Cliques...

[HottieMama]

Do you feel that the BDSM forums here at Lit are cliquey? By that i mean, if you are not friends with the "popular" people of the day/week/month, do you feel left out or like your contributions aren't valued as much?

i'm making the poll anonymous, so i hope everyone votes honestly. Feel free to comment to if you would like.

 

[LittleJade]

Yes, I feel that they are.

Generally, though, I don't give a damn. I don't think that the cliqueyness makes my post any more or less valid- they are what they are, and I'll always say what I think.

 

[graceanne]

I don't think the bdsm forums are cliquey. Generally the people who complain about the cliques seem to think that they're going to suddenly become best buds with everyone upon joining. That's not cliques, that's just time. Beyond that, I know that I'm considered part of this clique and I still tend to get ignored in the serious threads. Why? Cause I'm the queen of fluff, and people ignore what i say if it isn't fluffy. *shrugs*

 

[unfoundiamond]

Clique, Clique, BOOM

Cliques...

Yeah this place is worse than high school,

Check the Calendar... if you want to see it in action.

I don't care... I don't mind sitting with Hom at the Gamers Table...

**Psshhhaaaa**

 

[HottieMama]

Generally the people who complain about the cliques seem to think that they're going to suddenly become best buds with everyone upon joining. That's not cliques, that's just time.

As far as out and out whining and bitching about cliques or groups go, i agree with you.

However, i think it becomes an issue when long time members aren't posting due to perceived monopolies on the forum by certain individuals...which...let's admit it...has happened....

 

[Netzach]

I voted other along grace's reasoning. I came in av-less, clueless, and socially an unknown quantity just like every other person here and now I'm periodically accused of being some kind of bitch with posse.

People gravitate, for whatever reason. I definitely gravitate myself. There's really no conspiracy, there are just pre-made relationships and busy lives.

I miss rosco and Quint's decimated her posts, which really bums me out. A lot of the people I felt mentally sympatico with are awol.

 

[graceanne]

As far as out and out whining and bitching about cliques or groups go, i agree with you.

However, i think it becomes an issue when long time members aren't posting due to perceived monopolies on the forum by certain individuals...which...let's admit it...has happened....

I might, but I'm confused. huh?

 

[graceanne]

Cliques...

Yeah this place is worse than high school,

Check the Calendar... if you want to see it in action.

I don't care... I don't mind sitting with Hom at the Gamers Table...

**Psshhhaaaa**

Actually I'm rarely in the calender - and I know I'm considered part of the 'clique'. Not showing up in the calender doesn't mean that lit's cliquey.

 

[BiBunny]

Yeah, this place has cliques. It's inevitable when you get more than, say, five or six people in a room together, I guess. Hell, I get accused of being cliqueish myself, and I suppose I am to some extent. Like attracts like. The problem is when people take it too effin' seriously, which is what I'm sure you're talking about, HM. I just tend to charge in, bull-in-china-shop style, and say whatever the fuck I'm thinking, regardless of who I'm talking to, which is why I get the "Bitch" label a lot. If "Bitch" means I'll call bullshit when I see it, then I'm proud to be a bitch. Hey, there are plenty of people who like me for doing so. *Shrug*

 

[graceanne]

Yeah, this place has cliques. It's inevitable when you get more than, say, five or six people in a room together, I guess. Hell, I get accused of being cliqueish myself, and I suppose I am to some extent. Like attracts like. The problem is when people take it too effin' seriously, which is what I'm sure you're talking about, HM. I just tend to charge in, bull-in-china-shop style, and say whatever the fuck I'm thinking, regardless of who I'm talking to, which is why I get the "Bitch" label a lot. If "Bitch" means I'll call bullshit when I see it, then I'm proud to be a bitch. Hey, there are plenty of people who like me for doing so. *Shrug*

YOU DISAGREED! you can't be in MY clique anymore. *nose in air*

 

[BiBunny]

YOU DISAGREED! you can't be in MY clique anymore. *nose in air*

Oh noez!!!!!!!

 

[graceanne]

Oh noez!!!!!!!

MUHAHAHAHA

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I voted "other" because, yeah, I suppose there are cliques here, but I certainly have found myself welcomed and treated with respect as a newbie. As far as I can tell there's a hell of a lot more cliquishness on the other boards here than I've encountered in the BDSM area.

I find this place to be exceptionally orderly and polite, especially by comparison to the other forums.

bj

 

[DeservingBitch]

I voted other as well -- snowflake and all that.

There are certainly some cliques around -- if by clique we mean a group of people seemingly closer to one another than to other listers.

But as others have said, I see that as the normal process of time and socializing. I expect to have more affinity with some people than with others, like I expect that not everyone will care to be my friend. That's just life.

And yes, there are times when I feel completely out of it, and it's obvious to me that the reason for that is that I'm not part of whatever 'clique' is involved. Do I care? No. From what I can tell so far, this stuff generally comes up in the cafe, and is generally irrelevant to or doesn't impact the discussions which I have an interest in.

 

[bandelero]

I did a yes vote, but I also feel the need to state that I have never really felt unvalued when posting in a thread.
Even if no one has commented on my post, I am fairly certain that it has at least been read by most if not all of the people who have also posted, and most importantly by the OP if it is a "advice requested" type of post.

I do know what you mean though Hottie Mama, but I guess that it does indeed take time for anyone to become familiar enough to the "regulars" that your posts get noticed and commented upon... we all sometimes need to feel that "I am not invisiible"


I think that some of the stuff that "feels cliquey" is really just friends supporting each other.
One thing I will state with certainty is that I feel more comfortable voicing my opinions and conversing with the family that is LIT than on any other online forum.

