More Humour

[Rob_Royale]

Deleted

 

[ElectricBlue]

That's a repeat, Rob. Scroll up to Post #4007.

Edit: Rob removed his post, so I did too.

 

[Britva415]

I want to recreate my signature picture, but Jo says she doesn't have a camera equipped with a wide-angle lens that is wide angled enough to fit my ass in it.

I was gonna have my dick in mine, but my boyfriend couldn't stand back far enough to get it all in the frame.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

He was quite pleased when his girlfriend asked to take some pics of his cock and explained that she'd need a macro lens for it. Then he found out that's the lens for close-ups of small subjects.

 

[Rob_Royale]

That's a repeat, Rob. Scroll up to Post #4007.

My bad. I couldn't remember where I'd heard it.

 

[Zootonius]

I want to recreate my signature picture, but Jo says she doesn't have a camera equipped with a wide-angle lens that is wide angled enough to fit my ass in it.

A line from A Comedy of Errors came to mind,

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE: Then she bears some breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE: No longer from head to foot than
from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her.

 

[Candy_Kane54]

A blonde walks into a library, strides up to the counter, and loudly declares, “I’d like a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke, please!” The librarian, startled, leans over and whispers, “Ma’am, this is a library!” The blonde pauses, looks around sheepishly, then leans in close and says in a hushed tone, “Oh, sorry! I’ll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke… quietly.”

 

[JTass]

College student chatting with her friend before class starts: "My boyfriend and I are thinking about experimenting with the whole polyamory thing. I'm a little hesitant, but the thought does excite me."

Professor, overhearing the conversation: "That's just deplorable. I weep for today's youth."

Student: "What? Look, listen Boomer, keep your judgemental bullshit to yourself!"

Professor: "You've got a Greek prefix and a Latin root. You can't just go mixing up etymology willy-nilly, you know. The word should either be polyerosy or multiamory."

Student: "Oh. I, um, uh, I guess you're right about that. That wasn't what I thought you were objecting to."

 

[JTass]

jujitsu​

or jiu·jit·su
[ joo-jit-soo ]

noun​

1. The gentle art of folding clothing while the owner is still wearing them.
2. involuntary yoga.

 

[AG31]

A Pastor, A Priest, and a Rabbit are giving blood.

The phlebotomist asks them if they know their blood types. The Rabbit pricks up his long ears and responds, "I don't know about these other two, but I'm just about positive I'm a Type-O."

So I was thinking about this joke, assuming I had posted it to More Humour at some point. I wanted to check the wording. I couldn't find it anywhere among my posts... Duh. You're the one who posted it!!! Then I went to put it in my Word doc of favorite jokes, and lo!! I'd already put it there.

Thanks much!

And a nod to @Rob_Royale and @ElectricBlue, I just missed making the same mistake.

 

[gunhilltrain]

View attachment 2496912

I guess this is culturally insensitive, but invented by the same folks who developed the kamikaze.

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanex..._images/feature/Pacific_Chapman_canonical.jpg

 

[gunhilltrain]

Just saying, I didn't invent that meme.

https://designobserver.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/wonderful_folks_525.jpg

 

[Zootonius]

Going to a male gynecologist is like having an auto mechanic who doesn't drive a car.

 

[TheLobster]

Going to a male gynecologist is like having an auto mechanic who doesn't drive a car.

This makes zero sense.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Going to a male gynecologist is like having an auto mechanic who doesn't drive a car.

I mean, I've never driven a vagina before, but I have ridden a few, so...

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Going to a male gynecologist is like having an auto mechanic who doesn't drive a car.

Now, there are some men out there who I am sure would like to reply, "Well, yeah, but you don't see anything wrong with female psychiatrists, do ya?"

Too bad for them.

 

[AG31]

This makes zero sense.

It's a joke.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I've often relied on the reliable Rodney Dangerfield.

"I think my wife is cheating on me. When I came home yesterday, the parrot said, 'Quick, out the window!' "

 

[gunhilltrain]

I think I've used Dangerfield before with this, but maybe it's worth repeating.

A true one-liner, and perhaps deeper than it first appears.

"I wish my brother-in-law would learn a trade so I would know what kind of work he is out of."

 

[gunhilltrain]

It's a joke.

I assume it means that female psychiatrists don't understand the male psyche. But then neither do male psychiatrists.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

College student chatting with her friend before class starts: "My boyfriend and I are thinking about experimenting with the whole polyamory thing. I'm a little hesitant, but the thought does excite me."

Professor, overhearing the conversation: "That's just deplorable. I weep for today's youth."

Student: "What? Look, listen Boomer, keep your judgemental bullshit to yourself!"

Professor: "You've got a Greek prefix and a Latin root. You can't just go mixing up etymology willy-nilly, you know. The word should either be polyerosy or multiamory."

Student: "Oh. I, um, uh, I guess you're right about that. That wasn't what I thought you were objecting to."

Like they said about television: "It will never catch on. The word is half Greek and half Latin!"

 

[jehoram]

I've often relied on the reliable Rodney Dangerfield.

"I think my wife is cheating on me. When I came home yesterday, the parrot said, 'Quick, out the window!' "

One of his lines.

When I was a teenager, I worked in a pet store. Customers would point to me and say, "How big does he get?"

 

[gunhilltrain]

One of his lines.

When I was a teenager, I worked in a pet store. Customers would point to me and say, "How big does he get?"

The customers said that? How about the parrots?

 

[AG31]

Seen on the side of a van in traffic today.

Malfix Construction.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

I asked my wife if she had been with any one before me. She said, "No, they were all nines and tens."