I waited. While it may have been the right choice for me at the time, given the amount of guilt and shame I had internalized, I absolutely wouldn’t wait if I had it to do all over again. I have since become polyamorous and happily play around on here.
When I asked my current (progressive) pastor how he makes decisions about who to have sex with and other rules around sex, he said that if you boil down the ethics in the Bible, and take out the stuff that is only relevant to that culture, he sees two important things
1. Sex should be fun. If you aren’t enjoying your sex life change it.
2. Sex should be something that makes everyone involved feel valued. Think like consent but bigger than that. If anyone is feeling used, you need to stop. That includes you.
Beyond that, it’s how your mind and heart lead you. If you only feel valued by having sex in a committed relationship, then do that. If being able to explore sexually in more of a hookup or fwb situation makes you feel valued because you can have fun without the levels of emotional intimacy, do it, and then give those levels of emotional intimacy to the person or people closest to you
