Bad Gift! Have I the Right to Feel Disappointed?

[SlickTony]

Every year my company gives a party, and at that time there is a gift exchange. Sometimes it's the Chinese system--you bring a gift, everybody draws a number, and they either get that gift or they get to take it from someone else. (In my Sunday school class Christmas social, the gift is always an ornament, and the cuter ornaments get taken from someone else so ferociously that we had to institute a rule, that after a gift has been taken from someone else 3 times, it's retired and the 3rd person gets to keep it). But I digress.

This year, the management decided to use the Secret Santa system, and so our HR person went about with a little basket with slips with everybody's name in it.

When the party happened, I didn't get my Secret Santa gift, because my Secret Santa had not come to the party. Well, I figured that I'd get it the next day. So on Monday, our HR person told me, "Your Secret Santa is E***, and he forgot your gift at home, but you'll get it tomorrow." I said OK and started looking forward to what I'd get.

My Secret Santa is someone who's been there for about 2 years, and he and I take the same bus home, so we've had lots of conversations. We're both into music and food; I'm a vocalist, he's a flamenco guitarist; and we're both foodies. We've had lots of free-ranging convos about both subjects, especially food, and all the different cuisines we like and have ventured to cook. We're both familiar with Anthony Bourdain and Andrew Zimmern.

So I thought that even if he didn't wish to spend a whole lot of time thinking up a Christmas gift for me, a no-brainer solution would be something like, oh, an iTunes card or, a gift card from Penzey's, or since his wife works at Whole Foods, something from there. When my sister, who lives in LA, visited me a couple weeks ago, I took her to Native Sun, which is like Whole Foods only not quite as much so, and there I discovered garam masala flavored cashews in their bulk foods section, so I figured Whole Foods would have stuff like that too.

The following day, our HR person brought me my Secret Santa gift form E***, and I eagerly tore off the wrapping to find...a Whitman's Sampler.

Now, I did not ever consider Whitman's to be high-end chocolate, not even when I was a kid and Stover's, Brach's and Whitman's was about all there was. (And in the time since, we've got Godiva! Lindt! Dove! Tobler! And so much more!) However, if one of the redneck pressmen from our other installation on the west side of town had drawn my name and got me that, I'd have been OK with it; I could follow his train of thought: my recipient is a woman, most women like chocolate, check.

But E***, with whom I've discussed how long a hand of ginger will keep in the fridge and the proper way to dry Scotch bonnets and the best place to buy star anise and jasmine rice? I did expect something a little...different. It wouldn't have had to exceed the budgetary constraints specified by the company. You can get lots of nice things for $10 or less. Honestly, I'd have rather had a Godiva box with only six pieces in it than...Whitman's. I've never had Whitman's candy that didn't taste...well, less than fresh. And did I mention that there was a cherry cordial, but it leaked onto the cover sheet?

Well, the nice thing about a Secret Santa system is that I don't have to thank the fellow for it. But I am very disappointed. I don't feel so much angry at him as...well, abashed. I realize that I might not be as interesting to every guy I know as I think I am, but it's like every single thing I've said to him or around him just went in one ear and out the other. I've hardly been able to talk to him since.

 

[Guest]

deleted

 

[DeeZire]

He's a guy, right? There's your problem.

One way to get the most out of the gift would be to drop it off at a homeless shelter. They'd probably appreciate it.

 

[glynndah]

Could've been worse. Slim Whitman Sampler?

It sounds like a "Oh, no! I forgot all about that Secret Santa thing. I hope there's something here at Walgreen's since I'm already here picking up cough medicine."

 

[TE999]

He's a thoughtless clod. I'd avoid him from now on.

 

[_Lynn_]

It happens. Donate it if you don't want the chocolate. Then forget about it. There's enough to worry about in life without adding something so minor.

 

[3113]

It sounds like a "Oh, no! I forgot all about that Secret Santa thing. I hope there's something here at Walgreen's since I'm already here picking up cough medicine."

Yeah, I think that's what happened, too. Which means you can still be disappointed in him and his gift, but don't think too long and hard on it. It is a $10, work-related, secret-santa gift. Not like something you got from an old friend or your husband.

 

[O2]

Gift

I'd feel disappointed, depending on a few things you could.....

Bring it to work and on the way home (since you ride the same bus) offer him some and see what happens.

Give it to someone as a regift

Donate it

Leave it on your desk for others or in the break room

 

[SlickTony]

Could've been worse. Slim Whitman Sampler?

It sounds like a "Oh, no! I forgot all about that Secret Santa thing. I hope there's something here at Walgreen's since I'm already here picking up cough medicine."

That's probably what happened--either that, or he got his wife, who doesn't know me from Adam's cat, to do it. (But she works at Whole Foods! It still doesn't make sense!)

