Honesty on the Lit boards

[Cathleen]

On the lighter side, is the cumming from oral thing a test? I think I failed.

Well then other measures would have to be explored!

 

[keiffers]

I'd say that sites like match.com are the regular bars, whereas this site is a strip club (or other equivalent). And as with real life, one probably shouldn't go to a titty bar looking for the love of their life. That's not to fault anyone who has done that (online or in real life), heaven knows I've let the thought cross my mind too. But it's probably not the most realistic search.

maybe so, but quite honestly, most people that talk seriously here about meeting don't talk specifically about sex.....so this actually is no different than match.com.....they're all exactly the same, just different environments and you can't say one is any less tame than another....

 

[pokerface01]

Learning the board commands still!

 

[pokerface01]

Well then other measures would have to be explored!

Oh whew, a make-up test. What shall it be?

*grabs his number 2*

 

[Le_George]

Great topic. Though a male, I too worry about the honesty of others on the internet. You never quite know who you're talking too, and even though I know it's perhaps more difficult for women, men are very much in the same situation. So often I wonder whether I'm really talking to an 'honest woman,' whether she may be a fraud of some sort, or perhaps, a man pretending to be a female. You never quite know, and so I've always been rather careful and limited my talks to individuals I might speak to on a site like this. In fact other than Lit, I've rarely if ever posted on a similar site or interacted with someone I did not know over the internet in a strong emotional or sexual manner.

As the the internet gets more and more unsecure, and various personal information is out in the open, you have to be careful. I'm sorry about your situation, though I hope it will serve as a good warning for other women (and men)

 

[trent0553]

i'd much rather hear the painful truth myself, than to be lied to. When someone tells you the truth, it means they respect you as a person. To me, that means a whole hell of a lot.

.

And when they lie to you.... and string you along.... they only want something from you for their own personal gain. You are no longer a person, and most definitely not a friend.

I personally think these two quotes sum it up concisely in an nutshell.

 

[Cathleen]

Great topic. Though a male, I too worry about the honesty of others on the internet. You never quite know who you're talking too, and even though I know it's perhaps more difficult for women, men are very much in the same situation. So often I wonder whether I'm really talking to an 'honest woman,' whether she may be a fraud of some sort, or perhaps, a man pretending to be a female. You never quite know, and so I've always been rather careful and limited my talks to individuals I might speak to on a site like this. In fact other than Lit, I've rarely if ever posted on a similar site or interacted with someone I did not know over the internet in a sexual manner.

As the the internet gets more and more unsecure, and various personal information is out in the open, you have to be careful. I'm sorry about your situation, though I hope it will serve as a good warning for other women (and men)

Welcome to Lit., George. That's well said.




This most certainly is NOT a male/female issue, it's about people and their behaviors. Dishonesty doesn't know gender, race, etc, etc. I'd be nice if people treated each other with more care.

 

[Cathleen]

Oh whew, a make-up test. What shall it be?

*grabs his number 2*

Although much of my work is done with a pencil, that gave me SAT flashbacks. : )

 

[SimpleGifts]

A few observations, as online interactions are one topic that I've studied for a while...

1) Dishonesty and manipulation are not, as noted, behaviors that are restricted to this forum, or to the Internet. It is quite possible, and fairly common, for people to profess monogamous relationships with multiple people whether it's by phone, e-mail, or in person. It's just a lot easier to lie if the person can only communicate by typing or phone...easier in the sense that there are always excuses for not being available 24/7. But this happens all the time in the offline world, with both sexes (or more), and especially with LD relationships.

2) I believe it's also easier for the liar, because that person doesn't have to look you in the eye and lie to you. If you're an entity on the screen, it's easier for the liar to think of you as a construct, as an object, and not as a person with real emotions. Plus, if you do "bust" that person, it's easier for him or her to disappear and avoid you...and likewise, he or she doesn't have to see you cry. Online relationships are more facile as a result of this.

3) Paradoxically, it's much easier to be sucked into a very intense relationship online, because a lot of us lose our inhibitions here. We think that the relative anonymity of this forum enables us to be completely authentic...and thus we are more susceptible to falling for anyone who validates the self that we present and who seems to understand and accept what we say. Again, not saying that everyone who compliments you here is a liar trying to get you into bed (or the cyber equivalent)...but we often ignore the warning signs ourselves, along the way.

4) When online relationships happen in a place like this and blossom, they can be truly wonderful and a testament to the power of the Internet to enable connections that otherwise might not have occurred. With every new technology, however, caveat emptor remains the best policy.

I am not saying these things as a paragon of honesty, btw...I've lied to people, although I am not manipulative by nature and I had my reasons for doing so. But I agree that in an ideal world, this SHOULD be a haven where we can safely express our innermost desires and have them reinforced by likeminded community members...and maybe meet someone who is a true kindred spirit. Sadly, the Internet is far from ideal...it was established to be an ad hoc, chaotic, and inherently unmanaged environment, and the social structure here mimics the technical architecture.

