Sex & Aging - experiences with exploring and reinventing

[Tasty_GA_Honey]

I’m interested in hearing experiences and advice from thoughtful, intelligent folks here who’ve had the opportunity to revive or reinvent their sexual intimacy with their significant other/spouse/partner.

My guy and I have been together for 12 amazing years. From the very beginning, we’ve had the most incredible chemistry physically, sexually, and emotionally. When we met, I was 29 and he was 44.

A little over five years ago, we stopped having sex suddenly because of serious health issues — medical challenges for both of us, his testosterone tanked completely, super high levels of stress for both of us due to careers and caring for our aging parents, etc. While we haven’t physically had sex (or any associated sexual exploration), we have remained just as emotionally intimate and then some. We have the most incredibly loving, caring, supportive relationship that is filled with laughter and adventure. Physical health barriers just ended the sex.

After five long years, we’ve done ALL the right things and are finally coming (pun intended) out of the other side of this problem successfully. We’ve worked with our doctors to address the health, we’ve both changed careers, and we’ve dealt with the depression issues in healthy ways (meds + therapy).

So, here we are 41 and 56. Our bodies have obviously changed, so I feel like we’re about to had sex for the first time and as virgins. (From my previous posts, I am most DEFINITELY not a virgin. lol) We’re also armed with a new prescription for Viagra that we haven’t tried yet. We’re just a couple of days and one waxing appointment away from tiptoeing back into the water together physically.

For me, I could throw him down right now and suck his cock for 24-hours straight…. But I don’t know if he’s ready for that yet. (Did I mention that my sex drive NEVER waned during the five years? Batteries and porn have kept me sane.)

Has anyone experienced this journey? If so, what did you learn from it and each other? How did you reinvent your new sex life?

 

[Hipshot1554]

Not to the extent you mentioned, but it sounds like you both have the will and the "want to". I think you will work through it just fine.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

First of all , Congratulations on the results from the effort it takes to be in the position that you are currently in as a couple.

That’s love

If I had a suggestion that was worth anything, I’d say just go with the flow. Don’t overthink it. Don’t over medicate it either , touch , talk , communicate what’s working , what’s happening in the moment. Let it happen organically rather then being time table forced due to the blue pill. Let the foreplay do the arousing and factor in maybe you don’t need it first. Then if needed go from there.

 

[Acktion]

Pop a chill pill.

I almost skipped right on by without pause.

You see, my wife and I had our own set of issues. Unfortunately, we never did get to explore the physical side of our relationship once more before she changed her title to "my late wife." So, on the face of it, what could I possibly have to say about a couple rediscovering their own physical intimacy after a hiatus?

But, upon mature reflection (as mature as I get these days anyway), maybe I do have a little something to offer.

Way, way back when we first found each other, she was an undiagnosed nymphomaniac and I was a clinically diagnosed satyrsiac. When I tell the story about us retiring to a hotel room on a laughing bet of who could actually outlast the other and spending seventy-two hours finding out, that is not hyperbole.

Nor that once each annual quarter, we would revisit that seventy-two-hour "training session" for the first several years of our marriage. And even "normal," more "vanilla" nights were typically between six and eight hours of sexual exploration (if we got started early enough before she had to sleep for work the next day).

When that is, she wasn't suffering from ruptured ovarian cysts. And the eventual full hysterectomy to deal with the situation. I waited out the six weeks with her. (I may be an asshole, but there are certain kinds of asshole I try not to be. Or perhaps certain people I try to curb my assholery.)

And we managed to stage a cum-back to our more youthful, more vigorous sexual shenanigans for a while. Actually, I believe that the first time she experienced a squirting orgasm was post-hysterectomy. (We invested in a plastic bed cover the next trip to the store.)

But, her vertebrae wore a hole in her spine, leaking spinal fluid due to an altered gait. And it got to the point in her last years where there were three places I could touch her that weren't either numb or caused her pain; her left cheek, the top of her head, and between her shoulder blades. And I'm not sure if that last was true or if she just really needed that itch scratched.

I completely understand just where you are coming from when you say masturbation and porn is all that kept you sane.

We did not know that we'd attempted to make love the last time when I held her on the night of our anniversary and assured her that just because she couldn't physically stand to have sex with me didn't mean that she wasn't a woman, or make me love her any less. Two months later, just days before what would have been her sixty-first birthday, she slipped this mortal coil in her sleep.

