Does Your Sexuality Define You or Do You Define Your Sexuality?

[RJMasters]

1. Does Your Sexuality Define You or Do You Define Your Sexuality?
2. What's one thing you like about that?
3. What's one thing you hate about that?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Of those choices, I'd say it defines me, simply because I don't define it.

I don't get to choose what I like, but I do get to choose what I do about it.

However, my sexuality is not the be all and end all of me, it's just a part.

So it defines part of me!

 

[Adakgirl]

I don't think my sexuality defines me nor do I define my sexuality. Does my sexuality have to be defined? Do I need to be defined? Why? My sexuality is hard wired into my brain. To define it by myself or myself by it, would be to limit both.

 

[rida]

Who I am define my sexuality: I'm service oriented, hence my sexuality is service oriented as well. I'm also impatient, hence I can get frustrated if things do not work out the way I wish them to.

Who I'm with has an impact on how my sexuality manifest itself: If I'm with a Dominant personality, my submissive side shows up; otherwise I tend to be a vanilla that call the shots.

I like that having a generally low sex drive has kept me out of trouble.

I do not like that my sexually submissive side can get easily triggered in unexpected ways and in inappropriate circumstances.

 

[Cattypuss]

1. Does Your Sexuality Define You or Do You Define Your Sexuality?
2. What's one thing you like about that?
3. What's one thing you hate about that?

The first question strikes me as very odd.

My sexuality is its own thing. I don't try to make it what it isn't and so I can't be said to define it.

My sexuality is as much a part of me as, say, my sense of humour, but it doesn't define who I am any more than my sense of humour defines who I am - they are both just facets of the whole.

 

[SallyIsHere]

All one

We all bring our personalities to bed with us. There is not "our sexuality" and "ourselves."

 

[hd8001]

I think for me any was IMO that it is a changing thing and it changes as time goes on and I have more life experiences I have.

 

[switchbitch]

The first question strikes me as very odd.

My sexuality is its own thing. I don't try to make it what it isn't and so I can't be said to define it.

My sexuality is as much a part of me as, say, my sense of humour, but it doesn't define who I am any more than my sense of humour defines who I am - they are both just facets of the whole.

My thoughts precisely, although on occasion it feels as though my sexuality has a life of its own it is definitely only a part of who and what I am.

 

[rosco rathbone]

1. My sexuality defines me
2. One thing I like about that is, I like my sexuality, so I like myself.
3. One thing I hate about that is, nothing.

 

[ownedsubgal]

1. it defines me.
2. cuts down on the confusion considerably
3. i never got the opportunity to choose it.

 

[eastern sun]

1. My sexuality defines me, though I am able to repress it for limited periods of time when I think I need to.

2. My sexuality is endlessly fascinating, always surprising and full of rich energies.

3. It gets me into trouble sometimes.

 

[KoPilot]

1. It's a two way street~
2. I'm happy that it doesn't have all-consuming control over me. And like eastern sun, I find it fascinating. :B
3. Most of it will never, ever, not in a million years be reality. Which sucks, but I'm not devastated by it.

 

[where]

my sexuality is a part of me, but because it's shifting, it can't define me. Depending on the day you could catch a fridgid and uptight bitch or a wanton slut. a super straight all about cock gal or an urge made human to be subject to the power of a cunt.

there is no upside or downside, except I tend to send conflicting messages at times.

 

[Netzach]

My sexuality defines me as do other major things about me that are how they are.

I like that because it's never boring.

I hate that because it's never boring.

 

[PaganKinktress]

Interesting set of questions. I'm going to attempt to answer them in the way I interpreted what the OP was asking.

I am defined by more than my sexuality, though it does play a considerable part in who I am and how I relate in the world. Do I *control* the way I define and *express* my sexuality? At times, yes. My sexuality alone does not typically dictate my thoughts, behaviors or actions.

As others have posted, sexuality is not a static, fixed thing. Many things influence how it is expressed and perceived in me. I like that I tap into my sexuality as a creative outlet sometimes. I like where it leads me and I also like that I think outside the sexual box.

What I don't like is that sexuality and gender/roles and identity are often conflated into one and the same thing. They are not the same and they often are not fixed. My sexual identity is boundless. My gender is what it is, but how I choose to embody it and express it will also vary. Society attempts to box in things like gender roles and sexual identity...and I find this to be problematic.

And that's all I have to say without having any caffeine in me yet.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

The first question strikes me as very odd.

My sexuality is its own thing. I don't try to make it what it isn't and so I can't be said to define it.

My sexuality is as much a part of me as, say, my sense of humour, but it doesn't define who I am any more than my sense of humour defines who I am - they are both just facets of the whole.

This.

As for the other two questions, I don't really have any particular likes or dislikes. I mean, I'm who I am and that's just how it is, yo? I guess the only thing I don't like about it is if my mom found about the boy and I's bedroom behaviors, she'd crack a shit like no one's business.

 

[RJMasters]

Thanks to all who have replied so far.

Let me add in my own.

