Life changing experience

[Noor]

Noor I like u the most out of everyone here. Cause I feel as tho even tho u don't really know me or maybe sometimes you don't believe me. You got my best interest in heart. And I really appreciate the fact that u care about me. You from Chicago ( maybe the murder capital) I'm from Newark where I witness shooting and murders damn near everyday. Noor I really hope the best for you. And I really hope u understand that its life after Byron. Because I really think u want the best for me. Noor I care about you and I don't ever know u. And I finally understand what love is because of you. ( not that I ever felt it. Besides the people that I suppose to love) but I wish that the best things in your life that could happen to you happen to you. Cause I appreciate you so much. And I'm grateful that I met u. ( that have to love in some kind of form) thank u Noor.


Ps I'm a lil drunk and I lil fucked up.

As I heard a drunk person speaks a sober mind

Thank you.

Yes, I am from Chicago and have lived in other inner cities. I knew the street when I was younger. One of my siblings is still on it. You will find when you leave it that life is a lot less stressful, not as hard and many things people stress about seem unimportant to you. There may be less money, but you will find that you don't really need it. Witnessing people get injured and die is harder on you than you think. You kind of repress it and feel numb, but it's there, stored in your mind and body. I still have the images in my mind and they float up occasionally. One of the reasons I don't like watching TV programs with senseless violence is because I have seen enough and am not interested in more even if it's fiction. Incidentally, this is something Byron did not really understand, especially if he was drinking.

I do know there is life after Byron, it's just like the sun went out and everything else feels like artificial lighting. There have been a lot of deaths around here since he died, which has fractured my support system, which probably makes it worse.

The limited time I had with Byron was one of the best things. I had an unconditional acceptance of him and seemingly unlimited patience and he of me, it was fairly unique. The world could be going to hell and we were safe in our space with each other. He made me smile anytime I thought him. I would be somewhere with my friends, think of him, smile, and my friends were like "stop that! I know that smile, focus on what you are doing!"

Plus, he was really something else, not just for me, his friends and loved ones, but to a much larger group of people as a person/mentor, in computers and music. I am on technology every day and it's hard to escape something he has not left his imprint on, even the engine this forum is sitting on has his code in it.

I hope the best for you, I can see a light within you that wants to shine, and I want to encourage that. Last night I found an old note I had written when I was 25 and at the edge of change, I was writing about what I wanted and didn't want, the societal expectations for my life at that point and how I didn't know how but I was choosing another way. I had a lot of money back then and now I don't, that makes some things harder, but I think overall I am a lot happier now than I was then, even though I wasn't particularly unhappy then and I am grieving now. It is kind of difficult to explain, I have more of an inner peace, I guess.

 

[smoothg103rd]

Thank you.

Yes, I am from Chicago and have lived in other inner cities. I knew the street when I was younger. One of my siblings is still on it. You will find when you leave it that life is a lot less stressful, not as hard and many things people stress about seem unimportant to you. There may be less money, but you will find that you don't really need it. Witnessing people get injured and die is harder on you than you think. You kind of repress it and feel numb, but it's there, stored in your mind and body. I still have the images in my mind and they float up occasionally. One of the reasons I don't like watching TV programs with senseless violence is because I have seen enough and am not interested in more even if it's fiction. Incidentally, this is something Byron did not really understand, especially if he was drinking.

I do know there is life after Byron, it's just like the sun went out and everything else feels like artificial lighting. There have been a lot of deaths around here since he died, which has fractured my support system, which probably makes it worse.

The limited time I had with Byron was one of the best things. I had an unconditional acceptance of him and seemingly unlimited patience and he of me, it was fairly unique. The world could be going to hell and we were safe in our space with each other. He made me smile anytime I thought him. I would be somewhere with my friends, think of him, smile, and my friends were like "stop that! I know that smile, focus on what you are doing!"

Plus, he was really something else, not just for me, his friends and loved ones, but to a much larger group of people as a person/mentor, in computers and music. I am on technology every day and it's hard to escape something he has not left his imprint on, even the engine this forum is sitting on has his code in it.

