Do you share your fetishes with your partner?

[Britva415]

Do you share your fetishes with your partner?

I'm going to.

My partner and I don't have sex (mis-matched sexual orientations), so, our relationship is open.

Right now the agreements between us in that regard are about sex, so, if I want to find someone for kink play, kink play which might not necessarily involve sex, then, this is a conversation I'll have to have with my partner.

It kind of fits in to an ongoing conversation between us about "what counts as sex, what even is sex." I recently found out that apparently something we have been doing together, and which I don't see as sex, as sexy, or as sexual, somehow counts to her as sex.



I expect what will happen is she'll want to know what the kink is, but only enough information to feel like I and my extramarital partners are being safe and not getting too entangled*, and beyond that, she probably won't want to know any details.

* Not intended as a pun, but, since rope play is one of the things I want to find a playmate for, I guess it works as one. Emotionally-entangled is what I meant.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Of course, that’s how you get to experience them.

 

[Travler99921]

Once I came out to her as bi there seemed little reason not to share all my fantasies.

 

[van_delay]

Some. My wife knows I like to wear her clothes.

 

[TonyF862]

Not anymore. I started going down the path of talking about fantasies earlier in our marriage, starting with some of the tamer ones. Initially she played along, but quickly moved to shaming me, yelling at me, and removing sex altogether. She says she hates talking about sex and doing so is a turn off for her. That's why I came here. I've learned to accept it, but if 3 kids weren't involved we wouldn't have stayed married. Our married sex life has been less than satisfying, which has been a shock since she was extremely promiscuous prior to us being together.

I'd venture to say, it's still there, somewhere (for her) - it just takes a very different form after kids. I found that I was missing the mark in prioritizing the things that she wanted - aka I didn't understand her "love language" once I did - WOW. That said, perhaps you ARE just married to an asexual woman. But I doubt it.

 

[TonyF862]

Once I came out to her as bi there seemed little reason not to share all my fantasies.

And her response???

 

[TonyF862]

I had initially told my wife I had a cock fetish when we started dating.
She found out that it was a BBC fetish by sneaking through my computer.

Initially she thought I was a closeted gay or bi, I tried to explain how fetishism can work but I think she was still skeptical. She thought I would eventually want to be fucked by one.

I told her that not only does that horrify me, but my fetish has not changed in 30 plus years. It also helped when she realized I had zero porn depicting that. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

She was supportive as long as I didn't do anything behind her back as she desires monogamy.

As fate would have it I soon after found out she dated almost only guys with BBC for a long time.

We now fantasize about her being with a BBC again and I find it a nice outlet for my fetish. Fun to share your kink with a supportive partner.

Any shot of making it real?

 

[TonyF862]

I shared my fantasy of having a mfm threesome with my wife about 18 months ago, she liked the idea but said no. Last week I asked again this time she said yes. I am so excited at the prospect.

PLEAE Keep us posted

 

[TonyF862]

Same here, only 27.

29 years for us (sort of) we'd role played etc and had a decent sex life before in that we hit the average 2.2 times per week - Sat Morning, Sun morning and the occasional late nught/weekday thrown in. But after 29 years we REALLY opened up to each other - and BAM! it's been fuck city ever since. I could not love her any more if I tried. That opening up not only made for incredible sex - but turned a family "partnership" into being truly "best friends". We simply love being together. We were never not "in love" but since coming clean with each other - it's a whole new level of intimacy that neither of us ever thought would be possible.

 

[TonyF862]

My wife won't share much, but occasionally when we are not having sex, we will have a conversation about things that she and I have thought about during sex. I've asked her if she wants a mmf and she says she doesn't want any other cock than mine...I couldn't bring myself to tell her I would like one there to touch and jack/suck because she has made it clear that is a no go, quite a long time ago. I just wish she would tell me some of her fantasies while we're having sex... I'm guessing there would be a lot more things coming out of her mouth and even more orgasms.

Agree. Bless there hearts, women have such baggage when it comes to how they perceived themselves as it relates to sex. Almost all of the women we've encountered in our (short) swinging adventures were very reserved in their early and even later adult lives - then met the right person who didn't judge them and WHAM - they can't get enough - and are living their best - and honest - life!

 

[Wonderer67]

My wife is picking out some boots right now for us to have sex. Something about missionary with her legs right up in the air with sexy boots on.

I will also (hopefully) cum on them. Boots, especially sexy ones, are such a turn on!

 

[TonyF862]

When I was married, my now ex & I would share fantasies together. I was always willing to help her fulfill hers but she said better a fantasy than reality. As far as we went was to role play a couple of them & pretending I was a secret lover & her husband was hiding in the closet watching and a couple of times we had sex on a table in front of a balcony window in a hotel where anyone in adjacent rooms could see us. Too bad she never wanted to make any of either of our fantasies a reality. I was willing

Have you found a new partner who enjoys more adventurous exploits?

 

[TonyF862]

Us too

same

 

[TonyF862]

Yes, completely agree

Talking about fantasies/fetishes lead to toys in the bedroom, roleplaying about other men, and eventually her taking lovers for a period of 10 years. That ship has sailed and we don't 'talk' as much anymore about the world wind of thoughts that flood my mind daily!

why is that?

