Masculine submission

[Lady2020]

I'm of the persuasion that both partners submit to each other, at different times. It makes for a more balanced relationship. There are those who can't submit, which is sad.

 

[Erosfan]

I am successful and responsible for a lot of assets where I work. I am very much in control in my business world.
When it comes to intimate time with my wife, I enjoy giving her all the power she wants. When I am sexually aroused, I am hers to do with as she wishes and she knows it. She doesn't take charge often enough, but I do enjoy it when she does.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Here's the thread OP was looking for. Maybe TPH could merge these two threads as there's more discussion in the first thread?

Merged. Thank you!

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Great thread and wonderful topic

 

[Kitschshaman]

I'm of the persuasion that both partners submit to each other, at different times. It makes for a more balanced relationship. There are those who can't submit, which is sad.

Perfect.
thank you...

 

[Justplatonic]

There are two aspects of submission, from a male side, which I can comment on: The desire to please, to make a woman smile and laugh, to be a gentleman, gallant, loyal, and the "boy to warm her mother's heart" is one aspect. This stems from a feeling that it is better to give than receive, and thus, many male subs are wired to be the givers of pleasure, which in turn gives them pleasure.

On the kink side, the ability to withstand physical pain for her sake is also a part of where the masochistic side stems from. I also believe, for my own personal health and livlihood, in maintaining a healthy and active lifestyle and physique, for my partner's sake but as much for my own.

I do see a fair amount of stigma towards male submissives and female-led BDSM relationships, even on this site, and sometimes even in this forum. Part of that, I think, does stem from traditional gender roles in a relationship. The notion that a male is submissive to a woman, or (especially) engages in certain heavy compromising kink behavior, cuckolding, etc with a stronger female- all this probably makes some people in traditional gender-relationship roles a bit uncomfortable. And a lot of that is just the demographic, it's in the numbers- If the majority of BDSM practitioners are male dominants and female submissives, I suspect many of these people are probably not comfortable with, or even very accepting of, the opposite dynamic.

That deserves a thumbs up! I couldn't have put it better myself. I agree with everything you said PaxNurgle! An example with regards to the demographics you mention here...

 

[77fbird400]

I crave to be dominated by a strong woman. Not just physically, but mentally as well.

I tried to get my wife do something simple - spank me. I even made her several paddles and switches. But she is simply not able or not willing to do it. Since we're monogamous, this fantasy will likely never be fulfilled.

 

[Justplatonic]

I crave to be dominated by a strong woman. Not just physically, but mentally as well.

I tried to get my wife do something simple - spank me. I even made her several paddles and switches. But she is simply not able or not willing to do it. Since we're monogamous, this fantasy will likely never be fulfilled.

I do feel for you, as I'm kind of in the same situation (not with spanking, although I wouldn't mind a bit of that either! My Wife is 100% vanilla too).

Don't give up though (as I'm sure there are plenty of other wonderful reasons why you're married)... Just temper your expectations between what's in your imagination and reality i.e. in your example, have you considered pairing it down so your Wife finds it more 'palatable' (because that's what we're really talking about here). May be she wouldn't mind pinching your butt instead? There are other variations if you think about it. I know that sounds lame, but its about compromise. And give her lots of time to adjust (and support her) if she goes for it (or even if she doesn't), as the last thing you'd want is for her to loose confidence in herself and/or you.

You just need to cater for her tastes, and its for us (subs married to vanilla Wives... Heck, I expect this may apply to subs with/married to Dommes too) to be less selfish, and be more self-full. Doing this helps me keep perspective on my entire relationship with my Wife (and her perspective), not just a part of it.

I really hope I've helped, and not hindered you.

Good luck!

 

[77fbird400]

I do feel for you, as I'm kind of in the same situation (not with spanking, although I wouldn't mind a bit of that either! My Wife is 100% vanilla too).