A couple of years after her ashes were scattered over a forest trail she loved in New Mexico, I met someone. Someone, as it happens, who had lost her husband just six weeks after I woke to find my wife had vacated her no longer needed chrysalis.

When we got together to see if things could work, I found out that I could no longer do the seventy-two-hour thing of two and three decades ago. The absolute best I could manage was forty-seven before I just collapsed and was pretty well worthless for twenty-four hours.

We've since moderated to more reasonable eight-hour stints with long(ish) breaks to do other things (mostly rest) between. Or scattered single-hour sessions with shorter breaks between.

Except for this last trip. For reasons I will not go into, she was not able to after the first couple of days. And she was... terrified that I would be unsatisfied because her body couldn't do what her mind and heart wanted to. Nor did she really believe me at first when I answered that I had been pushing myself to do what we'd done those first couple of days after losing my dog and faithful companion of twelve years on New Year's Eve. We spent the remainder of the trip cuddling until the last day when she tried to take me orally and I flipped the tables on her and used my left hand to drive her to orgasmic exhaustion.

She is still troubled that I made sure to satiate her without her "getting me off" and doesn't seem ready to accept that is the way I wanted it at that point.

My point is... we change. Whatever cause, we do change. Our needs change. Our desires change. Our abilities change.

It's just my not-so-humble opinion as someone who tacked a minor in sexology onto my undergraduate and then several decades of practical experience. but I think it's a mistake to not allow for change. To push ourselves, and our partners, seeking that old, familiar "high."

Communication is always going to be the best way out of the forest of confusion.

You have needs.
You have wants.
You have what you'd rather not do.
You have what under no circumstances will you.

And your partner has their own.

The mistake I mentioned in not accepting change is in not acknowledging that these four may be among the changes. On either side of the quadratic relationship equation.

I'm making a couple of assumptions here that he has been medically cleared for "active duty" and you are both wound tighter than a pair of teen virgins looking to lose their v-card to each other at prom based on what you've said.

You mentioned specifically that you feel ready to push him down and suck his cock for twenty-four hours straight.

While I applaud the thought... Realistically, I am just not wired to accept such devotion for very long before I would feel a driving need to flip the tables on... my partner. (I almost said "you" there. My apologies.) Perhaps by continuing to use her mouth, albeit more of a "facefuck" than her oral servitude. Or perhaps in some other way. As I specifically mentioned, in my own case, I used the fingers of my left hand to drive her through twelve rapid-fire orgasms before I allowed her a begged break.

Perhaps he is more suited to a more passive role in the explorations to come, or perhaps not. Y'all should definitely talk that out beforehand and see. If he has historically been the more active partner, it may be frustrating (for both of you) for him to accept a more passive role.

It's supposed to be play, kiddo. It's supposed to be something both sides enjoy. Relax, give yourselves a break, and do so.

If you want to suck his cock, don't shoot (all puns intended) for a time. Just do it for as long as you are both obviously enjoying it.

Read his cues. If he starts to soften in your mouth, and particularly if he seems distracted or particularly frustrated, roll with it and do something else.

Try stroking him with your hand as you whisper a naughty scenario that suits his (and your) proclivities in his ear.

There is a thing called "sensual massage" (not to be confused with shiatsu and such). Basically, it boils down to just touching. You might try starting off with that. Have him strip and lie down, then just touch him and all he is allowed to say is "more there," "not there," "harder," or "lighter." Touch every single millimeter of his skin for about fifteen to thirty minutes, then switch and he does you.

What you don't want to do, either of you, and I can't emphasize this enough, is to push yourself or each other with demands to measure up to what once was. Enjoy each other. Explore each other. Relearn each other. Establish the connection as it is, not what either of you wishes it still was.

And have some fuckin' fun or what's the fuckin' point?

 

[DWW]

ED Meds

I had a personal physician who had a relationship with Pfizer and pretty much gave Viagra prescriptions out to whoever asked - so when I was in my early 50s I asked. I probably didn't really need them but was curious. Even the lowest dose can be pretty potent the first few times you try them if all else in your body is OK - I am now 68 need a little help for real. Cialis works better for me and without the side effects. Viagra works well but gives me a headache later along with facial flushing. When I was younger I actually started cutting Viagra and then Cialis in half and took each half about an hour apart - that helped with the side effects. Just tell your SO that you may have to experiment some with the ED meds - but they help overcome both physical issues with ED along with psychological issues - like being kinda nervous about not being able to perform.

