First Loves

[SweetErika]

My first love just popped into my head after many years, and on a total whim, I googled his name. Seeing his present-day pics and bio managed to stir up something in my very core.

Weird.

Then again, maybe it's not so strange? He was my first in many ways, and we had such an intensely emotional, sexual, tumultuous relationship. There was love, but not very much like there, and while I sometimes wished things were different, I knew we would never work out. He felt the same, from what I could gather, and we simply went our separate ways.

Now his email address is sitting on his site kind of taunting me. Part of me wants to catch up, but at least an equal part wants to keep him in the past.

Anyway, what were your first loves like? Have you stayed in touch, reconnected after years, or just kept them as memories?

 

[MisterSir]

My first love never reciprocated it and I've never properly gotten over her, although I'm nearly there. The process has not really been helped by the fact she's one of my good friends, but given the choice between that and not having her in my life, that's not really a choice.

 

[fgarvb1]

The closet I came to even talking to her was when I ran into her sister and stopped at her house to catch up on things.

She called while I was there...And her sister would not let me talk to her!

Seems she was happily married with a bunch of kids and her sister wanted her to stay that way...Thank you very much.

Meddling females!

 

[fire_breeze]

*sigh* First loves. I actually had this conversation with several of my friends, and from what I can gather, they seem to be in two categories: either remembered fondly or not.

I don't know if I consider him a first love, but if I have to admit it deep down, I did love him. It was a bizarre relationship, like all of my consequent ones . I guess I would classify it as an intense friendship. Emotionally, it wasn't turbulent, and yet it was.

He was the bastard who utterly and completely shattered my heart. Totally and wholly with a thoughtless gesture. But for some reason, we are friends and still maintain fairly regular contact and listen and support each other. In fact, I'm hoping to see him and his girlfriend sometime in the summer.

Weird, I know.

 

[silverwhisper]

heh...an interesting question, erika. the woman who was my first love depends upon how one interprets the question, but while my first girlfriend was one person, my first real love was the second woman with whom i was ever involved. that was one of those classic tempestuous relationships that forced me to realize i wasn't anywhere near the kind of man i hoped i was.

we've sort of stayed in touch: i spoke with her on her 40th birthday, in fact, a very thoughtful present from her present.

if anyone's interested, i blogged the story of that relationship some time ago.

ed

 

[Eilan]

My ex-husband was my first love. We met when we were 10 and had a fairly innocent boyfriend-girlfriend thing in elementary school and some of junior high. In high school, we were very good friends, though we did have one falling-out which I won't go into here. We kept in touch as friends when he left our hometown to go to college, and about a year later, we officially became a couple. We crashed and burned in a huge way a few years after we married; both of us played a role in that.

If it weren't for our girls, I probably wouldn't be in touch with him at all, but we have a fairly cordial relationship right now. He'd probably go so far as to say we're friends, but I'm not that generous.

 

[gothic_nymph]

ahhhhh... First love!! His name was Craig.. he was quite a bit older then me... But times change and people drift apart... But it was wonderful while it lasted!! Always puts a smile on my face to remember him. I too stop and wonder what he's been doing with himself...

 

[unregistered]

 

[daintyfemme]

He was my first boyfriend and we dated for 7 years
I was a high school girl, he was a college boy.
Then I went to uni, he was still a college boy.

I graduated, I started my carreer.. and there he was... a very faithful college student....
When I told him I'm leaving him, he went crazy. He started to beat me and all.
Stalked me everywhere I go, beg me to come back in the most crowded places, called my office 100 times a day, he made my life felt like hell..
I have to move house and changed all my phone numbers.

And just few days ago, I saw his friend request on my facebook account. I declined.
No, I don't wanna see him anymore. Never

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

My first love. Ugh lol where to start. He was a senior and I was a sophomore in high school. I was so infatuated with him at first and loved the idea that the girls hated me for dating him and "taking him off the market." He was mentally fucked up. He had just lost his mother and I should have seen the signs. I should have known, but when youre young you dont think. Everything went fine for 6 months then things went wrong, and I stuck around like an idiot. A week after valentines day, a year and about 4 months into our relationship he dumped me.

He shattered me so throughly by just dumping me, no explanation. He hurt me so bad, yet I still speak with him. A part of me will always care for him but I will never again love him like I once did.

I just feel bad for the poor guy Im with now. I must seem like such a mental case because of the dicks ive dated

 

[cromsgirl]

A different take

I was raised overseas on military bases. My first love was my first boyfriend in high school. We were both sophomores. We only dated about 4-5 months because his father got stationed somewhere else. So we had a "good" breakup. Several years after that I saw him on a high school site and he looked very similar to my husband ( which is nothing like what he looked like in high school). A few years ago I got back in touch with one of our mutual friends and saw him on her myspace page. I had the urge to message him and see how he was doing, but I didn't.

 

[SweetErika]

I just feel bad for the poor guy Im with now. I must seem like such a mental case because of the dicks ive dated

Everyone's screwed up and has baggage. Some people are just better than hiding it than others, although that's often not healthy or productive.

