A submissive's arousal...does it matter?

[DeepGreenEyes]

Domly types...does your submissive partner's sexual arousal really "matter" to you in the grand scheme of things? are you just as satisfied using her/him when they are dry and limp as you are when they are all wet and throbby for you? or perhaps you're MORE interested and stimulated the less physically responsive they are? or do you need to know and feel that they're physically enjoying and needing it all as much as or even more than you do?

subly types...please answer from your perspective.

Yes. It matters. Most of the time.

Part of this is control: I like making it happen. Being in charge. Creating pleasure. When. Where. How often. Orgasm control is satisfying to me.

Also, for me, two turned-on people (whether one is turned on by servicing, or being ignored or used) make a sizzling environment. And partly, it's a fairness issue. If you make me cum, I want you to get you what you need.

And sometimes, it doesn't matter at all. I just want to use.

 

[DVS]

I don't need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex. Sir loves to see me quivering and shaking during and after an orgasm though, so it often happens However I'm more relaxed and seem to enjoy it more when there's no "pressure to perform" if you like. Which often does result in an orgasm anyway!

I'm the same way. If I'm having fun, she's in the above state of body, shaking and quivering. I enjoy controlling her quivering and shaking body, and knowing something I'm doing is causing that quivering and shaking.

Because I enjoy forcing her into various situations, again and again...she can be shaking and quivering for a loooong time.

 

[rida]

Going back to OSG & seela talk about not liking cunnilingus.

Add me in with the I'm not crazy about it folks. I went many many years without and I had no problem with it. Most time is annoying, rarely just acceptable. I think what killed it for me is the pressure men puts on me of having to get wild just because they are eating me out.

So what I do when a partner wants to perform oral on me, I usually let them (the submissive in me) and quickly stop them and move on to something else.

For the record, I had a guy whose mean tongue could compare to a hitachi vibe for the frequency he could lick your clit out. Too bad the hitachi is way to strong for me

Now, curiously enough, when I think of myself as the Domme, one of the things I'm thinking of doing with my boy-toy sub is to use him as my human licking/fingering device.
And his arousal will matter only to the extent I want to use his cock to fuck myself.

 

[unknooown]

What VelvetDarkness wrote on page 1 pretty much describes me to a T. There are times that I'm interested in pleasing her, and then there are times I'm indifferent to her pleasure or opposed to it altogether.

At my most sadistic (when I'm really, really angry) I'll force her to come repeatedly in the least romantic way possible -- usually pinning her down and holding a vibe to her clit for as long as I fucking feel like it, and when she's reached the point where the thought of even closing her legs makes her cringe I'll hold her legs over her head and fuck her as hard as I can, enjoying her reaction as my pubic bone pounds against her clit.

But rarely does it come to that.

When things between us are good, I usually want her enjoy it. But sometimes things are good and I'm just feeling sadistic, so I'll fuck her especially hard just to do it. Also, sex is one of the ways I let off steam, so when I'm generally pissed off, at her or something else, I want to fuck and I don't care if she enjoys it. If she does, great. If not, whatever, maybe next time.

 

[subish2009]

Yes. It matters. Most of the time.

Part of this is control: I like making it happen. Being in charge. Creating pleasure. When. Where. How often. Orgasm control is satisfying to me.

Also, for me, two turned-on people (whether one is turned on by servicing, or being ignored or used) make a sizzling environment. And partly, it's a fairness issue. If you make me cum, I want you to get you what you need.

And sometimes, it doesn't matter at all. I just want to use.

I'm pretty sure this is exactly how both my husband and my online D think. Their sadism extends to drawing it out, making me beg, teasing me until I'm a quivering mess of needing-to-orgasm goo...then forcing me through as many as possible. Occasionally, they won't care if I cum, but they still want me enjoying it. Luckily, I cum easily, hard, and in dramatic multiples.

I feel pretty lucky; I was naively unaware that so many women found orgasms so distasteful, though I am aware of and can imagine the frustration and despair of a man being obsessed with the idea that the woman should orgasm when she either can't or doesn't want to. I've not been with a man other than my husband in...years. More than 5, less than 10...so, obviously, he's pretty efficient at it when he wants to be. I'm not sure how easily I'd cum for other men...

 

[kaycee217]

i don't waste too much time on it. Also, it's not like I get aroused doing laundry, and I hate that. I think for me its the idea that I'm submitting to a demand I do something that he knows I do not want to do, but I'm doing it anyway...and that turns me on.

Now, we are busy boring parents so it's not like this happens too much but when it does, it's hot as hell.

