Women -- why do they cheat?

[hiker283]

My wife has told me, the attraction starts it. A little flirting keeps it going. Then the kissing. Then the touching until she is not able to resist. That was how she lost her virginity and how it has happened after we got married.

 

[mark_j]

Women -- why do they cheat?

Simple answer.. Because they can.

 

[Kolejdayz]

Simple answer.. Because they can.

Good answer

 

[LMWM321]

Simple answer.. Because they can.

Or.... because they cannot "not" cheat. For some, that is.

There is a percentage of people - men and women - whose need for sexual variety is irrepressible. Society likes to tell these people that they are immoral and lack impulse control but that may not necessarily be the case. Indeed, they may show exemplary self-control and judgement when it comes to eating healthy, exercising frequently, moderating their drinking and being loving, supportive, and responsible parents, but their need for sexual variety is one indulgence they find too hard to resist, even when their primary relationship is near perfect.

 

[Brittttlvr]

Women have greater opportunity. Add to that attraction, excitement and boom. Cheating.

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

Immaturity

Insecurity

Lack of commitment

Past unhealed trauma

Daddy issues

One can make a list a mile long but in the end, the person is wholly responsible for her own actions and decisions. Anyone who expects his or her partner to be the one responsible for her happiness is walking a tightrope over a chasm of potential heartache.

Sure, we can bring up abusive partners, but I'm focusing on women who are in a healthy or healthy-looking relationship.

I get it. Cheating is a powerful fantasy. But crossing the line? No excuses.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I made out with a guy at the end of my relationship with my late husband...

I knew I was done being with the husband, and I was drunk at the bar. Made out after the bar closed for an hour...
I never confessed, ever...

In that marriage, I was very much eye candy to my husband.. He loved my body..
But I still craved attention that night ...

 

[Bobm269]

Or.... because they "cannot" not cheat. For some, that is.

There is a percentage of people - men and women - whose need for sexual variety is irrepressible. Society likes to tell these people that they are immoral and lack impulse control but that may not necessarily be the case. Indeed, they may show exemplary restraint in every other aspect of their lives - eg., food, spending, alcohol, gambling, etc. - but their need for sexual variety is their one indulgence they find too hard to resist, even when their primary relationship is near perfect.

There is the innate natural desire to connect that we all have. Like everything, it is on a spectrum. In my experience, my own and talking with others, connection is a big factor in why people wander to other people. I find these discussions can be very black and white, when the reality is every situation is really different, and on a spectrum.
I think the societal judgment and shame around sexuality, sexual interests, and sex in and of itself creates unnecessary mental and emotional problems, because we do not all fit into the same box.
Yes, the nature of it is that us females have the power to wander anytime, if we want to. I know for me, some of that wandering is because the guys I had chosen to be with ended up being not great people.
Who cares! Support and love people because they are who they are. Worry about yourself, because a self aware, confident, safe, compassionate, and open person is very attractive.
Personally, I have wandered because my ex husband was abusive(and stifling and controlling), I don’t like being contained, I love learning about people, a new connection and touch is arousing, I love sex.

No judgment from me - I really like to talk with people and learn why they like what they like and makes them who they are.

 

[OralAllOver]

evolutionary tactics:

the good (meek) man helps raise kids so they survive

wild stud passing through has combat genes

 

[OralAllOver]

So she cuddles with Meek and fucks daylights out of Passing Through

logic, right?

 

[Kolejdayz]

So she cuddles with Meek and fucks daylights out of Passing Through

logic, right?

Not sure what you are saying

 

[LMWM321]

So she cuddles with Meek and fucks daylights out of Passing Through

logic, right?

either make a serious contribution to the convo or move on.

 

[OralAllOver]

try again

the best mate may not have best genes for survival in violent world

best guy at violence probably a horrible mate

so woman chooses genes (ie sex) from one secretly

and Mr Nice Guy isn't really father of the strong kids

 

[OralAllOver]

it's evolutionary psychology, folks

serious enough for PhDs

 

[Kolejdayz]

try again

the best mate may not have best genes for survival in violent world

best guy at violence probably a horrible mate

so woman chooses genes (ie sex) from one secretly

and Mr Nice Guy isn't really father of the strong kids

Very true. DNA has messed up the natural order of things

 

[LMWM321]

try again

the best mate may not have best genes for survival in violent world

best guy at violence probably a horrible mate

so woman chooses genes (ie sex) from one secretly

and Mr Nice Guy isn't really father of the strong kids

I don't agree...

You're suggesting that women are sexually drawn to men with a greater capacity for violence because that is what protects them in a violent world. But we no longer live in a world where a husband excelling at hand-to-hand combat is what guarantees a woman and her kids, a safer life. Nowadays, it's the man's ability to get a decent job to contribute to the family's income that allows a young family to live in safer part of town, or the suburbs, etc..

