I know you too well to share my kinks.

[cocokittysurprise]

But let’s say they come to you with a kink, proclivity, fetish, or sexual desire that you just can’t get into. Maybe it is even a huge turnoff for you.
How do you respond to your partner’s newfound kink that you are not interested in?

I am not currently partnered. But I've gone through this exact scenario. I explained that, while it is not something that I wanted to personally explore, I'd help them explore it outside of our relationship. It worked out for the both of us.

Have you been on the other side of this, or are you now?

No.

Would you be concerned that they may pursue their kink outside of your relationship? If so, what do you do?
On the flip side, has your partner ever introduced you to some kink that you never thought you would like, but you did? Or you introduced them?

In my case, I wanted them to have the freedom to explore the kink with a willing partner.
I've been a domme for a significant number of years, so I was typically the one introducing my partner to various kinks, some we tried, some we didn't.

Do you have regular conversations about your sex life with your partner so you remain on the same page? How?

When I was partnered, yes, we did. I encourage healthy, honest communication in all of my relationships, romantic or not. How? One of us would just say "Hey, I wanted to discuss something" and we'd talk about it. It was fairly normal conversation for us.

 

[hotwords229_A]

How do you respond to your partner’s newfound kink that you are not interested in?

I had a girl-friend, we were in a constant state of flirtation, but the relationship never really took off.
Anyway, she offered to blow me if she could tie my hands to the headboard.

She had had a bad experience giving a BJ once where the guy forced her head down and she was very anti-blowjob—understandably.

I’m very pro-blowjob (receiving! ).

I told her I would never force her head down, I wouldn’t even touch her head and she would simply have to trust me. I totally understood why she was hesitant, but she was the one offering, I wasn’t insisting or anything like that.

I don’t like being tied up. Is it a trust issue on my part? Maybe. Could I be tied with someone I totally trusted? Maybe.

But if our relationship was based on ‘she will blow me only if I’m tied and I want sex with her but with no ropes’, are we even right for each other?

We weren’t.

I sometimes wonder if it was just her way of maintaining what we had—an intense foreplay with no payoff, especially since I offered to go down on her with no expectations of reciprocation (I worded it sexier), and she declined.

Maybe she was a tease.

Anyway, I still get boners thinking about her.

 

[Mei5ter]

I had a girl-friend, we were in a constant state of flirtation, but the relationship never really took off.
Anyway, she offered to blow me if she could tie my hands to the headboard.

She had had a bad experience giving a BJ once where the guy forced her head down and she was very anti-blowjob—understandably.

I’m very pro-blowjob (receiving! ).

I told her I would never force her head down, I wouldn’t even touch her head and she would simply have to trust me. I totally understood why she was hesitant, but she was the one offering, I wasn’t insisting or anything like that.

I don’t like being tied up. Is it a trust issue on my part? Maybe. Could I be tied with someone I totally trusted? Maybe.

But if our relationship was based on ‘she will blow me only if I’m tied and I want sex with her but with no ropes’, are we even right for each other?

We weren’t.

I sometimes wonder if it was just her way of maintaining what we had—an intense foreplay with no payoff, especially since I offered to go down on her with no expectations of reciprocation (I worded it sexier), and she declined.

Maybe she was a tease.

Anyway, I still get boners thinking about her.

Oooooh! Now I have questions!

Did you judge her for asking? Did you stay friends after?

If instead of just tying you up, she'd said she wanted humiliate you by using you as her personal toilet and peeing in your mouth, and that you'd only be allowed to cum if you thanked Mommy for her nectar? Would you have felt similarly? Or would you have cut and run?

The thing with kinks is that they're not all alike. Some, rightly or wrongly, are more generally palatable than others. Some carry a far greater risk of toxic rejection than others. I'm not saying that wanting to pee on your partner is "worse" than tying them up, or that liking age play is "worse" than liking a spanking. If anything, non-consensual spanking is going to be treated more seriously in law than age play. But for all that we can talk about "communication", it's far easier to communicate when you know there is less risk of being damned irrevocably if your person says no.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Oooooh! Now I have questions!