I hear you and I can relate to that . I just don't quite understand the why behind it. I guess I have some D/s play in my future, huh?

 

[kaycee217]

I don't really have a 'logical' reason, I've tried explaining the 'whys' of it to my husband before, and I can't figure out a good way to explain it. I just know that I can allow or make myself do something that I really don't want to do, like, or find appealing, and at a certain point it's like the disgust, dislike, or whatever reason behind my hate of the act just doesn't matter. At that point, it's a weird kind of disconnect.

Yeah, a good deal of what happens past the point where I 'give in' to it can get me sexually aroused, but I think the actual arousal/pleasure is more from my mental state. I don't like it, but I'm doing it, and he won. No point in fighting it until next time, so I may as well find a way to enjoy the situation, and the fact that it may be an act I despise is just fuel for that.

I won't go so far as to say that all, or even many, people do that, submissive or not, but for me, that's what happens. I don't like it, but eventually I seem to realize it's not going to change, stop resisting/complaining, and from there it can go to actual enjoyment if the situation is right, at least til the next time it comes up.

Hmmmmm, ok; whatever works for you .

 

[kittyn_]

Hmmmmm, ok; whatever works for you .

Hey, I did warn that I can't make it make any sense outside of my head.

 

[sb2009]

OK about the cunnil....spelling

If I am comfortable with the person and I know that this person does not mind licking my pussy and is not doing it just becuase they think they should (and yes, I feel that most of the time, at least with me, that's they deal) I can relax and enjoy it.

But honestly, I don't enjoy it. I still have too many issues with accepting things, and this is a pretty big thing for someone like me to accept.

I have had women lick my pussy and make me come like I was on another planet...no idea why it makes a difference. It's obviously some crazy shit in my head. Deep in my mind is ingrained that men don't like doing it and are only doing it becasue they want to make me feel good...and I'm waaaayyy to fucked up to just let someone do something to make me feel good ROFL

 

[leomasoch]

Although we have known each other for years, I have never been allowed to penetrate my Mistress. Penetration does not suit her.

"I don't want a man bouncing up and down on me," is how she puts it. However she adores external stimulation and - since she does not find vibrators exciting - I , her 'oral slave', am frequently called upon to use my tongue for her pleasure. She has trained me to do what pleases her. I have to vary the speed of my licking, and to change from broad-tongue to narrow tongue, to vary the pressure with my tongue and the direction in which I lick, alternating between a sideways motion and up and down.

Whether I am allowed orgasm or not depends on her mood and on how well I have pleased her. The three-star reward is when she gives me an orgasm with her hand. The two-star is when I am allowed to bring myself to orgasm while she watches. The one-star is when I am sent away to do it to myself somewhere else and the no-star is when orgasm is denied me altogether.

You can imagine how hard I try to do a good job.

Leo

 

[ownedsubgal]

I don't think you can use that example, because it involves physical arousal, not mental arousal. I'm referring to the exact opposite situation: a submissive doing something they do not want to, but it results in mental arousal (sexually, presumably...I'm not sure) and even physical sexual arousal (again, presumably, I'm not sure, hence all my questions).

actually rape is the perfect example of this, because as you said, "I just don't understand how doing something you hate (or otherwise do not want to do) can result in sexual arousal, whether it's physical sexual arousal or mental sexual arousal."

there are many different reasons behind why and how someone can be sexually aroused (whether mentally or physically) while doing or being subjected to something they hate. sometimes it's purely physical, and your body stupidly responds to something you loathe. sometimes it's a self-defense mechanism, where mentally you focus on something else in order to make a situation more bearable....i have done this myself many times, in an attempt to make a sexual experience less painful and physically damaging. and sometimes it can even be a result of intensive conditioning: some cruel sadistic partner wanted your body to respond a certain way whenever they did X, so they pushed and trained until this result came about.

 

[ownedsubgal]

But the mental arousal is still sexual, is it not? If not, what kind of arousal is it? And if it is mental, how can sexual mental stimulation/arousal not result in physical sexual arousal?

very easily...the mind and body are not always connected. there are many times where i find a sexual experience very mentally arousing but my body is 100% not aroused.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

OK about the cunnil....spelling

If I am comfortable with the person and I know that this person does not mind licking my pussy and is not doing it just becuase they think they should (and yes, I feel that most of the time, at least with me, that's they deal) I can relax and enjoy it.

But honestly, I don't enjoy it. I still have too many issues with accepting things, and this is a pretty big thing for someone like me to accept.

