looks like a good read to me.

On the topic of stories about dommes and why there aren't more of them: I don't know and I wish I did...the only ones I've found that even do a domme is the two I've been hapring on Tiffany Reisz (The Last Good Knight Part 1) Joey Hill (Natural Law, Divine Solace, Willing Sacrifice) to name of few of my faves of hers, and Jenna Howard (Domme for a Cowboy) I've searched and searched and those three are the best I've ever found, but why just 3 romance authors in all the genre of bdsm oriented erotic romance that do femdom and do it well?

Also Menage Romances (different subject I know) But Divine Solace (God I love Mrs. Hill for this) up there is the only Menage romance I've ever come across that feature girl girl guy, but there's hundreds of guy guy girl ménage books cluttering up the genre. What the hell? Isn't being with another lady one of those taboo fantasies women have just as often as being shared by two men? But how's about some fucking gender equality here in the ménage genre for christs sake.

OK Divine Solace rant over.

Also why can't the girl be the experienced one? Why can't Bella be the one to sweep Edward and Jacob both off their feet? Why couldn't Anastasia Steele be the one into BDSM and take Christian Grey off on a whirwind kinky odyssey?

Sigh I'm a guy who likes to read romance novels-I'm a demographic of one *sigh*. What I'd like to read will always be overlooked.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I think it has to do a lot with who are the readers..mostly women. And so anything written is written for what women want. And the majority of women want a man who is in charge. Same with guy girl guy.

the book I am reading right now.. he is a Dom, she has never sub'ed before (feels like it may be similar to 50 shades but i haven't read those)... but he cares for her so much and is so tender with her... and it makes me think, maybe i do want to be a sub if I could find a man like that.

And while I don't know the numbers, as i said above, my guess is that the majority of readers of erotica/whatever you want to call it, are women.

But.. that isn't what this thread is about.

I am going to make a note of those authors

 

[Veroe]

I think it has to do a lot with who are the readers..mostly women. And so anything written is written for what women want. And the majority of women want a man who is in charge. Same with guy girl guy.

the book I am reading right now.. he is a Dom, she has never sub'ed before (feels like it may be similar to 50 shades but i haven't read those)... but he cares for her so much and is so tender with her... and it makes me think, maybe i do want to be a sub if I could find a man like that.

And while I don't know the numbers, as i said above, my guess is that the majority of readers of erotica/whatever you want to call it, are women.

But.. that isn't what this thread is about.

I am going to make a note of those authors

Yeah like I said I'm the demographic of one person only.
Why can't guys write erotica of any better quality than letters to penthouse?

Anyway that's enough hijacking the thread with my whining.

Let's get back to more fun topic. Equipment? What's your favorite?

 

[tanyachrs]

Veroe, you'll like my book when it's ready. First copy, just for you.

 

[Touch_72]

I haven't really been able to take the time to read back through every post, but I remember reading the OP last night and, yes... there is that image. I don't really like the way porn portrays Dommes, usually. In fact, when trying to find examples of what would be a good match for me and what I'd want, I had to wade through tons of "no, not this" examples.

I guess you could say I'm a switch, because I can take on either persona... they're just different sides of me. But, the submissive in me is under-exercised and that's the more natural side of the two... I crave it more often, sometimes to the point it aches.

It seems there are so many guys out there who feed into that "bitchy, harsh, cold" image... because that's what they seem to want, maybe because they seek out the demeaning for some psychological reason...??? It almost seems to be like a clinical, unattached, cold therapy thing to them. They WANT to be worthless worms. So, it's like that feeds the image I too often see in femdoms... and it perpetuates itself in popular perception: that THIS is what a Domme is.

To each their own and apparently those who are into that get what they want or need from it, but I feel like it just over-dominates perception and other tastes in D/s dynamic go under-represented.

Personally, I dislike the "worthless" routine. Control doesn't need to come from demeaning, just like obedience doesn't only happen when you shout... a calm, confident tone laced with a more sultry Dominance and purred commands are extremely sexy. Appreciation, consideration and connection don't necessarily undermine Dominance... they can enhance it.

Meh... am I soap-boxing? Preaching to the choir?

Just my thoughts. It's also why I like the thread title... it reflects appreciation, not coldness.

 

[Touch_72]

First though can I ask a question? What was the first foray into Femdom or Submission for any of the real domes or Subs out there? I guess what I'm interested in is not the first time they exerted dominance in some power dynamic with a submissive or submitted to a mistress in some power dynamic, but what was the moment when you found you were different from the vanilla types around you? What was that like?

Interesting question. My own response...

My curiosity about D/s grew gradually over the past few years, so there's no one point that I'd mark as "the moment" I found I was different from vanilla. In a way, I've known for a long time aside from anything BDSM related because I've always enjoyed exploration and kinks.

But, one point that was really a hinge was my first time delving into both sadism and masochism (there was a switch of roles experimenting), which wasn't really all that long ago. Something in that unlocked more of an ability to take on a Dom role, but experiencing the masochistic side... it surprised me, really. I'd spent a long time thinking pain had no place in sex... but, my perception of what pain meant was off and the power of it mixed with pleasure was intense... drug-like intense (and I haven't done drugs in a couple decades, even then it was just brief experimentation)... and I can see where it can become addictive.

