To Ghost or To Be Ghosted, that is the question?

[tulsa4taboo]

Just a general question for everyone. Have you ghosted someone and why? Or have you been ghosted yourself and wondered why?

Some situations are obvious but what about the ones that leave you confused on the giving end or receiving end?

Share your pain my peeps.

 

[tulsa4taboo]

I don’t understand how easily people discard others on Lit with absolutely no warning, discussion, or even a monolog. There are some obvious reasons one might stop all contact with another, but beyond those, I think it’s shitty to do to someone. It’s concerning to me that many people have accepted this as an interpersonal norm, instead of having a conversation with that person—very disrespectful behavior and speaks volumes about how shitty the ghoster’s behavior is.

Absolutely agree with you about it becoming an accepted interpersonal norm. Think ghosting itself is just a side effect of the erosion of values in everyday life now. What once was seen as rude or disrespectful behavior just isn't seen that way anymore unfortunately.

 

[Cernunnos69]

In my experience there are so many on here who use other's identities, probably guys posing as women, or women who pose as younger, sexier etc. I've been ghosted I'd say by 90% of those who I've had at least some conversation with!! I'm getting off Lit for awhile as a result, too frustrating and a waste of time. I've never ghosted anyone.

 

[LoneMilf]

Depends a bit on what you'd classify as 'ghosting', I guess.

If you mean that somebody ignores you even after multiple messages and clear questions to them, I fully agree - that's just rude. But..

I often find myself in the situation where a conversation simply runs out of steam. When that happens, I don't want to prolong the pain by continuing to send one-word responses or mundane replies. I know some get annoyed by this, but it's also tedious to have to explain that 'maybe we should just talk to other people because we don't seem to click'.

 

[lanceGibs]

Depends a bit on what you'd classify as 'ghosting', I guess.

If you mean that somebody ignores you even after multiple messages and clear questions to them, I fully agree - that's just rude. But..

I often find myself in the situation where a conversation simply runs out of steam. When that happens, I don't want to prolong the pain by continuing to send one-word responses or mundane replies. I know some get annoyed by this, but it's also tedious to have to explain that 'maybe we should just talk to other people because we don't seem to click'.

Goodbyes are polite

 

[LoneMilf]

Goodbyes are polite

I think there's a generational issue at play here too. I usually find that younger people are fine with a less formal approach in messages. No need for clear introduction, middle, goodbye.

I've also come across people who expect me to tell them whenever I log off, since they might not get an immediate response.. we all have our different styles, I guess

 

[lanceGibs]

I think there's a generational issue at play here too. I usually find that younger people are fine with a less formal approach in messages. No need for clear introduction, middle, goodbye.

I've also come across people who expect me to tell them whenever I log off, since they might not get an immediate response.. we all have our different styles, I guess

In which case it is alright to ghost anyone

 

[adamISOeve]

Absolutely agree with you about it becoming an accepted interpersonal norm. Think ghosting itself is just a side effect of the erosion of values in everyday life now. What once was seen as rude or disrespectful behavior just isn't seen that way anymore unfortunately.

You put your finger on the core of this problem: the erosion of values.

 

[LoneMilf]

If anyone thinks there is a general consensus on what's polite or not, try reading this:
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/full-stop-end-texting-rude-b1876131.html

 

[lanceGibs]

If anyone thinks there is a general consensus on what's polite or not, try reading this:
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/full-stop-end-texting-rude-b1876131.html

I appreciate your hard work and honesty in proving your point .
I try to use punctuations .

 

[LoneMilf]

I appreciate your hard work and honesty in proving your point .
I try to use punctuations .

Thanks.
I guess I'm kind of caught in the middle - my children basically don't use punctuation and seem to consider spelling optional too. I do prefer to write in a way I consider 'proper', but I also appreciate the flexibility and freedom it gives to not have to stick to specific formats.

 

[lanceGibs]

Thanks.
I guess I'm kind of caught in the middle - my children basically don't use punctuation and seem to consider spelling optional too. I do prefer to write in a way I consider 'proper', but I also appreciate the flexibility and freedom it gives to not have to stick to specific formats.

Taboo ,norms and some aspects of right and wrong come from what you internalise from society.
Child is the father of man .
I learnt a lot about sex from a girl younger than my kids .
I appreciate the fact that you are still learning.
When you stop learning,you are old .

 

[adamISOeve]

If anyone thinks there is a general consensus on what's polite or not, try reading this:
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/full-stop-end-texting-rude-b1876131.html

@LoneMilf, I know it is possible to come up with excuses for everything. Especially in today's world of ever more WOKEness.

 

[tulsa4taboo]

I agree everyone has the right to have different opinions, values, morals, and yes society as a whole does influence. However just because society has a general opinion doesn't mean that opinion or view point is it necessarily correct or set in stone.

My point is yes certain situations absolutely would call for ghosting someone. At that point you probably are justified. However when communication just stops for no apparent reason, at what point did it to become acceptable? To me it kinda falls on that do unto others saying. Maybe it's my age, my upbringing, or whatever but I don't want it done to me, so I am sure not going to do it to someone I have connected with.

I would rather be blunt even if it hurts, give or take, than to be left in the void scratching my head.

The older I have gotten people just seem to treat others with disposable indifference. Just a sad observation.

 

[la_ruche]

For us located in Europe, time zones are tricky and may look like ghosting.

 

[Gingersnapqueen]

Depends a bit on what you'd classify as 'ghosting', I guess.

If you mean that somebody ignores you even after multiple messages and clear questions to them, I fully agree - that's just rude. But..

