Cock Talk

[Peter_Out]

For some reason, whenever a question pops up about revisiting my past self, it’s always at night. A future me popping by during the day, unannounced just seems so rude

I'm not sure I follow, but that's okay. As long as you're okay.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

That Whoreable Feeling

https://gifdb.com/images/thumbnail/woman-scared-on-halloween-meme-vnb85479jadru0zf.gif

There is a thrill that comes with sex, but that can also lead to terror, anxiety, performance issues, etc.

How nervous are you the first time you have sex with someone?

I’m not sure how to answer this. Given that the number of firsts I’ve had can be counted on one hand with fingers left over probably has something to do with it. Nervous? Sure. Anxious? Yes. Self conscious? Of course. There’s emotion and “shoulds” and adrenaline and pressure and .. and .. and.. so many things that you can pile onto this one moment.

How do you manage that nervous feeling?

Easy! Avoidance!

Alcohol often plays heavily into sex (no really), do you dabble in any chemical arts to relax when getting it on, or do you emotionally raw dog it?

No, I don’t get tipsy in order to make having sex easier or making the decision to have sex easier. Is that what you mean?

When I was younger, like in college, we’d play games like strip poker or drink more heavily but those days are long behind me.

Have you ever had an anxiety attack during physical intimacy? How did you handle it?

Yes but that was because of unpleasant memories that surfaced. Not because of the sex itself.

Do you have a tried-and-true technique of putting yourself, or your partner, at ease before sex?

Sure. A really great blow job. . It’s so weird just how often he’s nervous.

In the past, did you build sex up to be more than it is, causing more nervousness than was necessary, or were you a casual sex person without enough worry?

I have never been a casual sex person. I kind of wish I was wilder and experimented more. But it just wasn’t what I was comfortable with.

What advice would you go back and give your virgin self if you could?

Idk if I’d tell my virgin self anything but I’d tell my younger self to not get married so young.

 

[Wand3rlust]

That Whoreable Feeling

https://gifdb.com/images/thumbnail/woman-scared-on-halloween-meme-vnb85479jadru0zf.gif

There is a thrill that comes with sex, but that can also lead to terror, anxiety, performance issues, etc.

How nervous are you the first time you have sex with someone?

It depends. For someone who feels they have spent a lot of time in serious relationships, I've had a fair few first times. Younger ones were easier. I mean, they didn't know any more thsn I did so what was to be nervous about. But fuck me, I didn't expect it to feel like that. Even though I'd been pretty aware of my body for a long time. That's the actual first.
Now, I go from not giving a shit, cos actually, it makes a change to have sex with a human rather than *whispers* Nora (have to be careful in case she's listening). Or building it up to the point that I feel under so much pressure. But its all put on my self. I'm looking forward to the next first time.

How do you manage that nervous feeling?

Drink like @Mo_Bandy can only dream of.

Alcohol often plays heavily into sex (no really), do you dabble in any chemical arts to relax when getting it on, or do you emotionally raw dog it?

not consciously. It numbs it. And thats not fun. Even ecstasy. Clean and in tune is the best.

Have you ever had an anxiety attack during physical intimacy? How did you handle it?

No.

Do you have a tried-and-true technique of putting yourself, or your partner, at ease before sex?

I'm adorable and hilarious. And totally unthreatening. So if we've got to the point where we're bumping uglies, then believe me we are both at ease.

In the past, did you build sex up to be more than it is, causing more nervousness than was necessary, or were you a casual sex person without enough worry?

I've probably been guilty of that. But I'm way more chilled now.

What advice would you go back and give your virgin self if you could?

Oh, man - could you have some fun? Chill out, and don't assume that everyone needs to be so serious.

 

[Peter_Out]

I think it might be interesting to compare men's and women's answers to this set of questions in particular, because men's and women's experiences of sex are so different.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I’d probably just tell her to go back to sleep.

There’s nothing I could have done differently or better or smarter or wiser. She should just sleep.

There is zero chance I would have listened to my future self. I would have spent all my time trying to prove to myself that I was really me and then I would just give up and tell myself to go fuck myself.

Sure. A really great blow job.

Blow jobs are the greatest oxymorons. So relaxing and so exciting!

 

[summer_reine]

That Whoreable Feeling

https://gifdb.com/images/thumbnail/woman-scared-on-halloween-meme-vnb85479jadru0zf.gif

There is a thrill that comes with sex, but that can also lead to terror, anxiety, performance issues, etc.

How nervous are you the first time you have sex with someone?

I don't really have the data to know. My number is 3, sort of, depending on the definition. An educated guess, if I ever manage to have sex again, would be very nervous.

How do you manage that nervous feeling?

I would just have to trust my partner to know me well enough by then to help.