1. For me it is a constant battle. I would say my sexuality defines me more than I would like.
2. The internal conflict and the lessons learned when each side has won.
3. The hard lessons learned when each side has lost.

 

[PenIsMightier1]

I fully embrace my sexuality and it ofcourse it does add something to my character, how could it not? I love sex, so my sexuality is going to come into it. But I know that it will never define me, I am made up of many parts, my interests outside of sex, my opinions, my skills, my flaws, it all comes together to form the package that is me.

 

[RJMasters]

Other than a good opportunity for conversation, why I started the thread was due to reading a couple of posts that seem to hit me where I live.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=35897881&postcount=138

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=35942745&postcount=1

And it got me to thinking about how I often I supress my urges, cause I got to keep the beast on a short leash, ya know. Gotta maintain...gotta keep things in control.

But what I often find is that constantly keeping the leash short colors my world gray or paints it red even further. I tend to go through bouts of depression or get angry. Sometimes it gets to the point where I am dysfunctional or at the very least I don't function well.

Somehow I keep it altogther and even manage to still like myself and who I am, but there are days when I just pull the covers over my head because I just don't want to deal with my own bullshit.

 

[ownedsubgal]

RJMasters (howdy and good to see you, btw),

do you think you would love or hate a life circumstance in which that Beast of yours no longer had to be reigned in? in which you could just be...without consequences?

 

[teknight]

But what I often find is that constantly keeping the leash short colors my world gray or paints it red even further. I tend to go through bouts of depression or get angry. Sometimes it gets to the point where I am dysfunctional or at the very least I don't function well.

Somehow I keep it altogther and even manage to still like myself and who I am, but there are days when I just pull the covers over my head because I just don't want to deal with my own bullshit.

Welcome to humanity. Have you paid your dues?

 

[RJMasters]

RJMasters (howdy and good to see you, btw),

do you think you would love or hate a life circumstance in which that Beast of yours no longer had to be reigned in? in which you could just be...without consequences?

Good to see you as well OSG.

That's a hard question to answer.

When I young, I use to never go up on high buildings or near the edge of a cliff. My friends always gave me a hard time thinking I was afraid of heights, and I just smiled and let them think that. But inwardly I knew the real reason, which was whenever I got close to the edge, I always felt the urge to throw myself off the edge. Somekind of overwhelming urge would well up inside of me and I could hear that part of myself daring me to do it. "just do it". Please don't misunderstand, I wasn't a suicidal type of guy. Never once thought about killing myself or anything like that, but there I would stand looking over the edge and as clear as day I could hear that mocking voice daring me, laughing at me...It came from a dark place inside me, it was a powerful part of me, and I was afraid of it.

Many of my darker sexual urges come from this place and it is the same voice whispering the twisted deeds of lust that I get. Over the years I have learned to recognize it, and to some extent accept it. But for it to be off its leash? Without consequences? My only thought to that is... if back then it had such a narcissistic view of my own mortality, what chance would another have if I gave it full freedom without fear of consequence. Slim to none and slim just left town.

Lit for me was/is a big help as it allows me to explore, and understand better those darker urges. It has helped me to take incremental steps in my real life so that I can slip the leash a bit and know I am not going to throw myself completely off the edge.

As it stands now, I can look myself in the mirror and can live with who I am...albeit some parts of me restrained. Were I to have complete freedom, I have no doubt that I would end up destroying myself and anyone unfortunate enough to be close to me.

It not of lack of want, but merely me recognizing my limits and my boundaries of what is safe for me. Not just pysically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Because some consequences do not come in just the form of prison or broken relationships, some consequences are knowing that once something is done, it can't be undone, and you have to live with that forever.

Words seem so clumsy trying to explain it, but I found within me a strength or power that is more powerful than the beast. As I think back on it, I believe this is why I sought out what it means to be a Dominant (Edited to add for clarification: To understand better and develop my Dominant side). Because the Dom-ish streak in me keeps the Sadist in check.

Sorry for the book answer, but I hope I gave you some sense of why I would answer your question, the way I did. The Dom in me would never give up that kind of control.

 

[RJMasters]

Welcome to humanity. Have you paid your dues?

I thought you said can I sing the blues?

 

[wicked woman]

My sexuality is just a small, though important, part of me so on it's own it doesn't define me.

I love that I've never had any guilt about my sexuality; that I'm open minded about it and how it's changed over time; that I'm able to adjust my sex drive according to its availability and love the intimate connection and passionate, explosive fun that I have with my current lover.

The only thing I hate is that I don't get as much sex as I want.

 

[NomadLady]

1. Does Your Sexuality Define You or Do You Define Your Sexuality?
2. What's one thing you like about that?
3. What's one thing you hate about that?

1. Don't believe it defines me but it definately adds to the person I am. As I change and grow, so does my sexuality.
2. I like that I have learned to be a much stronger person by letting my sexuality grow with me instead of being such a prude.
3. I don't like that I can't fully explore all the realms and possibilities that I would like to try...