I feel bad for my husband for having to deal with my issues, too, but it's really a two-way street and his problems are just buried deeper than mine.

A few years ago I got back in touch with one of our mutual friends and saw him on her myspace page. I had the urge to message him and see how he was doing, but I didn't.

What held you back from contacting him?

 

[gloriann]

I am fortunate that I have only truly loved once. However, all my past "loves" are just that, past loves. It is a concious choice to keep it that way.

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

Everyone's screwed up and has baggage. Some people are just better than hiding it than others, although that's often not healthy or productive.

I feel bad for my husband for having to deal with my issues, too, but it's really a two-way street and his problems are just buried deeper than mine.

Yeah, we were discussing some of my issues last night and its just my greatest fear that he will get so fed up with the way I handle things that he'll leave. Again my brain overworking itself but the fear is still there.

However talking my crazy brain out to people, never seems to help. *sigh*

 

[BlueEyesInLevis]

He was my first boyfriend and we dated for 7 years
I was a high school girl, he was a college boy.
Then I went to uni, he was still a college boy.

I graduated, I started my carreer.. and there he was... a very faithful college student....
When I told him I'm leaving him, he went crazy. He started to beat me and all.
Stalked me everywhere I go, beg me to come back in the most crowded places, called my office 100 times a day, he made my life felt like hell..
I have to move house and changed all my phone numbers.

And just few days ago, I saw his friend request on my facebook account. I declined.
No, I don't wanna see him anymore. Never

you should consider a restraining order if he continues

 

[Shadowann2]

Yeah, we were discussing some of my issues last night and its just my greatest fear that he will get so fed up with the way I handle things that he'll leave. Again my brain overworking itself but the fear is still there.

However talking my crazy brain out to people, never seems to help. *sigh*

God! I know just what you mean! I've had so many problems in my past, and been screwed over so many times, that I have massive trust issues. I know I do things that push him away, but I can't seem to help myself. He has been wonderful and understanding, but I know everyone has their limit. I'm getting back into counseling so I don't let my ex's behavior ruin the best relationship I've ever been in.

 

[yummielady]

http://www.picturehoster.org/storage/409.jpghttp://www.picturehoster.org/storage/411.jpgI am fortunate that I have only truly loved once. However, all my past "loves" are just that, past loves. It is a concious choice to keep it that way.

In the near future, you can find your destiny.. who'll love you..

 

[gloriann]

In the near future, you can find your destiny.. who'll love you..

Smiles... thank you... I have. The one love I mentioned is the one love I carry with me now.

 

[breezyblue]

I graduated, I started my carreer.. and there he was... a very faithful college student....
When I told him I'm leaving him, he went crazy. He started to beat me and all.
Stalked me everywhere I go, beg me to come back in the most crowded places, called my office 100 times a day, he made my life felt like hell..
I have to move house and changed all my phone numbers.

And just few days ago, I saw his friend request on my facebook account. I declined.
No, I don't wanna see him anymore. Never

oh gosh! please be very careful daintyfemme - I just heard that something very terrible happened to someone I know in a similar situation. I might go so far as to say not to wait to get a restraining order against this bloke. hope things get better for you.

As for my first love - I am still with him and we just reached 4 years together a few days ago . I hope it lasts forever because I am very in love. Although its a long shot it would seem, I still am hopeful it will all work out for us even though we in someways are very different people.

 

[Shadowann2]

My first love started in 6th grade. We were together for 3 years. He was my first kiss...the first guy I made out with...and the first guy who's dick I touched.

We lost touch after freshman year. We were going to different high schools and our lives were just worlds apart. I have tried to look him up on MySpace and sites like that, but no luck. He has a fairly common name and I have no idea if he even lives in my home town. Lol...even if he did, my home town is the 7th largest city in the country, so it's like looking for a needle in a haystack anyway.

I would very much like to know what has become of him and how his life has turned out. One thing I'd really like to know is if he ever changed his mind about blow jobs being gross!

 

[chelleb]

My first love never reciprocated it and I've never properly gotten over her, although I'm nearly there. The process has not really been helped by the fact she's one of my good friends, but given the choice between that and not having her in my life, that's not really a choice.

Wow, this sounds like me, except it was a 'he' not a 'she', lol. I especially agree with the statement that I'd rather have him a part of my life in some capacity, even if it's not the way I want.

I often think about my first crush too. I wouldn't call it love, cause it wasn't love. Even went so far as to make my first choice in colleges based on where I thought he was going (I was VERY wrong however, lol, but ended up loving the school I went to).

It's funny how thoughts of people in your past suddenly spring up for no apparent reason. Though I'm curious as to what my crush is doing with his life, I haven't really tried to search him out.