I probably ought to have dropped the box off at Sulzbacher (J'ville's homeless shelter) but did eat some of the pieces, and have left it out where others can get at it.

I was eating one of the Toffee Chip pieces (which is not unlike a small Skor or Heath bar) when my right front bicuspid, which supports the front end of my bridge, broke, leaving a fragile shell of enamel with a sharp edge that abraded the inside of my upper lip. And I wasn't even chewing on that side! I got an emergency appointment at my dentist and he fixed it. I am pretty sure that the piece of candy and the cracked tooth are unrelated, as the dentist warned me that this could happen any time, but the two events are now connected in my mind.

I've decided that should I draw E***'s name next year, I shall kill him with kindness: I'll get him the iTunes card or the gift card from Penzey's.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You win my Petty Prick of the Year Award.

The guys a dolt, for sure, but the problem isnt the candy, millions of women eat Whitman's (most men have no idea any other kind exists); the problem is how he discounted you with his tardiness. I mean, the whole thing is an excuse to be depressed for less than $10. Grow up.

 

[VeritasMaximus]

Does it really matter that much? I mean, if he were your SO and gave you something that lame, then I'd understand you being upset. But, this is just some random dude. Chocolate is better than a Chia Pet, right? I'd eat it up and be happy about it.

 

[oggbashan]

My wife used to work in a local supermarket. Their Secret Santa presents had to cost no more than two pounds and had to be bought in the supermarket.

All the gifts were disappointments in one sense, but a lot of enjoyment because the givers used their imagination in choosing. Fruit and everyday underwear were popular but one of the lads who had a reputation for binge drinking was given four cans of alcohol-free lager.

Og

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

My wife used to work in a local supermarket. Their Secret Santa presents had to cost no more than two pounds and had to be bought in the supermarket.

All the gifts were disappointments in one sense, but a lot of enjoyment because the givers used their imagination in choosing. Fruit and everyday underwear were popular but one of the lads who had a reputation for binge drinking was given four cans of alcohol-free lager.

Og

The whole Secret Santa idea is lame cuz you always have a Tony with hurt feelings. It never fails.

 

[TxRad]

Tony, there is another way of looking at this.

Secret Santa... No one knows who gave what
The HR person.... knows all and has excess to all

Maybe everyone got Whitman and the HR person has a ton of the good stuff squirreled away.

 

[bisolom]

All this because of disappointment over a token secret santa gift?
Jeez!

 

[SweetWitch]

Okay, guys, allow me to explain something:

We women are--almost from birth--conditioned to think of others before ourselves. Our mothers and grandmothers put their own needs, wants and desires on hold to take care of their families. When a mom is sick, her children are still cared for because their needs are more important. When she needs a new coat to keep her warm, she weighs that against the needs of her babies and her husband (if he's in the picture) and often goes without. If she sees something in a store display that she's often dreamed of having, she smiles wistfully and the item remains in the store because Jr. is in need of a new pair of shoes. It's what we do.

When it comes to events like birthdays and Christmas, we take the time to think what would make our children the happiest, what would give our significant others that wonderful look of joy we've spent our lives feeding on. Our friends get the same consideration in hopes of making them smile. We put a lot of thought into it. We put our hearts and souls into it. We even sacrifice to achieve it, then wrap it up in pretty paper with carefully constructed bows and sparkling ribbon.

To say a "token" gift from a secret santa is insignificant is wrong in the hearts of women. Even something so "trivial" is given thought and consideration.

So, after spending the holiday season making, baking, shopping for the perfect gift that we researched and worked so hard to find or create, receiving a box of stale chocolates from a pharmacy shelf or finding nothing under the tree for oneself can feel like a slap in the face. It's disappointing, it hurts and it sucks.

It's not the expense that counts here. It's the thought--or lack thereof. I got a lopsided pinch-pot with one cracked side and my initial scratched into the bowl from my child and a plain bank envelope with money from my husband. Which do you think I treasure? I'll probably spend the cash on groceries but my daughter's gift gets the place of honor on my mantle.

 

[kimbalee]

To say a "token" gift from a secret santa is insignificant is wrong in the hearts of women. Even something so "trivial" is given thought and consideration.

So, after spending the holiday season making, baking, shopping for the perfect gift that we researched and worked so hard to find or create, receiving a box of stale chocolates from a pharmacy shelf or finding nothing under the tree for oneself can feel like a slap in the face. It's disappointing, it hurts and it sucks.

I couldn't agree more. The more impersonal the gift is, the worse one feels.



And keep in mind though, sometimes even the good guys just suck at choosing gifts. My hubby once got me a can opener and was very proud of himself over it. Bonehead.

 

[SweetWitch]

I couldn't agree more. The more impersonal the gift is, the worse one feels.



And keep in mind though, sometimes even the good guys just suck at choosing gifts. My hubby once got me a can opener and was very proud of himself over it. Bonehead.

