Spirit song: the elven wanderer finally has a home.

[The_gladiator]

He knew her footsteps. He leaned back into her and almost shivered at her warm breath. “Thank you,” he responded. “A skill thhat I’m blessed with here but not in the real world, well I can sing, but the playing.

 

[The_gladiator]

He wandered aimlessly through the woods. He felt lost in spirit if not necessarily lost in reality. Soft light elven feet carried him somewhere. The peace he sought was beyond his home beyond the soft river, even the waterfall.

The answer became clear as he emerged onto the beach alongside the sea. This was another place of surrenity for him. It once had meant home and family and togetherness. He traveled out until he sat in the shallows, the waves crashing over him again and again, part of the seisless harmony of the world. He focused on that. Fingers steepled in his lap as he sought to clear his mind. So much pain within. It had been a while since he had been here and he was slowly creeping back but had not yet revisited his home. Before he could he needed to reclaim himself here at the beach.

The tears flowed freely as he wondered how had he gotten to this point. He wanted to fight to yell and scream, but found himself resigned too tired to truly fight anymore. He felt like he was being torn apart inside and didn’t know how to handle it anymore. It was a struggle just to go on some moments the pain blinding in its intencity. Why him, why did he need one more struggle, hadn’t he fought enough suffered enough. He knew he shouldn’t think like this and yet it was difficult to put the demons to bed. The scratched and clawed at his insides leaving gaping wounds across his soul. What did he need, what was the right answer, what would make the pain go away. He didn’t know but maybe the answer was in the waves. He doubted it, but yet, wondered all the same.

 

[The_gladiator]

“Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.” The words came out, mixing with the waves as he lost himself in the music, probably the one thing that had saved his life more times than he could count. “And touch the sound, of silence.” This wasn’t the song that had sat with him all day, but it was the one his soul chose to express in that moment on the beach alone eyes closed as he sang. Peace seemed so far out of reach this night, for day had turned to night and still he sat.

Finally the elven wanderer rose to his feet even as his voice swelled with the power of the vocals. “In the naked light I soar. Ten thousand people, maybe more.” The song didn’t really express what he was feeling, it was just such a powerful vocal, and gave himself something to focus on, to form the glue to hold himself together. He wasn’t sure what it would take to go on, what the answer was, he just hoped he was there to see it, hoped that he would never give into the demons that wanted to claim his soul. He had fought too hard and too long to keep them at bay to stop now.

Standing there he began to walk out into the water until the waves lapped at his chest. There he stood, feeling breaker after breaker slam into him, trying to sweep him away. A physical manifestation of what he felt inside, and yet he stood firm, he let himself eb and flow with the water a bit but he refused to be swept away. He only hoped that would stand true for the inner waves that crashed over him, the violent undertow of the mind always ready to sweep him away, were he to allow it. He wouldn’t allow it though, he couldn’t. He knew he wanted happiness, he wondered why it was so illusive sometimes.

 

[DarkEmpress]

I walked out onto the beach, the warm sand crunching beneath my feet as I followed the sound of his lonely song. I found him in the water, waging a desperate and harrowing war with the mighty ocean, the sadness in the words of the song palpable in the air. Without a word, I sat down on the beach, watching him. There was nothing I could say that could make him feel better, but I wanted him to know that he has a friend to talk to, if he needs.

 

[The_gladiator]

He slowly returned to shore as the song died away. Green eyes swept over his visitor and slowly he smiled. It seemed to take some effort but it came.he spokesoftly, “ello dark empress my old friend” He said it is such away that it reflected on the song he had just been singing, the irony of it not lost on him.

Light footsteps carried him to her and he sat beside her. He said nothing but was content to know that he wasn’t alone, that someone cared. He finally took her hand and just held on. “Thank you for being here,” he whispered, finally, the words parting the air before the sound of the waves took back over.

 

[DarkEmpress]

I laughed at his impromptu improvisation. “You are a funny Elf,” I mused, as he made his way over and sat down next to me, both of us staring out across the beautiful ocean, feeling small next to it.

