are men really "useless without an erection?"

[Stella_Omega]

Let me say first of all that-- NOT.

But the perception that some men have, that sex is all and only about sticking a dick somewhere until it goes plooey-- that can make a guy pretty useless once his erection is used up.

In order to not hijack a very important conversation, I'm starting a new thread; Someone said:

You women have all the luck. You have those factory form engorged, multi-colored, romance novel lover named, "let's do it again" five minutes later phallic appendages that you keep in a drawer at the ready. No contest!

You could buy one too, you know, keep it in your own drawer at the ready. Handy for those moments when it's five minutes after you jizz and she wants to do it again.

In my opinion, a man who actually thinks that far past his own dick? Is a really awesome dude. And a mighty rare one.

But I only have one of those plastic things and it hardly ever makes a showing.

I have ten fingers on two hands, and a mouth with a tongue, twelve of the most versatile sexing-it-up appendages on the human body.

Oh, wait-- so do YOU!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

When I've cum and she's still horny, I often use "alternative means" of getting her off. One has to be creative. Now, sometimes that will get me hard again, which is a nice bonus.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I enjoy using my fingers or toys.

And heck, I enjoy making her use her own fingers or toys while I watch.

 

[Shankara20]

But the perception that some men have, that sex is limited to sticking a dick somewhere until it goes plooey is the only thing that is sex-- that can make a guy pretty useless once his erection is used up.

Erections are nice, and going plooey is lovely as well. But that is only one part of the total package of sexual pleasure. Hands, mouths, etc, are great pleasure giving thingies, much as nipples, and anuses and other places can be pleasure receiving thingies.

I feel good lovers should have multiple tools in the ol' toolbox.

At the same time, some "receivers" feel some disappointment if there ain't no plooey and that can add to go ol' performance anxiety. Really, if I say "its ok that I didn't plooey" ITS OK!!!

 

[Kent_Lad]

I am a firm believer in the ability of my fingers and tongue to get a woman off and allow her to achieve orgasm. Therefore, without an erection I believe I'm still a good deal of use!

Oh and I can do DIY, I cook good food, I bring home money!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Shank, I get the disappointment thing too. I'm butch and yet I love to have my lovers top me. But it can be difficult for me to come sometimes, no matter how good it all feels and I have to reassure my partner that I loved it regardless.

 

[Loverskitten]

Is it just me that feels that the BDSM forum is the wrong place for this... BECAUSE I think male Tops and bottoms too, go beyond the "wham bam thank ya ma'am" T/they know there's more to the dance.
Now vanilla guys... they have stuff to learn.

 

[Shankara20]

Is it just me that feels that the BDSM forum is the wrong place for this... BECAUSE I think male Tops and bottoms too, go beyond the "wham bam thank ya ma'am" T/they know there's more to the dance.
Now vanilla guys... they have stuff to learn.

Some of the Ma'ams in my early years wanted, "demanded", that I wack off and cum at the end of a session (both Pros and casual party players). At first I tried to please, I got stressed, "things" went down, and several times I broke down in tease holding a no-longer-hard thingy in hand all stressed out.

Sooner-or-later I sorted out that for me this stuff was not about the cum, often not ever sexual energy, but a much more complicated combination of energies - and I sought out partners more suited to my way of beeing.

So I thing, yes, this topic might fit here as well

 

[mynameisben]

My erection thinks it's pretty useless without me. So, the argument cuts both ways.

 

[Cattypuss]

Is it just me that feels that the BDSM forum is the wrong place for this... BECAUSE I think male Tops and bottoms too, go beyond the "wham bam thank ya ma'am" T/they know there's more to the dance.
Now vanilla guys... they have stuff to learn.

I must have been lucky with my vanilla lovers and husband then.

 

[Shankara20]

Shank, I get the disappointment thing too. I'm butch and yet I love to have my lovers top me. But it can be difficult for me to come sometimes, no matter how good it all feels and I have to reassure my partner that I loved it regardless.

*sigh*
the folly of focus on a target and not just having a journey...

 

[Loverskitten]

I must have been lucky with my vanilla lovers and husband then.

I must have been unlucky, cause, YAWN

 

[Licia]

Let me say first of all that-- NOT.

Agreed as per post number.

Is it just me that feels that the BDSM forum is the wrong place for this... BECAUSE I think male Tops and bottoms too, go beyond the "wham bam thank ya ma'am" T/they know there's more to the dance.
Now vanilla guys... they have stuff to learn.

Perhaps.

A few questions come to mind:

Why would a dom feel useless without an erection? Is his "dom-ness" cockcentric? If 'tis, why would there be a mental block if the appendage malfunctions?

 

[Loverskitten]

Is it just me that feels that the BDSM forum is the wrong place for this... BECAUSE I think male Tops and bottoms too, go beyond the "wham bam thank ya ma'am" T/they know there's more to the dance.
Now vanilla guys... they have stuff to learn.

What I meant by this is that (well to me) it seems the BDSM community generally is about more than just the fuck.

I know those poor wieners have sensitive egos (sorry Shank) I too have lost a guy to too much pressure to please me and I feel bad about it.

 

[Shankara20]

I know those poor wieners have sensitive egos (sorry Shank) ....

some of us get over it...




in time...




mostly....




I guess...

