Swich in Top/bottom orientation and depression

[DeservingBitch]

Talking about topping/bottoming outside of orientation, I have a question for all of you who've been/are on anti-depressant or other medication for mental illness:

I know that depression and anti-depressant often have an impact on people's libido. I've been on anti-depressant for about two months now, and while I'm as horny as usual, I find myself less interested in Topping and more interested in bottoming. Anyone else who've experienced a switch in their Top/bottom orientation while on meds?

Or could it be that the depression makes me seek pain as a way to feel something, to get out of this numb space I'm in? Or the depression and anxiety make me want to let go of control and have someone take care of me for a change?

Thoughts?

 

[nh23]

Or could it be that the depression makes me seek pain as a way to feel something, to get out of this numb space I'm in?

Thoughts?

I don't switch..but I have times where I bottom just for pain for pain's sake, nothing sexual..I just want the pain when I get like that..the outer pain helps ease the inner pain..calms the storm within..could be why you have more desire to bottom here lately..

 

[BiBunny]

I'm not on meds, but I find the more "icky" (technical term) I feel, the more likely I'm going to want to bottom, as a rule. If I'm sad/upset/whatever about something, I tend to want someone else to take control for awhile. When I'm in a good mood, I'm the one who wants to be on Top. Odd, isn't it?

 

[Netzach]

Depends.

Physical pain and health ambiguity - no interest in bottoming, zero, nil.

When I'm flying high and pretty confident, I'm open to it. I get annoyed with myself and restless and it's always going out on a limb and shaking up my status quo.

When I'm depressed, like, REALLY depressed I don't want to do anything, so it's moot.

 

[Stegral]

BDSM & Meds. hmmmmm

I have been medicated for well over 15 years.
Prozac, lithium & effexor being the most recent drugs of choice.
next month I will be drug free for a year I finished my pills in Jan 07 & never renewed them.
The lifestyle has offered me insight 20 years of therapy couldn't touch.
I rarely have mood swings or suicidal tendancies anymore (I said rarely...)
On the Meds it was an every other day thing then changing doses & waiting again & changing doses & waiting again & again & changing medication after each year of frustration only to re-start the cycle & change again after that year & well, you get the pattern... Therapy never touched the inner me that I kept locked up for fear if I did tell them the whole me would be locked up... again... being in a BDSM group & encouraged to "let it out" was the beginning of my healing. No judgement like the therapists, councillers or social workers had. I have been actively in the lifestyle for almost 2 years now & the changes in my life have been amazing.

I know the original question was if you are ON meds but I can relate to the differences. while I was working the meds out of my system I wanted to be a sub, no Dom, no switch, just sub(Occasionally bordering on slave). As the meds worked out of my system I started realizing (with help from the group) that I should maybe explore the Domme side a few of them saw. Well I am still a subbie at heart... maybe a bratty one but still a subbie... I will Top but I have to be in a really foul mood (& I normally don't play in this mind set anyway but I have at the bottoms request as they KNOW I will beat them). I have learned that you shouldn't play when mad, but that is when I am in the right mindset for the fellas, as I am normally a "softie" that can't flogg or cane. I still can't flogg but I lay some beautiful cane marks even a pro Domme was proud of & the bottoms LOVED

My sex drive never altered on any of my meds..
it just made the mood swings alot more violent.
All they do (IMHO) is take you a bit higher for a while & when you come down there is ALOT farther to go & when you hit the bottom finally, the way up looks so far away...

My best hopes for you.

 

[Homburg]

Depression just flatlines me. If I lose the mojo, I don't have an interest in anything sexual. I might find myself more open to the concept out of apathy and desire for any sort of emotional stimuli. I don't get depressed all that often though, so I can't really say much about it.

Anxiety? That I do.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

I have no experience with topping but lots with depression.

I suspect it's the depression and not the meds. And that letting someone else take control--sexually and temporarily--is a pretty good response to depression.