Did you judge her for asking?

Absolutely. I judge everyone for everything all the time. But I judged her fairly, I understood this could be a kink for her. I even judged myself for being against it. But it didn’t change how I felt about her.

Did you stay friends after?

Sure. For a long time after.

If instead of just tying you up, she'd said she wanted humiliate you by using you as her personal toilet and peeing in your mouth, and that you'd only be allowed to cum if you thanked Mommy for her nectar? Would you have felt similarly? Or would you have cut and run?

Jesus Christ!

Yeah, I’m out. That would change how I felt about her and how she saw me. We would still be friends and I might even try to help her find a toilet buddy, but I’m not going near that and I don’t want to hear about it.

The thing with kinks is that they're not all alike. Some, rightly or wrongly, are more generally palatable than others. Some carry a far greater risk of toxic rejection than others. I'm not saying that wanting to pee on your partner is "worse" than tying them up, or that liking age play is "worse" than liking a spanking. If anything, non-consensual spanking is going to be treated more seriously in law than age play. But for all that we can talk about "communication", it's far easier to communicate when you know there is less risk of being damned irrevocably if your person says no.

This is the whole problem.

Everyone has a line no matter how open minded they pretend to be. That line is in all kinds of different places for all kinds of different people, and most of us have lots of different lines.

Navigating those lines can be a problem. Communicating to your wife/girlfriend that you have developed a strong desire for a threesome will (most likely) be interpreted as “you’re not enough” and so it’s better to just keep it to yourself. On the other hand, sometimes that desire becomes almost a need. And now a decision has to be made.

Things change, people change. Open minds close, closed minds open. Life is full of uncertainties, but I still believe that a strong relationship can withstand balls out communication. And sometimes, really communicating and sharing your perverted desires can quell them enough through conversation alone.

Other times, you need a better sexual partner and have to figure out, as @Endless_Night said, is it worth blowing the whole deal (so to speak).

 

[Endless_Night]

Other times, you need a better sexual partner and have to figure out, as @Endless_Night said, is it worth blowing the whole deal (so to speak).

You make this situation sound so . . . blasé.

 

[Endless_Night]

There is a situation I'm privy to that always sparks a lot of questions in my mind.

I should say it's only tangentially related to kink. Maybe. Honestly, I'm not sure, but it involved threesomes!

It's a friend group. Two guys and a gal. Two have been friends since childhood. The other joined the group in late adolescence.

One is single. One is married. One has a longtime girlfriend.

The three friends are very tight. One of those groupings that are so settled that changing circumstance has no effect on the stability of the relationships.

The kink part (if it is indeed kink) is that under intense stress situations - they get together and have sex. Usually a one off. It's happened like, eight times in the twenty-five years or so since they been . . . of legal age *ahem* to have sex.

This raises so many questions for me, like:

-Is it a niche kind of threesome kink?
-Sex doesn't change the relationship between them?
-What are the ethics?

The last one is extra confusing. This thing they have going on precedes any of their romantic/partnered relationships. Should they have disclosed it before partnering up? I mean, it seems like they should have, but their view is it that it exists prior to and independently from any other personal relationship.

 

[Endless_Night]

If instead of just tying you up, she'd said she wanted humiliate you by using you as her personal toilet and peeing in your mouth, and that you'd only be allowed to cum if you thanked Mommy for her nectar? Would you have felt similarly? Or would you have cut and run?

 

[hotwords229_A]

There is a situation I'm privy to that always sparks a lot of questions in my mind.

I should say it's only tangentially related to kink. Maybe. Honestly, I'm not sure, but it involved threesomes!

It's a friend group. Two guys and a gal. Two have been friends since childhood. The other joined the group in late adolescence.

One is single. One is married. One has a longtime girlfriend.

The three friends are very tight. One of those groupings that are so settled that changing circumstance has no effect on the stability of the relationships.

The kink part (if it is indeed kink) is that under intense stress situations - they get together and have sex. Usually a one off. It's happened like, eight times in the twenty-five years or so since they been . . . of legal age *ahem* to have sex.