Alcohol often plays heavily into sex (no really), do you dabble in any chemical arts to relax when getting it on, or do you emotionally raw dog it?

I'd really rather a first be stone cold sober but I know myself well enough to be fairly certain it simply wouldn't happen without a little booze.

Have you ever had an anxiety attack during physical intimacy? How did you handle it?

Except for a couple of years when I was first married I have almost always panicked during piv unless I was drunk. But my anxiety presents as shutting down. My brain and body disconnect from each other and while I can usually prevent it now, I have not yet figured out how to get out of that headspace once I'm in it, I just sort of snap back to reality.

Do you have a tried-and-true technique of putting yourself, or your partner, at ease before sex?

Alcohol, the cause of and answer to all of life's problems

In the past, did you build sex up to be more than it is, causing more nervousness than was necessary, or were you a casual sex person without enough worry?

I trained myself not to think about sex at all so there was no build up. I am definitely not a casual sex person. My sexuality is linked to hard earned safety and trust, those are not available to me casually.

What advice would you go back and give your virgin self if you could?

I'd just give her a hug and tell her she will be okay. I'd tell her that she can't do anything right now but that in time she'll find what she lost. Thank you, Lit

 

[mikeyvis00]

That Whoreable Feeling

https://gifdb.com/images/thumbnail/woman-scared-on-halloween-meme-vnb85479jadru0zf.gif

There is a thrill that comes with sex, but that can also lead to terror, anxiety, performance issues, etc.

How nervous are you the first time you have sex with someone?
How do you manage that nervous feeling?
Alcohol often plays heavily into sex (no really), do you dabble in any chemical arts to relax when getting it on, or do you emotionally raw dog it?
Have you ever had an anxiety attack during physical intimacy? How did you handle it?
Do you have a tried-and-true technique of putting yourself, or your partner, at ease before sex?
In the past, did you build sex up to be more than it is, causing more nervousness than was necessary, or were you a casual sex person without enough worry?
What advice would you go back and give your virgin self if you could?

Just discovered this thread, but I'd love to join this topic, I think it's interesting reading everyone's thoughts about it

Now, answering from my experience with a GF and a BF:

How nervous are you the first time you have sex with someone?
- The first time I think it's inevitable. Even if my partner and I reach to the point of being comfortable enough with each other to share sexual intimacy, I'm going to be nervous. Maybe because I get the idea that I have to meet some kind of expectation in bed, instead of enjoying the moment.
How do you manage that nervous feeling?

- I try to keep in mind the idea that we are both taking the step at the same time, and that we are equally vulnerable to each other.

Alcohol often plays heavily into sex (no really), do you dabble in any chemical arts to relax when getting it on, or do you emotionally raw dog it?

- I don't really like the idea of being intoxicated in bed, especially the first time. I only did it once with my boyfriend, coming back from a wild night at the club. The mood was palpable, and we just let ourselves go, hahaha. Although that was after the first year, so we were already past the nervous stage.

Have you ever had an anxiety attack during physical intimacy? How did you handle it?

Once, while I was dating with a guy, we went to his house and things got heated. We were fooling around in his bedroom, and I felt very close to letting it out, you know what I mean . We didn't even have the time to get fully naked. Result: complete panic. In the end, I couldn't hold it back; my nerves got the better of me, and we finished sooner than expected. We both laughed at the end though.

Do you have a tried-and-true technique of putting yourself, or your partner, at ease before sex?

- Not really, it's generally me who is a bundle of nerves. I just try to let things keep their natural course.

In the past, did you build sex up to be more than it is, causing more nervousness than was necessary, or were you a casual sex person without enough worry?

- I've never been one for casual sex. I've learned to enjoy other kinds of intimacy with others beyond just jumping in the water. That really helps with anxiety when it kicks in.

What advice would you go back and give your virgin self if you could?
- To be himself, not to let himself be socially pressured by others, and to explore and dare more without fear of rejection.

 

[hotwords229_A]

We didn't even have the time to get fully naked. Result: complete panic. In the end, I couldn't hold it back; my nerves got the better of me, and we finished sooner than expected. We both laughed at the end though.

This sounds less like a panic attack and more like an attack on your underwear!

 

[mikeyvis00]

This sounds less like a panic attack and more like an attack on your underwear!

You have no idea , talking about ruin the party when we were just inflating the balloons

 

[hotwords229_A]

You have no idea , talking about ruin the party when we were just inflating the balloons

Sometimes you shoot the confetti too soon, happens to all of us.
As long as there is a mess a party was had, that’s how I see it.

 

[mikeyvis00]

Sometimes you shoot the confetti too soon, happens to all of us.
As long as there is a mess a party was had, that’s how I see it.

That's a nice way to put it hahahaha. A five minutes party, but a party at least

 

[AngelicaS1780]

How nervous are you the first time you have sex with someone?