LOL. Rule of thumb: No kitchen appliances unless they are specifically requested.

Still beats a bank envelope, though. Didn't even get a card...I think he had an "oh shit" moment and ran to the bank before it closed yesterday. Nice to be thought of.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Okay, guys, allow me to explain something:

We women are--almost from birth--conditioned to think of others before ourselves. Our mothers and grandmothers put their own needs, wants and desires on hold to take care of their families. When a mom is sick, her children are still cared for because their needs are more important. When she needs a new coat to keep her warm, she weighs that against the needs of her babies and her husband (if he's in the picture) and often goes without. If she sees something in a store display that she's often dreamed of having, she smiles wistfully and the item remains in the store because Jr. is in need of a new pair of shoes. It's what we do.

When it comes to events like birthdays and Christmas, we take the time to think what would make our children the happiest, what would give our significant others that wonderful look of joy we've spent our lives feeding on. Our friends get the same consideration in hopes of making them smile. We put a lot of thought into it. We put our hearts and souls into it. We even sacrifice to achieve it, then wrap it up in pretty paper with carefully constructed bows and sparkling ribbon.


To say a "token" gift from a secret santa is insignificant is wrong in the hearts of women. Even something so "trivial" is given thought and consideration.

So, after spending the holiday season making, baking, shopping for the perfect gift that we researched and worked so hard to find or create, receiving a box of stale chocolates from a pharmacy shelf or finding nothing under the tree for oneself can feel like a slap in the face. It's disappointing, it hurts and it sucks.

It's not the expense that counts here. It's the thought--or lack thereof. I got a lopsided pinch-pot with one cracked side and my initial scratched into the bowl from my child and a plain bank envelope with money from my husband. Which do you think I treasure? I'll probably spend the cash on groceries but my daughter's gift gets the place of honor on my mantle.

And the average guy cant care less about what it means if you arent his mom, his daughter, wife, or girlfriend. Its just one more pain in the ass chore to do.

 

[SweetWitch]

And the average guy cant care less about what it means if you arent his mom, his daughter, wife, or girlfriend. Its just one more pain in the ass chore to do.

And this is why many would consider you a boor. Not me, of course. I dont' know you, but I'm glad you're not my secret santa. Merry Christmas anyway.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

And this is why many would consider you a boor. Not me, of course. I dont' know you, but I'm glad you're not my secret santa. Merry Christmas anyway.

I know, and I know how women get when they have no life. They inflate the most insignificant deeds into profound insults, or romantic fantasies. Either way they fly, everythings a big fucking deal.

 

[SweetWitch]

I know, and I know how women get when they have no life. They inflate the most insignificant deeds into profound insults, or romantic fantasies. Either way they fly, everythings a big fucking deal.

I think there's one thing you failed to take into account. Secret Santa events are voluntary. If the young man had no wish to participate, he could have merely abstained, but he chose to join in. That denotes a certain responsibility. He took on that responsibility and should have followed through appropriately.

And, dear James, assuming the woman involved has "no life" shows a narrow thought process. Having a full life doesn't mean there are no disappointments. I'm sorry you can't understand this.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think there's one thing you failed to take into account. Secret Santa events are voluntary. If the young man had no wish to participate, he could have merely abstained, but he chose to join in. That denotes a certain responsibility. He took on that responsibility and should have followed through appropriately.

And, dear James, assuming the woman involved has "no life" shows a narrow thought process. Having a full life doesn't mean there are no disappointments. I'm sorry you can't understand this.

Guys! Dont be tricked by the galz. They use holidays to play every con there is. If you play along they dismiss you as a fool or use it for a sexual harrassment complaint or proof of your luv, and if you blow them off they call you names; you cant win.

Here's one of their favorite tricks. The girlz get together and organize Christmas lunch at work, then they divide all the cheap stuff among themelves...store-brand cola, day old rolls, cheap cookies, pickles...then they go to the youngest guy in the office and announce that his contribution is the $50 cold-cut tray.

 

[SweetWitch]

Guys! Dont be tricked by the galz. They use holidays to play every con there is. If you play along they dismiss you as a fool or use it for a sexual harrassment complaint or proof of your luv, and if you blow them off they call you names; you cant win.

Here's one of their favorite tricks. The girlz get together and organize Christmas lunch at work, then they divide all the cheap stuff among themelves...store-brand cola, day old rolls, cheap cookies, pickles...then they go to the youngest guy in the office and announce that his contribution is the $50 cold-cut tray.

My goodness! What kind of company do you keep? Might I suggest a better class of friends?

 

[TxRad]

My goodness! What kind of company do you keep? Might I suggest a better class of friends?

Don't be using those big words like friends, you'll confuse him.

Some people don't understand the meaning of that word, and I'm not talking about just him. But he is a good example.