To the older men who’ve been married for decades—what are your secrets?

[Rob_Royale]

Sense of humor/laughter
Strong communication skills
Knowing what is worth/ not worth doing or saying
Being able to bring your partner pleasure - especially before you (sexual and otherwise)
Being brave

I'm going to add, be thoughtful and kind. A selfish or solo nature will have difficulties in a long marriage. 33 years with my wife now and I wouldn't trade her for the hottest woman on the planet.

 

[Domwoolf]

1. Talk it out. 2. Don't go to bed angry. 3. Don't procrastinate, get it done. 45+ years married.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Some things that I found that have kept my wife happy.

1. Never stop making out like it's your wedding night. Anywhere. In front of anyone, especially your children. In the aisles at WalMart if you feel like it.
2. Do the fucking dishes and fold the laundry. Small domestic chores take no time and don't challenge your man card, and she will feel like her efforts are valued. Especially if she's the cook.
3. Tell her how you feel. About anything. Being stoic might seem manly but women don't dig it.
4. When the babies come, shoulder an equal portion of the lousy jobs. Change those diapers! If she has to pump breast milk so you can take a late feeding she will happily do so.
5. Listen to her. About everything.
6. Understand that she saw something in you special enough to want to spend the rest of her life with you and though that happened, it could happen again if you don't live up to your obligations as a husband. And she knows it.
7. Sex. Get good at it. Make sure she comes before you do.
8. Arguing. Pick your battles. If it's damn important, stand up for yourself. If it's not ... "Okay, babe. We'll do it that way." Being right isn't as important as having peace between you, and the sooner you realize it the better for you both.
9. Put the seat down.
10. Separate top sheets.

More later probably.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Some things that I found that have kept my wife happy.

1. Never stop making out like it's your wedding night. Anywhere. In front of anyone, especially your children. In the aisles at WalMart if you feel like it.
2. Do the fucking dishes and fold the laundry. Small domestic chores take no time and don't challenge your man card, and she will feel like her efforts are valued. Especially if she's the cook.
3. Tell her how you feel. About anything. Being stoic might seem manly but women don't dig it.
4. When the babies come, shoulder an equal portion of the lousy jobs. Change those diapers! If she has to pump breast milk so you can take a late feeding she will happily do so.
5. Listen to her. About everything.
6. Understand that she saw something in you special enough to want to spend the rest of her life with you and though that happened, it could happen again if you don't live up to your obligations as a husband. And she knows it.
7. Sex. Get good at it. Make sure she comes before you do.
8. Arguing. Pick your battles. If it's damn important, stand up for yourself. If it's not ... "Okay, babe. We'll do it that way." Being right isn't as important as having peace between you, and the sooner you realize it the better for you both.
9. Put the seat down.
10. Separate top sheets.

More later probably.

So in other words do everything she wants and disregard yourself.
That's fine if you want a one sided relationship but it's not for me.
I agree on many points but you left out so much it's hard to tell if I agree or not.
So many times what men do is totally overlooked and they are expected to do 1/2 of the woman's half also.
I guess if you live in a condo and all your yard work is handled by an association I would lean more towards agreeing.
I could live my same lifestyle if she was no longer here. She couldn't exist in our situation alone.
Sorry just the facts
I work for widows who can't stay where they are if it wasn't for me taking care of their stuff.
I wouldn't need to hire cooks, housecleaners, people to do laundry and so on.

 

[Rob_Royale]

So in other words do everything she wants and disregard yourself.

Nope, that's not what said at all, but what you read into it.

 

[LMWM321]

So in other words do everything she wants and disregard yourself.

That's your takeaway from @Rob_Royale 's post?? Wow...

I think his list is spot on. ..But would add:

The hormonal changes, weight gain, etc.. that arrive with menopause can erode a woman's body image. So, do you best everyday to remind her how beautiful and sexy she still is. Do this every day, not just when you want sex.

Understand that sex will be different after menopause. Communication is key! Recognize that what used to feel good for her before may now be uncomfortable if not approached very gradually and often with lots of a high quality lube. And don't put pressure on her (or yourself) to have an orgasm. ..Instead, focus on making sure it's pleasurable. And if after a few minutes it starts to become uncomfortable, STOP! A LOT of woman call a halt to sex after menopause because their husbands don't get this...

Our wives know that we watch porn. It's important to make sure they understand that you know what you're watching is pure fantasy and does NOT change how you feel about them, the sex they give you, or their bodies. A mature wife knowing her 70 year old husband is watching tight-bodied 20-somethings who squeal and moan from the very touch of a penis can leave her feeling sexually left behind and irrelevant, ESPECIALLY if he starts pressuring her to do the crazy stuff he watches. And if the porn you watch DOES change how you feel about your wife and real-world sex, well, watch different porn.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

That's your takeaway from @Rob_Royale 's post?? Wow...

I think his list is spot on. ..But would add:

The hormonal changes, weight gain, etc.. that arrive with menopause can erode a woman's body image. So, do you best everyday to remind her how beautiful and sexy she still is. Do this every day, not just when you want sex.

