50 ways to write about sex acts

[AG31]

Good evening everyone,
I have searched pretty extensively here and I seem unable to come up with a "suggestions for writers on how to write sex differently each time".
There are, in many instances, some formulaic and even quite pedestrian ways to write about the act, or multiple acts, itself but surely if you were to use the same formula each time, in succeeding stories, then pretty soon you would become pigeon holed as the "author who always writes [whatever it may be]"

Since I am just cutting my teeth in this new genre I'd like to ask advice about the hurdles, traps and pitfalls before I get in over my ever lovin' head.

What, my dear colleagues, are your thoughts and/or sage words of wisdom on the subject?

Deepest respects, as ever,
D.

I don't think you should use formulas at all. I think you should sink yourself into the particular scene and feel and see everything you can conjure up and put it into the best words and phrases possible.

 

[Britva415]

A story should have a point. An erotic story should have an erotic point (titter-ye-not).

Pantsers will disagree

I don't. A point can emerge from a pantsed story, and even more to the point, a point can be the impetus for pantsing a story around it.

Without knowing whether you identify as a pantser or not, either way, saying "pantsing is pointless" is kind of a slur.

 

[AG31]

In any case, my approach is generally to use sex not as an end but as a means of characterization.

And here's a decision you, @DeMont, might think about. Are you writing erotica (stories about sex) or are you writing fiction with a lot of hot sex scenes? Both are absolutely legitimate, and I think a healthy majority of writers in AH are in the latter camp, where plot and character are paramount. But, since you're new and are doing us all the tremendous favor of asking our opinions, maybe you'd find this post interesting.

 

[AG31]

More important is the story itself. If it is dependant purely on the sexual content, then it becomes very difficult to generate a different arc or scope.
The story must carry the sex scene, otherwise it is just. "Lick here, flip and repeat."
The eroticism lies in the foretelling, the build up, the chase...
The act itself is small by comparison.

Just my opinion of course.

Cagivagurl

Unless it's "simple erotica."

 

[AG31]

Bless your little cotton sox colleagues...
You've given me an idea...
Write a sex scene, or take one you've already written and try and rewrite it in a slightly different way, different wording, different build up...
Definitely an exercise worth looking at.

Deepest respects,
D.

Not to beat a dead horse here, but to whom were you addressing this?

 

[AG31]

However fresh and new one tries to make the mechanical descriptions of a sex act, the likelihood is that there are a hundred other stories here that do it basically the same

But they can use different words to evoke the experience.

I would argue that there are two (very, very general) types of reader. One type wants a well-rounded story with an interesting plot, with believable characters, and if it happens to contain hot sex too, all well and good. The second type wants to get off on something and happens to sometimes prefer words to pictures. Sometimes these readers are the same people in a different mood.

Hear, hear!!!!! Yaayyy!!!

The problem with writing sex scenes differently in different stories is that sex is pretty much the same for everybody, every time. You can vary positions, vary partners, and vary the number of partners. Those partners can be of the opposite sex or of the same sex. What it all boils down to is that sex hasn't changed for eons. It's one body part going into another body part a whole bunch of times until the orgasm happens.

The only thing that does change is how a reader has experienced sex, how the reader imagines sex should be, and how the reader wants sex to be when given a choice.

Again, whether you're writing regular fiction, with hot sex, or erotica, sink into the act and put it into the best words possible. The "act" needn't be intercourse. It can be standing at the counter of a hardware store (see any of @ElectricBlue's short stories). Check out this recent thread about finding the right words.

 

[MillieDynamite]

It's only about the physical feelings of sex when you write for a man. When sex is written for a woman, it's emotion, emotion, and emotions.

 

[TheRedChamber]

When sex is written for a woman, it's emotion, emotion, and emotions.

Hey, men feel emotions during sex as well. They range from triumph to performance anxiety. Well, I say range...

 

[Milo9012]

Hey, men feel emotions during sex as well. They range from triumph to performance anxiety. Well, I say range...

They have the emotional range of feral alley cats.

 

[AG31]

It's only about the physical feelings of sex when you write for a man. When sex is written for a woman, it's emotion, emotion, and emotions.

Well, when it's written for this particular woman, by this particular woman, it's physical feelings, physical feelings, physical feelings. This includes the physical feeling of surrender. Whether it's a feeling or an emotion is a topic for another thread. Stay tuned.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It's only about the physical feelings of sex when you write for a man. When sex is written for a woman, it's emotion, emotion, and emotions.

Speak for yourself.

Men have been known to have the odd emotion occasionally, too.

 

[FrancesScott]

It's only about the physical feelings of sex when you write for a man. When sex is written for a woman, it's emotion, emotion, and emotions.

Not sure how true this is. It feels like an olden-times stereotype. Women can enjoy the physicality of sex and men can enjoy the emotional side. It’s sad when we feel that people have to have allotted roles and rules around what is and is not accessible to them.

 

[iwatchus]

Speak for yourself.

Men have been known to have the odd emotion occasionally, too.

I got scolded in the comments for letting a male character cry in his room when he got shot down by his love interest. Apparently some of our readers disagree.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I should've said that's how I write for men (physical pleasure) and women (emotional or spiritual pleasure), one can debate if there is really a difference between the two.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Usually accompained by the phrase, "That's so fucking good."

