Breaking a slave....slow or fast..wrong or right.

[MasterGunterSir]

Well, someone posted a question about breaking a slave...Here is mine..... Well...I got a slave who I met online, she visits me a couple of times a month..but does not want to be dommed yet in RT. But she is okay with me doing it on the phone, cam, chat, email, text.

She wants to go slow, but during the session she wants to be broken faster to get over a hump. But then she is very shy in RT when I try to discuss it with her. I am a experienced Master but have never encountered a slave who is on both sides of the fence. I am debating cutting her loose if she is not interested in being a slave during any RT sessions.

Any comments on this?

Master Gunter

http://trainherwell.blogspot.com

 

[Miles Long]

Well, someone posted a question about breaking a slave...Here is mine..... Well...I got a slave who I met online, she visits me a couple of times a month..but does not want to be dommed yet in RT. But she is okay with me doing it on the phone, cam, chat, email, text.

She wants to go slow, but during the session she wants to be broken faster to get over a hump. But then she is very shy in RT when I try to discuss it with her. I am a experienced Master but have never encountered a slave who is on both sides of the fence. I am debating cutting her loose if she is not interested in being a slave during any RT sessions.

Any comments on this?

Master Gunter

http://trainherwell.blogspot.com

I don't really have a comment on your situation, but I am curious on how you decided on the name Master Gunter. Is Gunter your real name or did you choose it as a Dom name? And if you chose it, why did you choose Gunter as opposed to any other name?

 

[CutieMouse]

Do you *want* an online relationship?

Yes? Continue as you are.

No? End things.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Like so many other people-- male and female-- she may very well be mistaking her preference for BOTTOMING for submission.

Ask her if she recently read a book titled "Fifty Shades of Grey."

In fact-- you'd better start asking all of your new women that question before you start with them.

And if she comes back with a Yes answer, I'm gonna post a huge public apology to that asshole Lovecraft...

 

[Edith_UK]

Stella what IS the difference?

 

[knot_sweet]

Gunter.... Bwahahahahahahaha

Now that I have that out of my system...

It could just be that in face to face she is being more cautious as it's easier to lose yourself in the moment and get hurt, or let yourself get deeper in than you'd like.

Or she may have trust issues.

Or she may just be shy (as you said) and face to face is more intimidating and embarrasing for her than distance.

Having been involved in a strictly distance relationship, I can in all honesty say I wasn't ever truly 'broken' and it certainly wasn't ever as intense as any of my face to face encounters have ever been. Probably because I knew I had the safety of the 'off' button.

I agree with CutieMouse; if you're good with how things are online, then by all means continue.

Your playmate has indicated she would eventually like to get into a more intense / harder relationship face to face; only you can tell if she's worth the wait.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Guess you have 2 things to look at. Is she great online, but in RL really not interested...ever....but hoping to keep things going to serve her wants? Second, if you do think she is interested in RL experiences, do you want to invest the time she needs to build trust with you, or do you just want someone who gives that trust without any foundation and immediately, just because you say so? When you can answer those questions for yourself, and feel you know yourself and her as much as you need to, then you can decide for yourself what you need to do.

Catalina

 

[MasterGunterSir]

Thanks everyone. Stella: Yes, I will ask her about "Fifty Shades of Grey." Chances are she doesn't read those. she is a trial lawyer by profession and says she has seen and heard it all.
knot_sweet: I am sure she has trust issues, I don't think people that she works with - like her or her kind or her profession except her fellow lawyers..I am sure. from what I gather, I need to take control of the long distance "off" button away from her and let her spend a weekend in a cage under me...If she can't do that...she needs to work up another arrangement or be gone...I will give her a few more tries before cutting her loose. It would really be a pity - since she is well read and above average in intelligence and a professional.

thanks

Master Gunter.
http://trainherwell.blogspot.com

 

[ataxia.girl]

If you want RL, stop playing with her online and take the time required to actually build a RL relationship. RL relationships typically take a lot more time and trust. i perused a bit of your blog and i can say i wouldn't just hop in the sack with you RL because it all seemed a little far fetched.

i need to know the guy is interested in *me* and doesn't mistake me for a lump of clay, which i'm not. i want to know he wants to have a relationship with me as a person, not just a bag of meat, which i'm not. Can he see who i am and is he attracted to that or is he just interested in molding me into some preconceived notion he has? Because i'm probably not going to be very interested in that.

