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Here's the thread OP was looking for. Maybe TPH could merge these two threads as there's more discussion in the first thread?
I'm of the persuasion that both partners submit to each other, at different times. It makes for a more balanced relationship. There are those who can't submit, which is sad.
There are two aspects of submission, from a male side, which I can comment on: The desire to please, to make a woman smile and laugh, to be a gentleman, gallant, loyal, and the "boy to warm her mother's heart" is one aspect. This stems from a feeling that it is better to give than receive, and thus, many male subs are wired to be the givers of pleasure, which in turn gives them pleasure.
On the kink side, the ability to withstand physical pain for her sake is also a part of where the masochistic side stems from. I also believe, for my own personal health and livlihood, in maintaining a healthy and active lifestyle and physique, for my partner's sake but as much for my own.
I do see a fair amount of stigma towards male submissives and female-led BDSM relationships, even on this site, and sometimes even in this forum. Part of that, I think, does stem from traditional gender roles in a relationship. The notion that a male is submissive to a woman, or (especially) engages in certain heavy compromising kink behavior, cuckolding, etc with a stronger female- all this probably makes some people in traditional gender-relationship roles a bit uncomfortable. And a lot of that is just the demographic, it's in the numbers- If the majority of BDSM practitioners are male dominants and female submissives, I suspect many of these people are probably not comfortable with, or even very accepting of, the opposite dynamic.
I crave to be dominated by a strong woman. Not just physically, but mentally as well.
I tried to get my wife do something simple - spank me. I even made her several paddles and switches. But she is simply not able or not willing to do it. Since we're monogamous, this fantasy will likely never be fulfilled.
I do feel for you, as I'm kind of in the same situation (not with spanking, although I wouldn't mind a bit of that either! My Wife is 100% vanilla too).
Don't give up though (as I'm sure there are plenty of other wonderful reasons why you're married)... Just temper your expectations between what's in your imagination and reality i.e. in your example, have you considered pairing it down so your Wife finds it more 'palatable' (because that's what we're really talking about here). May be she wouldn't mind pinching your butt instead? There are other variations if you think about it. I know that sounds lame, but its about compromise. And give her lots of time to adjust (and support her) if she goes for it (or even if she doesn't), as the last thing you'd want is for her to loose confidence in herself and/or you.
You just need to cater for her tastes, and its for us (subs married to vanilla Wives... Heck, I expect this may apply to subs with/married to Dommes too) to be less selfish, and be more self-full. Doing this helps me keep perspective on my entire relationship with my Wife (and her perspective), not just a part of it.
I really hope I've helped, and not hindered you.
Good luck!
This helps, thanks Just! Stepping up is a great idea, I'm actually going to do that.
Trust me, my wife is NOT vanilla and neither am I We're really kinky, she lets me tie her up, gag her, spank / whip / crop basically any of her lady parts. Although she has never told me in words, she really enjoys r*pe play. I'm happy to please her.
She can inflict pain on me by biting my chest when she's getting pounded missionary position. Also in the same position, she pinches the back of my arm. Try it on yourself, it hurts like hell!
I would absolutely love it if my wife can truly dominate me.
I don’t think they are antithetical, really.Something I've found that commonly crops up in my conversations on Literotica is the reconciliation of masculinity and submission, as many social constructs and gender roles make submission antithetical to the male gender identity
I think it is a lot about how you want to spin it. Protection can be about protecting what is mine, being perceived as diminance but just as easily about service and devotion to a person or cause which is perhaps fitting with a submissive role.What I am wondering is what both submissives and dominants think about the notion of a masculine conceptualisation of submission. In my mind I envisage a focus on maintaining an athletic physique, a 'toughness' demonstrated by withstanding things like CBT, pain-play and anal play, as well as a manifestation of 'protection/provision' through service to the dominant.
I am successful and responsible for a lot of assets where I work. I am very much in control in my business world.
When it comes to intimate time with my wife, I enjoy giving her all the power she wants. When I am sexually aroused, I am hers to do with as she wishes and she knows it. She doesn't take charge often enough, but I do enjoy it when she does.
This is kind of a tough balance. There is nothing inherently wrong with submissive males having kinks, and wanting to explore these things, and experience them with a partner in real life.I think you have sub males who just want to get off, in reality they aren't really submissive and are often referred to as "Shopping List Subs" in that they have a list of fantasies that they want to tick off and bring that to the table so to speak when chatting to or meeting with a dominant woman. Also referred to as "Topping from the bottom" in that they try and set all the policy and dictate what will happen.
Then you have sub males who are prepared to do what makes the woman happy. This could just be domestic duties or something more extreme like being cuckolded without having the benefit of watching. They are more service orientated and really do live to make their lady happy and kinks may or may not play a part in what happens.
It can be I agree. Obviously a fetish is like any other type of sexual need or expression. So the man wants to be submissive but what if he's interest in submission ceases the moment he orgasms? That is what I was thinking about.This is kind of a tough balance. There is nothing inherently wrong with submissive males having kinks, and wanting to explore these things, and experience them with a partner in real life.
But at the same time, the dominant partner has needs too, and she will want her needs to be met as well. Like all relationships there needs to be this balance. A submissive partner needs to be attentive to their dominant's needs, both emotional and sexual, and be willing to do what they need to to make their dominant partner satisfied. But if the sub's needs aren't being met then the relationship isn't healthy either. It has to be about both partners wanting their needs met, and your point is that many submissives are selfish, caring only about fulfilling their own fantasies. I don't disagree that yes; this is a common relationship deal-breaker.
There has to be that open and frank communication about what each partner brings to the table- and what each partner wants out of the relationship, and even in a D/s one, there needs to be a balance.
I'm of the persuasion that both partners submit to each other, at different times. It makes for a more balanced relationship. There are those who can't submit, which is sad.