I'm sorry that you had this experience...if nothing else, this forum is also a good place to find others who have been victimized in this way and gain mutual comfort and understanding. And realize that the ones who do the lying in this case are almost always seeking their own validation and need that ego boost...which makes them inherently weak.

SG

 

[Spenser41]

First of all, I know some of the women that have been lied to. I want to say I am sorry. Sometimes Lit reminds me of jr hi then a site for adults. There is alot of immaturity on here.
I am glad that not all women believe that all men are like this. I have heard of too many of my friends who have been used like this and it just pisses me off.
These assholes make the rest of us look bad. And I wish that these guys would realize that women are not tits, ass and pussy, but a person in a female body with a heart, a spirit and a mind and they should be treated with respect.

I hope more people will out these users... both men and women...

 

[Le_George]

Welcome to Lit., George. That's well said.

This most certainly is NOT a male/female issue, it's about people and their behaviors. Dishonesty doesn't know gender, race, etc, etc. I'd be nice if people treated each other with more care.

Thank you for the welcoming!

And I agree with you, this is an issue that faces everyone in some degree or another.

 

[age_matters]

Wouldn't it suck if you thought you were talking to a lady and he turns out to be a man lying to be one.

 

[Le_George]

Wouldn't it suck if you thought you were talking to a lady and he turns out to be a man lying to be one.

Yes. Unless...you were perhaps into that, lol.

 

[age_matters]

Yes. Unless...you were perhaps into that, lol.

Definitely not into that.

It's almost impossible to prove that she's what she is.

 

[Le_George]

Definitely not into that.

It's almost impossible to prove that she's what she is.

Me neither!

It is rather impossible, so you just have to hope that there are decent, honest people out there (both in reality and the virtual world) I have to believe - and I know that there are plenty of success stories and perhaps many members on here have their own - that going online is not the best way to find something 'serious,' and it can often be disappointing if not dangerous.

 

[Noor]

Definitely not into that.

It's almost impossible to prove that she's what she is.

Talk to her on the phone. I am a phone person, I can read a person better on the phone.

I too have been lied to by men on lit and I can tell you that most of the serious ones really regret ever having lied to me.

I get ones who later come back and apologize. Some I forgive but I don't forget. It would take a lot more than mere apology to ever let them close to me again.

I should also mention that there is a fair amount of mental illness on lit, and some of these people are living in alternate realities, which makes it very hard because you don't realize that you have become part of it.

A few years ago I suggested a lit blacklist of players. Maybe also the ones who like to break up relationships for fun.

However I do think it is possible to meet good people on lit, I know I have. As far as the lover or love of your life, they can be anywhere, even here. On lit you are exposed to people you would never be able to meet otherwise, and you know they aren't the 10% of the population who is non-sexual.

 

[Morrigu]

I am cynical and never trust anyone anyway,
hence the words I live by are in my sig line...

That being said it is my belief that this is a
sight that is dedicated to fantasy & play. Truth
is not often found in either. If one thinks of it as
fantasy and nothing more, then I think one will
be fine.

I have learned that nothing here is real, especially
monogomous relationships. Most people come here
to escape what the real world deals them day to day.
I don't think this is the place to find that special someone
or special relationship...

I think that if you go into a relationship here, expect
nothing and you will not be disappointed.

Just my humble observations & experiences.

I think these words are perfect Kel

Pink, AF, Cate................I'm so sorry that you were hurt in this way

 

[Miel Sauvage]

There are couples that include others in cyber chat. We have several close friends that join us on occasion. Its fun! They understand that it's entertainment, and take it at face value. We're able to seperate fantasy from real life. On occasion, we get together as a group for coffee and inevitably wind up laughing ourselves to tears remembering the fun! We don't have sex with them in person because none of us want to lose each others friendship.

All of us know people that have been burned by Internet Romeos and fair Juliettes that have crossed the line. Every one of them lured into secretive relationships that eventually imploded, leaving ill feelings and hatred in its wake.

Pick your cyber friends carefully folks. If you think he's hot as hell, so do 100 other women waiting in line to cyber with the dude. Conversely, the most enchantingly beautiful face can easily mask a troubled soul.

Do you rememer the movie called Fatal Attraction? Sex, half-hearted promises of love, obsession, compulsive lies and continual harassment when the party's over is alive and well at Lit. Be careful!

 

[pink]

I think these words are perfect Kel

Pink, AF, Cate................I'm so sorry that you were hurt in this way

Thank you, sweetie, i am just very lucky i didn't let myself get closer to that particular man. i'm not really hurt, i am however, disappointed in him. i really liked him as a person, he was very kind and sweet to me.

i know his home life sucks and that Lit feels good but we are adults here. You don't plan a future meeting with someone and then, in the very same trip arrange to fuck someone else too, not without being honest with both women. i sincerely think this man would have arranged to meet me and AboutFace both, neither of us knowing about the other. We are big girls, we can handle total honesty. Happily, i have just started seeing someone recently, he seems to be a good solid, honest man.

i'll check back later and say hi to everyone.