Online D/s is a very different experience from RL, at least it was for me. When i played online it was more about me exploring myself and my own desire to submit. When i submit to someone in RL its about having a relationship with a real person and not nearly as much about the act of submission itself. So while she submits to you online she may be using you to explore herself as much as you are using her. When it comes to RL i think you have to be more realistic and hopefully more interested in each other as people, than simply as a means to an ends. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Scentofawoman]

I would also say take her profession into account. It takes a lot of effort to portray confidence in a courtroom. Your life is to win that case. It took me 5 years to get up the nerve to walk up to the chief of staff and tell him he can't what he wants. In a way it's deconditioning the mind on that knee jerk, in your face response a sub wants to give her Master.

 

[FurryFury]

"Breaking" is not a word I'm into regarding pyl's or much of anything/one else.

 

[His_pet_slut]

"Breaking" is not a word I'm into regarding pyl's or much of anything/one else.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Perhaps this isn't very submissive of me, but I am not a toy to be smashed into a million pieces and glued back together into a pale facsimile of myself.

I am a strong, intelligent and capable woman that chooses to submit. My Master is a strong, intelligent and capable man. He is a man that enjoys, indeed savors the dichotomy of the two distinct facets of his "property". The decisive business owner and community advocate vs the slut on her knees before him. He knows how to find my boundaries and barriers to fully accepting certain aspects of my sensuality and can push me until I am ready to break through those boundaries under his guidance. That is far different from breaking me, my spirit, my sense of self and shows far more skill and ability.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A weekend in a cage?

Wow, the stuff dreams are made of...

The problem is, Women are famously less able to compartmentalise. It's not just fun and games, especially when you are actually talking aboue "breaking."

If a woman-- and a woman in a highpowered position in particular, and even more in particular a woman in a high powered position who has to live on her own wits without much professional backup, AND even MORE in particular a woman who has never spent a weekend in a cage before...

If such a woman isn't willing to do your weekend cage scene, the chances are good that she is seriously worried about her ability to process and snap out of that fantasy weekend at the end of it.

I think your woman might actually know her limits and intend to stay within them no matter what she may say in the heat of the moment.

Also-- move your blog link to your signature field, please. You can access it from here; http://forum.literotica.com/usercp.php

 

[ataxia.girl]

i did have a weekend with a guy i was with online and it was just a continuation of our online play but it proved to be the end of our relationship because it illustrated that in the end we were both just really playing with ourselves. i think there are couples who manage to have "real" online relationships but i think those are few and far between. Most of the time its two people just using each other as very advanced virtual Dom\sub entities to explore their own fantasies with.

When i really took the plunge it was with someone who had never done the online thing and had zero interest in doing it so he didn't have any of the online baggage. Its easy to be idealistic online and believe in a perfect sub or Dom because its easy to be a perfect sub or Dom when you get to pick and choose what the other person sees. A screen name submitting photos or essays of completed tasks can pull off the appearance of a perfect sub as a mold-able lump of clay a lot easier than a real person face to face can.

i still had a hard time. i submitted perfectly for about 3 months before i couldn't keep it up anymore. Luckily i was the only one surprised by this because i was the only one living in the fairy tale. In fact he was glad when the resistance finally surfaced and the real relationship could begin because up until that point it was still just me dominating myself. Things got real and messy after that. We stayed together for 2 years and are very good friends today. We would still be together but it was LDR and it just got too difficult to arrange regular visits after i stopped traveling to his city of residence for work.

i would never go back to online at this point.

 

[Etoile]

"Breaking" is not a word I'm into regarding pyl's or much of anything/one else.

My thinking was "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

 

[knot_sweet]

knot_sweet: I am sure she has trust issues, I don't think people that she works with - like her or her kind or her profession except her fellow lawyers..I am sure. from what I gather, I need to take control of the long distance "off" button away from her and let her spend a weekend in a cage under me...If she can't do that...she needs to work up another arrangement or be gone...I will give her a few more tries before cutting her loose. It would really be a pity - since she is well read and above average in intelligence and a professional.

thanks

Master Gunter.
http://trainherwell.blogspot.com

After reading this, I wouldn't let you and your domliness anywhere near my inbox, let alone within a k of my actual body

You seriously think that "a weekend in a cage" with someone you're still trying to establish a relationship of any type with is going to happen? No sub worth their welt marks would let you do this (aside from the people who play strictly for fun and good times, and can do this with un-emotional involvement).