I'm never an anxious sort of nervous about it. It's a feeling of excitement and anticipation.

Alcohol often plays heavily into sex (no really), do you dabble in any chemical arts to relax when getting it on, or do you emotionally raw dog it?

Back in my college days, alcohol was often, but not always, involved with first times. My two more recent experiences were stone cold sober. I think sober to very lightly chemically relaxed is the best way to go for me now.

Have you ever had an anxiety attack during physical intimacy? How did you handle it?

I have. It was precipitated by issues with my husband's erection rehab following surgery to remove his prostate due to cancer. We were both putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to make piv sex just like it was prior to his diagnosis. We handled it by talking about our fears and frustrations with the whole situation and by trying our best to provide a safe and supportive environment to do so. We agreed that we needed to step back and adjust our expectations.

Do you have a tried-and-true technique of putting yourself, or your partner, at ease before sex?

For the most part, both myself and my partners were very much at ease and eager before our first times together. There was one male partner who was a virgin and a bit nervous before his/our first time. I just told him not to overthink it, to just relax and have fun and enjoy the pleasure, and that there were no expectations of any kind.

In the past, did you build sex up to be more than it is, causing more nervousness than was necessary, or were you a casual sex person without enough worry?

While I wouldn’t say that I was a casual sex person, I definitely fell closer to that end of the spectrum than I did to the other. I didn’t need to be in love with someone before having sex with them. But I wasn’t going out looking for one night stands either.

What advice would you go back and give your virgin self if you could?

You need proper lube for anal. Don’t let the boyfriend with the horse cock convince you otherwise.

 

[Peter_Out]

her hubby recently started taking Zoloft. This apparently has caused him to be able to get hard but not allow him to reach orgasm. She said she loved it the first time because he kept going and going. It was only after he stopped did she get a sense of his frustration. They tried again a couple of days later and had the same things happen. She said that even going at it hard and fast didn't do anything more than tire him out. According to her, he didn't even feel as if he was getting close. This seems to have disheartened him enough that he no longer wants to even try, so they now haven't had sex in months.

Am I the only one who doesn't understand his reaction? Yes, I love orgasms, but isn't the whole thing enjoyable? I once spent an entire weekend with someone and didn't have an orgasm, but my then partner and I had a great time regardless. If I knew what had caused it, I'd happily do it again!

 

[morelikeasong]

How nervous are you the first time you have sex with someone?
How do you manage that nervous feeling?

Well, I haven’t had a first time in a long time. I’d say appropriately nervous but not overly so.

Alcohol often plays heavily into sex (no really), do you dabble in any chemical arts to relax when getting it on, or do you emotionally raw dog it?

Sometimes. Nowadays it’s more of a coincidental thing.
But back when I was single, it was more common that I’d be drinking and/or smoking pot beforehand.

Have you ever had an anxiety attack during physical intimacy? How did you handle it?

Yes. I went through a period of time where it happened sometimes. I rarely handled it well and neither did the partners. Probably shouldn’t have been having sex with people who didn’t know why/didn’t give a fuck about me at a time when I was very emotionally fragile but, yanno… hindsight.

Hasn’t happened in a long time!

Do you have a tried-and-true technique of putting yourself, or your partner, at ease before sex?

The best way for me to be fully at ease is to be asleep and woken up for sex . My mind is the most empty and pliable that way.

In the past, did you build sex up to be more than it is, causing more nervousness than was necessary, or were you a casual sex person without enough worry?

I think I’ve had a decent balance.

What advice would you go back and give your virgin self if you could?

Don’t fake orgasms. It’s okay if you don’t cum and it’s okay if they know that.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Am I the only one who doesn't understand his reaction? Yes, I love orgasms, but isn't the whole thing enjoyable? I once spent an entire weekend with someone and didn't have an orgasm, but my then partner and I had a great time regardless. If I knew what had caused it, I'd happily do it again!

I imagine if you are trying to orgasm and can’t it is not pleasurable. Plus, wouldn’t he lose his erection after some time? Did the medication also take away some of the sensation too?

It’s kind of like the viagra thing—if you experience an erection for more than four hours…—sounds like a pretty great deal, but could also have it’s downside.

 

[Peter_Out]

I imagine if you are trying to orgasm and can’t it is not pleasurable.

Well it wasn't like I wasn't trying to have an orgasm But I enjoyed being able to give pleasure with that part of my anatomy for longer than I normally would be able to, and also enjoyed the physical side myself. I mean, I enjoy penetration anyway, not only if I get to orgasm through it. It's mostly about the "connection" in that being inside her is the closest I can be to my partner.

Plus, wouldn’t he lose his erection after some time?