My gym is filled with hulking, tattooed, knuckle-dragging dudes who seem keen on fighting anyone who looks at them crossways. And most of them are without a girlfriend. Indeed, the pretty girls at the gym mock them and avoid talking to them by always wearing headphones. By contrast, my nephews - who are an electrical and computer engineer - have had girlfriends since their sophomore year in college and are now in steady relationships with awesome, successful, attractive young women. They are well on their way toward marriage, and enabling their eventual family to live in a nice (ie, safe) part of town.

And whether it's true or not, younger women these days believe men who are great at beating up other men are also more likely to beat THEM. So... there's that, too.

 

[Islander55]

My view is that monogamy is not natural for humans. It has evolved over time as a way to control women. Both men and women like variety and there is that urge to expand the gene pool which was important for much of human history even though it is not an issue today. I would also agree that the best breeding stock might not make a good partner. A good partner can be a good lover but there still may be an urge for something different from time to time. Perhaps once or twice a year, couples should be able to have a little fling and get it out of the system rather than let it fester and ending up having an affair.

 

[OralAllOver]

I don't agree...

You're suggesting that women are sexually drawn to men with a greater capacity for violence because that is what protects them in a violent world. But we no longer live in a world where a man being able to win at hand-to-hand combat is what guarantees a woman, and her kids, a safer life. ..It's the ability for the man to get and hold down a decent job, and thereby allow a young family to live in safer part of town, or the suburbs, etc..

My gym is filled with hulking, tattooed, knuckle-dragging dudes who seem keen on fighting anyone who looks at the crossways. And most of them are without a girlfriend. Indeed, the pretty girls at the gym mock them and avoid talking to them by always wearing headphones. By contrast, my nephews - who are an electrical and computer engineer - have had girlfriends since their sophomore year in college, are now in steady relationships with awesome, successful, attractive young women and are headed toward marriage, and a life in a nice part of town.

I implied that it's a factor, not fixed

 

[OralAllOver]

I implied that it's a factor, not fixed operation like a calculator
BTW, modern life, however defined, spans less than 1% of human time on this planet. Like it or not, we have cavemen brains -- which includes group learning!

 

[Ed_Sumner]

There is the innate natural desire to connect that we all have. Like everything, it is on a spectrum. In my experience, my own and talking with others, connection is a big factor in why people wander to other people. I find these discussions can be very black and white, when the reality is every situation is really different, and on a spectrum.
I think the societal judgment and shame around sexuality, sexual interests, and sex in and of itself creates unnecessary mental and emotional problems, because we do not all fit into the same box.
Yes, the nature of it is that us females have the power to wander anytime, if we want to. I know for me, some of that wandering is because the guys I had chosen to be with ended up being not great people.
Who cares! Support and love people because they are who they are. Worry about yourself, because a self aware, confident, safe, compassionate, and open person is very attractive.
Personally, I have wandered because my ex husband was abusive(and stifling and controlling), I don’t like being contained, I love learning about people, a new connection and touch is arousing, I love sex.

No judgment from me - I really like to talk with people and learn why they like what they like and makes them who they are.

I appreciate this thoughtful, nuanced take.

 

[LMWM321]

I implied that it's a factor, not fixed operation like a calculator
BTW, modern life, however defined, spans less than 1% of human time on this planet. Like it or not, we have cavemen brains -- which includes group learning!

I hear what you're saying..

But in less than 100 years we went from being a species with an innate fear of heights ( because we lack wings, and squish easily) to being a species that is very comfortable cruising in an airliner 35,000 feet above the ground.

The "old sexy" might have been the physical, brutish, ass-kicker type.. But the "new sexy" is fast becoming a guy who writes code, has a 401k, and works for a local biotech company.

 

[LatinaCarmen1980]

I hear what you're saying..

But in less than 100 years we went from being a species with an innate fear of heights ( because we lack wings, and squish easily) to being a species that is very comfortable cruising in an airliner 35,000 feet above the ground.

The old "sexy" might have been the physical, brutish type.. But the new "sexy" is fast becoming a guy who writes code and has a 401k

Call me old fashioned but a man who provides for his home is sexy. I'm by no means a 'trad wife' but I fully respect those women who chose to stay home because their husband provides.

Having said that, we are more modern couple and we both work. We still only have ONE bank account and everything is in both our names. Still, I find it rewarding to cook for him just as much as I feel appreciated when he cooks.

 

[screwher]

Mynwife and I have a fantastic sex life. Full of love, passion and orgasms. But she cheated. Twice. She needs the kiss, the touch, the tongue and the cock of another man. Fortunately, I desired all that for her too.

 

[LMWM321]

I fully respect those women who chose to stay home because their husband provides.

I do too, but I wasn't implying that kind of arrangement. These days, it nearly ALWAYS takes two incomes to make ends meet - especially if there are hopes of owning a home, raising kids, helping them with their college tuition, and saving for retirement. These days, that's a two income proposition.

 

[BiDrew42]

My wife told me she cheated because I was away from home on business travel more than I was home, and she thought I was cheating while I was away ( I never did). I forgave her the first time, and made changes so that I was home far more than I was away. Things got much better between us for awhile, but then she had another affair and I divorced her.