This raises so many questions for me, like:

-Is it a niche kind of threesome kink?
-Sex doesn't change the relationship between them?
-What are the ethics?

The last one is extra confusing. This thing they have going on precedes any of their romantic/partnered relationships. Should they have disclosed it before partnering up? I mean, it seems like they should have, but their view is it that it exists prior to and independently from any other personal relationship.

So the spouse and girlfriend have no idea this is happening, or do they?
How do they determine intense stress situations?
Do 2/3rds of them have to be stressed, or just one of them, or all three of them?
Are we talking MFM or MMF?
Does the single one wish to be in a relationship with one of the others?

 

[Endless_Night]

So the spouse and girlfriend have no idea this is happening, or do they?
How do they determine intense stress situations?
Do 2/3rds of them have to be stressed, or just one of them, or all three of them?
Are we talking MFM or MMF?
Does the single one wish to be in a relationship with one of the others?

- They do not.
- I'm not sure how to answer as I'm not privy to all. I do know the first time was kicked off by the murder of someone they knew.
- Just one, I think. But somehow it often seems to be a stress that affects more than one individual.
- Uhhhhh. I'm not sure how too make this distinction?
- No. None of them is interested in a romantic relationship with any of the others.

Honestly, from what I've seen, the friendship bond seems to transcend most marriages.

 

[calmlikeabomb]

Does this happen to you on Lit?

To an extent. My wife knows I'm here and knows some wild stuff I'm into, but not the full extent of my depravities and perversions.


Do you find yourself not sharing as much with the people you become closer to so as to not tarnish your awesome, carefully cultivated Lit persona?

In RL I am quiet and reserved. On Lit, it's easy to share some things with almost everyone.


Are you a little more bi than you let on?

Nope. Not even a little. I'm gay for Mshershala Ali, but then, who isn't?


Are you kind of embarrassed to admit you “maybe” looked at the BDSM threads longer than you want people to know.

Nah, I'm quite open about it. I have a strict "if you ask, I will tell" policy. I can have a conversation about spankings and safe words on a brunch on a lazy Saturday afternoon. It's a part of who I am, and I don't see the point in hiding it.

Have you considered creating another Lit account so you can post in (or create) threads that you are curious about, but you want to do it “anonymously”?

Nope. I used to post under a different name a decade ago, but that was a different time and I was a different man. And I feel that recursive anonyminity, on a website where everyone claims to have a rather large cock and everyone is in a happy cuckolding relationship, is a little sad.

 

[Endless_Night]

Are we talking MFM or MMF?

MMF.

Thank you internet.

 

[hotwords229_A]

- They do not.

That’s probably not great.

- I'm not sure how to answer as I'm not privy to all. I do know the first time was kicked off by the murder of someone they knew.

Holy hell!
This was actually a trick question to see if you were the girl in this scenario.

- Just one, I think. But somehow it often seems to be a stress that affects more than one individual.

I would just say I was stressed all the time. Do they have to prove they’re stressed? Why stress? It seems like an odd starter.

- Uhhhhh. I'm not sure how too make this distinction?

Do the wieners touch or not? (<—this is me trying to be delicate )

- No. None of them is interested in a romantic relationship with any of the others.

Interesting.

Honestly, from what I've seen, the friendship bond seems to transcend most marriages.

This could be a movie. Hopefully an NC-17!

 

[hotwords229_A]

MMF.

Thank you internet.

You beat me to it!

 

[Endless_Night]

That’s probably not great.

Yes. But also something of an unusual ethical twist.

This was actually a trick question to see if you were the girl in this scenario.

I absolutely know you did not think this was a real possibility. Trick question or not.

I would just say I was stressed all the time. Do they have to prove they’re stressed? Why stress? It seems like an odd starter.

I also kinda think you might be missing the point.

Do the wieners touch or not? (<—this is me trying to be delicate )

Oh, so delicate.

It must be that eight grade sense off humor. *looks innocent*

This could be a movie. Hopefully an NC-17!

Are you offering to set up filming?

 

[hotwords229_A]

I also kinda think you might be missing the point.

What’s the twist? Just that it started before their relationships?