I did, eventually (quite tricky though, because as I said, I was having a good time regardless, and she was a very attractive woman). Mine wasn't drug induced. I really don't know what caused it. I can't really speak for him and his reaction to the drug because I, obviously, wasn't there.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Well it wasn't like I wasn't trying to have an orgasm But I enjoyed being able to give pleasure with that part of my anatomy for longer than I normally would be able to, and also enjoyed the physical side myself. I mean, I enjoy penetration anyway, not only if I get to orgasm through it. It's mostly about the "connection" in that being inside her is the closest I can be to my partner.

Nice.
I always cum right after she introduces herself.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Am I the only one who doesn't understand his reaction? Yes, I love orgasms, but isn't the whole thing enjoyable? I once spent an entire weekend with someone and didn't have an orgasm, but my then partner and I had a great time regardless. If I knew what had caused it, I'd happily do it again!

One thing to consider is that someone who goes on an SSRI like Zoloft is already depressed and/or anxious. They are likely to already be feeling some degree of hopelessness, inability to find joy in activities they usually enjoy, and/or anxiety about a number of present and future situations. I'll speak for myself, as I have experienced both sides of this situation on and off for almost two decades due to my mental health and medication issues and my husband's sexual challenges post radical prostatectomy. Before going on SSRIs, I was depressed and anxious. My libido was low and I felt pretty hopeless about the future. I started meds and experienced a slightly improved libido, but now had anorgasmia. I thought to myself, is this the rest of my life? Am I either clinically depressed with no libido or feeling better with a somewhat improved libido but no ability to orgasm? A person might then be embarrassed to discuss this particular side effect with their doctor, so they never get tried on a different dose or different medication. And, even if you do talk to your doctor about it, most of the SSRIs have similar sexual side effects. I have been lucky that Welbutrin eventually returned me to a place where I can consistently have orgasms. And then, a few years later, my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer at 49. Now he's the one experiencing orgasm difficulties at times and finds it can be very frustrating and discouraging.

I think it's a very different experience when anorgasmia happens once, out of the blue, and resolves with your next interaction. I agree that every sexual encounter does not need to focus on an orgasm and that pleasure without an orgasm is still a great thing, but it can be very difficult to contemplate that you might never have an orgasm again, especially if you're someone who hasn't even reached their mid-50s yet. Just my experience. Hope you don't mind me sharing it.

Don’t fake orgasms. It’s okay if you don’t cum and it’s okay if they know that.

Yes! A very important message to all women. And one I wish my younger self had heard.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Nice.
I always cum right after she introduces herself.

*reconsiders shaking hands*

 

[AngelicaS1780]

It’s kind of like the viagra thing—if you experience an erection for more than four hours…—sounds like a pretty great deal, but could also have it’s downside.

Oh, it definitely has it's downside. My husband and I were once on our way to the ER when his almost four hour long, injectable ED medication induced, erection *finally* started to subside after several doses of Sudafed taken over the previous three hours. If it hadn't, he would have been likely to be treated with aspiration decompression/irrigation or even surgery. Click if you dare, gentlemen.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1038/s41443-025-01054-1?fromPaywallRec=true

 

[EvaLane]

*reconsiders shaking hands*

I was just about to extend mine

 

[Wand3rlust]

I was just about to extend mine

Tomatoes, tomatoes.

That doesn't work so well in text.

 

[EvaLane]

The wow reacts are a direct link to my arousal I swear lol

 

[Wand3rlust]

The wow reacts are a direct link to my arousal I swear lol

 

[UnquietDreams]

I recently had lunch with an old friend I hadn't seen in years. It was fun to catch up. Among the less-fun things I learned was that her hubby recently started taking Zoloft. This apparently has caused him to be able to get hard but not allow him to reach orgasm. She said she loved it the first time because he kept going and going. It was only after he stopped did she get a sense of his frustration. They tried again a couple of days later and had the same things happen. She said that even going at it hard and fast didn't do anything more than tire him out. According to her, he didn't even feel as if he was getting close. This seems to have disheartened him enough that he no longer wants to even try, so they now haven't had sex in months.

Having tried a variety of antidepressants in my fight against depression, I have run into this issue a few time, where desire is there, there isn't an issue with erection, but it is very difficult to climax, with a partner or by masturbation. After I figured out what was causing it, it didn't bother me so much -- I love a good orgasm as much as the next guy, but it was never my primary focus during sex. But my wife, even after multiple discussions, internalized that it meant I didn't find her desirable, and that it was her fault. The last time we had sex, she got very angry and hurt that I didn't come, regardless that she had several times (which was my focus). She ended up getting dressed and storming out of the cottage we had rented for the weekend, and was pissed off for the rest of the time. And she refused to be intimate from then on -- that was the last time she even kissed me with any passion until the divorce, eight years later.

It wasn't my frustration with the issue that caused the problem, it was my wife's.