More Humour

[AG31]

From David Steinmetz's Taking the long view.

"If women published an erotic magazine, it would be titled 'Commitment'".

It went on to say, "It would have a centerfold of a man ironing a shirt," but I'm not claiming that's worthy of this thread. It sounds dated. I know, for sure, that shirts are mostly non-wrinkle these days. And I suspect that the days of arguing over ironing have sort of faded. True?

 

[NotWise]

From David Steinmetz's Taking the long view.

"If women published an erotic magazine, it would be titled 'Commitment'".

It went on to say, "It would have a centerfold of a man ironing a shirt," but I'm not claiming that's worthy of this thread. It sounds dated. I know, for sure, that shirts are mostly non-wrinkle these days. And I suspect that the days of arguing over ironing have sort of faded. True?

Ironing is pretty dated, but you could just substitute "vacuuming the carpet."

But then, carpet isn't as popular as it used to be either.

 

[Britva415]

carpet isn't as popular as it used to be

There's probably a "smoothie" joke in there somewhere but I came to say bare floors need vacuuming too. My own opinion is that they need it even more.

Unless it has been laser treated

 

[JTass]

I told my mom that she had penciled her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised to hear it.

 

[StillStunned]

"Doctor, my penis has turned orange."
"That's strange. Undress and I'll examine it. In the meantime, has anything changed in your life? Your diet, perhaps?"
"Well, my wife recently left me, so I suppose I haven't been eating properly."
"I'm sorry to hear it! Why did she leave?"
"It was after I lost my job."
"Lost your job and then your wife? That must be awful!"
"Nah, it's not too bad. I can spend all day watching porn and eating Cheetos."

 

[AG31]

This has got to be an old one.

Patient: Doctor, I have an orgasm every time I sneeze.

Psychiatrist: So tell me what your problem is.

 

[AG31]

I would have put this in "Just One Line" if that weren't restricted to authors other than oneself. (Edit: I see that's not a restriction for Just One Line, in fact it's for your own stuff. What thread was I looking it?) It's not particularly funny. is there another thread where you can post your own one line inspirations? Anyhoo....

Hubby and I were musing about the possibility of remembering both errands we wanted to do on our way to summer digs. We're at an age where remembering anything requires effort. We wondered if we'd remember the second errand after performing the first. I said, "No. I'd be so flooded with pride that it would wash away all other thoughts."

I thought it had a ring. Glad I have AH to brag about such stuff.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Q. What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, bang-bang, clip-clop?
A. A drive-by Amish shooting.

 

[Robin_Starveling]

“Anything you say can and will be held against you.”

“Boobs.”

 

[Robin_Starveling]

 

[Robin_Starveling]

A huge guy walks into a restaurant and says, “Alright, who’s the wise guy that threw a ball outside?”

One man stands up and says, “I did.”

The big guy goes over and beats the hell out of him, then storms off.

Everyone rushes over to the poor guy lying on the floor, laughing his head off.

“What’s so funny?” they ask. “Look what he did to you!”

“I tricked him,” he giggles. “I never threw any ball!”

 

[Robin_Starveling]

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Just read a list of...
"100 Things To Do Before You Die."
I'm surprised
"YELLING FOR HELP" wasn't one of them.

 

[Robin_Starveling]

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.