 

[AboutFace]

Thank you, sweetie, i am just very lucky i didn't let myself get closer to that particular man. i'm not really hurt, i am however, disappointed in him. i really liked him as a person, he was very kind and sweet to me.

i know his home life sucks and that Lit feels good but we are adults here. You don't plan a future meeting with someone and then, in the very same trip arrange to fuck someone else too, not without being honest with both women. i sincerely think this man would have arranged to meet me and AboutFace both, neither of us knowing about the other. We are big girls, we can handle total honesty. Happily, i have just started seeing someone recently, he seems to be a good solid, honest man.

i'll check back later and say hi to everyone.

He is sweet.... and in that lies the hook. I don't know what to believe about his home life. It really is hard to have sex when you don't sleep even near each other and you can't get it up, though. (wow - still finding all the sexual dynamo and raging hard-on talks rather amusing)

We hadn't planned on meeting this upcoming trip. No. (even though he's dying for a 3some.... and would have happily watched) It was the last trip that I had wanted to come meet with him.... but he "wouldn't have even an hour available to see me since he was with family".... but he spent the whole day with you.... in detail. He had told me that this upcoming trip was with the wife and kids. I'd love to know how he expected to fit you in again. But - where there is a will, there is a way.

You see.... I was going to fly out to the west coast to see him.... and I guess not have sex since he isn't capable without assistance. Thing is... had there been honesty all along, even that would have been fine. I really felt love towards the guy.

 

[chunu]

Hmm. Intriguing thread. With some brains behind it, and some damn good posts. How to get into it without getting myself into sweet sweet trouble (but at the same time walking the fine line to not seem to be taking the all men/women are bastards theme lightly).

If you look to the side, I have listed myself as three characteristics, in descending order of importantance (yes, that is Descending).

Yes, I flirt around here, I admit that, but I have come here after years of experience in chatrooms where I was the innocent wee naif before realising that OMG what on Earth do women let you KNOW when it is in a side conversation. After a real life break up - my first truly madly deeply in ashes, if you will - I threw myself into the online world with avegeance - scarred by and scared of real life women, and the blind dates that I had during that time - well, suffice to say I usually only had one thing on my mind, which, after a couple of honey dripping paragraphs, I went in for.

However, even at my worst cyberslutting stage, I don't think I over promised myself to anyone, apart from the occasional phone call, and just kind of drifted into my next long distance relationship. Yes dear no dear three bags full dear, until in the middle of a Canadian winter - because her job was too precious whereas I could easily give up mine - we had one argument too many, and I was back to the bosom of my family for MORE recuperation time.

Anyways, where was I - Lit is usually a fun place to be, I don't take myself seriously around here, I flirt and try to do the quick witted thing from time to time - but most importantly, with this post, is that I do not over-promise myself to anyone. I will not be in North America, the UK or heck, even Sydney anytime soon.

The one Litster I have met up with, although we had flirted hard previously - you know what I mean - we had a nice civilised beer and meal before hugging goodnight.

See, I can behave myself

Sorry if this turned out a bit more personal than the generic I was really working towards, but sometimes you get that


PS - although I am doing the convoluted relationship thing at the moment in real - none of us can be perfect I guess.

 

[omahaman2]

I hope these jerks dont hurt what people here think f the men and ladies who are honest! I trusted and found the love of my life here! These jerks are the exception,not the rule!!
Also,I wanted to provide some advice!

I had to voice my concern when a co-worker said she found dates using the Internet. "Don't worry about me." she said. "I always insist we meet at a miniature-golf course."

"Why there?" I asked.

"First, it's a public spot." she said. "Second it's in broad daylight. And third, I have a club in my hand."

 

[AboutFace]

PS - although I am doing the convoluted relationship thing at the moment in real - none of us can be perfect I guess.

May not be perfect... but you are just too cute and sweet to resist.

 

[MSH2]

I cant remember who said it, wish I could "All men have dicks, some, however, will never amount to anything more"

But there are some who at least try to be decent guys.

It didnt happen here and it didnt happen recently, hell I;ve been married and divorced since. Come to think of it that was also an online thing that didnt work according to plan at all. To this day I still dont have anything even close to a reason I can believe on that one. But back a moment to the other. What I thought was a semi serious exclusive relationship.......... wasnt. Turns out I was the SPare Extra Boyfriend. So fourth in place really, behind her husband and the two other boyfriends. Oh yes. Guys are assholes sometimes and lie cheat and generally manipulate to get what they want. But women cant claim to be blameless either, scars on my heart stand testament to that

 

[Cathleen]

I think these words are perfect Kel

Pink, AF, Cate................I'm so sorry that you were hurt in this way

Thanks, Morriqu, it hurt a lot but there were positive lessons for me. I now have a healthy amount of cynicism and have learned some of the player lingo and behaviors. It was nice to feel loved and love in return - that was something I needed to learn/feel so to speak. It is, however, nicer to be free of it.