 

[Stella_Omega]

Is it just me that feels that the BDSM forum is the wrong place for this... BECAUSE I think male Tops and bottoms too, go beyond the "wham bam thank ya ma'am" T/they know there's more to the dance.
Now vanilla guys... they have stuff to learn.

Haha yeah wouldn't it be nice if we all could count on that?

in fact, it was a very well-respected long-timer male Dom that I quoted. Like, I respect him SO MUCH I didn't want to embarrass him with his own words.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Agreed as per post number.



Perhaps.

A few questions come to mind:

Why would a dom feel useless without an erection? Is his "dom-ness" cockcentric? If 'tis, why would there be a mental block if the appendage malfunctions?

Ask yourself that question again but substitute "man" for "dom."

and the answer echos back; "BECAUSE IT JUST IS, OKAY?"

 

[DVS]

Let me say first of all that-- NOT.

But the perception that some men have, that sex is all and only about sticking a dick somewhere until it goes plooey-- that can make a guy pretty useless once his erection is used up.

In order to not hijack a very important conversation, I'm starting a new thread; Someone said: You could buy one too, you know, keep it in your own drawer at the ready. Handy for those moments when it's five minutes after you jizz and she wants to do it again.

In my opinion, a man who actually thinks that far past his own dick? Is a really awesome dude. And a mighty rare one.

But I only have one of those plastic things and it hardly ever makes a showing.

I have ten fingers on two hands, and a mouth with a tongue, twelve of the most versatile sexing-it-up appendages on the human body.

Oh, wait-- so do YOU!

The quoted comment is taken out of context. The poster (who will remain nameless in this post) was making a comment about how alcohol affects his libido and while that doesn't keep him from satisfying a woman, it does tend to hinder his own satisfaction in some respects. Granted, I've gained great satisfaction in causing an explosive orgasm in a woman by mere words or sensual touches. Maybe a puff of hot air against a swollen clit or nibble on an earlobe or nipple, or maybe a combination of things. Anybody who reads my stories would know I can at least write about this with a little bit of knowledge, of not skill.

But, being a man (no, I didn't have to look before I said that), I know the erect penis is the primary way we are satisfied in our manly way. It's just a fact of life. So, I have no problem satisfying a woman without an erect penis. I just wanted to make that point clear. Although, whenever possible, I do prefer to have one when doing so. Not only does it allow the both of us to know I'm enjoying myself, it also gives us both more ideas of what to do, and what might satisfy both of us. And that doesn't include my indulgence of alcohol.

 

[Stella_Omega]

So what you really meant was something like "my penis is useless to me if I can't get erect."

Which, okay, I can totally understand that. My nonexistent penis is useless to me in the very same way, and there isn't a single silicone dong that can adequately take its place. Nor fingers neither, on a bad day.

 

[Licia]

Ask yourself that question again but substitute "man" for "dom."

and the answer echos back; "BECAUSE IT JUST IS, OKAY?"

Probably too personal to discuss, but I didn't show up to ruffle feathers. As per the OP of the original quote, I also have a heaping amount of respect for the time and consideration shown in his posts.

The hubs and I are currenting dealing with "man" issues surrounding other playmates which are cockcentric. As it is, I *do* give a fuck about his concerns, insecurities and fantasies, so I do hope to address the subject of feeling useless both public and private 'lest I fall prey to tunnel vision. If the public venue is glaring, apologies are given.

 

[DVS]

I thought you were kidding about all of this, but you're really serious? Your thread seems to be pointed in a direction that is valid, if the quote had been used in the proper context. If I'd said that was the only way I could satisfy a woman PERIOD, I'd understand your desires to create a thread for the sole purpose of making the point you have.

But, the comment was made with a bit of jest to help lighten the atmosphere in a very serious thread. In fact, you didn't quote the whole post, or even the part that I said in jest, so someone who doesn't know about that thread would seem to side with you. Interesting how that works, isn't it?

This thread is not very serious, because it's trying to make a point where there is no cause. That's backwards. First, you find the cause, then you make your point. On the current merits, this is a stupid thread. It needs to be moved to the cafe, where other stupid threads reside.

 

[Stella_Omega]

yeah, you might be right DVS.

The spiel about how lucky women are to get to have lumps of cold unfeeling plastic in a drawer instead of warm, sense-reactive penises attached to their bodies isn't my favorite joke in the world. Especially when it comes from some dude who has a penis. It pushes a "so's your mother" button.

That's just me and my own reactions. I can own that.

 

[Noor]

cock, fingers, mouth, tongue- it aint the meat its the motion and the mind behind it.

some are useless with an erection

 

[mynameisben]

yeah, you might be right DVS.

The spiel about how lucky women are to get to have lumps of cold unfeeling plastic in a drawer instead of warm, sense-reactive penises attached to their bodies isn't my favorite joke in the world. Especially when it comes from some dude who has a penis. It pushes a "so's your mother" button.

That's just me and my own reactions. I can own that.

What the hell are you talking about? Women have plenty of sense-reactive flesh of their own. And that multiple orgasm thing you've got going is nothing to sneeze about either.

So's your mother.

 

[HeyAll]

A lot of the fun would be gone without the male erection. But a lot of women love being in the arms of a strong guy, and being 'taken'---basically the opposite of how some women love being with a soft and feminine woman. So a guy could easily fullfill a woman's sexual needs by making her 'feel small' and 'submissive' and just performing great oral sex on her and using his fingers.