If you aren't feeling a bit better after two months it's probably time to talk to your doctor about trying something different. It's all hit or miss. So to speak.

 

[doveofserenity]

Talking about topping/bottoming outside of orientation, I have a question for all of you who've been/are on anti-depressant or other medication for mental illness:

I know that depression and anti-depressant often have an impact on people's libido. I've been on anti-depressant for about two months now, and while I'm as horny as usual, I find myself less interested in Topping and more interested in bottoming. Anyone else who've experienced a switch in their Top/bottom orientation while on meds?

Or could it be that the depression makes me seek pain as a way to feel something, to get out of this numb space I'm in? Or the depression and anxiety make me want to let go of control and have someone take care of me for a change?

Thoughts?

Never had to be on anti-depressants; and never even fathomed the idea of being a Top; personally.

But, with the depression; IMHO; i think it relates to your last paragraph.

With all the crap lately with me, i went into depression pretty bad; and the pain would be a way to bring me out for a little while. And with the anxiety and worries, its reasonable for you to want to let go of ALL control; and let another be there to take over that control, so that you know you are safe; but without the worry of having to be the one in control.

i hope you get to feeling better soon. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

DB if I appear all over the place with this post, you have my apologies. I have tried to address the issues you have brought up, however it reflects a very complex time for me and clarity to express myself succinctly has been a challenge.

Talking about topping/bottoming outside of orientation, I have a question for all of you who've been/are on anti-depressant or other medication for mental illness:

I know that depression and anti-depressant often have an impact on people's libido. I've been on anti-depressant for about two months now, and while I'm as horny as usual.

Numerous years ago , out of the blue I started to experience panic attacks. In hindsight brought on by immense stress & excessive responsibility. Quite simply my infant had a seizure disorder that required singular vigilance & immediate medical interventions . Failure on my part had direct ramifications that reflected on not only his potential mortality but whether I was timely enough to reduce risk to cognitive function in the longer term yadda yadda, inappropriately prescribed Zoloft yadda yadda, took for several years yadda, completely medication free now about 8 years yadda yadda .

Libido was not a concern at the time, I think it was about average. Wish I could offer more on the topic. I guess I was more caught up in the fear of when another panic attack might drop. How I was going to be able to contend and how I was going to meet personal responsibilities within the context of it all. As those are the memories I more clearly retain at this point in time.

Enough background, it's largely irrelevant to your questions at this point outside of setting the 'scene'.

A spin off of taking the medication for me was a genuine propensity to being dissociative, not to the point of being unable to function but it did blur the edges of life a little. I suspect in hindsight that may have been the catalyst for the cessation of the panic attacks. While I appreciate that addressing the issues of anxiety with underlying depression with seratonin enhancers is a credible treatment regime , I would suggest it was the attention to self nurturing and the cognitive therapy work I eventually learned to implement that was the real bridge to taking back control, in the longer term.

Once I had my life back, sans the fears addressed above, it still at times , sucked : smiles : I however, had new skills to contend with said suckyness with far less propensity to a mental health crisis . I found a kind of vague fog as a side effect of the medication. While taking the edge off as I recovered, I discovered a new problem in that I was missing out on great 'stuff'. If your medications enhance a blur, it won't neatly relegate it self to only the negative influences. Just a little something to keep in mind. Ohh a pun . Woot.

Or could it be that the depression makes me seek pain as a way to feel something, to get out of this numb space I'm in? Or the depression and anxiety make me want to let go of control and have someone take care of me for a change?
Thoughts?

While my orientation is not fluid and I only identify as a submissive, I can say that had there been a dominant partner to defer too at the outset , I would have loved to have placed some real faith on stronger shoulders and I know in hindsight that would have been a form of partial genuine respite .

The flip side of that, a sort of blind faith to further empower myself . Hard to describe. Have you seen the movie As Good As it Gets, where Nicholson says "You make me want to be a better man", well reverse the gender and that has been me. Not so much as relinquishing all personal responsibility to a dominant partner but drawing more on my own 'hidden' personal reserves, for him. The mental respite and realities within the premise can be both tangible & positive. Note please, I didn't say easy : laughs :

A little Bill Withers never goes astray either Yes, family & friends .

