LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

How NOT to Get Lit Laid- A Parody Thread

Ratchetman1982 said:
In your introduction message, be sure to let them know that you have masturbated to their profile picture...even if it's not a real picture
Click to expand...
I haven’t had anyone tell me they’re jerked off to my avatar yet, I’m sure the first to will be well rewarded!
(For anyone here who doesn’t realize it’s a parody thread - it’s a parody, don’t dm me lol)
 
MiaBabe23 said:
I haven’t had anyone tell me they’re jerked off to my avatar yet, I’m sure the first to will be well rewarded!
(For anyone here who doesn’t realize it’s a parody thread - it’s a parody, don’t dm me lol)
Click to expand...
Dammit. Your avatar leaves everything to the imagination and I'd already had my PM to you halfway written.
 
Ratchetman1982 said:
When in doubt, physics or dinosaur facts are absolute ice breakers.
Click to expand...
Am I the only one who agrees they are?!
Whiskeyjack said:
Dammit. Your avatar leaves everything to the imagination and I'd already had my PM to you halfway written.
Click to expand...
“Jack,
Thank you for your thoughtful dm.
I’m so horny as fuck thinking about you whacking your wang to my M! Please send me a check for $100 so that I can view your content”
 
MiaBabe23 said:
Am I the only one who agrees they are?!

“Jack,
Thank you for your thoughtful dm.
I’m so horny as fuck thinking about you whacking your wang to my M! Please send me a check for $100 so that I can view your content”
Click to expand...
Dear Mia,
With a letter as sexy as "M," which objectively looks like a vag between two legs, it should be expected that men will be flocking to your av to flog the bishop until the bald man cries. As for your request for $100, I am happy to oblige. However, in obedience to Lit community standards the only currency I use for financial transactions is the Vietnamese Dong. I am happy to send you a Western Union for 100 Dongs (which works out to approximately $0.003 USD). Please respond to acknowledge receipt of 100 Dongs. Thank you!
- Jack
 
Whiskeyjack said:
Dear Mia,
With a letter as sexy as "M," which objectively looks like a vag between two legs, it should be expected that men will be flocking to your av to flog the bishop until the bald man cries. As for your request for $100, I am happy to oblige. However, in obedience to Lit community standards the only currency I use for financial transactions is the Vietnamese Dong. I am happy to send you a Western Union for 100 Dongs (which works out to approximately $0.003 USD). Please respond to acknowledge receipt of 100 Dongs. Thank you!
- Jack
Click to expand...
“Dear Jack,
Thank you for your perceptive compliment. Please note this is not an actual likeness; my vagina lips are not of the same thickness as my legs.
Will this be a problem for you?
I hope that you are enjoying cuffing the carrot as we speak; I need juice for my breakfast
You can pay me in dongs if you desire, though they needn’t be exclusively Vietnamese
Please remember to include your payment for $300!
Mia”
 
Looking around.
There is always someone that ruins a thread! Wait! What?
Am I looking in a mirror?
 
Apisto42 said:
You know what this thread needs?

Tiddies. Where’s @crazychemgirl when you need some tiddies?
Click to expand...
I hate you.

you would absolutely not get laid.

Imagine if you sidled up next to me and after some very stimulating and intense conversation… I was ready to drop my panties right there …

Then you come out with the, “I can’t wait to see those tiddies”


I immediately throw up in my mouth a little and walk away.
 
When all else fails, I've learned a valuable lesson. It might be scrapping the bottom of the barrel, but hear me out.

Reach down deep inside. Remember, you're trying to go for the Gold here. Reach deep down into the depths of your strangest insecurities. Wrap your clamy, pervy hand around that and pull it out. Women love an emotionally vulnerable man.

Bring it up to the surface and mix it in with your undying love for your complex mother-son relationship. Talk unabashedly about how the word 'moist' sends shivers down your spine and how it's helped with your gagging reflex.

Bring the conversation around to share how your occasional bed wetting is another example of your favorite wet dream. And when the conversation stalls, talk about how the garlic-like smell of your nervous sweat can be used as lube.

My point here, fellas, is that you gotta go for the gusto. Let it all hang out - shriveled, unused, unattached, and from-under cheese-like body excretions mix your emotional scars built upon failed PM attempt after failed PM attempt.

I hope this helps.
 
MiaBabe23 said:
Am I the only one who agrees they are?!

“Jack,
Thank you for your thoughtful dm.
I’m so horny as fuck thinking about you whacking your wang to my M! Please send me a check for $100 so that I can view your content”
Click to expand...
Mmmmm
 
crazychemgirl said:
I hate you.

you would absolutely not get laid.

Imagine if you sidled up next to me and after some very stimulating and intense conversation… I was ready to drop my panties right there …

Then you come out with the, “I can’t wait to see those tiddies”


I immediately throw up in my mouth a little and walk away.
Click to expand...
Oh yeah, I’ve still got it.
 
crazychemgirl said:
I hate you.

you would absolutely not get laid.

Imagine if you sidled up next to me and after some very stimulating and intense conversation… I was ready to drop my panties right there …

Then you come out with the, “I can’t wait to see those tiddies”


I immediately throw up in my mouth a little and walk away.
Click to expand...
Jugs? Milkers? Bazoombas? I can go on.....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

P
Meeting a Lit member in person
3 4 5
Replies
102
Views
2K
Pad_Foot
Pad_Foot
M
ABC How your friends describe your crush ABC
Replies
23
Views
376
Whiskeyjack
Whiskeyjack
SpicyBean99
Flirt/Be Friendly/Be Honest With The User Above, Using a Meme or GIF! 🖤
Replies
10
Views
226
jeff_is_smiling
jeff_is_smiling
Susurration
  • Sticky
FAO/FYI: All Playgrounders with UK Friends Here - Why UK Users May Soon Become Scarce
2
Replies
44
Views
3K
Pad_Foot
Pad_Foot
P
Women who cam
Replies
2
Views
107
pntyhseluvr
P
Back
Top