The beauty of submissive men

[coati]

I don't want to play the game of "guess what will make me happy?" No please just tell me. Give me something tangible and clear on which to focus.

SlutAddicted (and Policywank) have touched on something that hits home for me. Power/authority is so closely tied to sexual stimulation. Somebody needs to make fucking decision. Many people who earnestly work all day in a position of authority or leadership deeply understand that it is not an easy thing to do, so they appreciate being relieved of that responsibility. The "guess what will make me happy" game should be shed with other masks.

I generally only orgasm when in a dominant sexual position, but my greatest arousal occurs when being submissive. Really good Doms understand this and other apparent paradoxes involved in power dynamics.

 

[Erochic]

I am going to keep working on my abs.With your permission of course.

I have to admit that made me laugh out loud

 

[surferjake]

I would consider myself submissive. I enjoy lots of the kinky sexual activity with subtle punishment and faux humiliation. However, that isn't really the essence of it.

I would say I am slightly above average in physical size and have been employed in positions of high authority and responsibility. I am used to being in charge and quite able in the role. But I don't want it all the time.

Most people who are not in a position of power tend to think you get to do whatever you want. That is not true at all. With relatively few exceptions people who abuse power or use it selfishly lose it. And the perks of power are often there simply to alleviate the burden. Yes the CEO flies first-class........but she is on the plane 100 days a year and believe me the best seat in first class is still a lot less comfortable than that old recliner in your basement. She has power which she must exercise for the good of everyone else. Someone is always unhappy and blames it on her. When things don't go right she gets the blame. She is the one who lays awake at night wondering if she has done the right things.

I don't want to feel responsible for making decision for other people. The simple act of picking the restaurant is a great kindness extended by my mistress. I'll make the reservation, drive the car and pull out her chair but I don't want to play the game of "guess what will make me happy?" No please just tell me. Give me something tangible and clear on which to focus. Take all the perks and enlist me to provide them. Her gift to me is peace of mind and I'll do anything for her.

Yes.. that. I mean, I make decisions all freakin' day. Everyone looks to me to tell them where to go, what to do, and how to act. And if someone messes up, or is off on their own, it's my fault, and I have to eat it. Can someone have an original, decent, and authoritative thought please?

I'm not sure if I'd go into a full mistress situation, but really - once in a while, I'd like to be the submissive. But basically all the time, even when I'm just exhausted, I'm forced to take control and run things, even if I don't want to.

 

[BiTodd]

I have talked to my girlfriend about this fairly extensively. The thing I have noticed is that most women prefer a strong assertive to dominant guy. And I have conformed to that desire for most of my interactions with women. I enjoy pleasing so much that if a woman craves a dominant man I can oblige but I want her to know that I am a strong, confident, able ,man that craves pleasing my woman above all else and if she craves an aggresive lover I can easily top from the bottom.

 

[policywank]

Yes.. that. I mean, I make decisions all freakin' day. Everyone looks to me to tell them where to go, what to do, and how to act. And if someone messes up, or is off on their own, it's my fault, and I have to eat it. Can someone have an original, decent, and authoritative thought please?

I'm not sure if I'd go into a full mistress situation, but really - once in a while, I'd like to be the submissive. But basically all the time, even when I'm just exhausted, I'm forced to take control and run things, even if I don't want to.

I am frequently surprised how many men I encounter that seem comparatively Alpha but turn out to really want the comfort of a dominant woman - even temporarily. It is often the strongest and most confident men who are able to take direction in the bedroom without getting sensitive or needy.

While I think it is true that women sometimes make things too mysterious, some men are also too fixated on their own impression of themselves. A dominant woman can help them break through those barriers and find new aspects of themselves.

 

[naughtynotes1]

http://40.media.tumblr.com/3fb77f3458af6b968b3e95f9d48a4a43/tumblr_nctnixK7gn1rlb3hco1_500.jpg
This is a good example of what I was talking about. It isn't obvious but use some imagination and you can see woman in this picture taking control and the man submitting to her.

It's one of the things I find fascinating is how the femdom/malesub (that aren't the 24/7 kind) How does the woman and man interact outside the bedroom or dungeon or what have you.

Love these types of pics - the pics are subtle but just enough to get your imagination going overtime!

 

[Erochic]

I don't want to play the game of "guess what will make me happy?" No please just tell me. Give me something tangible and clear on which to focus.

