Back in school, I was the socially invisible kid. You know, the one nobody ever talked to. They talked to me only when they wanted to make fun of me. That little by little turned me into an asshole.
So when people of my age finally started trying to get to know me and hang out with me (in college), I had in the meantime grown so mad at all people in the world, no exceptions, that I kept them away (by literally shoving them away whenever they talked to me). And so, I spent my young adulthood without having any friends either. In the same period, I constantly got banned from forums for being an asshole, but I didn't care.
Later in my life, I tried to become more likeable. But it was too late. Now I wasn't in school or college anymore, and whenever I had a job, it was not in an environment in which I could make friends. Online, I wasn't an ass anymore. But even when I read the rules beforehand, even when I tried my best not to be banned, I still ended up banned somehow.
One time, I joined a forum about cellphones. I didn't even have a cellphone, but I liked the environment. I hanged out in the General section, without ever posting anything about cellphones. One time, a member complained about that. I asked, "Is it against the rules to post only on the General section?" He/she answered something like, "No, but it's annoying." A few days later, I was perma banned.
Isn't that similar to what happened here a few days ago? When members started complaining about me posting without writing stories, although it's not against the rules, I could feel the same vibes from back then, so I already know my fate is sealed. Even if mods tell me they won't ban me, I still know they will, because there were other forums in the past in which mods told me the same thing, and I still ended up banned without knowing why and without anyone ever responding to my emails.
My verdict is that I lack social skills. But it's too late to get them in my 36 years of age. It's not something specific I do in real life or a specific rule I break online: it's the general aura I emit that puts off people around me.
Now all that is left to do is go and give my parents a good beating for not having bothered to teach me some basic stuff when I was little (OK, maybe I won't beat them up; we'll see
). I'm still sure that sooner or later, I'll unintentionally do something that'll put off people here too, and so I'll once again be banned without ever being told the reason or receiving responses to my emails. There is nothing you or the mods can say to convince me otherwise. Even God Himself (supposing He exists) wouldn't be able to convince me otherwise. I'm just hanging around here waiting for the inevitable to happen.
Why I don't attend a psychiatrist? Because that person will help me only because I will pay them. Which confirms my theory that nobody cares about me. The psychiatrist is no exception, they don't care about me; they will help me only because I pay them. And I don't think a psychiatrist can help me anyway. I mean, I used to attend one in my early adulthood for years, until I realized that guy just took my money to tell me pretty much what anyone else could have told me.
Do you disagree with any of the above?
So when people of my age finally started trying to get to know me and hang out with me (in college), I had in the meantime grown so mad at all people in the world, no exceptions, that I kept them away (by literally shoving them away whenever they talked to me). And so, I spent my young adulthood without having any friends either. In the same period, I constantly got banned from forums for being an asshole, but I didn't care.
Later in my life, I tried to become more likeable. But it was too late. Now I wasn't in school or college anymore, and whenever I had a job, it was not in an environment in which I could make friends. Online, I wasn't an ass anymore. But even when I read the rules beforehand, even when I tried my best not to be banned, I still ended up banned somehow.
One time, I joined a forum about cellphones. I didn't even have a cellphone, but I liked the environment. I hanged out in the General section, without ever posting anything about cellphones. One time, a member complained about that. I asked, "Is it against the rules to post only on the General section?" He/she answered something like, "No, but it's annoying." A few days later, I was perma banned.
Isn't that similar to what happened here a few days ago? When members started complaining about me posting without writing stories, although it's not against the rules, I could feel the same vibes from back then, so I already know my fate is sealed. Even if mods tell me they won't ban me, I still know they will, because there were other forums in the past in which mods told me the same thing, and I still ended up banned without knowing why and without anyone ever responding to my emails.
My verdict is that I lack social skills. But it's too late to get them in my 36 years of age. It's not something specific I do in real life or a specific rule I break online: it's the general aura I emit that puts off people around me.
Now all that is left to do is go and give my parents a good beating for not having bothered to teach me some basic stuff when I was little (OK, maybe I won't beat them up; we'll see
). I'm still sure that sooner or later, I'll unintentionally do something that'll put off people here too, and so I'll once again be banned without ever being told the reason or receiving responses to my emails. There is nothing you or the mods can say to convince me otherwise. Even God Himself (supposing He exists) wouldn't be able to convince me otherwise. I'm just hanging around here waiting for the inevitable to happen.Why I don't attend a psychiatrist? Because that person will help me only because I will pay them. Which confirms my theory that nobody cares about me. The psychiatrist is no exception, they don't care about me; they will help me only because I pay them. And I don't think a psychiatrist can help me anyway. I mean, I used to attend one in my early adulthood for years, until I realized that guy just took my money to tell me pretty much what anyone else could have told me.
Do you disagree with any of the above?