“Thank you for being here,” he whispered.

“Any time,” I answer, reassuringly patting his hand in mine, before returning my gaze to the splendour before us. It’s been ages since I’ve last been at the ocean and I'm really enjoying the glorious sun rays warming up my skin, the feel of the sand between my toes and taking a moment with a friend, before real life whisks me away, again.

 

[The_gladiator]

He enjoyed the stolen moment with his friend before real life whisked her away. That’s all lit was if you really thought about it, stolen moments between real life’s clutching jaws. However he was greatful for the moment. It had also been some time since he’d been to the beach. “Funny is better than funny looking,” he quipped. The return of his humor signaling that he was coming out of the darkness, at least to an extent. Leaning over he kissed her cheek before rising. “It is time to go to my home, you are welcome to visit anytime,” he offered gesturing in the direction of his home. And as the real world claimed her yet again as it was likely to do he headed back through the trees, greatful for the connection of friends and stolen moments. He hoped to do writing for her later that day, their story was so darkly beautiful and gave him pleasure to write.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

I am glad that someone found words when I couldn’t.

 

[The_gladiator]

I am glad that someone found words when I couldn’t.

“It’s ok, knowing you and others are there is what is important,” the elf responded into the ether from which she spoke.

 

[The_gladiator]

They didn’t know what they did for him. Their friendship he could never thank them for enough. It was people like them that reminded him why he wanted to live, why it was important to withstand the tide, to hold on and to keep going. He hoped in some way his friends knew what they meant to him. Two had brought him to tears today due to the love and connection they showed him just for simply reaching out. He wondered if he shouldn’t possibly reach out more often. His depression did that tricked him into thinking he wanted to be alone, but it was a lier, he knew it deep down, and the comfort of the connection he had found told him that he was wanted that he wasn’t as lost or worthless as the darkness told himself that he was. Someday he’d find a way to tell them how much they were a gift to him. He loved them loved them for reminding him that he was loved.

 

[The_gladiator]

The elf stood beside the waterfall, hand trailing across it’s silvery surface, reveling in the very real feel of the water cascading across his palm and sensative fingers. Could this brightness, reflecting the sun’s glory wash away the darkness within? No, not literally, but perhaps metephorically, perhaps it was thrust upon him to let it clean him of the dark stains, perhaps it was time to live again. But, was he ready? Did he deserve it? He knew it was, and that he did. However, believing it was something very different. One could know something in one’s mind, or a part of one’s mind, it was very different to believe it with one’s whole being.

So many thoughts there were, swirling deep inside the troubled young man. Who honestly felt older than his years in that moment. He honestly was in a better place this week than last, at least he had found his voice this week and was channeling ast least some of his energy into the positive, but that in a way scared him. He felt as if on the edge of an event horrizon, threatening to be pulled back under. But he hoped this time he would not go quietly into that night. He refused to do less than go kicking and screaming. All it took for evil to triumph was for good men to do nothing, or so the quote went. Something like that anyway. He would not let depression take and sweep him under like the undertow threatened to do to him here and now. He would continue to fight. Sometimes he didn’t know why, but did he need to know why as long as he just did?

 

[The_gladiator]

7 days it had been, and the pain ame and went in waves. He had moments where he felt fine and like he would be alright. Night time was not one of them, this night especially. It gnawed at him like a thousand animals with sharp ripping teeth. All he could do is rock with the pain and try not to hold the tears back, they clearly needed to flow. There wasn’t a single part of him that did not hurt this night. It had come out of nowhere. Just a half hour ago he had been fine, but now that the lights were off and he was settling down for the night he was struck with the reminders that he was alone, half the bed still empty. Why did he care, wasn’t he supposed to be happier? What a joke. Maybe he would heal from this, and he was sure he would it just certainly didn’t feel like he would right now.

 

[AnnieLit]

The nights are dark and hard. Light the fire and get your guitar, it will help pass the time till sunrise. And who knows, maybe the sound will pull a friend or two as well.