I slept with someone new today. We had talked a lot and met and I had teased him .... So I was pretty sure we were on the same page - he had answered an ad where I was looking for someone interested in being moderately submissive.

From the start it was understood that I was setting the pace, that it was about what I wanted - and I told him what to do and he did it... He didn't need to try and figure out what I wanted or how to please me - because I told him.

It was really good.

 

[MikeD93]

I slept with someone new today. We had talked a lot and met and I had teased him .... So I was pretty sure we were on the same page - he had answered an ad where I was looking for someone interested in being moderately submissive.

From the start it was understood that I was setting the pace, that it was about what I wanted - and I told him what to do and he did it... He didn't need to try and figure out what I wanted or how to please me - because I told him.

It was really good.

That sounds like my first time, i had someone with more experience and she told me exactly what to do. As a guy it felt good being told what to do, i didnt have to think i just did.

 

[SlutAddicted]

I slept with someone new today. We had talked a lot and met and I had teased him .... So I was pretty sure we were on the same page - he had answered an ad where I was looking for someone interested in being moderately submissive.

From the start it was understood that I was setting the pace, that it was about what I wanted - and I told him what to do and he did it... He didn't need to try and figure out what I wanted or how to please me - because I told him.

It was really good.

Lucky guy! I assume you enjoyed being in control. Did you also find the physical experience was improved by being able to direct him in a specific way without all the guesswork?

 

[upforfun789]

I slept with someone new today. We had talked a lot and met and I had teased him .... So I was pretty sure we were on the same page - he had answered an ad where I was looking for someone interested in being moderately submissive.

From the start it was understood that I was setting the pace, that it was about what I wanted - and I told him what to do and he did it... He didn't need to try and figure out what I wanted or how to please me - because I told him.

It was really good.

indeed, a fortunate fellow. now we just need to find more like you (while recognizing there aren't, of course)....

 

[Erochic]

Did you also find the physical experience was improved by being able to direct him in a specific way without all the guesswork?

YES!
It was really easy and non-awkward for a first time. Of course it helped that he was really nice (and of course I'm awesome) and we were both really into each other, but the fact that we could just cut out the guesswork meant that it felt really good, really quickly

For example I don't particularly like oral when I'm lying on my back.. It just doesn't stimulate me that much. I let him do it a little like that, but soon switched it up and got him to lie on his back....and instant enjoyment for both of us
But normally I would never have presumed that it was okay to do that ... Not the first time.... Unless the guy had asked me to.

 

[BiTodd]

I slept with someone new today. We had talked a lot and met and I had teased him .... So I was pretty sure we were on the same page - he had answered an ad where I was looking for someone interested in being moderately submissive.

From the start it was understood that I was setting the pace, that it was about what I wanted - and I told him what to do and he did it... He didn't need to try and figure out what I wanted or how to please me - because I told him.

It was really good.

That is really awesome. Thanks for sharing. I am pretty sure he was very fulfilled too.

 

[Erochic]

That is really awesome. Thanks for sharing. I am pretty sure he was very fulfilled too.

Oh yes He had a great time too
He was very new to being submissive, but he really enjoyed it and we had a relaxed fun but very intense time playing with it.

I thought of this thread actually when he was kneeling in front of me ... And even though he was staying completely still and waiting he looked strong - like a panther or tiger. Very hot

 

[BiTodd]

I think i have a fairly good understanding about my submissive nature. I can tell you I prefer to see myself as strong, confident, self assured, insightful, sexy, mature, even venture to say alpha male ish.lol I also love believing that my sexy girlfriend views me that way too. I believe strong ,beautiful and sexy is the type of guy i strive to be but misconstrued ideas about sexual roles have made being that and submissive almost a contradiction. I crave being everything that my lover has ever wanted. And then to throw a monkey wrench in the love fest my bisexual tendencies get involved and further complicate the desires. Argh!

 

[MistressMaggie]

FemDom pornography doesn't do anything for Me. But I also know that material isn't made with My demographic in mind (most of the time). Even if it was I doubt it would do much for Me. What gets My juices rolling is purely experiential. The smell and snap of My latex (I'm one of the ones with corsets and knee high boots unfortunately. haha). When I take My stress relief into My Own hands, I'm reliving the moments of power I felt. Which often times is hard to convey in a single still image.