Maybe that's what enables me to take on a more "top" role... or even Dom (differentiating between the two)... knowing the other end of it.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Most of my interest in BDSM comes from books I've read. (Not Fifty Shades: I prefer books from more talented writers-Joey Hill and Tiffany Reisz to name two of my faves). I don't practice or have any practical experience in any BDSM lifestyle-I said before that before I stumbled over a book by Joey Hill I had thought BDSM was a thinly veiled excuse to act like an asshole towards another human being.

So as melodramatic and unrealistic as an actual participant in the lifestyle may find them I am very grateful because they've opened my previously closed mind to the fascinating complexity and beauty of dominance and submission.

Personally I'd lean towards female domination and male submission though I play a pretty good maledom in an SRP if say so myself, and probably could play my dream domme very well if I got over the weirdness factor of playing a girl in an SRP. But that'd be just like playing a policeman or elven warrior or Stormtrooper. A character I'd play to the best of my ability as a writer. However its the male submissive that speaks more to me than the others-hence above mentioned dream domme.

All of that was to say that while I have zero practical experience of any kind its thanks to things I've read that I've learned as much as I have about the actual thing and am intensely curious to learn and understand more (like I still don't get humiliation-that's still an asshole being an asshole to another human being to me-but apparently some people find value in it so why is that?).

Well, no doubt there is literature that is helpful, as you say. I don't mean to put down all D/s writings....that would mean putting down my own.

But, yeah, I get what you're saying, especially about humiliation. It's not really my cup of tea.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

You're pretty much spot on with this statement, and it's one of the aspects about the relationship and interactions. It means so much when the sub has a strong personality all their own, and willingly chooses to give up the control to somebody else. Also like you said, to the casual onlooker, the dom/me has all the power in a scene, when in reality, it's the opposite. The sub has the ultimate say when it comes to how much they can take. The dom/me can naturally stop whenever they want, but if it gets to be too much for the sub, for whatever reason, their safe word gives them the final say in the matter, a fact that is known, and likely respected by both parties.

That being said, the safe word should not be taken lightly or used as such. I sort of have the opposite problem on this front. When my Mistress is spanking me, or beating my ass with whatever implement she desires at the time, I always try to take "just one more". Then, after that one more, I try to take another "one more". It gets to the point where I know I've had enough and should safe word, but try not to in the hopes of further pleasing my Mistress by pushing myself.

There was actually one occasion like this where my Mistress took it upon herself to stop when she knew I'd had enough, even though I hadn't safe worded. She could have kept going until I finally had no choice but to force myself to use it, but instead, she did what needed to be done, and ended the scene. It's an experience that I will always remember.

I applaud her for her self-restraint. That has to have built up some trust, too, I would think.

 

[Erochic]

Oh wow.. What a wonderful conversation

I am so glad that this thread has taken off so well and has become a sort of a little community where we can talk about these things.

It's a fascinating discussion about the lack of Dommes - but as a woman who is over 40 and has always enjoyed a fair amount of being dominant and assertive in bed but who has only started using the word Domme in the last few months, I feel the problem is not so much the lack of dominant woman - but the fact that dominant women find it difficult to own it or see a way of being dominant that suits them.

 

[eroticspank]

Well Said

I haven't really been able to take the time to read back through every post, but I remember reading the OP last night and, yes... there is that image. I don't really like the way porn portrays Dommes, usually. In fact, when trying to find examples of what would be a good match for me and what I'd want, I had to wade through tons of "no, not this" examples.

I guess you could say I'm a switch, because I can take on either persona... they're just different sides of me. But, the submissive in me is under-exercised and that's the more natural side of the two... I crave it more often, sometimes to the point it aches.

It seems there are so many guys out there who feed into that "bitchy, harsh, cold" image... because that's what they seem to want, maybe because they seek out the demeaning for some psychological reason...??? It almost seems to be like a clinical, unattached, cold therapy thing to them. They WANT to be worthless worms. So, it's like that feeds the image I too often see in femdoms... and it perpetuates itself in popular perception: that THIS is what a Domme is.

To each their own and apparently those who are into that get what they want or need from it, but I feel like it just over-dominates perception and other tastes in D/s dynamic go under-represented.

Personally, I dislike the "worthless" routine. Control doesn't need to come from demeaning, just like obedience doesn't only happen when you shout... a calm, confident tone laced with a more sultry Dominance and purred commands are extremely sexy. Appreciation, consideration and connection don't necessarily undermine Dominance... they can enhance it.

Meh... am I soap-boxing? Preaching to the choir?

Just my thoughts. It's also why I like the thread title... it reflects appreciation, not coldness.

I find it interesting that a lot of guys on here are Switches, myself included.

Yes I agree with your words completely, well thought out and written.

I my opinion what we "see" on Domme and subs is mostly the pay for play stuff glorified by the media. There are reality TV shows about the Mustang Ranch in Nevada as well as books, and miniseries in Europe about Pro Dommes and their clients. What is typically shown is the extreme stuff, increasing ratings, turning heads, and rolling eyes.