Don't give up though (as I'm sure there are plenty of other wonderful reasons why you're married)... Just temper your expectations between what's in your imagination and reality i.e. in your example, have you considered pairing it down so your Wife finds it more 'palatable' (because that's what we're really talking about here). May be she wouldn't mind pinching your butt instead? There are other variations if you think about it. I know that sounds lame, but its about compromise. And give her lots of time to adjust (and support her) if she goes for it (or even if she doesn't), as the last thing you'd want is for her to loose confidence in herself and/or you.

You just need to cater for her tastes, and its for us (subs married to vanilla Wives... Heck, I expect this may apply to subs with/married to Dommes too) to be less selfish, and be more self-full. Doing this helps me keep perspective on my entire relationship with my Wife (and her perspective), not just a part of it.

I really hope I've helped, and not hindered you.

Good luck!

This helps, thanks Just! Stepping up is a great idea, I'm actually going to do that.

Trust me, my wife is NOT vanilla and neither am I We're really kinky, she lets me tie her up, gag her, spank / whip / crop basically any of her lady parts. Although she has never told me in words, she really enjoys r*pe play. I'm happy to please her.

She can inflict pain on me by biting my chest when she's getting pounded missionary position. Also in the same position, she pinches the back of my arm. Try it on yourself, it hurts like hell!

I would absolutely love it if my wife can truly dominate me.

 

[Justplatonic]

This helps, thanks Just! Stepping up is a great idea, I'm actually going to do that.

Trust me, my wife is NOT vanilla and neither am I We're really kinky, she lets me tie her up, gag her, spank / whip / crop basically any of her lady parts. Although she has never told me in words, she really enjoys r*pe play. I'm happy to please her.

She can inflict pain on me by biting my chest when she's getting pounded missionary position. Also in the same position, she pinches the back of my arm. Try it on yourself, it hurts like hell!

I would absolutely love it if my wife can truly dominate me.

You are most welcome 77fbird400...

From your previous post, I had a vision of you presenting your homemade paddles to the terror of your Vanilla Wife! I'm relived for you it wasn't quite that way...

It appears you're both switching roles often, and you're having fun with that. But as you must know, compromise is intrinsic to all relationships.

Why not suggest an agreement of sorts? Perhaps suggest if she'd be happy for you to dominate her an entire session (determine how long that should be, but don't go crazy), would she be willing to return the favour next session? This way, she will truly dominate you during a session.

Perhaps that may seem less than you'd expect/want, especially as you have to dominate her every other session, but that is truly the art of compromise.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Bumping to the top for a new member.

 

[MorlockIam]

I think you have sub males who just want to get off, in reality they aren't really submissive and are often referred to as "Shopping List Subs" in that they have a list of fantasies that they want to tick off and bring that to the table so to speak when chatting to or meeting with a dominant woman. Also referred to as "Topping from the bottom" in that they try and set all the policy and dictate what will happen.

Then you have sub males who are prepared to do what makes the woman happy. This could just be domestic duties or something more extreme like being cuckolded without having the benefit of watching. They are more service orientated and really do live to make their lady happy and kinks may or may not play a part in what happens.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Something I've found that commonly crops up in my conversations on Literotica is the reconciliation of masculinity and submission, as many social constructs and gender roles make submission antithetical to the male gender identity

I don’t think they are antithetical, really.

There are extreme outliers when it comes to what is deemed masculine, that I agree would be hard to reconcile with submission.
Those who exhibit that kind of masculinity usually have a hard time fitting into society at large, having a hard time holding down a job, get into conflicts, being unable to nurture anything - even themselves.
They can be useful to society in extreme times, but often have an even harder time adjusting to more normal human interaction afterwards.
While they can be entertaining to watch in movies and stories, noone in their right mind is going to suggest building a police force made up of Martin Riggs and Dirty Harry types and we don’t train our miltary to be like John Rambo.

For the most part the strength and aggression in traditional masculinity is tempered by an ideal of discipline and responsibility, control is definitely encouraged to be applied to self first.
There is an element of service in many if not all the traditional masculine roles, like provider, protector, gentleman etc.