 

[Stillrandy]

One Workaround for ED

This topic appears from time to time and I have mentioned this solution before:

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2022/01/10378739/bdsmlr-10378739-jhyzqF7eAE.jpg

This a penis vacuum pump and associated elastic cock ring. The vacuum creates the erection and the cock ring sustains it. After using the pump, and applying the cock ring, I can stay hard for about 45 minutes. Then the cock ring needs to come off for a while to restore circulation. The good thing is that you can use it to re-pump again after about 20 minutes. So, if your lady wants a 'rematch', you can be ready for her.

I cannot take any of the ED meds due to a heart condition, so this works for me.
p.m. me if you want more details.

 

[Dingo_Triplesix]

I may just add one little piece of information, as I haven´t encountered a situation like yours really.

When I was younger, getting and keeping an hard-on never was a problem. This began to change two or three years ago - then I encountered the first short phases of "not performing at will". Objectively seen this is not a big problem, but if this is new to you, it can cause a lot of insecurity and stress.

I tried viagra and found it quite relieving. Not so much the erection power itself, but with this device as a backup security if needed it is much easier to relax and enjoy for me.

So maybe the important thing is to have it at hand, but not neccessarily use it.

 

[htobeme5]

One Workaround for ED

This topic appears from time to time and I have mentioned this solution before:

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2022/01/10378739/bdsmlr-10378739-jhyzqF7eAE.jpg

This a penis vacuum pump and associated elastic cock ring. The vacuum creates the erection and the cock ring sustains it. After using the pump, and applying the cock ring, I can stay hard for about 45 minutes. Then the cock ring needs to come off for a while to restore circulation. The good thing is that you can use it to re-pump again after about 20 minutes. So, if your lady wants a 'rematch', you can be ready for her.

I cannot take any of the ED meds due to a heart condition, so this works for me.
p.m. me if you want more details.

ike to chat about heart condition and pump.

 

[SloanePlanet66]

Hello chaps, hope you’re all well.
My wife and I have been together for over 40 years and at least once a month we would have a very sexy evening. Dressing, role play, spanking etc etc unfortunately my wife is not in the best of health and we are learning how to enjoy life as best we can. Unfortunately I let the sex issue become a problem so now we are starting from scratch all over again, it’s definitely not easy but we still love each other madly and that is the most important thing in the world. I will keep you updated and go into more detail later but for today, I’m all done in.

Good luck everyone

 

[Lady2020]

IDK. Life is about reinventing. When it comes to sex, bodies change, esp after 50. Some refuse to have sex at all, leaving the other partner in limbo. Some go to OL fantasy as a solution. If you're older, exercise can be one of the solutions. But many are still stuck with a partner who would rather cut off sex.

 

[hulmule]

IDK. Life is about reinventing. When it comes to sex, bodies change, esp after 50. Some refuse to have sex at all, leaving the other partner in limbo. Some go to OL fantasy as a solution. If you're older, exercise can be one of the solutions. But many are still stuck with a partner who would rather cut off sex.

Yes and that would be my wife. No interest and doesnt want to really put any effort into even kissing and hugging.Thing that concerns me is , that it seems to be affecting me now. My cock is tired of my hand and wants the real thing. Feel like im wasting away.Sad

 

[SloanePlanet66]

Hello folks.
I wrote my wife a fairly detailed email, sometimes it better to let people digest things in their own time.we were both very tired so went to bed around midnight . I have always been the instigator in our sex like but I said in the email that I would never put pressure on her because she I in bad health. I would leave it to her, thinking that was the end of that. Nothing was said, we were both dress in the clothes we had been wearing for the evening, listening to some music and chilling. My wife finished her drink and I was about to get her another one when she said “ I’ve had enough and I’m going to bed, can you tidy up and don’t be long “ when I did what I had to do I went into the bathroom and she was sitting on the edge of the bed in a really classy nighty, she pulled me towards her, told me that she didn’t have any energy for sex then pulled my pants down and gave me a great blow job. When we finish she asked me if I was happy and would I mind if she went to sleep now.
Absolutely amazing wife, soul friend and lover. We are both 65 years young.