 

[LisaMayTurner]

Do you mean the fetish about being stripped naked and dabbed with ice cream and then having it licked off my several ravenous cats plus a taxi full of football supporters before they all unzip and waggle their dicks at me with their hands behind their heads? Nobody knows about that one.

 

[TonyF862]

Do you mean the fetish about being stripped naked and dabbed with ice cream and then having it licked off my several ravenous cats plus a taxi full of football supporters before they all unzip and waggle their dicks at me with their hands behind their heads? Nobody knows about that one.

atta girl!!!

 

[FlirtyWordy]

Agree. Bless there hearts, women have such baggage when it comes to how they perceived themselves as it relates to sex. Almost all of the women we've encountered in our (short) swinging adventures were very reserved in their early and even later adult lives - then met the right person who didn't judge them and WHAM - they can't get enough - and are living their best - and honest - life!

I I recognize that there are all kinds of cultural and religious pressures that that influence women’s sexuality and experience, their fears and and anxieties are usually well justified. But I must say, that the gross double standard regarding male and female, bisexuality or hetero flexibility is really frustrating. While men obviously do a lot of the shaming for gay or bi men, I’ve always been rather shocked at the extent to which otherwise open minded and progressive women suddenly become prudish and judgmental when their man expresses any kind of bi interest at all. It’s the rare area where I believe the stigma against men is much more intense than it is for women.

 

[Travler99921]

And her response???

She was OK with most of my gay fantasies but not with those that involved me having sex with other women, including threesomes. She also revealed some of her fantasies to me. It turned out we had some shared fantasies.

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

As it says on the subject...

I've just written one of the "main" chapters of my story - My Mom is a Slut - featuring the main themes of cuckolding, D/s, and incest. Kinda proud of it, or more so - proud of having written 12 chapters, about 60,000 words to date, of a story that's getting an average 4.4 out of 5 stars with 50k max and 10k min views per chapter.

My partner is fully aware of my cuckold, and Dom/sub fantasies, but not about the incest.

Back in the early days of our relationship I used to write custom sex stories for her to read, generally whilst I would lick her or use a toy on her; a variety of different themes were explored covering a few different fetishes etc. I didn't however venture too far into kinkdom in those stories, because - well - who wants to bare their soul and risk ending it all?

(Though, wouldn't it be great if I did, and she loved it...)

We have of course discussed various sexual fantasies, hence cuckolding and Domination/submission being in the open, but then you get to certain taboos and it's just so hard to take that leap...

I have considered the idea of telling her that I have something I want her to read, and opening the story up for her, but - as in the old days - she must agree to me eating her/etc, to help ensure she is, ah, in the mood... at least give myself a chance...

But if the topic really is too far beyond her interests, no tongue or vibe is going to be strong enough to persuade her.

So, I'm left with this fetish remaining a secret...

Of course one must share all.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I'll tell certain people.
My husband only knew I was bi, and that I wanted to have a threesome with him and another woman. It didn't happen with him, but I had 2 more threesomes after he passed, because I could

 

[stargame]

Do you mean the fetish about being stripped naked and dabbed with ice cream and then having it licked off my several ravenous cats plus a taxi full of football supporters before they all unzip and waggle their dicks at me with their hands behind their heads? Nobody knows about that one.

How totally fun.

 

[desire30]

I share some fantasies. like the men and a few women in our circle of friend that turn greatly . I have kept private some of the situation of sexual nature that tI feel are non of him business. An example I love being an exhibitionist in my hotel suite , striping and masturbating with the blinds open.

 

[vibes]

Do you mean the fetish about being stripped naked and dabbed with ice cream and then having it licked off my several ravenous cats plus a taxi full of football supporters before they all unzip and waggle their dicks at me with their hands behind their heads? Nobody knows about that one.

Mind the cats' tongue: might not be pleasant

 

[UnexpectedLuggage]

Some of them. Others not so much.

 

[TonyF862]

{NOTE: I shared this on a similar thread, so if it sounds familiar...well, we apparently like a lot of the same things }

I kept this secret for over 30 years - but she knows now. So - here's how it came to be that she knows: When I was younger, I was a horny little lad, and started jerking off as soon as I saw my first Playboy. Problem was, you couldnt just order them up. So porn was rare. and I was always horny. A kid in my neighborhood's dad always had a nice collection of hard core porn that we'd "borrow" and it would get us both so horny, we'd end up sucking each other's cocks. I had no feeling/enjoyment of it - I was simply willing to do it so he'd do me. This stopped as soon as I got my first girlfriend.

I NEVER told a soul (and assume he didnt either).

Fast forward 45 years or so: Wife and I were lying in bed sharing fantasies and getting hornier by the minute (a little whiskey probably helped to lube things up) when she announced, to my shock and surprise: "I'd love to see you suck a cock!". Say What? Seriously? Short version - this put us on the road to exploring swinging.

We've had a few starts and stops - but some fantastic encounters over this past year - but most importantly her fantasy revelation led to some very honest and detailed admissions from both of us - as I admitted that I had sucked that cock when I was younger. She gets horny every time I tell that story. And STILL wants to see me suck that cock.

We'll see.