Bad Gift! Have I the Right to Feel Disappointed?

[3113]

LOL. Rule of thumb: No kitchen appliances unless they are specifically requested.

If we ruled those out my husband wouldn't have any choices at all for me Kitchen gadgets are among the few things I love getting. A new can opener would fill me with joy--if it's a cool can opener that is. If it's just a cheapo from the drug store I might not be so thrilled.

Husband has gotten wise, however. He lets me buy my own yuletide gift and ascribe it to him. This year he "gave" me a really cool digital kitchen scale. After bringing it home and showing it to him, I hugged and kissed him and told him how much I loved it. He preened and modestly told me it t'weren't nothing and he was happy I liked his present

 

[Stella_Omega]

Santa sometimes leaves cast iron under the tree at my house, my favorite cooking ware

 

[Loring2]

I'm confused

I think there's one thing you failed to take into account. Secret Santa events are voluntary. If the young man had no wish to participate, he could have merely abstained, but he chose to join in. That denotes a certain responsibility. He took on that responsibility and should have followed through appropriately.

And, dear James, assuming the woman involved has "no life" shows a narrow thought process. Having a full life doesn't mean there are no disappointments. I'm sorry you can't understand this.

Does everybody have an entitlement to the gift they want? If somebody wants a specific gift or at least a gift of a certain quality, is it still a gift or is it a demand? This whole thing is a bad joke.

 

[Lady_Guenivere]

My hubby once got me a can opener and was very proud of himself over it. Bonehead.

*snerk* I would have opened him a can of Pork and Beans with that can opener and given it to him for his Christmas dinner...

 

[oggbashan]

Santa sometimes leaves cast iron under the tree at my house, my favorite cooking ware

I had to go to France one December to buy a specific colour Le Creuset cast iron casserole pot. It was difficult explaining to the shop staff exactly what I wanted. Their English and my French were tried to the limit but we succeeded in the end.

I also had to find piano music for a French Carol. I had almost given up, had retired to a local bar for a refreshing beer, when I noticed in the bar's mirror the only music shop I hadn't tried. Success!

Og

 

[driphoney]

Phew! Thanks for the reminder of why I didn't even consider joining the Secret Santa here! (Tops among other reasons.) Some people are just better gift givers than others. Once I have to buy/make eek a gift for someone and I haven't been told specifically what they want, I freeze. Yep, a complete blank. And that look of disappointment in their eyes telling you that you've screwed up once again? Dreadful.

And I'm horrid at wrapping, too.

 

[3113]

Does everybody have an entitlement to the gift they want?

No. But there was no specific gift demanded--and you are missing the point. What was expected was that the person would put some thought, consideration, and respect into the gift they gave the other person, to show that they actually gave some thought as to what the other person might like. This gift showed none of that. Not one iota. THAT is the point. THAT is what this is all about. And why it's not a bad joke.

Every person has a right to expect consideration from a person who is giving them a gift, especially if they know that person and if that person knows them to some degree. And they have every right to feel disappointed--in the person and in the gift--when the person picks a gift that indicates no consideration or hints that they didn't give a shit about the gift they were giving or the person they were giving it to.

Getting a specific gift is not the issue. Nor is quality of gift. Not. The. Issue. The issue is getting a gift that shows that the person took some small amount of time and thought about what the recipient might want and like. That they didn't say, "Whatever!" and buy the first and easiest thing that came to hand.

 

[SlickTony]

SweetWitch, 3113, You've explained it as well as or better than I could have.

 

[kimbalee]

*snerk* I would have opened him a can of Pork and Beans with that can opener and given it to him for his Christmas dinner...

hahahahah! if only I had.

LOL. Rule of thumb: No kitchen appliances unless they are specifically requested.

Still beats a bank envelope, though. Didn't even get a card...I think he had an "oh shit" moment and ran to the bank before it closed yesterday. Nice to be thought of.

awww! (hugs) so sorry.

sometimes I get a card with no envelope, or one that he remembered the envelope but forgot to sign the card... but I've never gotten a bank envelope like that.

 

[SweetWitch]

SweetWitch, 3113, You've explained it as well as or better than I could have.

Years ago, while working at the TV station, I drew the name of one of the reporters. Being the HR manager, I knew most of the people there quite well, but this particular man was so reserved and quiet, few people knew much about him, and he'd been there for years.

It was a challenge. I watched news segments with him in them. I tried talking to him. I even called his wife who was as stumped as I was. She struggled a lot each year just to figure out what to get him.

The limit was $10. There were four days left to come up with something good. I finally caught a break in talking to one of the sports anchors. He told me the guy's favorite sports team and a-shopping I did go.

What he got was a very nice quality, warm hat with the sports logo on it that I caught in a pre-Christmas sale. I must have entered at least half a dozen stores to find the quality I wanted for the price. When he opened it at the party, he smiled politely and thanked me. I had no idea if he liked it or not. I stewed about it until I saw him that night on TV. He was doing a report outside, interviewing by-standers at some event downtown. He was wearing the hat--and looking rather dapper in it.