I have had women lick my pussy and make me come like I was on another planet...no idea why it makes a difference. It's obviously some crazy shit in my head. Deep in my mind is ingrained that men don't like doing it and are only doing it becasue they want to make me feel good...and I'm waaaayyy to fucked up to just let someone do something to make me feel good ROFL

How about thinking of cunnilingus as a controlling act rather than a giving act? That way it's not the acceptance of a gift (which you have trouble with), but a surrendering of control. I get off on the agency involved. I've heard some women say the same thing about fellatio: they like the control.

 

[Netzach]

How about thinking of cunnilingus as a controlling act rather than a giving act? That way it's not the acceptance of a gift (which you have trouble with), but a surrendering of control. I get off on the agency involved. I've heard some women say the same thing about fellatio: they like the control.

If we were all lesbians this conversation would go so differently.

Assumption: butches do stuff, femmes are done.

Assumption: butches are top.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

If we were all lesbians this conversation would go so differently.

Assumption: butches do stuff, femmes are done.

Assumption: butches are top.

Oh, Evolution...
Where are you?
How long must we wait?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

How about thinking of cunnilingus as a controlling act rather than a giving act? That way it's not the acceptance of a gift (which you have trouble with), but a surrendering of control. I get off on the agency involved. I've heard some women say the same thing about fellatio: they like the control.

That works. *nods*

 

[Zachariah_Cane]

Deleted

 

[SirLeo]

Yes. It matters. Most of the time.

Part of this is control: I like making it happen. Being in charge. Creating pleasure. When. Where. How often. Orgasm control is satisfying to me.

Also, for me, two turned-on people (whether one is turned on by servicing, or being ignored or used) make a sizzling environment. And partly, it's a fairness issue. If you make me cum, I want you to get you what you need.

And sometimes, it doesn't matter at all. I just want to use.

I'm with DGE on this one, except I think too much can get placed on fairness, and the funny thing is that often our little subettes get more turned by the opposite, we just have to not let them know how much it turns us on to watch them get turned on....

Which doesn't mean there aren't plenty of times I jsut feel like fucking m's (what ever area suits me) just to get off and then enjoy the sight of her with the freshly fucked, cum dripping (from wherever) look.

Oh what a tangled web we weave.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I'm with DGE on this one, except I think too much can get placed on fairness, and the funny thing is that often our little subettes get more turned by the opposite, we just have to not let them know how much it turns us on to watch them get turned on....

Yes... that's why I phrased it as "I want you to get you what you need."

Thank god for opposites.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Sex is only good when the woman, (sub or not), is at her arousal zenith. God, who wants someone who just lays there.

um, i must inform you that someone who is not "at her arousal zenith" does NOT equate to someone "who just lays there." geesh, i wish that myth would hurry up and die already.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Yes... that's why I phrased it as "I want you to get you what you need."

Thank god for opposites.

DeepGreenEyes...how would you feel being with a submissive female who had no need for orgasm? not even a desire for it?...or even more, how would you feel if you had a submissive female with whom you could not exercise orgasm control, because they lacked the ability OR genuine desire to orgasm at all?

 

[Netzach]

DeepGreenEyes...how would you feel being with a submissive female who had no need for orgasm? not even a desire for it?...or even more, how would you feel if you had a submissive female with whom you could not exercise orgasm control, because they lacked the ability OR genuine desire to orgasm at all?

Answering for me:

I'd just go where the psychic candy was and dole it out.

 

[myass_yourhand]

Yes. It matters. Most of the time.

Part of this is control: I like making it happen. Being in charge. Creating pleasure. When. Where. How often. Orgasm control is satisfying to me.

Also, for me, two turned-on people (whether one is turned on by servicing, or being ignored or used) make a sizzling environment. And partly, it's a fairness issue. If you make me cum, I want you to get you what you need.

And sometimes, it doesn't matter at all. I just want to use.

From a subly view, I'm in full agreement on this. I've noticed that I'm a much more willing subject (object?) when I've been denied for a long long time.

It's been my experience with Domly characters, that they enjoy seeing the release (at some point) as much as the denying or postponement.

 

[subish2009]

From a subly view, I'm in full agreement on this. I've noticed that I'm a much more willing subject (object?) when I've been denied for a long long time.

It's been my experience with Domly characters, that they enjoy seeing the release (at some point) as much as the denying or postponement.

This. "At the time and place of my choosing" is what I'm often told. Or "when I'm good and ready." Hot.

 

[myass_yourhand]

This. "At the time and place of my choosing" is what I'm often told. Or "when I'm good and ready." Hot.

Ditto...fuck that, double ditto.