Defining "Vanilla"

[KoPilot]

the quest for advice, or even just some insight, is not limited to those in the midst of some decision-making process. as a human being i do have feelings, anxieties, fears, etc...it would be awesome if i could consult with other slaves about how to process those feelings or keep my head up during those rough times. it would be great to have the reminder that i'm not a horrible slave for struggling with something.

but i recognize that those folks are very few and far between...so in a public venue such as this and other lifestyle sites, it's just not worth it.

This is true~

 

[Stella_Omega]

a great way of putting it, and kudos to you for being willing to do it!

Now if I can live up to my own brag...

 

[KoPilot]

Well, this is obviously a more serious matter than I'd thought. Carry on.



See, now I'm thinking of someone like Syd. Someone who has struggled with the submissive label precisely because of how other people want to define it. To my mind, what makes her and her partner happy is all that matters, titles be damned. But I suppose to others it does matter what she calls herself.



Nothing wrong. Love kinky sex. It rocks. Remove the "only". Just trying to convey that some folks might not appreciate being told what they are or are not.

I like to think of labels as tools. They are not who we are; they are to be used for a purpose. People use tools for different purposes. If someone came in here, spouting about how a flathead screwdriver should ONLY EVER be used to pry off paint can lids, then people would probably be calling him a troll or a nutjob, yes?

 

[Keroin]

I like to think of labels as tools. They are not who we are; they are to be used for a purpose. People use tools for different purposes. If someone came in here, spouting about how a flathead screwdriver should ONLY EVER be used to pry off paint can lids, then people would probably be calling him a troll or a nutjob, yes?

Um, I totally don't understand what you're saying. Sorry.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I like to think of labels as tools. They are not who we are; they are to be used for a purpose. People use tools for different purposes. If someone came in here, spouting about how a flathead screwdriver should ONLY EVER be used to pry off paint can lids, then people would probably be calling him a troll or a nutjob, yes?

A newbie.

And I would be asking:

WHERE do you guys get these ideas from????

 

[callinectes2]

Okay, I am not on Fetlife but I am guilty of saying "I'd never go back to being vanilla". It is just a lazy shorthand way of saying I will never go back to being in relationship that is not based in an overt exchange of power.

As for kinky sex..what is that really?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Okay, I am not on Fetlife but I am guilty of saying "I'd never go back to being vanilla". It is just a lazy shorthand way of saying I will never go back to being in relationship that is not based in an overt exchange of power.

As for kinky sex..what is that really?

My definition; "Sex that takes more preparation than simply taking off your clothes and falling into a bed."


As you can imagine, that covers a LOT of sex.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

...people still do that?

 

[Stella_Omega]

...people still do that?

Hush, you're new here.



( your handle, gave me an earworm, BTW. Now I have to dig out my Who's Next CD.)

 

[callinectes2]

My definition; "Sex that takes more preparation than simply taking off your clothes and falling into a bed."


As you can imagine, that covers a LOT of sex.

LOL, yes. Sooo...impromptu sex can't be kinky?

 

[Stella_Omega]

LOL, yes. Sooo...impromptu sex can't be kinky?

Give me a minute to think of a funny rejoinder, please.

 

[00Syd]

See, now I'm thinking of someone like Syd. Someone who has struggled with the submissive label precisely because of how other people want to define it. To my mind, what makes her and her partner happy is all that matters, titles be damned. But I suppose to others it does matter what she calls herself.

It matters that she knows what she means by it. But in a social setting, the more common definitions rule, regardless of what we think they should be.

And it might matter to her, in certain circumstances, if someone else has completely different assumptions, and acts on them.

Oh whoa, nothing to add to this, but being used as an example is weird

I yam what I yam.

 

[midwestyankee]

Give me a minute to think of a funny rejoinder, please.

Time's up.

Seems to me it doesn't take a whole lot of preparation to grab your partner, throw him or her up against a bed or other sturdy piece of furniture and take what is yours within the dynamic of the relationship.

Or look up from your coffee in the morning and command, "Service me. Now."

Or do you define kinky sex only in terms of the absolute action and not the context?

 

[teknight]

!

It'd seem that "Defining 'vanilla'" has turned into defining BDSM/Kink*. For my 2 cents...or bani the term bdsm is too vague- means too many things to too many people, and, what's more, the experiences aren't easily transferable from my kink to your lifestyle and viceversa.