The anchor asked him about the new hat on the air and he proudly stated that it was one of his favorite gifts of all time. I probably got more pleasure out of it than he did. Whenever he did an outdoor report from then on, he was wearing it.

 

[3113]

The anchor asked him about the new hat on the air and he proudly stated that it was one of his favorite gifts of all time. I probably got more pleasure out of it than he did. Whenever he did an outdoor report from then on, he was wearing it.

What an awesome story! And why haven't you used this for the basis of a nice, little romantic erotica tale--maybe one for the Christmas Contest (next year?).

 

[SweetWitch]

What an awesome story! And why haven't you used this for the basis of a nice, little romantic erotica tale--maybe one for the Christmas Contest (next year?).

Mainly because he and I got to be pretty good friends after that. He passed away a year later of kidney cancer. His wife buried him with the hat. I guess it would just be too personal to make it a fictional story.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

3113

Guys wont do it unless theyre smitten with you.

Buying you Godiva or a dildo carved from jade is gonna get him a penalty flag from his old lady. Lets say youre an opera fan, and he goes to the trouble of discovering what appeals to you; his efforts create trouble at home. Worse! If youre as appealing as the city dump in August he does not want you getting the wrong idea about his sentiments for you. Been there, done that!

So we give Whitmans and Old Spice.

 

[Guest]

3113

Guys wont do it unless theyre smitten with you.

Buying you Godiva or a dildo carved from jade is gonna get him a penalty flag from his old lady. Lets say youre an opera fan, and he goes to the trouble of discovering what appeals to you; his efforts create trouble at home. Worse! If youre as appealing as the city dump in August he does not want you getting the wrong idea about his sentiments for you. Been there, done that!

So we give Whitmans and Old Spice.

BAH. I think that you are jaded and a bit of a humbug.

We do a "Secret Santa" in my unit and last year I got a woman. I just took my wife with me. She helped pick the gift based on what I knew of the soldier. All the gifts went on to a table, and no one could know who the giver was.

I got her a hooded sweatshirt in her favorite color (which she liked, but not loved) and ended up with an umbrella. We lived in the desert. Go figure.

The inability or unwillingness to pick out a meaningful gift doesn't mean that you can't enlist someone to help. It's part of being thoughtful.

 

[VeritasMaximus]

3113

Guys wont do it unless theyre smitten with you.

Buying you Godiva or a dildo carved from jade is gonna get him a penalty flag from his old lady. Lets say youre an opera fan, and he goes to the trouble of discovering what appeals to you; his efforts create trouble at home. Worse! If youre as appealing as the city dump in August he does not want you getting the wrong idea about his sentiments for you. Been there, done that!

So we give Whitmans and Old Spice.

I like this. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

BAH. I think that you are jaded and a bit of a humbug.

We do a "Secret Santa" in my unit and last year I got a woman. I just took my wife with me. She helped pick the gift based on what I knew of the soldier. All the gifts went on to a table, and no one could know who the giver was.

I got her a hooded sweatshirt in her favorite color (which she liked, but not loved) and ended up with an umbrella. We lived in the desert. Go figure.

The inability or unwillingness to pick out a meaningful gift doesn't mean that you can't enlist someone to help. It's part of being thoughtful.

A hooded sweatshirt! Gimme a break you fibbing weasle! Uh! What if she really really wanted a dildo with a 2 cycle gas engine? Would momma let you buy it for her? No.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

A hooded sweatshirt! Gimme a break you fibbing weasle! Uh! What if she really really wanted a dildo with a 2 cycle gas engine? Would momma let you buy it for her? No.

Like I said, been there done that. The Old Lady is never pleased when you spend money on the floozies at work.

 

[JackLuis]

A gift is a gift. You don't have to treasure it. Just be glad it wasn't a ...... (Fill in.)

and JB, if you have to quote yourself you are getting awfully desperate.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year all

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

A gift is a gift. You don't have to treasure it. Just be glad it wasn't a ...... (Fill in.)

and JB, if you have to quote yourself you are getting awfully desperate.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year all

I'm no slave to protocol and always go with the best available.

 

[Guest]

I'm no slave to protocol and always go with the best available.

Now, that struck me as funny.

And no, the wife would not have let me buy a coworker a dildo. Though I wish I had tested her reaction on it now that you bring it up. Man....the look in her face would have been priceless.

 

[CharleyH]

Every year my company gives a party, and at that time there is a gift exchange. Sometimes it's the Chinese system--you bring a gift, everybody draws a number, and they either get that gift or they get to take it from someone else. (In my Sunday school class Christmas social, the gift is always an ornament, and the cuter ornaments get taken from someone else so ferociously that we had to institute a rule, that after a gift has been taken from someone else 3 times, it's retired and the 3rd person gets to keep it). But I digress.

This year, the management decided to use the Secret Santa system, and so our HR person went about with a little basket with slips with everybody's name in it.

When the party happened, I didn't get my Secret Santa gift, because my Secret Santa had not come to the party. Well, I figured that I'd get it the next day. So on Monday, our HR person told me, "Your Secret Santa is E***, and he forgot your gift at home, but you'll get it tomorrow." I said OK and started looking forward to what I'd get.

