The Naked Party Thread

[Handley_Page]

Or even walk under them. The first study was published in 1984. There aren't reliable figures for deaths-by-coconut, but it's estimated at about 150 year, and that's 10 times the number of deaths-by-shark.

So then, "Eat a Mounds Bar; Save a Life!"

Well, if you remember your safety equipment:- See HERE ..

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Useful but it would look so silly with an aloha shirt and surfer jams.

 

[TxRad]

Useful but it would look so silly with an aloha shirt and surfer jams.

An aloha shirt and surfer jams looks silly all by themselves to my way of thinking. But yes, adding a bright yellow hardhat would be even more overkill.

 

[SweetWitch]

German chocolate cake contains no Germans. Unfortunately, it usually contains coconut. Ewwww!

New contest: Tell me your best joke. The person who actually makes me laugh will one day get a kiss from me.

 

[Handley_Page]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

 

[curl4ever]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

BEAUTIFUL! Thanks, HP!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Well, I don't know about Molly but it certainly made me laugh!

 

[SweetWitch]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

Dark, but funny.

Next?

 

[Handley_Page]

I was buying a large bag of dog food for my Golden Retriever at
Wall-mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a
dog? On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was
starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost
50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Well, I don't think this will make anyone laugh but it might make you feel better. Your daily vitamin C(ute)

 

[SweetWitch]

I was buying a large bag of dog food for my Golden Retriever at
Wall-mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a
dog? On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was
starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost
50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

That was chuckle-worthy.

Well, I don't think this will make anyone laugh but it might make you feel better. Your daily vitamin C(ute)

I got the warm-and-fuzzies now.



It's hell typing in the dark.

 

[Handley_Page]

That was chuckle-worthy.

I got the warm-and-fuzzies now.
It's hell typing in the dark.

Lights not fitted and working yet, then ?

 

[SweetWitch]

Lights not fitted and working yet, then ?

I'm not sure what you mean by this.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I think he's asking if you had a power outage.

 

[SweetWitch]

I think he's asking if you had a power outage.

Ah. Well, no. I was in the gazebo, putting a finish on chapter six, but no lights because of the multitude of bugs.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

As many lightning bugs as you've got around there, you should have plenty of light.

 

[SweetWitch]

As many lightning bugs as you've got around there, you should have plenty of light.

We don't have as many as there used to be. There's a serious decline in recent years.

 

[Handley_Page]

Lights not fitted and working yet, then ?

I think he's asking if you had a power outage.

I had in mind more of a broken light bulb, not a complete mains supply failure.
We seldom use the term 'power out', a term more often seen in computer manuals and heard from the lips of kids trying to be 'hip'.

Which makes me wonder: what IS a 'lightning bug' ? Some sort of firefly ?

 

[TxRad]

Yes, Firefly, HP.

Molly, go to your local fishing supply store and look into the green LED night lights for fishing. They don't attract bugs. They work off 12 volts so a charged battery will power them for a week or more.

 

[Handley_Page]

Yes, Firefly, HP.

Molly, go to your local fishing supply store and look into the green LED night lights for fishing. They don't attract bugs. They work off 12 volts so a charged battery will power them for a week or more.

And you can get white ones, too.
the type preferred is called "Warm white", and you CAN use them for study.

 

[TxRad]

And you can get white ones, too.
the type preferred is called "Warm white", and you CAN use them for study.

Yeah but the white ones draw bugs.

 

[Handley_Page]

Yeah but the white ones draw bugs.

I guess that could be a slight problem. . . .

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Especially in the warm, humid mid-West. Do you even have mosquitoes in the UK?

 

[SweetWitch]

Such a discussion!

I had in mind more of a broken light bulb, not a complete mains supply failure.
We seldom use the term 'power out', a term more often seen in computer manuals and heard from the lips of kids trying to be 'hip'.

Which makes me wonder: what IS a 'lightning bug' ? Some sort of firefly ?

Yes, fireflies. When I was a child, there would be millions of them, like stars in the sky, twinkling and flittering about. Tonight, on a regular, warm, humid night, I only counted 28. It was a real treat to be allowed out after dark as a child, to trap them in jars and watch them do their thing. Then we would set them free in a stream of winking lights. It was magical.

Yes, Firefly, HP.

Molly, go to your local fishing supply store and look into the green LED night lights for fishing. They don't attract bugs. They work off 12 volts so a charged battery will power them for a week or more.

Green lights tend to mess with my migraine disorder. I get nauseated and achy all over.

Especially in the warm, humid mid-West. Do you even have mosquitoes in the UK?

Don't get me started on mosquitoes. I'm medicating the bites right now.