Jmanchu
El Capitan
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2017
- Posts
- 354
So I have a story, a dark, high fantasy story with elements of sword-and-sorcery and political intrigue mixed in there.
There's one scene I'm trying to rewrite. It's a scene where the female main character lets herself fall into a short masturbation fantasy(the theme of her fantasy is "noncon") in the palace bathhouse. That part of the scene switches between the fantasy that plays in her head. Mainly, her actions she gives herself and the reactions she gets from it. And breaks in between with her internal feelings throughout including hypothetical questions she asks herself for fun. Questions like "in such a situation would she dare to fight the man?" "What if she only angered him? Or worse encourage his ferocious passion?" and "What if she let it just happen? Would it be her fault, then?" Stuff like that.
Anyways, what I'm asking for is ideas and approaches for format. I'd like different perspectives and opinions on how you guys would tackle this. The current format I have right now is switching between italics for the parts that are fantasy(Which I do use a bit for internal thoughts on a fairly regular basis. I do try to rely more on different styles of standard narration without italics to convey characters feelings so I don't use italics as too much of a crutch.) and no italics for the parts that are actually happening in the story, along with her thoughts she asks herself during her act in the bathhouse.
A part of me wants to keep it like that, but I know how italics that go on for too long in one go can be annoying to read sometimes(David Ashura immediately comes to mind) but there are instances 1 paragraph of full italics in between the normal text, and one instance of 2 paragraphs. It's readable to me as the paragraphs are short. There's enough breaks between it and the non italics part to keep it from reading too much like an early 19th century captain's log, cursive and all. The entire part, with the italics and non-italics together, is about a little more than a full Google Docs page. But I'd still like opinions and perspectives for how you fine people would tackle this instead.
There's one scene I'm trying to rewrite. It's a scene where the female main character lets herself fall into a short masturbation fantasy(the theme of her fantasy is "noncon") in the palace bathhouse. That part of the scene switches between the fantasy that plays in her head. Mainly, her actions she gives herself and the reactions she gets from it. And breaks in between with her internal feelings throughout including hypothetical questions she asks herself for fun. Questions like "in such a situation would she dare to fight the man?" "What if she only angered him? Or worse encourage his ferocious passion?" and "What if she let it just happen? Would it be her fault, then?" Stuff like that.
Anyways, what I'm asking for is ideas and approaches for format. I'd like different perspectives and opinions on how you guys would tackle this. The current format I have right now is switching between italics for the parts that are fantasy(Which I do use a bit for internal thoughts on a fairly regular basis. I do try to rely more on different styles of standard narration without italics to convey characters feelings so I don't use italics as too much of a crutch.) and no italics for the parts that are actually happening in the story, along with her thoughts she asks herself during her act in the bathhouse.
A part of me wants to keep it like that, but I know how italics that go on for too long in one go can be annoying to read sometimes(David Ashura immediately comes to mind) but there are instances 1 paragraph of full italics in between the normal text, and one instance of 2 paragraphs. It's readable to me as the paragraphs are short. There's enough breaks between it and the non italics part to keep it from reading too much like an early 19th century captain's log, cursive and all. The entire part, with the italics and non-italics together, is about a little more than a full Google Docs page. But I'd still like opinions and perspectives for how you fine people would tackle this instead.
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