Questions

[Beck31]

Hey. Just some general questions. Curiosity on my part. Yeah I know, I am a nosey lil bastard.

1) How many of you started off online? I met my Mistress online and it drifted into IRL for me.

2) I am assuming it is not uncommon for a sub to fall completely in love with his or her Mistress or Master. I know I did and I am totally devoted to her.

3) How would you explain to someone who was in the vanilla world about the relationship between a dom and sub? Provided they were genuinly curious?

 

[HottieMama]

Hey. Just some general questions. Curiosity on my part. Yeah I know, I am a nosey lil bastard.

1) How many of you started off online? I met my Mistress online and it drifted into IRL for me.

2) I am assuming it is not uncommon for a sub to fall completely in love with his or her Mistress or Master. I know I did and I am totally devoted to her.

3) How would you explain to someone who was in the vanilla world about the relationship between a dom and sub? Provided they were genuinly curious?

1. I started in the lifestyle in real time many years ago. I have dabbled online since then but I met my Domme in my local group here.

2. Not uncommon for me at least. I am in love with my Domme. (I haven't said the words yet though, but the feelings are there...)

3. I wouldn't know how to do this to save my soul. To others not in the ls, my Domme is my girlfriend and I leave it at that...

 

[laceNlthrgrrl]

oops wrong thread. <blush>

 

[AnitaMann]

1) How many of you started off online? I met my Mistress online and it drifted into IRL for me.

Yes, started on here, actually. Went quickly from OL to RL
2) I am assuming it is not uncommon for a sub to fall completely in love with his or her Mistress or Master. I know I did and I am totally devoted to her.

I certainly completely fell my my Dom. Unexpectedly.
3) How would you explain to someone who was in the vanilla world about the relationship between a dom and sub? Provided they were genuinly curious?

Impossible for me to put into words. I was totally in love, dedicated, and lived to please him. It was a bond deeper than any other I've experienced, even a marriage bond.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I started off in real life, and Although I have met my current peeps through fetlife, it's still IRL for us.

I am neiterh subnor dom, nor do I want to fall in love with anyone, however-- they don't call it "Making love" for nothing, and I am very attached with several of my playmates.

Don't try to explain anything. Tell people that you love your girlfriend, and she loves you. If they want to know more, repeat; "I love my girlfriend and she loves me." Your sex life and your coupling style is your business.

 

[Wileycharacter]

RL for me and I'm highly devoted and in love with my owner, which was highly unexpected but we just maintain our relationship is just an everyday one. No one would know any different. Most people just assume he's more assertive than me in the relationship.

 

[Beck31]

Thanks. I appreciate the responces. I feel like I am learning something new each time.

 

[catalina_francisco]

1) How many of you started off online? I met my Mistress online and it drifted into IRL for me.

We had both had experiences IRL, but found each other online through a small kink related personal site. That moved to meeting IRL, and then marrying a couple of weeks later, followed by my moving across the globe a couple of months later to be with him.

2) I am assuming it is not uncommon for a sub to fall completely in love with his or her Mistress or Master. I know I did and I am totally devoted to her.

I think it depends on the people and relationship involved. Some do, some don't. We did.

3) How would you explain to someone who was in the vanilla world about the relationship between a dom and sub? Provided they were genuinly curious?

That is a discussion I don't usually find myself in these days, nor welcome. We are fairly private about who and what we are, and for me, I am done with explaining it even to those who do not equate BDSM with me personally.

Catalina

 

[Beck31]

Thank you. Yeah I get tired of having to explain my choices too but I have not been able to just say "Sorry, none of your beeswax".

 

[seela]

1) How many of you started off online? I met my Mistress online and it drifted into IRL for me.

We, just like Cat told above, had had experiences IRL and found each other online. It was a non-kinky and non-sexual chat room, we met face to face really soon after it. As in later that same day.

2) I am assuming it is not uncommon for a sub to fall completely in love with his or her Mistress or Master. I know I did and I am totally devoted to her.

We fell in love and are in love. The words weren't said until maybe 3 or 4 years into our relationship, but we're both pretty weird about words. Also our native language is such that it takes love very, very seriously. It's one hell of a loaded and heavy word that has a very special meaning, so it isn't used like it is in English.

3) How would you explain to someone who was in the vanilla world about the relationship between a dom and sub? Provided they were genuinly curious?

I don't think I've ever had to explain my relationship to anyone in any great detail. What goes on sexually is definitely not anybody's business but ours, and the power imbalance of our relationship is just something people close to me got used to without much discussion ever taking place. At the very beginning of our relationship some friends and family members were a bit worried, but as I was clearly happy, they got over it fast. The only thing I've really told the worried people about our relationship is that we like a clear head of household.

