A Master's 'right' to play with others

[BiBunny]

But is your relationship hard because it is poly, because it is power exchange based or because of the personalities of the people involved?

Yes.

No vanilla relationship is pure vanilla. Meaning just about every relationship has some issues going on. Seriously, I don't think a mile in your shoes is any more difficult than many of the miles I have walked in mine.

While it may appear that I blab all about my life on this board, there are many facets of it that I don't share publicly. I imagine you do the same. For that reason, we'll just have to agree to disagree.

 

[Etoile]

All relationships are hard. No one type of relationship is any more difficult than any other type. Poly, kink, vanilla...it's all about the people.

 

[Black_Bunny]

The only way this is commentary on "vanilla" is if every woman on earth shares your need to have a man "take leadership and make decisions," and every man is best placed in an authoritative role in a relationship.

If you have any inkling at all that maybe, just maybe, some people have needs and preferences that differ from yours, then you'll realize that what didn't work for you might work spectacularly well for someone else.

Riiiight. Let's recall what I said:

Just my experience...

Oooh, notice that, I'm talking about my own experience. Not assuming that "every woman on earth" feels the same way as me. There's no need to use such exaggerations, or attempt to make me look stupid, ignorant or conceited.

You'll remember what Fungi was talking about -

Also, in your example of power exchange... does that really only happen in BDSM style relationships? For example, were you to look at a religous relationship (often the benchmark we think of as "vanilla") , where the man is often "the head of the household", is there no power play going on? In my opinion, it may not be stated but it's definitely there. And the fact that it's not dealt with openly brings along with it all sorts of complications that can result in misery.

Well, look at that, someone else discussing headship of a man in a vanilla relationship! Good grief what has the world come to?

 

[Etoile]

Good grief what has the world come to?

*checks watch*

It's come to June 23rd, 2010.

seemed like we needed some humor

 

[Black_Bunny]

seemed like we needed some humor

tee hee hee

 

[FungiUg]

Australia is an extremely open-minded, laidback country.

Parts of Australia, but by no means all of it. It's getting there though

 

[Black_Bunny]

Parts of Australia, but by no means all of it. It's getting there though

True, that was a generalisation. But it sounded better than "every Australian city and town that I've visited"

 

[JMohegan]

Riiiight. Let's recall what I said

Sure.

Just my experience, my vanilla marriage did not enrich me. There was no room to grow, no space to try anything new, no boundaries being pushed. Perhaps it's more to do with the person I was with rather than the fact that it was vanilla, yes, but it's what I have to go on.

Change "perhaps" and "more" to 'of course' and 'everything,' and I'll agree with what you wrote.

 

[Netzach]

This basically comes up every time you have a bunch of people who left shitty vanilla relationships and got into better D/s ones in a room.

The handful of people whose vanilla relationships were not shitty can sit here till blue in the face, but vanilla is, to the community

vapid

bad sex

socially sanctioned but stifling

the easy way out

inferior

So whatever. This has gone from midly irritating to patently offensive to me.

Enjoy your martyrdom. I'll enjoy my cush and socially easy life with my transitioning spouse - which is a fuckton harder than anything a bit of powerplay is going to throw at me or ever has, but I just don't know what I'm saying

 

[Netzach]

All relationships are hard. No one type of relationship is any more difficult than any other type. Poly, kink, vanilla...it's all about the people.

Please repeat into this soundproof paper bag x10.

 

[Etoile]

Please repeat into this soundproof paper bag x10.

Mrph mrrphmrphmmmrph mrph mrph. Mrph mrphmrprhrmnprh mrph mhh mrrpmrphrph. Mrph, Hmpr, Hrmrphr...mrph hrmph rrmrph mrph mrph. (x10)

 

[Netzach]

Mrph mrrphmrphmmmrph mrph mrph. Mrph mrphmrprhrmnprh mrph mhh mrrpmrphrph. Mrph, Hmpr, Hrmrphr...mrph hrmph rrmrph mrph mrph. (x10)

Ok, you sound cute like that, un-needed turn on.

 

[Black_Bunny]

Sure.

Change "perhaps" and "more" to 'of course' and 'everything,' and I'll agree with what you wrote.

I don't want you to agree with what I wrote. It's my own point of view.

I just thought your post was exaggerating and rude.

 

[FungiUg]

Mrph mrrphmrphmmmrph mrph mrph. Mrph mrphmrprhrmnprh mrph mhh mrrpmrphrph. Mrph, Hmpr, Hrmrphr...mrph hrmph rrmrph mrph mrph. (x10)

Wot she said!

 

[rekane]

great thread!

*******

 

[FungiUg]

I know this is an old thread, but I think it is worth bringing it up again.

Getting your heart broken is never fun. However, there's an element of "caveat emptor" in every relationship, and at least we can learn from the ones that go sour. Sadly sometimes, we have to learn that the hard way.

I would agree that changing the agreed on dynamic of a relationship is a good time to have a serious talk about whether it's working or not working. I think there's a perception than when you are in a relationship as a submissive, you're not allowed to talk about the stuff that's not working, which is a shame. It's vital! Dominants need to know when they are fucking up too.

I'm glad you've surived the experience and moved on.

 

[rekane]

******

 

[rekane]

*******

 

[ataxia.girl]

He exercises the right to have others. i hate it. i really really really hate it but he does what he wants and there's not a lot i can do about it.

When we got together i was married and he was single so there was never any question that he had a right to date. Now i'm single and its much much harder.

He recently dated and then acquired a slave. i detest her. i want her gone... out of the picture but she's not. He told her she was his and he never goes back on his word even though he has told me he regrets it. i know he does but she's his now and that's that unless and until she asks to be released.

We are LDR and she is there and i am not. i try not to think about it and just carry on. Nothing he has done towards me has changed. He is as he has always been so why does her existence bother me so much?

 

[rekane]

*******

 

[quietserenity]

Before we got married, we did a lot of talking about this. It was a hot button issue for me, as I was (am) working on some general trust issues. He stated quite simply that should I become open to this idea one day, he would play with others alongside me, but never alone, and should I never desire it, he wouldn't force it on me. He says that there are other ways he would rather push me and other things he would rather help me explore than my ability to accept him playing with someone else.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

He is as he has always been so why does her existence bother me so much?

I think you answered the question yourself..

she is there and i am not

I would hate it too!! *HUGGS*

 

[JMohegan]

He recently dated and then acquired a slave. i detest her. i want her gone... out of the picture but she's not. He told her she was his and he never goes back on his word even though he has told me he regrets it. i know he does but she's his now and that's that unless and until she asks to be released.

So this guy made a one-way commitment with a "slave?"

He gave his word to keep her until she changes her mind, but she retained the right to opt out at any time?

 

[ataxia.girl]

So this guy made a one-way commitment with a "slave?"

He gave his word to keep her until she changes her mind, but she retained the right to opt out at any time?

Its just how he is. Once he owns a girl he doesn't abandon them. Its his personal morality and one that works for me as well.

 

[JMohegan]

Its just how he is. Once he owns a girl he doesn't abandon them. Its his personal morality and one that works for me as well.

Going back on one's word is wrong, I agree.

I just find it interesting that he gave his word to be more committed to the relationship than his "slave."