Sorry couldn't find a 'goth version' : smiles :

My best advice DB, nurture yourself, I mean take really good care of yourself. Remember that whatever brought you to this place took time. It will most likely take equal time to get back to a place you are more confident and comfortable in . Ask for help, you'll get back to super goddess mode : smiles : all in good time, when & where you are ready and desire to do so. When I suggest help, I include the practical. As purely an example, if financial issues are in disarray find an agency to assist or advocate on your behalf . Yes, the basics attended to does make a significant difference.

The human race , even big ugly dominant types, have a sincere need of comfort, care and affection. We all need to drop the ball sometime PYC ( pick your cliche ) I don't see any orientation across the BDSM spectrum as being immune. Some of us just prefer the terms a little different.

Best of luck DB, you'll get there

 

[DeservingBitch]

Thank you all for your input -- it's helping me in thinking about all this stuff.

Thank you even more for the words of encouragement. Those are quite precious at the moment.

 

[SouthernDom]

Talking about topping/bottoming outside of orientation, I have a question for all of you who've been/are on anti-depressant or other medication for mental illness:

I know that depression and anti-depressant often have an impact on people's libido. I've been on anti-depressant for about two months now, and while I'm as horny as usual, I find myself less interested in Topping and more interested in bottoming. Anyone else who've experienced a switch in their Top/bottom orientation while on meds?

Or could it be that the depression makes me seek pain as a way to feel something, to get out of this numb space I'm in? Or the depression and anxiety make me want to let go of control and have someone take care of me for a change?

Thoughts?

My experiences with someone who struggled with medicated/unmedicated depression somewhat mirror your current situation.

When my partner was medicated for depression, and thereby calm, she was in her most submissive state of mind. The afore mentioned state of mind and personality shift applied to sexual and non-sexual situations alike. During these times there would be no chance for her to considering topping anyone for any reason.

During times when she was depressed,stressed out and not medicated, she was not submissive toward me, or anyone else for that matter, in any sense of the word. During these times, and had I been open to it, I could see her topping me in a very aggressive manner.

 

[Homburg]

The human race , even big ugly dominant types, have a sincere need of comfort, care and affection. We all need to drop the ball sometime PYC ( pick your cliche ) I don't see any orientation across the BDSM spectrum as being immune. Some of us just prefer the terms a little different.

This is the complete and utter truth. I don't care how dominant, scary, sadistic, or whatever I am, sometimes I need comfort badly. Sometimes I need arms around me, and a soft voice telling me it'll be okay. No one can be strong all the time, and it does nothing to the dynamic to recognise this. There have been many times where my emotional survival depended solely on the support of the wonderful woman that I usually loom over. And those are the times when that romantic noise about "the strength to yield" becomes most obvious.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Just to clarify, when I talk about finding myself wanting to bottom, I'm talking mostly about wanting someone to cater to my masochist side, to take charge and control of the instant while giving me exactly what I want. In other words, this is a very selfish, self-centered desire/need. I do think it has something to do with what nh said: craving some controled pain to help me deal with the undesired inner pain.

Basically, this would be my somewhat fucked up way of reaching out for comfort.

 

[Homburg]

Just to clarify, when I talk about finding myself wanting to bottom, I'm talking mostly about wanting someone to cater to my masochist side, to take charge and control of the instant while giving me exactly what I want. In other words, this is a very selfish, self-centered desire/need. I do think it has something to do with what nh said: craving some controled pain to help me deal with the undesired inner pain.

Basically, this would be my somewhat fucked up way of reaching out for comfort.

