Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[LeeKee]

How do you change in sync is easy enough. You do not hide stuff from your partner and you keep talking about everything

I could only wish. Instead find out by accident and/or surprise.

 

[Strixaluco]

I could only wish. Instead find out by accident and/or surprise.

Why leave things to accident and surprise? Why not discuss things even before the start?

Lack of communication can make a relationship fall due to even rather minor stuff, while with communication it is possible to handle much bigger issues successfully. I find the lack of it in itself a huge red flag.

 

[LeeKee]

Why leave things to accident and surprise? Why not discuss things even before the start?

Lack of communication can make a relationship fall due to even rather minor stuff, while with communication it is possible to handle much bigger issues successfully. I find the lack of it in itself a huge red flag.

Any thing in conversation that requires deep thought, honesty, expression of emotion or anything personal, she shuts down like a deactivated robot. Pretty much checked out.

 

[LeeKee]

Why leave things to accident and surprise? Why not discuss things even before the start?

Lack of communication can make a relationship fall due to even rather minor stuff, while with communication it is possible to handle much bigger issues successfully. I find the lack of it in itself a huge red flag.

Any thing that requires

Why leave things to accident and surprise? Why not discuss things even before the start?

Lack of communication can make a relationship fall due to even rather minor stuff, while with communication it is possible to handle much bigger issues successfully. I find the lack of it in itself a huge red flag.

Been a huge red flag for years. Any thing in conversation that requires deep thought, honesty, expression of emotion or anything personal, she shuts down like a deactivated robot. Pretty much checked out.

 

[PMarky2]

I talked to my future wife about what got me going in the bedroom, or anywhere else the urge hit me, when we were engaged. Some of it shed was into, some not, but no deal breakers. After that, except when trying to get her to try something new we have not talked much about needs, desires, and kinks. Declining health on her part has tended to make that all a bit academic over the past few years anyway.

 

[Strixaluco]

Been a huge red flag for years. Any thing in conversation that requires deep thought, honesty, expression of emotion or anything personal, she shuts down like a deactivated robot. Pretty much checked out.

Sounds like the countdown has begun.

 

[Vitriolhack]

True since it's not taxes or death it is not guaranteed.

nothing is guaranteed in life but, it’s the little things that we tolerate that fester after a few years, they gnaw at you continuously.

It all starts with, “let’s agree to disagree”. Or one party backing down because the other does not see the logic or the validity of the other’s viewpoint. It takes a special someone to acknowledge that a particular situation needs compromise and not caving in.

This may be a short term fix, but I can bet the disagreement will perdure.

It could be about sex, or family members or kid’s education and suddenly the seemingly innocuous agreement 10years ago becomes a burden.

 

[LeeKee]

Sounds like the countdown has begun.

It has.

 

[PMarky2]

nothing is guaranteed in life but, it’s the little things that we tolerate that fester after a few years, they gnaw at you continuously.

It all starts with, “let’s agree to disagree”. Or one party backing down because the other does not see the logic or the validity of the other’s viewpoint. It takes a special someone to acknowledge that a particular situation needs compromise and not caving in.

This may be a short term fix, but I can bet the disagreement will perdure.

It could be about sex, or family members or kid’s education and suddenly the seemingly innocuous agreement 10years ago becomes a burden.

One of the downsides of my personality is that there are very few things I will fight about seriously, and my wife is the same way. However, I am also mildly autistic, so I have ended up with a lot more control than I wanted because when my usual ASD resistance to change/the unplanned kicks in, my wife tends to give up rather than talk me into it. Over the years this has created a huge fund of resentment on both sides because she has been too deferential for me, and I have been too 'difficult' for her which has resulted in us both missing out on things we would have liked to have done.

 

[LexiSmiles92]

nope. nuff said

 

[Strixaluco]

One of the downsides of my personality is that there are very few things I will fight about seriously, and my wife is the same way. However, I am also mildly autistic, so I have ended up with a lot more control than I wanted because when my usual ASD resistance to change/the unplanned kicks in, my wife tends to give up rather than talk me into it. Over the years this has created a huge fund of resentment on both sides because she has been too deferential for me, and I have been too 'difficult' for her which has resulted in us both missing out on things we would have liked to have done.

I had similar situation with my 1st ex. He sometimes gave up without it even being discussed.

It was me who felt it can't continue like that. I hated the vague feeling that things go too much my way. These days I even know why - I can't have a partner like that as I actually need (and have found) a Dom. 20 years ago I hadn't realised that yet.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I had similar situation with my 1st ex. He sometimes gave up without it even being discussed.

It was me who felt it can't continue like that. I hated the vague feeling that things go too much my way. These days I even know why - I can't have a partner like that as I actually need (and have found) a Dom. 20 years ago I hadn't realised that yet.

Maybe 20years ago you were not the person you are today? And that’s ok, as we age we know our deeper needs and wants.

 

[Husky_Embrace]

Maybe a fresh perspective:
My partner is uncomfortable about communicating sex. Things happened in the past, etc.

Even so I bring it up at times. Just small things, light. A joke here, a mention there. My best go to line is that she's beautiful and sexually desirable by me, and the larger public as well.

There's often no push for sex, just a moment in conversation. At times we get more serious.

I have an undernourished sexual side, but frankly, I'm not with her for sex alone. Writing about it all these years have helped me cope, and compared to years ago I have improved to the point that I dare to call myself an amateur writer. Joining Lit a few months ago improved my writing substantially as well. Though again, there's lots to gain if you're not good at it.

I've seen new sides of the world and myself because of it. Do I want sex? Definitely. Even so it isn't the end of the world. I have hands and a fantasy that make it all bearable until I convince her in the bedroom again.

 

[Strixaluco]

Maybe 20years ago you were not the person you are today? And that’s ok, as we age we know our deeper needs and wants.

I was masking a lot back then. In fact, I only learned to truly unmask when I met my current partner.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I was masking a lot back then. In fact, I only learned to truly unmask when I met my current partner.

Good for you.

 

[Strixaluco]

Good for you.

Well, it was about time. Masking is exhausting, and one reason for burning out repeatedly

 

[jassybb]

Never ever.

 

[Shellz32]

Absolutely no, wouldn't (am single atm), but very chilled and open minded

 

[HotwifeBrooksideKC]

Absolutely yes I do. A lady has her secrets

 

[vandelayatx]

Some of them for sure. I doubt my wife would want to know I think about her mom

 

[Veronica_Flora]

There are certain fantasies, needs and desires I keep to myself and sometimes privately share on lit.

 

[Norfolkguy49]

There are certain fantasies, needs and desires I keep to myself and sometimes privately share on lit.

Love to share lol

 

[Tina_LeVoiturier]

I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here are in the same boat I am in?

You should share with her more

 

[Tina_LeVoiturier]

I am fortunate that I am quite open with my husband about my needs wants and interactions and we are fine with it, but have been open since we met. Of course, everything is firewalled and separate from family life

From reading in here, that is not the case for all, and I know a few people struggle with it too. Openness is a hard bridge to cross, despite it being the "ideal"

My husband likes to play bdsm, he often buys them and plays with me. Openness is important, women always have hidden desires

 

[marriedpervs]

Nope. Never have and never will. We enjoy sharing the details and also planning the hunt.