Is a girl kissing another straight girl cheating?

[cymbline]

I was reading an article on MSNBC called Does flirting on Facebook count as cheating? They gave different scenarios about cheating and asked if you would consider this cheating. The below is one of those scenarios. If found this to be a very interesting situation and one I never thought of.

Is a girl kissing another straight girl cheating?
“I’d been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half when I flew to L.A. to go to a girlfriend’s bachelorette party. We got dressed up, rented a limo and went out to a bunch of bars. Along the way, we picked up a few guys, who later bought us tons of drinks. As we got more and more drunk, the girls got flirtier with each other, and the guys were egging us on. Before I knew it, I was lip-locked with a girl in the back of the limo — for a while! At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal, but when I saw my boyfriend back in Chicago, I felt really bad. Even though he’d often joked that he found it hot when women made out with each other, I decided not to tell him about the wild night I’d had.”

Would you consider this cheating? Why or Why not?

 

[MisterSir]

I'm going for the straight technical definition: You engage in sexual activity with somebody else and it doesn't have the consent of your current significant other, that's cheating.

 

[HISALONE]

Technically, yes, it's cheating. But depending on the relationship you have with your boyfriend, it might not be a problem for him. Pick your time and tell him about it. Make it into something he can enjoy too - fantasy? - and don't let it happen again - unless he's with you.

 

[Eilan]

I'd say it depends on the rules/guidelines that the couple has established, assuming they've talked about it.

I tend to believe that if you're doing something IRL or online that you have to hide from your partner because you think he or she would be hurt by it, then it's probably cheating.

 

[Quoll]

For me, if you (a general, non specific you) feel bad about it, then you have cheated* or crossed a (personal) moral line.
Even though in the case you mentioned she had no intent to cheat, and on the surface her boyfriend didn't seem to be averse to the idea, she felt bad, she had crossed her line.










*semantics aside (let's face it if you are arguing over the semantics of what is cheating you probably have crossed your personal line and are looking for a way to justify it.

sonofabitchistartedtypingthisoneminuteafteritwaspostedfrickenkidsandvisitors

 

[silverwhisper]

what eilan said, and added emphasis on the disclaimer re: it being dependent upon the relationship.

ed

 

[Mac98]

Dude, I'd have paid my ex-girlfriend MONEY to make out with her friends... I really don't see this as cheating. Some women are even open enough to be comfortably naked in front of each other... if it were a guy, it would be a different story... at least in my opinion.

 

[infinity706]

I was reading an article on MSNBC called Does flirting on Facebook count as cheating? They gave different scenarios about cheating and asked if you would consider this cheating. The below is one of those scenarios. If found this to be a very interesting situation and one I never thought of.

Is a girl kissing another straight girl cheating?
“I’d been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half when I flew to L.A. to go to a girlfriend’s bachelorette party. We got dressed up, rented a limo and went out to a bunch of bars. Along the way, we picked up a few guys, who later bought us tons of drinks. As we got more and more drunk, the girls got flirtier with each other, and the guys were egging us on. Before I knew it, I was lip-locked with a girl in the back of the limo — for a while! At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal, but when I saw my boyfriend back in Chicago, I felt really bad. Even though he’d often joked that he found it hot when women made out with each other, I decided not to tell him about the wild night I’d had.”

Would you consider this cheating? Why or Why not?

I honestly think the drunk, flirty part is the major concern first. That's how we get stds and unplanned pregnancies.

As for the cheating, the big issue is the hiding it part. The kissing or even full sex would really be a questionable area that depends on the people involved. There are no hard, fast rules for what's allowed in any particular relationship other than what those people agree on.

 

[cymbline]

Mac98 said what my first thought was when I read this. If it were a man no question it was cheating, but with another women. That caught me off guard.

 

[MisterSir]

Mac98 said what my first thought was when I read this. If it were a man no question it was cheating, but with another women. That caught me off guard.

That is a really, really, really stupid, unhelpful and fucked-up attitude, and Mac's is worse.

 

[Quoll]

That is a really, really, really stupid, unhelpful and fucked-up attitude, and Mac's is worse.

So why not say you disagree and explain your reasons instead of going straight for abuse, it's hardly conducive to a civilised discussion.

 

[MisterSir]

Alright.

It's really really really stupid, unhelpful and fucked-up because it's yet another double standard that the aforementioned idiots are propagating. Somehow, the same act performed with the same motivations and with the same end result stops being cheating and becomes "TOTALLY AWESOME LOLZ" when it's done with a member of the same sex. And this ain't going to be a civilised discussion.

