First Loves

[SweetErika]

Look on the bright side, Amy: first loves are very rarely last loves. If you had been his first, it probably wouldn't have worked out as well as it has thus far because he may have needed the experience he gained with his first to make your relationship successful.

And it sounds like you are his first in many ways, if that makes you feel better. We never love quite the same because people are always so different.

 

[Kikori]

I'll probably be called a nerd for it, but the first person I genuinelly fell in love with was a girl I'd known for 2+ years online. A lesbian from a different country. I'm trusting enough to assume that people behave online extremely close to how they would be in person, and if she really did act the same, she was (and still is) just someone I could love happily. Lesbian? At the time, I was willing to think the lack of sexual attraction from her to me wouldn't bother me. Three things happened. One, she found herself in love with me enough to consider that me being a guy wasn't as bad as she thought, since the affectionate attraction was enough to make her consider bisexuality instead of straight lesbianism (oxymoron?). Two, time. No more together. Three, she and I are still great friends. ^_^

 

[Denae]

Look on the bright side, Amy: first loves are very rarely last loves. If you had been his first, it probably wouldn't have worked out as well as it has thus far because he may have needed the experience he gained with his first to make your relationship successful.

And it sounds like you are his first in many ways, if that makes you feel better. We never love quite the same because people are always so different.

That is so true. The man I love now is a more complete love than my first adult love; and he will be my last love, whether we "last" or not.

 

[silverwhisper]

amy711 quoth:
i am not his first love, his was a woman much older than him who he had a long distance relationship with for 2 years. she took his virginity and it was a highly sexual relationship from what i can make out.

sex does not equal love, and when you come right down to it, your fiancee didn't ask her to marry him, did he? :>

amy711 quoth:
i have never had another man in my life and am still a virgin. now i am not necessarily jealous, but i can't help but wish that i was his first love (although he says that the love he feels for me is so much more than what he thought he felt for her) and first sexual experience as well. i suppose i feel a bit inadequate that i am not experienced and not his first as well...

any thoughts? anyone else ever feel this way? i know what is past is past, but the thought just kind of comes up every so often...

amy, my first serious relationship was with a woman 2 years my senior who was very experienced. i was up until then a virgin. that relationship was your classic tempestuous archetype. it ended eventually, as all such relationships do, it seems.

you know, i'm much happier making love with my wife. every single damned time.

be secure in the knowledge that he loves you, not her. sure, maybe you aren't experienced, but experience isn't everything, amy. indeed, attitude IMX counts for a whole lot more than experience, i would say.

so long as you're focused on helping one another be happy, the rest will attend to itself. promise. :>

ed

 

[CWatson]

sex does not equal love, and when you come right down to it, your fiancee didn't ask her to marry him, did he? :>

I'm CWatson, and I approve of this message.

Sex is sex; you can have it with anyone, whether you love them or not. (For instance, when you have sex with someone who merely likes you, we call it "Friends with Benefits". And if you have sex with someone that hates you, we call it "rape".) Love is love; you can have it with anyone, whether you sex them or not... But it's much harder to get. Which one do you have?

 

[RunningJib]

A Sad Tale

My high school sweet heart and I attended the same university. When she was a freshman and I was still in high school, we maintained a long distance relationship. She'd come home for weekends and I'd make the drive to K'zoo.

The summer before I went to WMU, I was working afternoons at a factory and she worked during the day.

So fall finally rolls around and we are now both on campus. Long story short, she wanted to be w/ me every single minute and I didn't. We broke up, but continued to date. A year later, she wanted to move in w/ me. A week later, I give her a call to say yes. The preceding Tuesday, she moves in w/ this guy that lives in her same apartment building.

Thirty, thirty-five years go by and her uncle dies. I take my mother to the uncle's funeral and of course 'K' is there w/ her husband and two boys. 'K''s dad approaches me, we chat and exchange cards. A half-hour later, I am summoned over to the Mr. K's table and he reintroduces me to 'K' and her two boys. "K' is pissed. It is obvious. I complement 'K' on her handsome boys, tell her that her husband and her have a fine family and beat a retreat.

I'm not sorry that we were reintroduced. But what a missed opportunity! How sad!

Dear Erica, I'd say drop him a line. Worst case scenario is 1.) he's forgotten you or 2.) take out a court order against you. Regardless, I think he'll appreciate that someone was thinking about him.

Me, all I wanted to know is if 'K' found what she was looking for and was happy.

 

[manofsteel52]

I recently moved back to the same small town where we both grew up, and she still lives. When I was going into the military, I sat down and had a chat with her, told her I wouldn't expect her to wait for me, and would understand if she saw other guys. She swore on a stack of bibles she wouldn't want anyone else, and was going to wait.
I believe she was with my "best friend" before I even got to the airport.
I always had very fond memories of the time we had, though, and often fantasized about how things might have been.
We see each other socially now on occasion, but there's no spark there, just old acquaintances.

