What are you doing right now? (besides online & on Lit.)

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Rock bottom is having nothing, no one, no way out. He's not there yet. If he ever reaches it and manages to climb back out, then he'll have learned the lesson, or proven more stubborn than that sort of lesson can teach. It's harder to do than say, but just ignore him. Let him do what he will and when his actions catch up, he'll have no one to answer for or to other than himself.

Well. At this point, he has no one. The fact that he's contacted me is a sign of that. I'm not family. His entire family is no longer state side, and I was the one who had to tell him that they've been gone for at least three months. I doubt he can afford to call them for help, and even if he can contact them, I doubt they can help him. So. If I ignore him, he'll have hit bottom.

Then what? Watch and see what happens? I doubt he's able to climb back out on his own.
 
Well. At this point, he has no one. The fact that he's contacted me is a sign of that. I'm not family. His entire family is no longer state side, and I was the one who had to tell him that they've been gone for at least three months. I doubt he can afford to call them for help, and even if he can contact them, I doubt they can help him. So. If I ignore him, he'll have hit bottom.

Then what? Watch and see what happens? I doubt he's able to climb back out on his own.

You just have to keep in mind that you can't let him drag you down, too. Or take advantage of you. It would be a tragedy if he couldn't climb back out, but it would be even more so if he used you as a stepping stone to do it.

In the end, they are his choices, and his consequences to live with. Not yours. That's the most important thing for you to keep in mind.
 
I would say, at this point, you should figure out what it is will help him, whatever that may be, and offer him a simple choice: That, or out of your life. That's it, no room for negotiation. He either takes the help, or he doesn't. You did what you could, and he made his choice, and either way, at the end of the day, he has to live with it.

Well. Helping him, is perhaps a complete re-education. It requires keeping him on a short leash until he proves that his leash can be relaxed. Helping him, would be a long term commitment. Of slowly exposing him to what being an adult entails and how to live responsibly. I'd speculate a 2 year effort before he's completely out of my hair.

It's a lot of mothering and discipline that I'm not entirely certain I want to provide, or be responsible for. Not that I can't. It's just a lot of work I'd rather not get myself into. Besides. I've not even asked my other half about a plan this daft.

Doing anything less than that wouldn't be helping him. It'd just be furthering the idea that he can keep coming back for handouts, (like the way he treats his family when they were still here) and I won't do that.
 
Kind of like house breaking a dog. Only, he's been left to his own devices for about 21 years and has a lot of bad habits to break.
 
Trying to eat a burrito but just really burning my mouth.

Curse you short break times!

You should really learn to be careful when inserting hot cylindrical objects into your mouth...*smirk*

Well. At this point, he has no one. The fact that he's contacted me is a sign of that. I'm not family. His entire family is no longer state side, and I was the one who had to tell him that they've been gone for at least three months. I doubt he can afford to call them for help, and even if he can contact them, I doubt they can help him. So. If I ignore him, he'll have hit bottom.

Then what? Watch and see what happens? I doubt he's able to climb back out on his own.

Sometimes that's what it takes. And if he can't? You did say you wanted to remove him from the gene pool...
 
Well. Helping him, is perhaps a complete re-education. It requires keeping him on a short leash until he proves that his leash can be relaxed. Helping him, would be a long term commitment. Of slowly exposing him to what being an adult entails and how to live responsibly. I'd speculate a 2 year effort before he's completely out of my hair.

It's a lot of mothering and discipline that I'm not entirely certain I want to provide, or be responsible for. Not that I can't. It's just a lot of work I'd rather not get myself into. Besides. I've not even asked my other half about a plan this daft.

Doing anything less than that wouldn't be helping him. It'd just be furthering the idea that he can keep coming back for handouts, (like the way he treats his family when they were still here) and I won't do that.

Yeah, that is a huge commitment. I definitely don't envy you the choice.

I would just say, take your time, think it through, talk with your other half about it, and decide what's best for you. If you take him on, his actions will effect more than just him then.

And, I think you'd have to go zero tolerance with him. Stress that it's his one and only shot with you.
 
Yeah, that is a huge commitment. I definitely don't envy you the choice.

I would just say, take your time, think it through, talk with your other half about it, and decide what's best for you. If you take him on, his actions will effect more than just him then.

And, I think you'd have to go zero tolerance with him. Stress that it's his one and only shot with you.

Thanks. For the advice. For listening to me rant. For grounding me. All of you, Scuttles, Freekles and Cait.
 
Thanks. For the advice. For listening to me rant. For grounding me. All of you, Scuttles, Freekles and Cait.

No problem, really.

I don't have a ton of skills, but listening is one of them I know I have. If you need to rant some more, feel free to seek me out. I'm always willing to lend an ear.
 
Listening to Pandora, about to write some responses before heading to lay down. Gotta make sure I get up and go to the gym tomorrow morning.
 
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