Yes. But also something of an unusual ethical twist.

Oh, what’s the point? That they’re there for each other in bad times? How does hot monkey sex with friends instead of spouse/girlfriend make things different?

ETA: I just realized I responded backwards to the quotes.

 

[lindi_85]

I’ve just stumbled onto this thread and it seems like my sorta thing so don’t mind if I do…

How do you respond to your partner’s newfound kink that you are not interested in?

Fuck I wish I had this situation because I M trying to get anything out of him. I even tried stuff with him that is a complete turn off for me because I want him to enjoy sex and intimacy and me… and if it isn’t me then supporting him to explore other avenues.

Have you been on the other side of this, or are you now?

I have. I want to have sex . Even mutual masturbation would be fine and at times I feel like I’m desperate for intimacy. I have suggested a three some and swinging, and me watching… what stops me going further is me not wanting to force anything on him. He has a right to be Asexual even, but I would like my needs explored too. By someone!

Would you be concerned that they may pursue their kink outside of your relationship? If so, what do you do?

No concerns

On the flip side, has your partner ever introduced you to some kink that you never thought you would like, but you did? Or you introduced them?

He hasn’t minded wearing a butt plug a few times, so at least he’s been more open to that.

Do you have regular conversations about your sex life with your partner so you remain on the same page? How?

We don’t. There have been attempts, however he carries a lot of shame from his upbringing and refuses to explore therapy.

 

[Endless_Night]

What’s the twist? Just that it started before their relationships?

Yes. Most extracurricular activities in that arena start after people segregate sexual into partnerships.

Oh, what’s the point? That they’re there for each other in bad times? How does hot monkey sex with friends instead of spouse/girlfriend make things different?

You saying you would say you were stressed all the time!

There stuff seems to be less about sex and more about . . . the bond. Or something.

I have no idea if it's hot monkey sex.

What do you put these pictures in my head?

ETA: I just realized I responded backwards to the quotes.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I’ve just stumbled onto this thread and it seems like my sorta thing so don’t mind if I do…

Fuck I wish I had this situation because I M trying to get anything out of him. I even tried stuff with him that is a complete turn off for me because I want him to enjoy sex and intimacy and me… and if it isn’t me then supporting him to explore other avenues.

I have. I want to have sex . Even mutual masturbation would be fine and at times I feel like I’m desperate for intimacy. I have suggested a three some and swinging, and me watching… what stops me going further is me not wanting to force anything on him. He has a right to be Asexual even, but I would like my needs explored too. By someone!

No concerns

He hasn’t minded wearing a butt plug a few times, so at least he’s been more open to that.

We don’t. There have been attempts, however he carries a lot of shame from his upbringing and refuses to explore therapy.

This is a tough one. Is he open to you exploring sex with someone else? Or is that off the table?

 

[lindi_85]

Your discussion is fascinating. Sounds less sexual and more like a release-bond-codependency type situation ship . It almost sounds healthy

 

[hotwords229_A]

There stuff seems to be less about sex and more about . . . the bond. Or something.

I have no idea if it's hot monkey sex.

We are going to need more information.
This would be a good time for you to do some investigative reporting, join in and report back to us.

 

[lindi_85]

This is a tough one. Is he open to you exploring sex with someone else? Or is that off the table?

He has no idea I’m here. Wouldn’t be okay with it. According to him we are intimate often enough .

 

[Endless_Night]

Nope. Not even a little. I'm gay for Mshershala Ali, but then, who isn't?

I had to google.

That's twice tonight.

 

[lindi_85]

I had to google.

That's twice tonight.

Oh he’s beautiful. I’ll be gay for him too

 

[Endless_Night]

We are going to need more information.
This would be a good time for you to do some investigative reporting, join in and report back to us.

I am no way asking for particulars of their sexual, uh, liaisons.

OR ANYONE ELSE'S FOR THAT MATTER

 

[lindi_85]

I am no way asking for particulars of their sexual, uh, liaisons.

OR ANYONE ELSE'S FOR THAT MATTER

You could outsource…
Are they in NZ? Afaf


It’s me. I’m the friend