Pain and Submission

[ofLebanon]

So I'm exploring my sexuality, in my mid-thirties and single again. My last relationship was with a guy who when we started out wanted to be my Dom, but once we got into a deeper relationship we didnt play that way very much. Here's the thing… I'm by preference a sub, I do get off on being dominated, taken, giving my partner pleasure… but pain takes me right out of arousal. He used to get annoyed that I wasn't a "pain slut" although he'd never say it, but he'd hurt me even though he knew I didn't like it.

Do I have to enjoy pain to be submissive? I've played with bondage many times over the years (my ex-husband and I were swingers) and love giving pleasure and playing helpless, but I can't take pain. Or won't, anyway.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Enjoying pain is a trait that some people call "masochism." You can be submissive without being a masochist.

Likewise, you could totally get off on pain and be not one iota of a submissive.

Look for a loving dominant who does not enjoy giving pain. Settle for nothing less.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Not only no but, hell no. There are so many ways to be submissive without dealing with pain. Any so called Dom who tells you other wise you tell him Hell No and and to hit the road.

That being said I enjoy giving pain along with playing with other ways to Dom a sub. I have played with several women who were not into pain and enjoyed them totally.

Mike

 

[Bandit58]

When I'm aroused, a little bit of pain can be even more arousing (hair pulling, clit slapping, spanking with a bare hand). However I don't enjoy sharp stingy pain.

We rarely get things like the crop and flogger out anymore. His hands seem to be all I need these days We are married and together 24/7, and my submissive nature is kept well satisfied by doing things for Him. He was never into giving severe beatings to the point of blood, even when His previous subs asked for it.

Look for a loving dominant who does not enjoy giving pain. Settle for nothing less.

This. There's no rule that says you have to enjoy pain to be a submissive

 

[ofLebanon]

thanks

This makes me feel better. I'd begun to wonder, and right now I'm in a place where I can't have sex (which is driving me batty! LOL) and I'm thinking about it a lot, and about my own personality as I am recovering from and abusive marriage to a control freak (ended 2 years ago) and an engagement to this Dom that ended a week ago. I want to enjoy life again on my own terms. Even if that does mean submitting, which I'm struggling with the thought of right now.

 

[laceNlthrgrrl]

I don't think it has to be an either/or situation. Sometimes there's a sweetness to truly submitting to the pain, and the Giver of the pain, even (especially) when it's not enjoyable.

"Take it for me, baby, just five more," has to be one of the hottest phrases imaginable. There's a personal victory involved when one does, indeed, get through the pain, and the pride in the Giver's voice is a special incentive all its own.

 

[Stella_Omega]

This makes me feel better. I'd begun to wonder, and right now I'm in a place where I can't have sex (which is driving me batty! LOL) and I'm thinking about it a lot, and about my own personality as I am recovering from and abusive marriage to a control freak (ended 2 years ago) and an engagement to this Dom that ended a week ago. I want to enjoy life again on my own terms. Even if that does mean submitting, which I'm struggling with the thought of right now.

You don't want to submit?

You don't have to do that either. There are still plenty of ways to enjoy kinky, passionate, satisfying and pain-free sex within a BDSM framework-- or, indeed outside of that.

I like what organsinmains said up there.

And I'm going to do that thing I am well known for and ask you if you know what a "bottom" is? -- as opposed to a "sub?"

 

[bhndblueyes88]

And I'm going to do that thing I am well known for and ask you if you know what a "bottom" is? -- as opposed to a "sub?"

DRINK!!! *throws back a shot*

.......... What?



But no, Stella is right. You don't have to play the submission game either. And, hell, if you try it and decide it's a "sometimes" flavor, you can only do it sometimes too. Sex is a giant smorgasbord and you can eat whatever you want when you want it (you know, as long as your food is consenting to be eaten and of age and stuff...)

mmmfood...is it brekkie time yet?