Good luck everyone

 

[joefelton]

Hello folks.
I wrote my wife a fairly detailed email, sometimes it better to let people digest things in their own time.we were both very tired so went to bed around midnight . I have always been the instigator in our sex like but I said in the email that I would never put pressure on her because she I in bad health. I would leave it to her, thinking that was the end of that. Nothing was said, we were both dress in the clothes we had been wearing for the evening, listening to some music and chilling. My wife finished her drink and I was about to get her another one when she said “ I’ve had enough and I’m going to bed, can you tidy up and don’t be long “ when I did what I had to do I went into the bathroom and she was sitting on the edge of the bed in a really classy nighty, she pulled me towards her, told me that she didn’t have any energy for sex then pulled my pants down and gave me a great blow job. When we finish she asked me if I was happy and would I mind if she went to sleep now.
Absolutely amazing wife, soul friend and lover. We are both 65 years young.

Good luck everyone

My wife and I are both 70. We got into a slump about ten years ago. Dealing with our parents' deaths, some health issues (wife had a hysterectomy that fucked up her hormones, I had low testosterone). My doc put me on a testosterone prescription about seven years ago and it helped a lot. Six years ago I started wearing my wife's panties. I told her about this from the start and she supported my kink! About five years ago we started playing with my balls, and this has progressed nicely and now we're doing some pretty intense ballbusting...which I love. We're more in love now, we hug and kiss a lot more, and we're saying "I love you" a lot more too. Share your feelings and desires.

 

[RachelWalsh]

46 trans female and feel sex drive is dying

 

[SloanePlanet66]

I have just been talking to my wife about last night, how spontaneous it was really turned her on, she didn’t know that I was wearing satin boxer and had she known she said that she would have felt under pressure from me to expect her to preform and that’s the last thing I would want her to do. She has always been very shy so she doesn’t say to much even if she doesn’t want to do something so I have asked her to write me an email addressing all our issues and then we can talk about them! It’s fantastic that we are still working things out after 45years together. I’m scared and excited and I will let you know how it goes.

Good luck

 

[twister947]

I am 75 years old, and two years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. It has really done a number on my libido and general well-being. But I'm not ready to give up. Last night I masturbated successfully for the first time in 3 years. I laughed but didn't cry although I could have. We are going to have a sex life one way or another. I will make it happen.

All of the straight lines that made up my nervous system are now dotted lines and I can't count on the same responses that were once taken for granted. What I can do is engage my brain, and through sheer force of will find some level of performance. I'm on this.

 

[Tayloroc]

I am 75 years old, and two years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson's. It has really done a number on my libido and general well-being. But I'm not ready to give up. Last night I masturbated successfully for the first time in 3 years. I laughed but didn't cry although I could have. We are going to have a sex life one way or another. I will make it happen.

All of the straight lines that made up my nervous system are now dotted lines and I can't count on the same responses that were once taken for granted. What I can do is engage my brain, and through sheer force of will find some level of performance. I'm on this.

Good luck, my friend!

 

[skitzoid]

Gotta commend all you old farts. You're getting your sex life back on track, either with a fantastic willing partner or chemicals. I, myself, am not so lucky. My wife has gone back to school to get her RN license after 33 years of being an LPN. This has put a severe drain on our marriage. At first, I tried hard to get us back to "normal." The sex went from 3 or 4 times a month to none a month. In the past 3 years, we have had sex 6 times. When I say sex, it might be a blow job from her or pussy eating from me. I have been attacked by that evil monster, ED. I have tried many things to work around that problem, very few have worked. What really bothers me is she doesn't want sex. Twice a day we kiss, morning and night. That's the only physical contact we have. I may not be able to get it up but will do ANYTHING for and to her. Her schooling is paramount and I'm somewhere down the list. I have thought of starting over but, at 72 years old, ( she's 62) it's really not worth the trouble. She is having a hard time cuming but can be done. ( the best way is my nose buried deep between her thighs ) I can jack off and cum but not as erect as before. ( remember,, I'm 72 ) She doesn't care if either one of us cums. One time, it took 45 minutes and she just gave up. I have heard that story many times. We're lost and no road map to the past and fun times.