 

[gigi1968]

My first love from high school and I have gotten back in touch. We still have a lot in common but the miles come between us. We had tried to get back together in college and it was short lived. Great while it lasted though. I believe this was more of a case of "puppy love".


Now when in college I met someone as little sister for a fraternity. I was 18 ans he was 28. We maintained a great friendship for over 25 years. We went through his going active Navy and a few years later, me active duty army....marriage to others, kids, and divorces together. We recently met up again on a trip home for me, and the fireworks are still there. The only problem we have is our distance. I am not able to move because I have a great job, but we are finding a way to make it work Long distance and all....

He did state he should have never waited this long to act...

 

[AZNinAZ]

Ang and really, never really got over it. It doesn't help that we're still friends and talk on a regular basis. But whatever, just something ya deal with. Ya just man up, move on, and pray to god you don't do anything too stupid.

 

[bailadora]

Anyway, what were your first loves like? Have you stayed in touch, reconnected after years, or just kept them as memories?[/B]

My first love was my high school boyfriend and we were together for nearly three years. The first two years were fairly smooth but the last year proved more rocky. We were at the same university for our freshman year in college and as we spent more and more time together on a daily basis, it became clear that a lot of our values and goals did not mesh. Sadly, we didn't part on the best of terms. I've tried googling or searching for him on classmates.com or on other social networking sites but mostly it's a surface curiosity of how he is doing and where he ended up in life. Beyond that, I have no desire for contact.

 

[thruster315]

My first true love was a pretty hot & heavy affair right out of college. It wasn't that I didn't have other girlfriends while I was in college but this one particular gal I thought was The One. She was to be the one I was going to bring home to the parents and spend the rest of my days with. I had known her somewhat in school but really didn't start discovering that we had some similarities until my last year. We talked quite a bit and really had a good time.

A few months into the relationship as things heated up, I discovered that I was her very first. First boyfriend, first kiss, first sexual partner-- the whole enchilada. And maybe it was her youth & yearning to explore but she cheated on me a year into the relationship. I was devastated but like a schmuck that I was at the time, I took her back only to have some of her "friends" telling her that she should play the field (they didn't have any boyfriends of their own and I was stealing one of their Musketeers). It didn't last obviously. She still had some maturation to do and since I was out of school by that time, I was ready for career, stable relationship and really thought I had something to offer.

Over the years through mutual friends I found out that she had a subsequent boyfriend cheat on her and she felt the sting of being cheated on. There are still times that I want to call her up and just chat. There are certain times that I just want to go to her apartment, ring the doorbell and ask if I can fuck her brains out after all of these years. I don't know if I've ever truly healed from being cheated on nor do I really want to re-open a wound from years past. It'd be awkward to say the least. We've both gone our own individual paths but one never forgets.

 

[Cattypuss]

I had had lots of boyfriends and had had sex, but I didn't love anyone til I met K when I was 21 We lived together as lovers for 11 years, then the relationship ended. He has remained my closest friend, however, ever since (nearly a decade).

We would not work as a couple now and neither of us desires that. Sex and related matters have been totally out of the equation too since the day we split. We became platonic friends very easily after we split.

I would do anything if he was in danger/need etc and I'm pretty sure that cuts both ways.

 

[thruster315]

We would not work as a couple now and neither of us desires that. Sex and related matters have been totally out of the equation too since the day we split. We became platonic friends very easily after we split.

I would do anything if he was in danger/need etc and I'm pretty sure that cuts both ways.

I just recently re-discovered an old flame on Facebook a few months back and I think we're in the same boat. We burned pretty hot there for awhile and since the amicable split, we've chatted back & forth. Sex is definitely out of the question for the friendship to flourish now.

Admittedly it is awfully nice years later to find out what it was that brought the both of us together back then.

It's odd how I still crave intimacy with the first love (not that it'll happen) and yet don't crave it as much with subsequent love interests. I'd like to think that I'd chalk it up to maturation on my part and maybe some additional seasoning, but one wonders if it wasn't just the exploration & initial fascination that was so unique with the first love.

 

[silverwhisper]

thruster quoth:
it's odd how i still crave intimacy with the first love (not that it'll happen) and yet don't crave it as much with subsequent love interests. i'd like to think that i'd chalk it up to maturation on my part and maybe some additional seasoning, but one wonders if it wasn't just the exploration & initial fascination that was so unique with the first love.

interesting observation!

i think that the novelty of the experiences certainly plays a part in the way we frame our future expectations of such experiences, so yes, the fact that she was your first has a lot to do with it. but you also built expectations within that relationship because of who she was at the time, and how that person interacted with who you were at the time. you mention in the post earlier that you thought she was "the one". that means that she passed a girlfriend material and also as spouse material for you.

that means she was pretty damned special, thruster. who she was then, i think, unlocked some of who you were then.

ed

 

[Mac98]

My first love never reciprocated it and I've never properly gotten over her, although I'm nearly there. The process has not really been helped by the fact she's one of my good friends, but given the choice between that and not having her in my life, that's not really a choice.