 

[Eilan]

The sex of the participants doesn't/shouldn't make any difference, IMO, but it obviously does to some people. I think if the person asking the question were male and were engaging in sexual behaviors with a woman--or another man, for that matter--there'd be outrage.

I think because of the sentence "Even though he’d often joked that he found it hot when women made out with each other, I decided not to tell him about the wild night I’d had" I'd be inclined to say this is cheating, mainly because of the secrecy involved.

 

[Missgeorgi]

Yes... very much so...

 

[Quoll]

Mac98 said what my first thought was when I read this. If it were a man no question it was cheating, but with another women. That caught me off guard.

The sex of the participants doesn't/shouldn't make any difference, IMO, but it obviously does to some people. I think if the person asking the question were male and were engaging in sexual behaviors with a woman--or another man, for that matter--there'd be outrage.

I think because of the sentence "Even though he’d often joked that he found it hot when women made out with each other, I decided not to tell him about the wild night I’d had" I'd be inclined to say this is cheating, mainly because of the secrecy involved.

It shouldn't make any difference who was doing it, but as Cym said, the first thought that comes to mind is "Oh it's just two chicks" which seems to be more acceptable these days (right or wrong), as opposed to a guy drunkenly kissing a women or vice versa, in that case almost everyone would say that's cheating. ( Oh crap, that's what you said Eilan, serves me right for skimming posts and not waking up first)

I suspect this was why she chose this particular example, and I wonder, if we didn't know the girls feelings about her drunken kiss, how we would then interpret her actions, particularly since there is a small amount of implied (maybe not consent, but certainly an interest) from her boyfriend.

 

[Mac98]

And this ain't going to be a civilised discussion.

Sorry, I didn't realize I wasn't entitled to my opinion. I guess then we should just all go around posting how people who get kinky about incest or homosexual intercourse are all "really, really, really stupid", right? Cuz, I mean, incest and homosexual intercourse aren't "politically correct", are they?

Look, pal, I'm not saying the intentions are different, or even that it's technically better than male on female, I'm just saying that by my standards, I wouldn't have a problem seeing my girlfriend kissing another woman... but I would be pretty pissed if she started making out with another guy.
Don't lie to yourself, it would be MUCH easier getting over a breakup if your girlfriend admits she's gay rather than her leaving you for another man.

 

[Cathleen]

Interesting question. I'm with Eilan and others, if you hide it there is a problem. It has nothing to do with gender or behavior even, it's what's going on in your mind. Having to question it already puts you on a slippery slope, IMO. The most important part is what the couple has deemed acceptable within their relationship.

 

[Eilan]

Does anyone who was around a few years ago remember bisexplicit's thread? For some reason, I'm reminded of it as I read this thread.

 

[Quoll]

Does anyone who was around a few years ago remember bisexplicit's thread? For some reason, I'm reminded of it as I read this thread.

Good call, I had forgotten about that one.

 

[daus42]

The answer for the majority is yes. Let me ask you what your reaction would be if you found out your BF was making out with another guy?

 

[jenniboo]

The answer is yes.

 

[satindesire]

I guess because I'm pansexual and see any permutation of gender as equal opportunity partners, I can say that I would see this as cheating, yes.

The package between the legs really shouldn't matter, logically, in terms of definitions of cheating. But not everyone will share that opinion.

 

[Mac98]

Well, see, this is how I see it:

1) The woman had drank a lot, her judgement may have been impaired...

2) She obviously had no emotional connection with the woman

3) It was a one-time thing. It hadn't been going on for months.

4) It was a friend of hers

5) And most importantly, it was a female friend.


Another scenario: The woman has intercourse (or whatever form of intercourse is possible between 2 women), she's dry sober, she's absolutely in love with this other woman and she's been seeing her for quite some time. THEN, I might have a problem with it. But the above story I would have zero problem with. I wouldn't care if my girlfriend/wife/significant other were to have 1, brief, drunken lesbian fling with one of her friends... I seriously wouldn't.

 

[Cattypuss]

SOme others above have it right:

If you'd rather your partner didn't know about it, it's cheating.

 

[Eilan]

But the above story I would have zero problem with. I wouldn't care if my girlfriend/wife/significant other were to have 1, brief, drunken lesbian fling with one of her friends... I seriously wouldn't.

I know it's not the same as the above story, but what if your SO did this, but she decided not to tell you and you found out from someone else several months later?