 

[vizio]

YES!
It was really easy and non-awkward for a first time. Of course it helped that he was really nice (and of course I'm awesome) and we were both really into each other, but the fact that we could just cut out the guesswork meant that it felt really good, really quickly

For example I don't particularly like oral when I'm lying on my back.. It just doesn't stimulate me that much. I let him do it a little like that, but soon switched it up and got him to lie on his back....and instant enjoyment for both of us
But normally I would never have presumed that it was okay to do that ... Not the first time.... Unless the guy had asked me to.

how do you feel about being eaten from behind

 

[Erochic]

how do you feel about being eaten from behind

Yep ... Like that too

I like sitting, standing, riding, from behind, on my side even... Pretty much everything than flat on my back.

 

[femdomologist]

Pardon my french

"No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!"

Ha, this is the first ever topic I check out on this site and already its first message contains the perfect catchphrase summing up perfectly how I feel about the whole femdom thing:
part of it attracts me but part of it goes too far for my taste. I've been reading and watching this kind of stuff for many years but never really got to experience it myself, except for a few limited "glimpses".
Because I often get the feeling that most people practising female domination seem to be into the heavy side of it (aka sneery, heartless, icy, mistreating worthless *insert humiliating noun here*). and this puts me off a bit everytime I get curious whether there'd be a possibility to meet anyone into dominant play. I have no interest for being a "worthless worm" that is belittled or bullied, I want to be someone that really matters for my partners. To me it's about pleasuring a woman, not inspiring her contempt.
I hate being told what to do in my life but on the other side, I crave having a woman turning tables in the intimacy of the bedroom. Ever since I have a libido I've always been turned on watching powerful "femmes fatales" taking charge, in whatever media, even when it doesn't claim to be sexual. (The oldest arousal I remember was when reading some comics, where a group of female students hypnotised the boys to be their devoted suitors, caring and considerate instead of the previous macho behaviour.)
So dominant seductresses have always had this special attraction on me that doesn't want to go away.. hehe.

Everybody is entitled to do whatever he/she likes, but I sometimes feel quite alone with my taste for women who control by their power of seduction, not by the fear they instill; who show caring about their partner instead of being icy and sneering, who behind the dominant manners share a genuine complicity with their partners ; who enjoys the power willingly surrendered, instead of abusing it, forcing it with a whip. A power which should be more cerebral than physical.
I see it as entrusting yourself to an amazing, confident woman, whom you completely trust to guide you towards both her and your most intimate desires, acting as an ally, not as an antagonist. A gift for BOTH.
So, "No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!" thank you for summing up my confused thoughts in one simple sentence, it's perfect, I'm sure I'll get to reemploy it

Show your partner affection, caring, complicity, he'll be even more eager to please and pleasure you..

----------------------

PS: in reaction to MistressMaggie, I have absolutely no problems with corsets and knee high boots and other fetish clothing, it's actually a big part of the appeal to me. It's not a requirement, as any clothing can do the job and potentially be eroticized, it's the woman underneath who matters most (with the right brain and attitude, not just the appearance). And situations from the daily routine can be turned into improvised domination scenes.
BUT corsets, latex, rubber, nylons and whatever other kinky lingerie or clothing are definitely one of my main fetishes - despite not really being into the stereotypical porn ice-queen-dommes.
Even in contextes without domination I'd totally buy into this
So, nothing wrong with that, it doesn't have to be unfortunate, haha. Makes a woman be even more goddessly-looking, it can help bringing out the "dominant" persona better, both for the woman who wears this and for the man who watches her.
But it doesn't have to turn a woman into a sneering ice-queen, haha. Corsets and the likes are erotic in themselves.

 

[cripple92996]

de

40 f nurturing domme

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

YES!
It was really easy and non-awkward for a first time. Of course it helped that he was really nice (and of course I'm awesome) and we were both really into each other, but the fact that we could just cut out the guesswork meant that it felt really good, really quickly

For example I don't particularly like oral when I'm lying on my back.. It just doesn't stimulate me that much. I let him do it a little like that, but soon switched it up and got him to lie on his back....and instant enjoyment for both of us
But normally I would never have presumed that it was okay to do that ... Not the first time.... Unless the guy had asked me to.

Well hell, that really sucks . No, not that you had a nice time and I do thank you for mentioning it. The thing about him being really nice. Shit I wish someone had told me about being nice a long time ago. I thought I was just a crappy lover . Now I guess it is just my crappy attitude and mean streak that drives them away.