Understand that sex will be different after menopause. Communication is key! Recognize that what used to feel good for her before may now be uncomfortable if not approached very gradually and often with lots of a high quality lube. And don't put pressure on her (or yourself) to have an orgasm. ..Instead, focus on making sure it's pleasurable. And if after a few minutes it starts to become uncomfortable, STOP! A LOT of woman call a halt to sex after menopause because their husbands don't get this...

Our wives know that we watch porn. It's important to make sure they understand that you know what you're watching is pure fantasy and does NOT change how you feel about them, the sex they give you, or their bodies. A mature wife knowing her 70 year old husband is watching tight-bodied 20-somethings who squeal and moan from the very touch of a penis can leave her feeling sexually left behind and irrelevant, ESPECIALLY if he starts pressuring her to do the crazy stuff her watches.

Everyone is different there is no doubt.
I don't watch porn at all as she has never enjoyed it.
What works for you is great as it doesn't work for everyone, people in general will keep taking the more you give. We have close female friends that tell me privately that my wife has no idea how lucky she is.
I see myself as lucky and as fortunate for us to be together all these years but I am not without flaws and either is she.
This whole queen thing you guys have going on is over the top.

 

[LMWM321]

This whole queen thing you guys have going on is over the top.

Queen thing? How is...

- sincerely and frequently praising my wife's beauty
- approaching sex with her differently after menopause
- considering how my porn might impact her self-image..

...A "Queen" thing??? To me, they sound like pretty basic behaviors in a healthy marriage. ..And as a consequence, we still have sex 2-3 times per week, often with her enthusiastically initiating.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Queen thing? How is...
- sincerely and frequently praising my wife's beauty
- approaching sex with her differently after menopause
- considering how my porn might impact her self-image..

A "Queen" thing??? To me, they sound like pretty basic behaviors in a healthy marriage. ..And as a consequence, we still have sex 2-3 times per week, often with her enthusiastically initiating.

All I am saying is does it go both ways? Does she tell you everyday that you are handsome, attractive or whatever? Is she doing those same things for you?
If not, sorry it's the Queen thing and it's over the top.
Marriage is a two way street, the old happy wife, happy life saying is just disgusting.
It should be equal until one of you needs the other because of physical limitations for whatever reason. I do things for my wife that most women are blown away by when she tells them.
I just don't want to see anyone of either sex trapped in a one sided relationship, not once has anyone said in this thread about equality its all about what you can do for her.

 

[Mike130]

I don’t know about that. A lot of societal pressure is on a woman to be beautiful. An industry worth billions of dollars. Not so much pressure for men to be handsome.

I’ve been with my wife for 40 years. Every day I tell her she’s beautiful. And every day I mean it. When I met her, she had the clean cut all-American looks of a 1960’s California beach girl. She still does, but in a more mature way.

But it doesn’t stop at looks. Although I have more college degrees, she’s much smarter than me in most practical matters. And don’t underestimate what it takes to be a mother! That’s a lifetime job.

So yes, a good woman is a treasure that should be worshipped. They’re in a competitive world beauty wise, job wise, and on top of that, trying to be a good mom and wife. Cut them some slack.

I’m just a regular looking guy who somehow lucked out with a pretty girl, who doesn’t think she’s as pretty as she is, has a great sense of humor, and is grateful and mystified by my love for her.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Not once has anyone said in this thread about equality its all about what you can do for her.

Fair point. And that was a point of contention with my wife and I early in our marriage. If you want help with domestic duties, then you're going to be outside sweating with me when the lawn needs mowing, garden needs weeding and the cars need washing. If traditional female roles need to be shared, then the same goes for traditional male roles.

But I married a tomboy and that was no problem at all for her.

 

[TomnDiane]

Never go along to get along. It's easy, works in the moment, but she will take advantage of that and eventually, you'll go along but won't get along. Instead, have the uncomfortable conversation early. Marriage should be 50/50, not set by what the wife alone wants.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

Never go along to get along. It's easy, works in the moment, but she will take advantage of that and eventually, you'll go along but won't get along. Instead, have the uncomfortable conversation early. Marriage should be 50/50, not set by what the wife alone wants.

Spot on!

 

[LMWM321]

Never go along to get along. It's easy, works in the moment, but she will take advantage of that and eventually, you'll go along but won't get along. Instead, have the uncomfortable conversation early. Marriage should be 50/50, not set by what the wife alone wants.

Who said anything about it not being 50/50? ..Remember, the OP is addressing Men and asking what THEY do to keep the love going. ..And now we have people asking, "Well! ..Why is it ALL on him!" ...Well, no one said it is!

As for NEVER going along to get a long? ..Um, I could not disagree more! ..Indeed BOTH my wife and I often go along to get along. Indeed, If we did only those things that we BOTH equally want to do, our list of shared activities would be pretty damn small. ..Now, if one is always going along and the other never does... well, that's a problem.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

So your study group just proves that what Bob's wife wants to be happy doesn't make Jim's wife happy. Why? Because women are all different.
If I made out with my wife like a 20 year old in front of strangers, the kids, grandkids she would not be happy period. She doesn't like PDA
Listen to your wife, watch her reactions to things and you will figure out what makes her happy.
My wife loves to travel and I hate traveling, do I go? Yes at times especially when she says but I want to go with you. Then I go. But she also travels alone with family and friends.
Just make sure you are happy too because all the advice on how to keep you wife happy is worthless if you're not happy