That is perhaps THE worst feeling surrounding love, isn't it. I feel your pain all too well. I had a friend I was in love with too... BUT, life goes on, doesn't it...

 

[PertPerth]

My first love never reciprocated either - but I am VERY over him. It wasn't until we dated the second time (8 years later!) it lasted 3 weeks...we didn't sleep with each other, but it cured me. He made me realise how horrible, depressing, mean he really was! (No kidding - the last sms I got from him said "are you still a bitch?") So, you'll probably not be surprised that I dumped him the second time around.

*edited out my life story*

I've been in love several times - but am still waiting for it to be reciprocated. Yep, 30 and never had a boyfriend tell me he loved me.
It's very hurtful to open yourself up to someone only to hear "I think you're really pretty, but I can't see us having a future together".

So, yeah....still waiting for "the one"

 

[MisterSir]

That is perhaps THE worst feeling surrounding love, isn't it. I feel your pain all too well. I had a friend I was in love with too... BUT, life goes on, doesn't it...

What, it not being reciprocated? Christ no. Quite aside from the acknowledged truth that we'd make a horrible couple, the worst feeling surrounding love is when you feel something for a person and you think they feel it as well, but other factors get in your way - THAT sucks.

 

[Mac98]

Nah, I have to say the worst feeling surrounding love is probably loving, being loved and that person passing away (I just stole that quote from someone, but I forget who, someone on this site).

That must be the hardest.

But as for me, I was quite madly in love with that friend and I knew it wasn't reciprocated... never even told her how I felt, but I just knew it wasn't. We're still friends, we hang out once in a while and I'm thankful to have at least that... but I must say, you're right... there are much worse feelings than that, which I hope to never have to go through...

 

[NightL]

"My first love..."

...contacted me after a thirty years... She found me through a school related website. How strange, how curious, how absolutely intriguing! Email exchanges led to a phone conversation. Her voice... so familiar. Lives, past marriages, children and grand children were discussed. Mutual acquaintances remembered.

We now live on opposite sides of the globe. We discovered that we were to be visiting our home country at the same time. "Why don't we catch up...?" ...and we did. No rekindling of a teenage romance and nor was it intended. An afternoon of walking along a sunny beach... there was a warmth and knowingness that felt comforting yet a little eerie (in a nice way) after thirty years...

We keep in contact... Friends exchanging confidences and relationship advice, which led me to exclaim the following: "...and I talked earlier about adulthood… seems we are actually not much different than we were at seventeen. "

 

[Mac98]

"My first love..."

...contacted me after a thirty years... She found me through a school related website. How strange, how curious, how absolutely intriguing! Email exchanges led to a phone conversation. Her voice... so familiar. Lives, past marriages, children and grand children were discussed. Mutual acquaintances remembered.

We now live on opposite sides of the globe. We discovered that we were to be visiting our home country at the same time. "Why don't we catch up...?" ...and we did. No rekindling of a teenage romance and nor was it intended. An afternoon of walking along a sunny beach... there was a warmth and knowingness that felt comforting yet a little eerie (in a nice way) after thirty years...

We keep in contact... Friends exchanging confidences and relationship advice, which led me to exclaim the following: "...and I talked earlier about adulthood… seems we are actually not much different than we were at seventeen. "

That's a pretty intense story! Something you'd see in a touching, dramatic, romantic Hollywood movie. Sorta' like the movie "The Notebook" in some ways. Nice!

 

[NightL]

That's a pretty intense story! Something you'd see in a touching, dramatic, romantic Hollywood movie. Sorta' like the movie "The Notebook" in some ways. Nice!

I don't really see it quite that way... but it is a reminder that friendships should never be taken for granted, they should be cherished.

I could go on and on about this, but then I would sound like one of those nauseating angel chain-letter emails that I hate SO much

 

[LotusDreamer]

I had crushed on my first love for years before we got together. We had a great
relationship, I experienced many firsts with him. After awhile I outgrew him, it was unavoidable.

We've seen each other multiple times over the years, we laughed about the old
days, told each other how little we've changed over the years (in
appearance). Each meeting has ended with us huggin' and wishing one another well.

 

[Mac98]

I don't really see it quite that way... but it is a reminder that friendships should never be taken for granted, they should be cherished.

I could go on and on about this, but then I would sound like one of those nauseating angel chain-letter emails that I hate SO much

It's still a wonderful story.

 

[lick8your8face8]

I'm sitting next to my first love right now. We met in high school when we were 14 and dated on and off for 15 years. We moved in together last August and are about to celebrate our 1st year together.

 

[irishwoody]

To answer the question.

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