Well thank you and I am happy you have found a good man.

And don't worry, I will edit this out when I wake up.

 

[MikeD93]

"No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!"

Ha, this is the first ever topic I check out on this site and already its first message contains the perfect catchphrase summing up perfectly how I feel about the whole femdom thing:
part of it attracts me but part of it goes too far for my taste. I've been reading and watching this kind of stuff for many years but never really got to experience it myself, except for a few limited "glimpses".
Because I often get the feeling that most people practising female domination seem to be into the heavy side of it (aka sneery, heartless, icy, mistreating worthless *insert humiliating noun here*). and this puts me off a bit everytime I get curious whether there'd be a possibility to meet anyone into dominant play. I have no interest for being a "worthless worm" that is belittled or bullied, I want to be someone that really matters for my partners. To me it's about pleasuring a woman, not inspiring her contempt.
I hate being told what to do in my life but on the other side, I crave having a woman turning tables in the intimacy of the bedroom. Ever since I have a libido I've always been turned on watching powerful "femmes fatales" taking charge, in whatever media, even when it doesn't claim to be sexual. (The oldest arousal I remember was when reading some comics, where a group of female students hypnotised the boys to be their devoted suitors, caring and considerate instead of the previous macho behaviour.)
So dominant seductresses have always had this special attraction on me that doesn't want to go away.. hehe.

Everybody is entitled to do whatever he/she likes, but I sometimes feel quite alone with my taste for women who control by their power of seduction, not by the fear they instill; who show caring about their partner instead of being icy and sneering, who behind the dominant manners share a genuine complicity with their partners ; who enjoys the power willingly surrendered, instead of abusing it, forcing it with a whip. A power which should be more cerebral than physical.
I see it as entrusting yourself to an amazing, confident woman, whom you completely trust to guide you towards both her and your most intimate desires, acting as an ally, not as an antagonist. A gift for BOTH.
So, "No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!" thank you for summing up my confused thoughts in one simple sentence, it's perfect, I'm sure I'll get to reemploy it

Show your partner affection, caring, complicity, he'll be even more eager to please and pleasure you..

----------------------

PS: in reaction to MistressMaggie, I have absolutely no problems with corsets and knee high boots and other fetish clothing, it's actually a big part of the appeal to me. It's not a requirement, as any clothing can do the job and potentially be eroticized, it's the woman underneath who matters most (with the right brain and attitude, not just the appearance). And situations from the daily routine can be turned into improvised domination scenes.
BUT corsets, latex, rubber, nylons and whatever other kinky lingerie or clothing are definitely one of my main fetishes - despite not really being into the stereotypical porn ice-queen-dommes.
Even in contextes without domination I'd totally buy into this
So, nothing wrong with that, it doesn't have to be unfortunate, haha. Makes a woman be even more goddessly-looking, it can help bringing out the "dominant" persona better, both for the woman who wears this and for the man who watches her.
But it doesn't have to turn a woman into a sneering ice-queen, haha. Corsets and the likes are erotic in themselves.

Very well said

 

[Veroe]

"No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!"

Ha, this is the first ever topic I check out on this site and already its first message contains the perfect catchphrase summing up perfectly how I feel about the whole femdom thing:
part of it attracts me but part of it goes too far for my taste. I've been reading and watching this kind of stuff for many years but never really got to experience it myself, except for a few limited "glimpses".
Because I often get the feeling that most people practising female domination seem to be into the heavy side of it (aka sneery, heartless, icy, mistreating worthless *insert humiliating noun here*). and this puts me off a bit everytime I get curious whether there'd be a possibility to meet anyone into dominant play. I have no interest for being a "worthless worm" that is belittled or bullied, I want to be someone that really matters for my partners. To me it's about pleasuring a woman, not inspiring her contempt.
I hate being told what to do in my life but on the other side, I crave having a woman turning tables in the intimacy of the bedroom. Ever since I have a libido I've always been turned on watching powerful "femmes fatales" taking charge, in whatever media, even when it doesn't claim to be sexual. (The oldest arousal I remember was when reading some comics, where a group of female students hypnotised the boys to be their devoted suitors, caring and considerate instead of the previous macho behaviour.)
So dominant seductresses have always had this special attraction on me that doesn't want to go away.. hehe.