I hope the best for you, I can see a light within you that wants to shine, and I want to encourage that. Last night I found an old note I had written when I was 25 and at the edge of change, I was writing about what I wanted and didn't want, the societal expectations for my life at that point and how I didn't know how but I was choosing another way. I had a lot of money back then and now I don't, that makes some things harder, but I think overall I am a lot happier now than I was then, even though I wasn't particularly unhappy then and I am grieving now. It is kind of difficult to explain, I have more of an inner peace, I guess.

I get emotional sometimes when I drink. But I meant everything I said and I know u mean it too. Thank you Noor

 

[Skiddles2014]

 

[smoothg103rd]

Kill yourself

 

[Que]

Take the night off?

 

[smoothg103rd]

http://rlsmedia.com/article/police-investigate-shooting-seriously-injured-one

 

[smoothg103rd]

http://rlsmedia.com/article/shooting-leaves-man-non-life-threatening-injuries-newark

 

[smoothg103rd]

http://rlsmedia.com/article/authorities-identity-woman-fatally-stabbed-newarks-south-ward

 

[smoothg103rd]

I gotta stop making bad decisions

I see a I a different test everyday to determine if I truly wanna change my life. But every time I do what I normally do instead of what I want to do. I really gotta stop making these decisions if I want change.





I'm betting this is the last time you all gone hear me talking like this.
Cause hopefully I'm going to start doing what I should do instead of doing what I normally do.

 

[pete]

I see a I a different test everyday to determine if I truly wanna change my life. But every time I do what I normally do instead of what I want to do. I really gotta stop making these decisions if I want change.

I'm betting this is the last time you all gone hear me talking like this.
Cause hopefully I'm going to start doing what I should do instead of doing what I normally do.

good luck with that, bro

 

[smoothg103rd]

good luck with that, bro

I appreciate it really do

 

[smoothg103rd]

good luck with that, bro

I don't want to jjust change completely and lose myself. But sometimes I be thinking that the person I am didn't get me no where. So I mines well just sell out

 

[smoothg103rd]

http://rlsmedia.com/article/authorities-identify-man-found-shot-dead-newarks-west-ward-store

 

[smoothg103rd]

http://rlsmedia.com/article/overnight-shooting-leaves-one-injured-newark

 

[smoothg103rd]

http://rlsmedia.com/article/police-investigate-shooting-seriously-injured-one

 

[smoothg103rd]

http://rlsmedia.com/article/shooting-leaves-man-non-life-threatening-injuries-newark

 

[pete]

I don't want to jjust change completely and lose myself. But sometimes I be thinking that the person I am didn't get me no where. So I mines well just sell out

what does selling out mean to you?

 

[Que]

I see a I a different test everyday to determine if I truly wanna change my life. Sadly, it seems every time I do what I normally do instead of what I want to do. I really have to stop making these bad decisions if I want change.





I'm betting this is the last time you all are going to hear me talking like this.
Because hopefully, I'm going to start doing what I should do, instead of doing what I normally do.

Be careful of absolutism. When you are polarized in your approach to life everything is black or white. No gray.

If you set impossibly high standards for the rate of change, you will have some miss-steps and then it is easy to just say, "Fuck it!"

Give yourself permission to make mistakes along your path.

I was watching this thing about nutrition and how all the processed stuff sucks and is leading to obesity.

Instead of recommending people cut all of that out, the nutritionist had more luck with encouraging them to add really healthy, nutritious stuff into their already existing eating patterns. As the new stuff moved in, the old stuff gets crowded out. Eventually you have so much healthy stuff in your fridge and cabinets and more importantly on your plate, the junk food just isn't that interesting.

Look to do positive in your day. Ignore the negative, be glad every time you can see more positive, forward progress than the old stuff.

 

[smoothg103rd]

what does selling out mean to you?

To me selling out means becoming a snitch, leaving your family and friends out to dry, portraying u this way but when shit get real u another way. Basically how I define selling out is losing yourself for something that isn't worth it. And the street in me don't wanna let go. But if it's worth it I don't want to know him nomore.