I have nothing against Pro Dommes, I have been to a few myself. The key is how the Domme and sub are portrayed, the images and the reality of it. What is missing to me is the sensuality, the energy of the people, and their dynamics. But that is boring to the media.

So what I have seen is guys going for what they think is BDSM. They ask to be demeaned because that they think that is what they should do. They ask to be fucked by the largest dildo because that is what they saw in a video. They ask for this and that and the Pro Domme delivers.

To me it all starts in the mind. It is about a relationship with a woman who the sub can trust to take control. The sub does not ask for things. He surrenders himself and opens up to her in every way as she does to him. She takes the reins and accepts the responsibility of all things associated with her sub, including his safety during scenes etc.

ES

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I do not understand the humiliation thing and have run into several male subs that are looking for that, that and being sissified. I don't know if that actually turns them on or if it is something that they feel they should want, as mentioned by the prior poster. Personally, it does nothing for me and it turns me off from wanting to potentially play with them.

Back to the new topic.. equipment.

I can say, I have not played with much as I have not had much opportunity to play with a sub in person. I've had a whole two sessions so far. (with 2 different guys).

I am very curious about chastity devices though. I would like to find a sub who would be willing to wear one.

 

[Erochic]

Wow, I just realized something. I can talk about my submission and not feel bad about talking about it.

This is wonderful!
I'm so glad you feel comfortable here - and feel you can talk about it.

I think it is so sad that submissive men are considered a punch line to a joke or somehow weak and spineless.

(And the other side is the ball-breaking bitch ... Which is also a punchline.)

So it becomes something that has to be hidden, something shameful ... Which is just bullshit.

 

[eroticspank]

Oh wow.. What a wonderful conversation

I am so glad that this thread has taken off so well and has become a sort of a little community where we can talk about these things.

It's a fascinating discussion about the lack of Dommes - but as a woman who is over 40 and has always enjoyed a fair amount of being dominant and assertive in bed but who has only started using the word Domme in the last few months, I feel the problem is not so much the lack of dominant woman - but the fact that dominant women find it difficult to own it or see a way of being dominant that suits them.

I tend to agree. I have been around a lot of Dominant and assertive women in my life, so it is not that there is a shortage, I think the theme is that there is a shortage of erotic fiction, even movies on the subject. Most dominant women you see in movies are the Femme Fatal types, they kill their prey like a black widow and dominate all men around them. Perhaps the subliminal message is IF you are dominating a man there is something wrong with you, it is not a normal relationship.

I searched a lot of book stores many years ago trying to find novels with Dominant women and women led relationships. What I got was A LOT of Black Lace, Penthouse Variations, and other Porn type books. I gobbled them up like stuffing fries down my throat, with not much satisfaction, substance. I did not know it at the time, but I was craving the relationship part. The symbiotic relationship between Domme and sub, not just the graphic sex. Today I am happy to say, there are a lot more books out there like that, it is still a lot less than it should be.

ES

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I searched a lot of book stores many years ago trying to find novels with Dominant women and women led relationships. What I got was A LOT of Black Lace, Penthouse Variations, and other Porn type books. I gobbled them up like stuffing fries down my throat, with not much satisfaction, substance. I did not know it at the time, but I was craving the relationship part. The symbiotic relationship between Domme and sub, not just the graphic sex. Today I am happy to say, there are a lot more books out there like that, it is still a lot less than it should be.

ES

If I thought I could write a story, I would attempt something like this.. but my attempts to write anything have been woefully horrid and painful. lol.

 

[Touch_72]

Back to the new topic.. equipment.

...

I am very curious about chastity devices though. I would like to find a sub who would be willing to wear one.

I would. I think it would be interesting and the turn-on for me would be the physical manifestation of control involved. I've enjoyed turning over the when, how and where I touch myself or cum to a couple different women as part of an ongoing online/text form of D/s dynamic and that can be great fun. A chastity device adds a different dimension to that, plus there's that sense of ownership to it, in a way.

Personally, I love blindfolds... rope... belt.

I think it is so sad that submissive men are considered a punch line to a joke or somehow weak and spineless.

Tell me about it. It can take strength... just a different sort than most people think of when they think strength.

 

[Erochic]

Personally, I love blindfolds... rope... belt.

Personally I love your photos where you are tied up I love the photo with your hands tied in front of you.

Damn... I feel like the guys on here who interrupt a good conversation to say nice tits

I used rope with my sub (and he helped me) but we tied his hands further apart. I like the way your hands are tied close together.

But as everyone has heard I want to try leather bondage cuffs - for that roman soldier, captured gladiator look.

Tell me about it. It can take strength... just a different sort than most people think of when they think strength.

Oh absolutely. That's what makes it so hot.
The strength to resist.
When I am teasing a sub and I'm telling him not to move or similar and I see his teeth clench, or he bites his lip, or he lets out that breath - it's like the guy in the cowboy movie biting on the leather strap when they are taking the bullet out.