This is certainly what I interpreted it as. I know when I'm emotionally destroyed, I will chase down the physical activities that leave me the most physically destroyed, such as absurdly heavy lifting, and recklessly fast trail-riding. That's how I broke my arm last year. I think that you're smarter than I am though =P

 

[DeservingBitch]

This is certainly what I interpreted it as. I know when I'm emotionally destroyed, I will chase down the physical activities that leave me the most physically destroyed, such as absurdly heavy lifting, and recklessly fast trail-riding. That's how I broke my arm last year. I think that you're smarter than I am though =P

Not smarter. Just more lazy. I'd rather that someone else does the work for me.

Which makes me a do-me-bottom I guess!

 

[Homburg]

Not smarter. Just more lazy. I'd rather that someone else does the work for me.

Which makes me a do-me-bottom I guess!

*laughing* That's probably true =P

 

[Essene]

Just to clarify, when I talk about finding myself wanting to bottom, I'm talking mostly about wanting someone to cater to my masochist side, to take charge and control of the instant while giving me exactly what I want. In other words, this is a very selfish, self-centered desire/need. I do think it has something to do with what nh said: craving some controled pain to help me deal with the undesired inner pain.

Basically, this would be my somewhat fucked up way of reaching out for comfort.

I understand this concept very well. I've been very sexually dominant, self posessed, and emotionally independant just about my entire existence - up until and with the exception of a four year span where I had to deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I established an unhealthy relationship with my inner masochist, and did a 180 in terms of Top/Dominance -> bottom/submission.

Years and lots of therapy later, I'm in a healthy place- back to a semblance of my old self, but with a new perspective. I identify as switch because I really enjoy and appreciate the beauty of being submissive. It was nice to seek comfort, and let someone take care of me for a change. - To learn the beauty, art, and strength of surrender.

So maybe my motivation for exploring my submissive side was fucked up in of itself initially, but I think the balance between the two (at least for me) is really where I'll be healthiest and ultimately least fucked up.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I understand this concept very well. I've been very sexually dominant, self posessed, and emotionally independant just about my entire existence - up until and with the exception of a four year span where I had to deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I established an unhealthy relationship with my inner masochist, and did a 180 in terms of Top/Dominance -> bottom/submission.

Years and lots of therapy later, I'm in a healthy place. I identify as switch because I really enjoy and appreciate the beauty of being submissive. It was nice to seek comfort, and let someone take care of me for a change. - To learn the beauty, art, and strength of surrender.

So maybe my motivation for exploring my submissive side was fucked up in of itself initially, but I think the balance between the two (at least for me) is really where I'll be healthiest and ultimately least fucked up.

I think this is what motivated me to start this thread. I guess i'm wondering whether this desire to bottom is coming from a fucked up -- and unhealthy? -- place.

It's interesting to me though that a few of you have mentioned being or wanting to be submissive when feeling 'icky' (to borrow BiBunny's term). I've never felt the urge or desire to submit to anyone, but right now, it borders on an aversion to submission. Probably because I don't have it in me right now to cater to someone else's needs, especially not if they conflict with mine.

 

[JamieB]

It could be the opposite

Or could it be that the depression makes me seek pain as a way to feel something, to get out of this numb space I'm in? Or the depression and anxiety make me want to let go of control and have someone take care of me for a change?

Thoughts?

Maybe it's actually inner conflict that drives your desire to control. The meds you're taking mitigate that desire.

J

 

[Netzach]

I really don't buy the "you're actually Dominant when you're depressed" nuance.

First of all, you haven't really been on meds long enough (I imagine) for anything about your situation to have changed really dramatically AND then fallen into a new pattern. Depression throws your shit up in the air and it takes a while for everything to land again. Why not throw your sexual identity up there too, as one of the general questions out there?

Meds, at least most people's "I'm depressed" starter pack these days, are not capable of taking 20 odd years of sexual development and pulling a giant switcheroo where the result has no semblance of the majority before - maybe fucking with your libido, making orgasm more difficult, things like that, but they don't turn people straight or gay or Dom or sub.