I had a lot of fun doing the shit I did, but now I'm at the point where I feel like its not taking me nowhere. Like today I ran into a girl who was a straight hoe when we was young. I'm talking hoe like would suck your dick in the school basement during school hours at the age of 14. But now she is in college in Atlanta back up here for fall break going into her senior year. First thing she said to me is " you still on the same shit? "


I'm really just lost like sometimes I feel like no matter how much I try to change it's just inevitable. Then sometimes I just face the fact and understand that I'm strong minded but weak will

 

[pete]

To me selling out means becoming a snitch, leaving your family and friends out to dry, portraying u this way but when shit get real u another way. Basically how I define selling out is losing yourself for something that isn't worth it. And the street in me don't wanna let go. But if it's worth it I don't want to know him nomore.

I had a lot of fun doing the shit I did, but now I'm at the point where I feel like its not taking me nowhere. Like today I ran into a girl who was a straight hoe when we was young. I'm talking hoe like would suck your dick in the school basement during school hours at the age of 14. But now she is in college in Atlanta back up here for fall break going into her senior year. First thing she said to me is " you still on the same shit? "

I'm really just lost like sometimes I feel like no matter how much I try to change it's just inevitable. Then sometimes I just face the fact and understand that I'm strong minded but weak will

well bro you have to ask yourself some serious questions:
you don't want to turn your back on the street, but what has the street done for you? has it helped raise your kids, keep them safe, teach them right from wrong? has it helped you get jobs, lead you to a better life?

you don't owe the street anything.

it's always tough when we see people the same age as we are who are doing very well, better than we're doing. it's almost impossible not to compare. but you don't have to let that get you down, you can use that as inspiration. she made it out, and so can you.

 

[smoothg103rd]

Be careful of absolutism. When you are polarized in your approach to life everything is black or white. No gray.

If you set impossibly high standards for the rate of change, you will have some miss-steps and then it is easy to just say, "Fuck it!"

Give yourself permission to make mistakes along your path.

I was watching this thing about nutrition and how all the processed stuff sucks and is leading to obesity.

Instead of recommending people cut all of that out, the nutritionist had more luck with encouraging them to add really healthy, nutritious stuff into their already existing eating patterns. As the new stuff moved in, the old stuff gets crowded out. Eventually you have so much healthy stuff in your fridge and cabinets and more importantly on your plate, the junk food just isn't that interesting.

Look to do positive in your day. Ignore the negative, be glad every time you can see more positive, forward progress than the old stuff.

This is where a lay the ground work to my building call life. I make a lot of excuses and blame a lot of people for my life. I remember when I was younger I use to think that god wanted me to be the way I was. Use to say if he didn't he would of made me Bill Gates son instead of growing up in the struggle. But now I think that he knew I could overcome it and that's why he put me here.

 

[smoothg103rd]

well bro you have to ask yourself some serious questions:
you don't want to turn your back on the street, but what has the street done for you? has it helped raise your kids, keep them safe, teach them right from wrong? has it helped you get jobs, lead you to a better life?

you don't owe the street anything.

it's always tough when we see people the same age as we are who are doing very well, better than we're doing. it's almost impossible not to compare. but you don't have to let that get you down, you can use that as inspiration. she made it out, and so can you.

I hope I do I really do.

 

[Que]

This is where a lay the ground work to my building called life. I make a lot of excuses and blame a lot of people for my life. I remember when I was younger I use to think that god wanted me to be the way I was. Use to say if he didn't he would have made me Bill Gate's son instead of growing up in the struggle. But now I think that he knew I could overcome it and that's why he put me here.

That truth is universal in every religion and non-religious philosophy out there. That strength comes through adversity. That coming from nothing is actually an advantage, because it makes you lean and hungry.

A lot of big money doesn't make it to the third generation. The guy in the middle grows up with everything and isn't hungry.

 

[smoothg103rd]

That truth is universal in every religion and non-religious philosophy out there. That strength comes through adversity. That coming from nothing is actually an advantage, because it makes you lean and hungry.

A lot of big money doesn't make it to the third generation. The guy in the middle grows up with everything and isn't hungry.

Fuck being hungry I'm starving can't wait to eat

 

[Que]

Fuck being hungry I'm starving can't wait to eat

You have to pick a restaurant, sneak a peak at the menu outside, pay attention to the dress-code and mannerisms of people that frequent it, and when you are ready, you walk in like you own the place and take your seat at the premier table.