My Secret Santa is someone who's been there for about 2 years, and he and I take the same bus home, so we've had lots of conversations. We're both into music and food; I'm a vocalist, he's a flamenco guitarist; and we're both foodies. We've had lots of free-ranging convos about both subjects, especially food, and all the different cuisines we like and have ventured to cook. We're both familiar with Anthony Bourdain and Andrew Zimmern.

So I thought that even if he didn't wish to spend a whole lot of time thinking up a Christmas gift for me, a no-brainer solution would be something like, oh, an iTunes card or, a gift card from Penzey's, or since his wife works at Whole Foods, something from there. When my sister, who lives in LA, visited me a couple weeks ago, I took her to Native Sun, which is like Whole Foods only not quite as much so, and there I discovered garam masala flavored cashews in their bulk foods section, so I figured Whole Foods would have stuff like that too.

The following day, our HR person brought me my Secret Santa gift form E***, and I eagerly tore off the wrapping to find...a Whitman's Sampler.

Now, I did not ever consider Whitman's to be high-end chocolate, not even when I was a kid and Stover's, Brach's and Whitman's was about all there was. (And in the time since, we've got Godiva! Lindt! Dove! Tobler! And so much more!) However, if one of the redneck pressmen from our other installation on the west side of town had drawn my name and got me that, I'd have been OK with it; I could follow his train of thought: my recipient is a woman, most women like chocolate, check.

But E***, with whom I've discussed how long a hand of ginger will keep in the fridge and the proper way to dry Scotch bonnets and the best place to buy star anise and jasmine rice? I did expect something a little...different. It wouldn't have had to exceed the budgetary constraints specified by the company. You can get lots of nice things for $10 or less. Honestly, I'd have rather had a Godiva box with only six pieces in it than...Whitman's. I've never had Whitman's candy that didn't taste...well, less than fresh. And did I mention that there was a cherry cordial, but it leaked onto the cover sheet?

Well, the nice thing about a Secret Santa system is that I don't have to thank the fellow for it. But I am very disappointed. I don't feel so much angry at him as...well, abashed. I realize that I might not be as interesting to every guy I know as I think I am, but it's like every single thing I've said to him or around him just went in one ear and out the other. I've hardly been able to talk to him since.

Be thankful you got anything at all. Christmas is about giving.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Be thankful you got anything at all. Christmas is about giving.

Jesus Charley, read the post before you respond to it. And just maybe-- skim the rest of the pages before you do...

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think there's a horror story in this adventure.

 

[SlickTony]

Years ago, while working at the TV station, I drew the name of one of the reporters. Being the HR manager, I knew most of the people there quite well, but this particular man was so reserved and quiet, few people knew much about him, and he'd been there for years.

It was a challenge. I watched news segments with him in them. I tried talking to him. I even called his wife who was as stumped as I was. She struggled a lot each year just to figure out what to get him.

The limit was $10. There were four days left to come up with something good. I finally caught a break in talking to one of the sports anchors. He told me the guy's favorite sports team and a-shopping I did go.

What he got was a very nice quality, warm hat with the sports logo on it that I caught in a pre-Christmas sale. I must have entered at least half a dozen stores to find the quality I wanted for the price. When he opened it at the party, he smiled politely and thanked me. I had no idea if he liked it or not. I stewed about it until I saw him that night on TV. He was doing a report outside, interviewing by-standers at some event downtown. He was wearing the hat--and looking rather dapper in it.

The anchor asked him about the new hat on the air and he proudly stated that it was one of his favorite gifts of all time. I probably got more pleasure out of it than he did. Whenever he did an outdoor report from then on, he was wearing it.

It is a wonderful sweet moment when you hit the bull's-eye. That is such a sweet story.

My sister and I get along very well right now, but there was a time when we were very much at odds with each other. After a while, I decided it was time to start building bridges, rather than burning them. For one of her birthdays I got her Stevie Nicks' Belladonna, and she said that now she didn't have to try to copy the tune off the radio onto cassette. (Bear in mind this was the 70s; that was about all the technology most of us had.)

We mostly get our tunes from iTunes and exchange CDs, but I still feel good over that particular gift.

 

[SweetWitch]

It is a wonderful sweet moment when you hit the bull's-eye. That is such a sweet story.

My sister and I get along very well right now, but there was a time when we were very much at odds with each other. After a while, I decided it was time to start building bridges, rather than burning them. For one of her birthdays I got her Stevie Nicks' Belladonna, and she said that now she didn't have to try to copy the tune off the radio onto cassette. (Bear in mind this was the 70s; that was about all the technology most of us had.)

We mostly get our tunes from iTunes and exchange CDs, but I still feel good over that particular gift.

I remember recording from the radio. LOL.

I have one of those relationships with my own sister. Since the death of her son, she's mellowed some, but is still given to bouts of yelling for no apparent reason. I think I'm the only one in the family who truly understands her, so I'm the only one who forgives her bouts to some extent. I'm also the only one who knows how to make her stop.

We still fight. We still get loud. But she's my sister. What can ya do?