New Author's Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

but it gets censored

I put in a dirty limerick

and they laugh in Sligo and Wexford.

I put in an invitation to the Charladies' Ball...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH-_cSBktuU

 

[Abercr0mbieBoi]

and they laugh in Sligo and Wexford.

I put in an invitation to the Charladies' Ball...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH-_cSBktuU

You get the police shutting down the show because someone had to yell out "IRA rules!"

I put in a frozen TV dinner.

 

[Handley_Page]

You get the police shutting down the show because someone had to yell out "IRA rules!"

I put in a frozen TV dinner.

but the TV has been switched off.



I put in a frozen garden

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the TV has been switched off.



I put in a frozen garden

and it's ho, ho, ho'ed by the Jolly Green Giant.

I put in a giant 'ho'e...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and it's ho, ho, ho'ed by the Jolly Green Giant.

I put in a giant 'ho'e...

Such big shoes to fill...

I put in a glass slipper.

 

[Handley_Page]

Such big shoes to fill...

I put in a glass slipper.

Suitable only for a one-legged drama queen.



I put in a pair of real boots.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Suitable only for a one-legged drama queen.



I put in a pair of real boots.

but there's no puss in them.

I put in seven leagues...

 

[Handley_Page]

but there's no puss in them.

I put in seven leagues...

BUT: We only use one; made up of four divisions.


I put in a three-mile marker

 

[Tio_Narratore]

BUT: We only use one; made up of four divisions.


I put in a three-mile marker

and get asked to convert it to kilometers.

I put in a few hectares of snow...

 

[Handley_Page]

and get asked to convert it to kilometers.

I put in a few hectares of snow...

but several miles deep



I put in a volumetric measure

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but several miles deep



I put in a volumetric measure

and it doesn't stop expanding.

I put in a steadying dose of entropy...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it doesn't stop expanding.

I put in a steadying dose of entropy...

But it won't fit in the 'fridge



I put in a new gas boiler

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But it won't fit in the 'fridge



I put in a new gas boiler

and you get gassed on boilermakers.

I put in a jug of caribou...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caribou_(drink)

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get gassed on boilermakers.

I put in a jug of caribou...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caribou_(drink)

but it wanders off in a snow-storm
[there's no Wiki entry!]



I put in a really big snow-flake

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it wanders off in a snow-storm
[there's no Wiki entry!]



I put in a really big snow-flake

and it's actually Yeti dandruff.

I put in a bottle of Head & Shoulders shampoo...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it's actually Yeti dandruff.

I put in a bottle of Head & Shoulders shampoo...

it's no good for the late Diplodocus




I put in a large tin of bone polish

 

[Tio_Narratore]

it's no good for the late Diplodocus




I put in a large tin of bone polish

and the vertebrate palaeontology exhibits all shine.

I put in a pot polished bone...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the vertebrate palaeontology exhibits all shine.

I put in a pot polished bone...

But the ladies' eye do not light up


I put in a little dog

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the ladies' eye do not light up


I put in a little dog

and speedy Gonzalez says "Ay Chihuahua!"

I put in one chupacabra...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and speedy Gonzalez says "Ay Chihuahua!"

I put in one chupacabra...

and, if that is anything like a teddy, you'd be all over it.


I put in a black corset.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, if that is anything like a teddy, you'd be all over it.


I put in a black corset.

and out comes a dozen men looking for a Mistress.

I put in a tuxedo...

 

[Handley_Page]

and out comes a dozen men looking for a Mistress.

I put in a tuxedo...

but the train no longer stops at that junction.



I put in a pantheon of weird gods.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the train no longer stops at that junction.



I put in a pantheon of weird gods.

and you get the Parthenon filled with wired dogs.

I put in Nick, Nora, and Asta...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get the Parthenon filled with wired dogs.

I put in Nick, Nora, and Asta...

but the circuits blow and they cannot move.



I put in a spare fuse

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the circuits blow and they cannot move.



I put in a spare fuse

and you realize that once it's in, it's no longer spare.

I put in a dime I can spare, brother...