 

[Mr.G]

1st Love

Was at Univ in the Maritimes. Different Univs but we both lived fairly close to each other in Montreal. She was a sweetie and loved sex. Loved it. I just wish I knew then what I know now. At the end of the 2nd yr I moved to Toronto and she went back to the Maritimes to finish teachers college. Distance sucks. I seem to have bad luck with that. We kinda blew up vs drifting apart but then we reconcilled at the end and wished each other well.

When we split I didn't touch another girl for 2 yrs almost. It was like heroin and if I couldn't MY drug I preferred to be alone. I spoke to her Mom once after a mutual friend died in a helio crash and I found out she'd married and had just had her 2nd bambino so I was very happy for her.

Well after my Sue died (with her 21 yrs) I looked for Julie and a couple of other g/fs I'd had in the past. I could never find her though. She's somewhere in the Maritimes still and I would NEVER contact her unless I found out she was divorced or her mate had died too - but then weirder things have happened.

It's a good topic. Interesting. First loves are more like first PAINS because the emotional loss when you split is the first time HEARTACHE hits and no man or woman has any clue before that happens how painful and long lasting it can be. Would I change things if I could?? That's a hole (sic) nuther thread isn't it??

 

[amy711]

Here's a question. My fiancee and I am very in love and have been together for 2 years.

However, I am not his first love, his was a woman much older than him who he had a long distance relationship with for 2 years. She took his virginity and it was a highly sexual relationship from what I can make out.

I have never had another man in my life and am still a virgin. Now I am not necessarily jealous, but I can't help but wish that I was his first love (although he says that the love he feels for me is so much more than what he thought he felt for her) and first sexual experience as well. I suppose I feel a bit inadequate that I am not experienced and not his first as well....

Any thoughts? Anyone else ever feel this way? I know what is past is past, but the thought just kind of comes up every so often....

 

[CWatson]

I think you might've been better served by starting your own thread. But in any case.

I think it's normal to have a few insecurities about a lover's past experiences. Not only is there performance anxiety ("Am I going to be good enough?"), there's also fear of comparison. "Am I going to be as good as his past lovers?" The answer to that is dependent on several things. First off, if he's smart, he'll know that you, as a virgin, have a lot to learn (and if he isn't aware of that, tell him so in no uncertain terms ). Second off, he'll also know that good sex is something you learn--and that willingness to learn is way more important than actual experience. A girl who's been with fifty men but simply lies back and thinks of England is not a good lover, no matter how much "experience" she has. Conversely, a virgin who wants to please her lover, asks for his advice & applies it, and is willing to explore and try new things on her own, is going to be very good lover, even if that one man is the only person she has sex with over her entire life. Third off, he'll know that he's a bad lover too--at least, where you are concerned. Sex is very personalized, and there's always exploration to do. The fact that he's been with another woman does not mean that he is going to be able to have good sex with you, because (unless something is outrageously wrong here) you are not that other woman, and the tricks or habits that please her may not have any effect on you. Sure, he's got a list of things to try straight off the bat, but they won't necessarily work. You have such a list as well; and if not, cruise this site for tips and make one!

And he probably feels the same about you too. I can tell you personally that, occasionally, I would have pangs that my (then) fiancée was not going to be my first lover. I thought that it would have been really special if she was the only one who knew me that way, and I her. Of course, then we broke up. But nonetheless.

 

[Denae]

I'm only relating this to my first "adult" love. We met when I was 27 and he was the first man who ever treated me like a lady. He opened my eyes to how I should be treated. (I can't say I was ever treated like shit or abused, simply had my heart broken by men I should never have entrusted with it.)

I learned from him that it's okay to let a man help you just because, i.e. carrying a grocery bag for you. I was so darned independent, and still am, and I'm still a work in progress in that area.

Breaking up was painful, but he was the first guy who had never cheated on me, who "manned up" and had a conversation about ending the relationship instead of being mean and doing stupid things that made me break it off. We both cried the night we broke up, and we still saw each other several days a week as friends. I thought that if I just gave him some room to think through his issues, that our relationship would get back on track in due time.

After a couple of months of hanging out at either his place or my place, zero intimacy which was fine, I just couldn't bear it any longer. I felt like I was walking on egg shells. I had also begun to go to counseling to help resolve baggage that I was carrying with me. I finally had to tell him that he had to stop calling me and asking how I was doing, that he had to stop calling my mom, that we really had to end the relationship so that I could get over him.

We ran into each other a couple of years afterwards. My father had passed away and my ex was going in for a fairly simple surgery. I called his mom the day of his surgery to see if he came out of it okay and she was thrilled to talk to me. He called me a few days later and wanted to reconnect. We spent a couple of hours together on a hike and I realized that he had done nothing in that two-year time span to resolve his issues. I knew that if we resumed a serious relationship, we'd run into the same problems.

It took me nearly two years to get over him. When I had ran into him, I was in a good place after a year or so of counseling and just the passage of time. I could not gamble what I had gained on another chance with him.

I have no desire to connect with him at this stage in my life. I have always wished him happiness with whomever he is with in his life. He was a beautiful man to me, and he will always be a man who made a difference in my life.