Would someone please edit a second chapter of a story

[RachelPost]

Could I please get someone to edit my newest story? It is the second chapter of my story "A Very Personal Assistant." That story was about how a CEO and her personal assistant became lovers. The CEO helps expand the naive assistant's experiences with lesbian sex. The new chapter expands upon it. It has an ending that calls out for a chapter three, which is already being fleshed out.

I have spell-checked it, grammar-checked it, and combed through it carefully. I need someone to find all the basic errors I missed (there are always things that get missed). I also would like it checked for consistency and flow of the story. I need someone who isn't afraid to express constructive criticism. How else do we learn from our mistakes?

The story is right around 5800 words, which is about the same length as part one, and also my other stories. Also. I know people have other stories as well as real lives. So I am not in a rush, but am excited about getting this story published.
Rachel

 

[AlinaX]

Message me if you don't get any other takers.

 

[Martin594]

Could I please get someone to edit my newest story? It is the second chapter of my story "A Very Personal Assistant." That story was about how a CEO and her personal assistant became lovers. The CEO helps expand the naive assistant's experiences with lesbian sex. The new chapter expands upon it. It has an ending that calls out for a chapter three, which is already being fleshed out.

I have spell-checked it, grammar-checked it, and combed through it carefully. I need someone to find all the basic errors I missed (there are always things that get missed). I also would like it checked for consistency and flow of the story. I need someone who isn't afraid to express constructive criticism. How else do we learn from our mistakes?

The story is right around 5800 words, which is about the same length as part one, and also my other stories. Also. I know people have other stories as well as real lives. So I am not in a rush, but am excited about getting this story published.
Rachel

Hi Rachel,
I would like to help edit your story. I am not listed as yet as a volunteer editor. I have read thousands of reports checking for errors and content flow. I see things that many do not see or feel. As an example, and I don't understand, the use of
"White cotton panties" in many sensual encounters. My mind brings up those ugly white cotton Hanes things at WalMart.
I know there are many colors, fabrics, styles, etc. why not use them? I will go right now and read Chapter 1.
ML

 

[AlinaX]

I always think of it as an anime thing.

 

[RachelPost]

Thank you to all who volunteered to edit my story. I discovered my old editor was still around and that person is doing my story.

As far as the white cotton panties, the visual picture that ML sees is EXACTLY the reason I use it. To me, it shows someone who is probably naive, inexperienced, more likely vanilla, maybe younger. Hannah in my story is the type who would wear cotton panties. When I create a character, I develop a full biography/backstory. Her undergarment choices are visual clues to her simplicity and shyness. There are things in her backstory that may never make it to the page but are part of what I use to know her.

 

[femmeappeal]

This is strictly an opinion, as a (US-based) woman who has shopped for underwear for 35ish years, and not one based in thorough research. That said...

I would argue that, while white cotton panties might have represented naivety and youth in woman 30-40 years ago, is not a realistic representation today. In fact, it's feels as antiquated and absurdly fetishized as plaid school uniform skirts. If you look at a peg-wall of underwear, in a standard big-box store, you won't even see that many packages that have strictly white-cotton underwear in them. Generally, any white pairs will be in a package mixed with several other colors and/or prints. Same for slightly more expensive bra/panty sets - when you're shopping for women's underclothes, you won't see that much white until you get into the sock bays. And that's aside from the fact that you'll find a lot more poly-blends in the underwear bays than simple cotton - if nothing else, cotton underwear tends to shrink over time, and break down faster than most blends. If a woman is buying panties strictly for the practicality, and not for sex appeal, I consider white cotton to be exceptionally impractical.

I know, people talking about fantasy don't always care about these details, but those kinds of inconsistencies with the lived reality of being a woman in the world, distract me from otherwise good prose.