 

[Beck31]

questions

thanks.

 

[Wileycharacter]

I love that! Clear head of the household. I'm stealing it

 

[Netzach]

Started IRL. The rels. I have not started IRL have uniformly been more disastrous and drama ridden, so I try not to do that.

We fell pretty madly in love quickly, but I tend to cover a lot of important ground early in relationships, and stick out a lot of "stuff"

I explain by not explaining unless asked questions and in such a way that the person isn't going to freak. I have some friends who are in the know and others less so, but I tend to have a very open-minded crowd of people around me. I never "shit where I eat" (ie, let it get around a vanilla job) I don't insist on our dynamic in times and places where it would freak people out or be a problem for my spouse - life is hard enough when you're trans, I don't need to freakify my spouse even more to people through rituals, collars, and control games.

The only question I dread is "so what do you do?" because I am good at what I do and what I do is online domination and phone domination, so I have to explain being just about solvent and only me working. NOT easy!

 

[desertslave]

1. I was introduced to BDSM in real life back in college. I met my present Master/husband online, and it progressed to real life in about 7 months.

2. I loved my first two Sirs in different ways, but wasn't "in love" with the first one. There was always a degree of distance with him that kept me at arm's length as he taught me. I fell head-over-heels with Master not long after we began our M/s journey, but the M/s came first.

3. I've explained our relationship, when queried, as 'traditional marriage with him as head of household.' Mormonism is prevalent here, so many assume that I'm just another one of them. (ROFL) A few friends have raised eyebrows when I've deferred making a decision until I've talked with Master, but I usually explain it either as courtesy or needing to know real-time finances first (if I'm out shopping, etc).

 

[Beck31]

1) Sometimes Irl can be hard. I'm lucky in that I have the option of both internet and phone as well as physically bieng with my Mistress. Like I said before I had met her online and it progressed from there.
2) As far as loving her, well I have unconditional and romantic love for her and always will.
3) After talking with a few people on here as well as some friends in the lifestyle offline I think the next time some asks I will just say I love my girlfriend and call it at that. Anything more and it is none of their beeswax.

 

[FurryFury]

1) How many of you started off online? I met my Mistress online and it drifted into IRL for me.

I did.

2) I am assuming it is not uncommon for a sub to fall completely in love with his or her Mistress or Master. I know I did and I am totally devoted to her.

It's very common.

3) How would you explain to someone who was in the vanilla world about the relationship between a dom and sub? Provided they were genuinly curious?

I wouldn't. My privacy is important to me.

 

[Beck31]

lol

thanks furry fury and that is a really good point about privacy as far as the vanilla world is concerned.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you. Yeah I get tired of having to explain my choices too but I have not been able to just say "Sorry, none of your beeswax".

I hear you! It takes practice, and also it helps when there's someone who can tell you you done good by saying that.

 

[Beck31]

yeah

Lol. Yeah.

 

[SithLord13]

Actually I started irl more so I was enamored by it and read a lot about it and loved the "women in chains" imagery. My SO started online in chatrooms before meeting irl. Before her though I was all theory and no practice. I am still trying to work in a bdsm format as I've been mostly in abusive vanilla relationships and we have had our own issues in the past. So still learning and trying to find my own style of dominance and "keep it real" as sometimes it starts falling into cheesy roleplaying which can be a turn off.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Actually I started irl more so I was enamored by it and read a lot about it and loved the "women in chains" imagery. My SO started online in chatrooms before meeting irl. Before her though I was all theory and no practice. I am still trying to work in a bdsm format as I've been mostly in abusive vanilla relationships and we have had our own issues in the past. So still learning and trying to find my own style of dominance and "keep it real" as sometimes it starts falling into cheesy roleplaying which can be a turn off.

You might enjoy the leatherdyke BDSM books of Pat Califia, which are a whole lot of keeping it real -- and hot. And there are several F-SF scenarios as well-- different than most dudes think of.

 

[SithLord13]

With my SO its all about the dominance, rather than just "play".

 

[HottieMama]

You might enjoy the leatherdyke BDSM books of Pat Califia, which are a whole lot of keeping it real -- and hot. And there are several F-SF scenarios as well-- different than most dudes think of.

I fucking LOVE those books...

 

[SithLord13]

So which one should I start with?

 

[HottieMama]

So which one should I start with?

Macho Sluts or Doc and Fluff without a doubt.