Speak for yourself.

Men have been known to have the odd emotion occasionally, too.

Well, I never enjoyed sex with a man, physically or emotionally. I've had them tell me it felt good fucking me. No man ever said it was a religious experience, though. My wife, Jo, and I go to church in bed often!

Not sure how true this is. It feels like an olden-times stereotype. Women can enjoy the physicality of sex and men can enjoy the emotional side. It’s sad when we feel that people have to have allotted roles and rules around what is and is not accessible to them.

 

[StillStunned]

I should've said that's how I write for men (physical pleasure) and women (emotional or spiritual pleasure), one can debate if there is really a difference between the two.

Assuming that all the women here are actually men, I'd say there's very little difference.

More seriously, the feedback I get from readers and other writers doesn't seem to break down according to gender. But my wife prefers the hot sex scenes and gets bored with the emotional stuff. I prefer to write at least some emotional engagement.

So there's a dataset of two to make of what you want.

 

[FrancesScott]

I got scolded in the comments for letting a male character cry in his room when he got shot down by his love interest. Apparently some of our readers disagree.

I’ve had similar reactions elsewhere. Seems like a lot of readers of erotica believe in men having mental health issues due to suppressing natural emotions as they are “unmanly” FFS.

 

[FrancesScott]

Well, I never enjoyed sex with a man, physically or emotionally. I've had them tell me it felt good fucking me. No man ever said it was a religious experience, though. My wife, Jo, and I go to church in bed often!

I’ve enjoyed the company of men and women. It’s different in some ways, kind of the same in others.

Even if you stick to cunnilingus - and what a fine thing to stick to - it can feel different with a man or woman doing the lingual bit (it can also feel different with different men and different women obv).

It’s not even technique, maybe areas of focus. To generalize, I think many men are goals focused. While they want to please their partner, some take pride in the badge of inducing orgasm (some, not all, I’ve known men who are more holistic in this area) I’ve never felt that same goals driven thing with another woman. But YMMV.

 

[Milo9012]

They have the emotional range of feral alley cats.

I made this comment earlier, but thinking since, I've got to walk it back a bit.

Sure, a lot of guys would fit neatly in the 'feral alley cat' box, but there are many caring, loving, and emotionally invested guys out there who are innately emotionally sensitive to their partners, they just don't get the attention they deserve in the writing arena.

That space is the almost exclusive stomping ground of the guys mom-told-their-daughters-to-stay-away-from. The guys who dog women and treat them with contempt.

Bad boys are always more interesting characters than the decent caring guy trying to get the girls attention away from the bullying jerk she's infatuated with.

Just my two cents.

 

[FrancesScott]

Bad boys are always more interesting characters than the decent caring guy trying to get the girls attention away from the bullying jerk she's infatuated with.

Totally disagree. Unless you are reading stuff written by the emotional equivalent of an eleven year old.

I’ve been around the all women love a bad boy trope here before. It’s utter BS. Some women do, definitely not all women. Not this woman for one.

My MMCs tend to be well-meaning, unconfident, a bit awkward, and just like a lot of real men.

Bad boys belong in the same hopper as women with tiny waists and massive breasts.

 

[filthytrancendence]

I’ve had similar reactions elsewhere. Seems like a lot of readers of erotica believe in men having mental health issues due to suppressing natural emotions as they are “unmanly” FFS.

Some days I feel compelled to seceded from my gender due to second hand cringe. They'd probably be pleased to be rid of me, in any case. I guess that's the only reason I've stayed.

 

[Cagivagurl]

Unless it's "simple erotica."

Sorry to sound dense, but. Simple erotica differs how????
Erotica is a genre...
If you meant somebody merely describing a sex act, then that is still erotica. Simply more focused on the act.
Me personally, I don't enjoy those types of story. I read for enjoyment, if in doing so, I am aroused, titillated then YAY!!! But I don't read to masturbate...
I need rich characters to draw me in. There has to be depth to the plot, a flow a cadence. There must be a reason to turn the page. Intrigue, drams, a character I have come to love, or perhaps hate.
That is merely my preference.
There are of course many other readers who read solely for the arousal, the release... I do not seek to deny them that. I do not discriminate. I don't think that a longer more carefully written saga is better. It is merely better for me, because, as stated. That is my preference.

Cagivagurl

 

[filthytrancendence]

@AwkwardMD, if the first rule of the official drinking game is somebody brings up AI, can the second one be someone getting AG31 to explain what simple erotica is?

Okay, maybe the second one should be someone asks why their story has been pending for <some amount of time greater than 2 days>. But that should be #3, if you ask me.

 

[AwkwardMD]

@AwkwardMD, if the first rule of the official drinking game is somebody brings up AI, can the second one be someone getting AG31 to explain what simple erotica is?

Okay, maybe the second one should be someone asks why their story has been pending for <some amount of time greater than 2 days>. But that should be #3, if you ask me.

Time is a flat circle. Any thread that, conceptually, has been done over and over, and which we will do over and over, you have to drink.

 

[filthytrancendence]

Time is a flat circle. Any thread that, conceptually, has been done over and over, and which we will do over and over, you have to drink.

Shit. We'll never be sober again.