Everybody is entitled to do whatever he/she likes, but I sometimes feel quite alone with my taste for women who control by their power of seduction, not by the fear they instill; who show caring about their partner instead of being icy and sneering, who behind the dominant manners share a genuine complicity with their partners ; who enjoys the power willingly surrendered, instead of abusing it, forcing it with a whip. A power which should be more cerebral than physical.
I see it as entrusting yourself to an amazing, confident woman, whom you completely trust to guide you towards both her and your most intimate desires, acting as an ally, not as an antagonist. A gift for BOTH.
So, "No sneering ice queens and worthless worms please!" thank you for summing up my confused thoughts in one simple sentence, it's perfect, I'm sure I'll get to reemploy it

Show your partner affection, caring, complicity, he'll be even more eager to please and pleasure you..

----------------------

PS: in reaction to MistressMaggie, I have absolutely no problems with corsets and knee high boots and other fetish clothing, it's actually a big part of the appeal to me. It's not a requirement, as any clothing can do the job and potentially be eroticized, it's the woman underneath who matters most (with the right brain and attitude, not just the appearance). And situations from the daily routine can be turned into improvised domination scenes.
BUT corsets, latex, rubber, nylons and whatever other kinky lingerie or clothing are definitely one of my main fetishes - despite not really being into the stereotypical porn ice-queen-dommes.
Even in contextes without domination I'd totally buy into this
So, nothing wrong with that, it doesn't have to be unfortunate, haha. Makes a woman be even more goddessly-looking, it can help bringing out the "dominant" persona better, both for the woman who wears this and for the man who watches her.
But it doesn't have to turn a woman into a sneering ice-queen, haha. Corsets and the likes are erotic in themselves.

Unfortunately that type of Domme is underrepresented against the dirth and plethora of leatherclad ballbusting stereotypical dominatrixes...dominatrices...(What's the plural of dominatrix).

I sometimes wonder if women by and large think the way to assert their power and dominance over any man is to conform to the stereotype of a dominatrix.

I wonder if they're uncertain how to maintain a soft and caring and feminine side while also maintaining their dominance over a man. I wonder if it stems from gender related norms of our society that makes them think the only way to exert power over another is to be the biggest baddest bitch any would want to meet.

Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree here. It is a big possibility.

But what do you guys think? Do societal views on the roles of women have any bearing on how women see femdom in general or more specific terms?

 

[bailadora]

indeed, a fortunate fellow. now we just need to find more like you (while recognizing there aren't, of course)....

There might be more than you think. But given this:

FemDom pornography doesn't do anything for Me. But I also know that material isn't made with My demographic in mind (most of the time).

I suspect that many who might otherwise be curious about exploring the concept are initially put off by much of what is put forth in media as female dominance. I know I was.

Not that there is anything wrong with the Ice Queen/Bitch Goddess stereotype, but when it's presented as the only flavor to be had (as much of what is out there does), it can be a bit daunting. It takes awhile to read and research, to figure out what you want, and then to filter out the noise of others telling you what your particular flavor of dominance "should" look like.

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

don't overanalyze it. Some of us just need to have our balls crushed and treated like filth. No brainer there folks

 

[Erochic]

There might be more than you think. But given this:



I suspect that many who might otherwise be curious about exploring the concept are initially put off by much of what is put forth in media as female dominance. I know I was.

Not that there is anything wrong with the Ice Queen/Bitch Goddess stereotype, but when it's presented as the only flavor to be had (as much of what is out there does), it can be a bit daunting. It takes awhile to read and research, to figure out what you want, and then to filter out the noise of others telling you what your particular flavor of dominance "should" look like.

This.

THIS!

This x 1000

I'll also add what I've said in the face sitting thread more than once... If you want your wife/girlfriend/partner to be more dominant - ask her to be and support her.
It took me years to know that this is what I really want and it is okay to go for it even though I'm not really a shy and retiring person.

It took someone telling me how much he enjoyed it and how much he wanted it... To give me the confidence that it really was okay.

Yeah you might really want her to tell you to do it, rather than you asking for it .... But if it gets you what you want and gets her confident with doing it - who cares.
She may not end up being into it, but maybe she might - it's worth a try.

My ex got me into face sitting by pulling me on top during 69 .... And then just getting me to sit up... I was pretty tentative at first but he kept on encouraging me about how much he loved it and that I wasn't going to hurt him.

I have always enjoyed being dominant of course - and had played a little with it .... But that strong encouragement was what made it possible for me to really own it.