I often find myself in the situation where a conversation simply runs out of steam. When that happens, I don't want to prolong the pain by continuing to send one-word responses or mundane replies. I know some get annoyed by this, but it's also tedious to have to explain that 'maybe we should just talk to other people because we don't seem to click'.

This.

 

[LoneMilf]

I am genuinely curious though.. what do you see as ghosting? And does it only apply after you've established a connection?

The most common conversation I experience on here goes like this..
Random guy: Hi there, I'm RandomGuy. How are you today?
Me: I'm good, thanks. And you?
Random guy: I'm good too.
Silence.

Am I ghosting him if I don't reply after that?

 

[lanceGibs]

I am genuinely curious though.. what do you see as ghosting? And does it only apply after you've established a connection?

The most common conversation I experience on here goes like this..
Random guy: Hi there, I'm RandomGuy. How are you today?
Me: I'm good, thanks. And you?
Random guy: I'm good too.
Silence.

Am I ghosting him if I don't reply after that?

No that is not true

 

[CurvySassyAJ]

I have been on both sides, ghosting and ghosted. My problem is I sometimes intend on replying and think of a reply but never type it out. Then days, weeks go by and I then am too embarrassed to reply. I am not great at replying here and try to be upfront about that.

Or I get a message I feel is too rude to reply to and then I ghost. I feel then a goodbye is asking for more messages.

Then there are those you chat with and you say, "Hey this is not working, sorry." And they will message you a few weeks later, ask something and I reply only to not hear a thing for a month and seemingly it is the same "Hello, how are you" style message and how they miss you. Not really ghosting me but not sure why I even bother to reply.

 

[Bustyplaything]

I agree everyone has the right to have different opinions, values, morals, and yes society as a whole does influence. However just because society has a general opinion doesn't mean that opinion or view point is it necessarily correct or set in stone.

My point is yes certain situations absolutely would call for ghosting someone. At that point you probably are justified. However when communication just stops for no apparent reason, at what point did it to become acceptable? To me it kinda falls on that do unto others saying. Maybe it's my age, my upbringing, or whatever but I don't want it done to me, so I am sure not going to do it to someone I have connected with.

I would rather be blunt even if it hurts, give or take, than to be left in the void scratching my head.

The older I have gotten people just seem to treat others with disposable indifference. Just a sad observation.

I agree 100%. Couldn’t have put it better myself.

I recently experience being ghosted after chatting for over 6 months and it was quite unpleasant. I would never do this to someone so it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around. Playing with someone’s emotions is cruel and reprehensible, in my opinion. Even if you aren’t emotionally involved, suddenly stopping all contact is simply rude.

I am someone who prefers closure. It helps me move on, but I also appreciate input so I can grow and learn as a person. Not everyone is like this, I know. It just seems sad that common courtesy isn’t so common anymore.

 

[Cindy027]

There seems to be one reason being omitted; that is you have a rapport with someone and the conversation gets more and more revealing as time goes by. Then one day they reveal something and it just is so way off what you consider acceptable, should you be correct in what you are thinking, where they are going with it. You may not be correct in your thinking but you don't want to be judgemental and tell them that you think they are wrong with what they are doing. Any which way you analyse it; if you say goodbye you no longer want contact that will be considered judgemental. If you call them out on it, it will be judgemental. It's easier just to ghost them and less stressful.

 

[Gingersnapqueen]

I agree 100%. Couldn’t have put it better myself.

I recently experience being ghosted after chatting for over 6 months and it was quite unpleasant. I would never do this to someone so it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around. Playing with someone’s emotions is cruel and reprehensible, in my opinion. Even if you aren’t emotionally involved, suddenly stopping all contact is simply rude.

I am someone who prefers closure. It helps me move on, but I also appreciate input so I can grow and learn as a person. Not everyone is like this, I know. It just seems sad that common courtesy isn’t so common anymore.

Agreed. I like closure and I like being able to learn from my mistakes and move on with life. That's the frustrating part is not knowing what I've done and it eats away at me

 

[tulsa4taboo]

Agreed. I like closure and I like being able to learn from my mistakes and move on with life. That's the frustrating part is not knowing what I've done and it eats away at me

Yes absolutely, maybe you said something or maybe it had nothing to do with you. As a man I can tell you who I am now is a direct result of past mistakes and learned lessons. How can I correct my behavior if I don't learn from my mistakes.

For instance I learned log ago most women of any substance won't respond well to post or messages with, I want a cum hungry slut of a woman with low self-esteem that desires to be undervalued and bombarded with pictures of my junk all while being kept secret because I am married. LOL

Sorry... see so many guys posting stuff like that and just laugh. Really how's that working out for ya?

Common curiosity. Say wish you well, good luck and maybe we will chat again in the future or something similar. At least give someone a clue it's come to an end besides silence.

 

[likemeornot]

I have no idea - just kind of one day you say to yourself "move on" LOL

 

[AnnieLit]

How can I correct my behavior if I don't learn from my mistakes.

On the other hand, most adults, men and women alike, don't take criticism well. If I tell somebody that I don't want to talk to him anymore because XYZ, I am almost guaranteed to get a response that I misunderstood, that this is not what he meant, that ... another ten thousand reasons why we should continue. Do I need this? Not really. If something happens bad enough that I want immediately out, I get out. No goodbye, no explanations, nothing. Sorry, but my emotional well being is more important to me than public education. If he figures out why - good for him. If he doesn't - not my problem.
And just in case anybody wonders - I am NOT from the younger generation by any definition of it.