 

[The_gladiator]

The nights are dark and hard. Light the fire and get your guitar, it will help pass the time till sunrise. And who knows, maybe the sound will pull a friend or two as well.

Yes, Music really helps sometimes, sometimes it has a voice where I have none.

 

[The_gladiator]

The moonlight played over his face as he sang softly, the notes from his guitar joining the words in the air. A song that was one of many that had saved his life. The Lyrics of Three day's grace came easily to him.

This world will never be what I expected
And if there’s something wrong, who would have guessed it.
I will not leave alone, everything that I own to make you feel like it’s not to late, it’s never too late.

This song actually made him think of someone special. There was a someone who had once listened to the song at his request, shared his love of music with him, wanting to know what it meant to him. Others had before and since, but this night was the memory he was drawing upon.

Even if I say, it’ll be alright,
Still I hear you say you want to end your life,
Now and again we try to just stay alive,
Maybe we’ll turn it all around because it’s not too late, it’s never too late.

He wished his wishes could conjure her from the ether, make her come to him. He had never forgotten and thought of her often. He often lost himself in song it helped him heal from pain of the real world. Lit was like the real world though, there was sadness and joy here as well. Burning nostalgia at times even.

No one will ever see, this side reflected
And if there’s something wrong, who would have guessed it.
I have left alone, everything that I own to make you feel like it’s not too late, it’s never too late.


He continued to sing, fingers picking out the melody on the guitar, it was a riff he loved the entire song a beautiful journey for him. He had once cried hearing it performed live.

Even if I say it’ll be alright,
Still I hear you say you want to end your life
Now and again we try to just stay alive,
Maybe we’ll turn it all around because it’s not too late, it’s never too late.

The world we knew won’t come back,
The time we lost can’t get it back,
The life we had won’t be ours again.

This world will never be what I expected,
And if I don’t belong…

Even as he sang the final chorus and let the notes die, something happened. He felt a connection, felt something in the ether reach out to him. Could it really be? Laying his guitar reverently on the chair where he had been seated, he rose from his deck in Spirit Song, the home he only recently in the great scheme of things had created. He came to Spirit song the way that he had once come gone to Soll, to find peace. He had long ago left soll though, not feeling it his place to be there without her, and when she had drifted away into the real world he had forged on and created his own home. That didn’t mean that he did not think of Soll and the joy and healing he had once found there.


The rest of this post can be found in Soliloquium

 

[The_gladiator]

The Road goes ever on and on,
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with weary feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
(Tolkien)

And so it comes that some journeys in life that we walk together must end. Your path has taken you somewhere I cannot follow at this time. You told me we all have a time and this was your time. You taught me to welcome it when the time comes, to not be afraid for as you put it to me yesterday there are two things in life we can’t escape. We all have to be born and we all have to die. Your strength as you boldly walked into the next step of your journey is something I will never forget. You did not hesitate to walk that rainbow bridge for you knew without a doubt where you were going, you knew your pain would be gone and you told me not to weep for you for you would see me again when it was my turn to walk that path.

The willow, it weeps today
A breeze from the distance
Is calling your name
Unfurl your black wings and wait
Across the horizons
It's coming to sweep you away
It's coming to sweep you away
Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird, fly away
May you never be broken again
Ascend, may you find no resistance
Know that you made such a difference
And all you leave behind
Will live til the end
The cycle of suffering goes on
But the memories of you stay strong
Some day I too will fly
And find you again
Let the wind carry you home
Blackbird, fly away
May you never be broken again.
(blackbird—Alter Bridge)

 

[sweetheart97]

She watched the elf, her head tilted to the side. First, elves were real. That was a thing. Second, gorgeous. Third...so sad. Many other thoughts raced through her head. She'd traveled here not expecting anything real or long lasting and yet, the most real thing was happening.

That elf was in pain. A thing that transcended language, physical distance, mental distance. She took a step, not knowing if he knew she was there.