Either she is worth waiting for at her pace; or let her find someone worthy of her intelligence, professionalism and willingness to work at something real and lasting.

Because judging from this post; You aren't worthy. Not at all.

 

[knot_sweet]

My thinking was "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

This seconded.

But I made an allowance for people's different understandings and interpretations of language and chose not to comment.

Glad someone did.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am getting the feeling more and more that you are inexperienced, or at the most, someone who believes his own hype and ego to the extent he thinks everyone he wants should fall in a swoon at his feet ever grateful you noticed their existance. Trust is one of the most important factors in any relationship, especially BDSM when talking about physical safety. I am thinking perhaps her 'beware' radar has already been going off, and likely with good reason.

Catalina

 

[Pelagie]

Oh good, I thought I was the only one reading this thread and giving it the side eye. This guy sounds like a pushy creep. Good for the woman in question for being hesitant.

 

[candy_chocolate_kisses]

Like so many other people-- male and female-- she may very well be mistaking her preference for BOTTOMING for submission.

Ask her if she recently read a book titled "Fifty Shades of Grey."

In fact-- you'd better start asking all of your new women that question before you start with them.

And if she comes back with a Yes answer, I'm gonna post a huge public apology to that asshole Lovecraft...

I have question... why do you think that the book Fifty shade of grey may have an influnces on this situaion?

 

[ataxia.girl]

I am getting the feeling more and more that you are inexperienced, or at the most, someone who believes his own hype and ego to the extent he thinks everyone he wants should fall in a swoon at his feet ever grateful you noticed their existance. Trust is one of the most important factors in any relationship, especially BDSM when talking about physical safety. I am thinking perhaps her 'beware' radar has already been going off, and likely with good reason.

Catalina

That was my thought when i read his blog. i don't get the sense he wants a relationship with a real person, but rather with a life support system for a set of holes.

 

[Etoile]

That was my thought when i read his blog. i don't get the sense he wants a relationship with a real person, but rather with a life support system for a set of holes.

I hadn't clicked the blog till now. Reading it sends this veering sharply into HNG territory for me.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh, shit yeah. I just read the article "cage training" because yanno, I love me some cage time-- and what? There's nothing there.
In fact...
Google says plagiarism

Lots of plagiarism

Dude, really. it's one thing to compile your own wank material in a blog, I got zero problem with that.

But let's be honest here, there is no "slave" that will "break" for you, and if you are talking to a lady lawyer via chat and PM chances are real good that she's actually a janitor named Jefferey.

 

[catalina_francisco]

That was my thought when i read his blog. i don't get the sense he wants a relationship with a real person, but rather with a life support system for a set of holes.

I didn't even bother with the blog....I have a severe dislike of blogs in general and never have the time to bother with them. I just went on what was posted here.

Catalina

 

[njlauren]

Hmm, breaking a slave seems more like something from fiction written by wanders then what happens IRL. I have heard the term breaking, but used in a very different way, like breaking down a stubborn streak, or using something to break someone into subspace....

Not sure what the OP was talking about but the context seems to be as in 'breaking' the slave to where they no longer resist, where their spirit is crushed and the like, and you see that in non consent style stories or in real life maybe what they do to captured spies or pow's or something....it implies breaking the spirit of the sub/slave and to me that is like some dickhead who thinks training a dog is beating it until it cowers......

Unless I have been hanging out in the wrong quarters (quite thoroughly possible) the whole point of training, the whole point of the exercise of developing a D/s, isn't about breaking the sub/slave's spirit, it is about bending it to the dominants will. Breaking implies tearing out all resistance, what I am talking about is shaping and bending while leaving the spirit there. The whole point of submission, least as I see it, is about giving control over to someone else to use whatever I bring to their benefit (in reality, our benefit). I have known a number of lifestyle dominants, and I have never ran into anyone who talked about 'breaking' a slave (breaking in, maybe, as in breaking them in on a new flogger, or maybe breaking them of a bad habit), seems like they wouldn't find a sub/slave very interesting who had been 'broken' that way, much prefer a spirited person willingly trusting them to give them some measure of control, to whatever extent.