*sorry if lumping the two terms together violates some rule or whatev'...

 

[midwestyankee]

It'd seem that "Defining 'vanilla'" has turned into defining BDSM/Kink*. For my 2 cents...or bani the term bdsm is too vague- means too many things to too many people, and, what's more, the experiences aren't easily transferable from my kink to your lifestyle and viceversa.


*sorry if lumping the two terms together violates some rule or whatev'...

It does. This is proof positive that you can't possibly be a Twue Dom.

 

[Keroin]

Oh whoa, nothing to add to this, but being used as an example is weird

I yam what I yam.

Sorry Syd, but when I hear the "a submissive is ______" type of rhetoric, my hackles go up on your behalf, because I remember what you went through to feel comfy with your brand of pyl-ness.

But then my hackles go up in general when the labels start flying. I like being label-less.



BTW, I like what you are.

 

[teknight]

It does. This is proof positive that you can't possibly be a Twue Dom.

<standard rant...let's see if I got the rules down here...FYI: this is all gonna be sarcasm>
OH YEAH? I AM THE ONLY TWUE DOM HERE. I CARE ABOUT NEW SUBS AND OFFER THEM PROTECTION FROM THE REST OF YOU WANNABE DOMS...ETC..ETC..ETC
</crazy>

The thought's just occurred to me (and, yeah, it's probably waay off base) :it seems to me like the community exists in part because of the "technology" and technical know-how, despite the wide array of kinks/fetishes/interests. The relative scarcity of ...know-how heavy kinksters has created a portmanteau under which the masses gather, but that's about it....

<...rant...?!?!>

 

[BiBunny]

*Sigh* My head hurts.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Time's up.

Seems to me it doesn't take a whole lot of preparation to grab your partner, throw him or her up against a bed or other sturdy piece of furniture and take what is yours within the dynamic of the relationship.

Or look up from your coffee in the morning and command, "Service me. Now."

Or do you define kinky sex only in terms of the absolute action and not the context?

Seems to me those actions presume some previous preparation.

Like, establishing the dynamics of the relationship so that you can do things like that without further prep...

 

[00Syd]

Sorry Syd, but when I hear the "a submissive is ______" type of rhetoric, my hackles go up on your behalf, because I remember what you went through to feel comfy with your brand of pyl-ness.

Aw, thanks Labels can make things tough going, no question.

BTW, I like what you are.

And I like what you are. So there!

 

[KoPilot]

Um, I totally don't understand what you're saying. Sorry.

A label is a tool.

It helps us educate ourselves, it helps us find a sense of community. It shouldn't matter what labels we use, so long as it helps us get the job done to our satisfaction.

Jeez, it's not that hard, guise.

 

[CutieMouse]

Time's up.

Seems to me it doesn't take a whole lot of preparation to grab your partner, throw him or her up against a bed or other sturdy piece of furniture and take what is yours within the dynamic of the relationship.

Or look up from your coffee in the morning and command, "Service me. Now."

Or do you define kinky sex only in terms of the absolute action and not the context?

Aaaand that was my initial reaction, as well, and part of why I asked the question.

My sexual encounters don't usually involve a lot of planning, nor are they "scenes", and I can't remember the last time sex involved anything more than a creative mind and strong pair of hands. No honorifics, no titles, no protocol. My lover (be it long term or not) gets what he wants, when and how he wants it - be it sex, interesting conversation, or eye candy across the dinner table.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Seems to me those actions presume some previous preparation.

Like, establishing the dynamics of the relationship so that you can do things like that without further prep...

but...but...but then by your definition, my sex life is kinky. kinky! how DARE you?! *swoons gracefully*

 

[midwestyankee]

Aaaand that was my initial reaction, as well, and part of why I asked the question.

My sexual encounters don't usually involve a lot of planning, nor are they "scenes", and I can't remember the last time sex involved anything more than a creative mind and strong pair of hands. No honorifics, no titles, no protocol. My lover (be it long term or not) gets what he wants, when and how he wants it - be it sex, interesting conversation, or eye candy across the dinner table.

Or all of the above, of course.

 

[CutieMouse]

Or all of the above, of course.

Duh.

I don't know any other way to be...