The last time I was depressed and probably, no, definitely needed meds only was too sapped to get them because I was on 28 other meds, I didn't have the will to do much of anything at all. Submission was completely out of my range, Dominance too.

I'd question everything and yet nothing too much, and just hang in there.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I really don't buy the "you're actually Dominant when you're depressed" nuance.

Uh? I'm not sure what you're addressing there. I think the clarification I was making was that I was not talking about D/s, but about craving pain in a way that I haven't much before, and not being interested in Topping, let alone get into Dominance or submission.

First of all, you haven't really been on meds long enough (I imagine) for anything about your situation to have changed really dramatically AND then fallen into a new pattern. Depression throws your shit up in the air and it takes a while for everything to land again. Why not throw your sexual identity up there too, as one of the general questions out there?

Meds, at least most people's "I'm depressed" starter pack these days, are not capable of taking 20 odd years of sexual development and pulling a giant switcheroo where the result has no semblance of the majority before - maybe fucking with your libido, making orgasm more difficult, things like that, but they don't turn people straight or gay or Dom or sub.

The last time I was depressed and probably, no, definitely needed meds only was too sapped to get them because I was on 28 other meds, I didn't have the will to do much of anything at all. Submission was completely out of my range, Dominance too.

I'd question everything and yet nothing too much, and just hang in there.

Same here.

I think part of my wondering about this is coming from the destructive behaviors and patterns I've been going through in the last year, especially so in the last 6 months. We're talking getting wasted, smoking way too much weed, fucking around just for the sake of fucking around and feeling something, basically, anything that take me away from my life and make me feel something more pleasant for a short while. I've been better at taking care of myself in the last 2 months or so (since starting the meds), but I think I'm wondering if the craving for pain and bottoming is coming from the same destructive place. If it's just another way for me to feel something else, to get away from what is going on, or something like that.

I'm also aware that one particularly difficult aspect of my life right now is that I feel terribly alone, without a partner to hold me up when I can't, without someone to tell me that I'll be OK when I cry. And it's kind of a vicious cycle, because I don't have it in me to make connection with people, to cater to other people's needs, to be there for others. In other words, I don't have much to offer to someone else right now. Do I feel like bottoming to get some semblance of connection with someone?

I guess I'm just rambling here and using this space as some sort of therapy.

 

[Netzach]

Uh? I'm not sure what you're addressing there. I think the clarification I was making was that I was not talking about D/s, but about craving pain in a way that I haven't much before, and not being interested in Topping, let alone get into Dominance or submission.

I mean this to the people who have posted intimating that your Dominant self is depression talking and now that you have meds you can embrace your real submissive side.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I mean this to the people who have posted intimating that your Dominant self is depression talking and now that you have meds you can embrace your real submissive side.

Ahhhhh. Rolling eyes indeed.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

I mean this to the people who have posted intimating that your Dominant self is depression talking and now that you have meds you can embrace your real submissive side.

There was a time that I would have given anything for a pill that would turn me into a lesbian. Ah youth.

This may be a silly question, DB, and feel free to scream in frustration, but have you been exercising? As in intense and sustained elevation of heartbeat and/or lifting serious weights (whatever is serious for you)?

It's the only thing that works for me when meds don't work and the only problem is that I can hardly bring myself to do it when I'm down, even knowing it's the only thing that works.

 

[unfoundiamond]

Talking about topping/bottoming outside of orientation, I have a question for all of you who've been/are on anti-depressant or other medication for mental illness:

I know that depression and anti-depressant often have an impact on people's libido. I've been on anti-depressant for about two months now, and while I'm as horny as usual, I find myself less interested in Topping and more interested in bottoming. Anyone else who've experienced a switch in their Top/bottom orientation while on meds?

Or could it be that the depression makes me seek pain as a way to feel something, to get out of this numb space I'm in? Or the depression and anxiety make me want to let go of control and have someone take care of me for a change?

Thoughts?

I am un-medicated... and I am still very drawn to being submissive... I wouldnt say the medication is the reason...

gotta go....