"Excuse me. Are you alright?"

 

[The_gladiator]

Eyes redrimmed with tears looked up. He wore the guise of the avatar, not the guise of his spirit song, which meant despite the tears the eyes were currently blue. He cradled the guitar as if it were a lover, fingers picking out the melody as the last lingering notes of the song he sang died away.

He saw her there, this was one he didn't know, though it seemed his pain had called to her. He made no move to rise from where he sat on the deck overlooking the river. Normally he would have risen to greet her, played the host. Today she earned a weak smile of greeting. "Good morning to you. Welcome. I shared above an exerpt from my grandmother's eulogy that I wrote last night. I now have to make the decision if I will be reading it at the funeral or if the celibrant will, or some combination of both."

 

[sweetheart97]

She moved closer and after a silent look asking permission, sat on the deck with him. Her hair whipped about her face, catching the light with golden flecks.

"I'm sorry for your loss. It's a beautiful song, and I'm sure she'll love it either way."

She watched him for a moment, then looked out at the water. "I can leave if you want privacy. I didn't expect to see anyone. And I know the words I say won't lift your grief. But if there's anything I can do, let me know, ok?"

 

[The_gladiator]

He smiled as she took a seat on the other side of the swing where he sat. his left hand left the neck of the guitar and lay briefly over her hand. "You do not need to leave. I have never been a solitary creature. I have always found healing in the company of others." a slight smile, "Even new visitors."

He angled his body a bit against the arm of the swing, so he could look over at her. "So tell me, what brings you to my little corner of lit? You mentioned not to see anyone here?" he inflected the sentence curious.

 

[sweetheart97]

She smiled at him, angling herself to face him but at the same time trying to keep her balance. When she felt confident that she wouldn't fall, she looked back up. Her cheeks colored slightly at the feel of his hand.

"Most of the time, by the time I write something everyone has left. I seem to miss the entire conversation." The wind forced her to tuck her hair behind her ear. "So I've made a joke with myself about it."

 

[The_gladiator]

he laughed softly, "I get that. There used to be a thread in the pg here called thread killers anonamous. I was the 23rd member. I had a knack for saying the wrong thing and people not responding."

He reached out and set the guitar down beside where they sat, as he began to push the swing with his right foot, the left curled under him as he faced her, his hands folded in his lap as he took her in. "It's been a pretty rough year for me in general, so much loss. Not all loss is death, but it still hurts all the same."

 

[sweetheart97]

She laughed. "Careful, or someone will think you're part of the 23 conspiracy." She took a breath. "Nah, with me, I'd either come in a day late, or people just weren't interested. I check dates now, but I also post less than I used to."

She wasn't tall enough for her feet to reach the ground, and had her legs curled up on the bench. She didn't startle when he pushed the swing. "Yeah...it has not been a good year for me. Lots of loss, and I haven't gotten the chance to really do what I need to do to get back to myself, if that makes sense."

Pale blue eyes peeked out from her hair, and there was the start of freckles on her pale cheeks and nose. Her hair came to her shoulder blades, and she was rather small.

 

[The_gladiator]

His hair was blonde today to match the blue eyes, he wasn't showing the black hair and green eyes he often wore when alone, but very few people saw those features.

"A day late and a dollar short hmm?" he smiled. "I see you've been here for quite some time though not a ton of posts in that span. You don't see many that have been here almost as long as me." He gently swung the swing. His hair was tucked behind the prominent points of his elven ears.

"It's been a while since I've done so much in character interaction in my home here. Thank you for that gift."

 

[sweetheart97]

She smiled, then shrugged. "It can be a little more troublesome for a girl to post. Some guys can't really understand a very simple word. Two letters." She smiled at him. "So, I stay quiet mostly, and haven't actually ventured very far."

She couldn't help but stare at the points, and marveled at them for a moment so long that she almost missed his next sentence.

"You're welcome, but I should be thanking you. You could have told me to keep walking."

Perfect recovery...such grace...I'm an idiot, she thought to herself.