**Doles out lurves to ALL in Lit** :caning:

 

[buxxxom]

I don't really know. I don't post a lot here, mostly a lurker. By the time I get around to reading what's been said, my opinion is usually out there, joining someone else's. I don't like for all my posts to read "ditto" or "what he/said" so I just lurk and enjoy. That said, folks have been friendly when I do post, but for the most part, I'm happiest on the fringes, observing and learning. I can see how it would be hard for a newbie, especially an overeager one, to feel left out, with all the comments that refer to other, older threads and relationships, but really, this board is only a little bit clique-ish, and only by default.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Count me as "other." There are, IMNSHO, groups of people who think somewhat along the same lines, at least in some areas, who tend to post and cross-post; some of those groups, I'm at least an outlier, others I'm "in" (woohoo!), and others probably don't know I exist - or I don't know they exist. Doesn't make much difference to me. I post what I think if I want to, don't post if the topic doesn't interest me or I don't think I have anything of value to add, and don't much give a damn what anyone thinks either way.

But then, that's just my (devalued) U$0.02 worth. YMMV.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I voted no. Interestingly, when there was another poll like this about a year or so back and I was quite new, I voted yes. At the time though, I believe, like some other newbies, that I was suffering from a lack of perspective.

It's daunting when you start posting on the boards and it's clear that most of the regular posters know each other well (as well as you ever can here) and have little 'in' jokes sometimes. I know that one of the main reasons moderators are required to ensure threads stay somewhat on topic is that newbies can feel that everything's just so much banter. Lit was the first forum I ever started posting on and to date the only one I have posted on as I found all the info and advice I needed here without really bothering to look elsewhere.

I do gravitate towards people whose Lit personalities I am familiar with and whose opinions I respect and value. That's natural and a large part of what makes this forum such a good place to hang out in. Newbies do get their issues and questions taken seriously unless 1) They asked something that a very simple search would have turned up or 2) they are blatantly trolling and not worth the dignity of a considered reply.

I don't think we have cliques. Personally I have never joined in with a lot of the cafe threads and the calendar because they aren't things that really draw me. I am more likely to spend time on the How To forum than the cafe but that's my prerogative and not a sign that I don't consider myself part of whatever posse is supposed to be monopolising the place.

People who post here, whoever they are, usually get thoughtful and well meant advice from almost everyone who responds to their thread. I think that's quite an achievement and something that us regulars can be deservedly proud of. You only have to glance at the GB to see just how awful we could all be.

 

[Chicklet]

All communities are cliquish.

The forums are no exception. I've been on lit for years, lurked forums, participated in forums, done contests, made and broken friends, and there have been cliques in every single group I've participated in.

I don't think the BDSM forum is more into its cliques than any other group or forum, and I don't give a shit about whether I'm left out or not, but I voted yes.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

There are clearly groups of friends, people drawn to each other's thinking, humor, style, whatever. I like the really smart women.

By and large though it's a very welcoming board. And that's no small feat, given how newbies come and go

 

[BDSM=Librarian]

I voted no. Interestingly, when there was another poll like this about a year or so back and I was quite new, I voted yes. At the time though, I believe, like some other newbies, that I was suffering from a lack of perspective.

Link - How cliquish are we, really?

There was a thread, which unfortunately I currently don't recall, that was a catalyst for the one linked above. Catalina or A Desert Rose may. In the interim the previous provides perhaps a barometer for reference, for those that might be interested.

 

[BDSM=Librarian]

duplicate post removed, apologies

 

[madetotakeit]

Cliques by any other name are groups of friends. There are a lot of strong personalities here. Some will gravitate, some will repel. I have yet to start a thread where people of different personalities have not replied. But that is why I am here, perspective. It is nice to have support from people who think along the same lines as me, but an opposing opinion gives me something to think about. Most backlash to "cliques" seem to be personality conflicts. I don't live in a world where everyone gets along. Why should the board be any different?

As for the calendar...I have been included a few times and I don't think I qualify as being in a clique. However, it does seem that only a few people have been taking the effort to contribute to the calendars so naturally the lean will be towards what posts made and impact on them.

I was never one to belong to a clique and that hasn't changed with age. My group of friends are varied. I like variety.

 

[DVS]

I voted yes, but I think it has toned down a lot, in recent years. When I first got here, this was very cliquish. Or, maybe I'm slowly becoming part of the "in" crowd?

Now, there are groups that kind of hang out together, but I don't see that as a clique. A cliquish mindset is elitist and stuck up. On a site like this, where the whole world can connect, there are time zones involved. Some people are on when others aren't and so they never get to know each other. That's not because they don't like each other...it's because they probably don't communicate enough.

Or, maybe you see someone's posts here and there, but it's really never in a thread that interests you. Again, that's not anyone's fault. The world's kinky types post here. We aren't going to be compatible with everyone. One person's major fetish will always be someone else's hard limit.

Oh, and by the way...I hate cliques. If anyone ever feels I'm being standoffish or arrogant, please let me know. I have a very dry sense of humor, and it can sometimes be mistaken for something else...like arrogance. When it doubt, just ask.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I don't think it's the cliques that intimidate new people it's just the experience vs inexperience.

It's kind of scary to start a thread or make a reply cause you know the people you are talking to have been doing this for so long and have so much experience compared to you that you don't want to start off by saying something dumb or asking/stating something that is obvious to everyone else but you.

I know my little girl is scared to start a thread even though I have told her there is no reason to be.