Most traditionally male organizations are also very hierarchical - the boss has his own boss and not necessarily because they are bigger or stronger or better either.

What I am wondering is what both submissives and dominants think about the notion of a masculine conceptualisation of submission. In my mind I envisage a focus on maintaining an athletic physique, a 'toughness' demonstrated by withstanding things like CBT, pain-play and anal play, as well as a manifestation of 'protection/provision' through service to the dominant.

I think it is a lot about how you want to spin it. Protection can be about protecting what is mine, being perceived as diminance but just as easily about service and devotion to a person or cause which is perhaps fitting with a submissive role.

I don’t have a lot to say about the kink part as it is not my thing in this setting, but people will happily twist their philosophy to fit with what they want to do, in my experience.

 

[Toffer_Guy]

Once watched a pretty hot porn with Amai Liu, an incredibly petite woman, fuck a much larger, muscular man with a strapon. The imbalance between them was so erotic. They do switch positions near the end and he fucks her. It’s just kinky seeing small women in the dom position.

 

[stargame]

I find this Thread very interesting. I am not sure where I fit in, but I am interested.

 

[OldGoodPup]

I've written a number of stories about service and submission, here:https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=7436895&page=submissions

 

[newhere2learn]

I am successful and responsible for a lot of assets where I work. I am very much in control in my business world.
When it comes to intimate time with my wife, I enjoy giving her all the power she wants. When I am sexually aroused, I am hers to do with as she wishes and she knows it. She doesn't take charge often enough, but I do enjoy it when she does.

I can relate to a lot of that. I'm typical upper-middle management, responsibilities etc. add in divorce, childcare and so on, my downtime is nil.

Then factor in a submissive GF who's very... Led, through life.

When I meet a play partner periodically, who's dominant, it's a lovely escape.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I think you have sub males who just want to get off, in reality they aren't really submissive and are often referred to as "Shopping List Subs" in that they have a list of fantasies that they want to tick off and bring that to the table so to speak when chatting to or meeting with a dominant woman. Also referred to as "Topping from the bottom" in that they try and set all the policy and dictate what will happen.

Then you have sub males who are prepared to do what makes the woman happy. This could just be domestic duties or something more extreme like being cuckolded without having the benefit of watching. They are more service orientated and really do live to make their lady happy and kinks may or may not play a part in what happens.

This is kind of a tough balance. There is nothing inherently wrong with submissive males having kinks, and wanting to explore these things, and experience them with a partner in real life.

But at the same time, the dominant partner has needs too, and she will want her needs to be met as well. Like all relationships there needs to be this balance. A submissive partner needs to be attentive to their dominant's needs, both emotional and sexual, and be willing to do what they need to to make their dominant partner satisfied. But if the sub's needs aren't being met then the relationship isn't healthy either. It has to be about both partners wanting their needs met, and your point is that many submissives are selfish, caring only about fulfilling their own fantasies. I don't disagree that yes; this is a common relationship deal-breaker.

There has to be that open and frank communication about what each partner brings to the table- and what each partner wants out of the relationship, and even in a D/s one, there needs to be a balance.

 

[MorlockIam]

This is kind of a tough balance. There is nothing inherently wrong with submissive males having kinks, and wanting to explore these things, and experience them with a partner in real life.

But at the same time, the dominant partner has needs too, and she will want her needs to be met as well. Like all relationships there needs to be this balance. A submissive partner needs to be attentive to their dominant's needs, both emotional and sexual, and be willing to do what they need to to make their dominant partner satisfied. But if the sub's needs aren't being met then the relationship isn't healthy either. It has to be about both partners wanting their needs met, and your point is that many submissives are selfish, caring only about fulfilling their own fantasies. I don't disagree that yes; this is a common relationship deal-breaker.

There has to be that open and frank communication about what each partner brings to the table- and what each partner wants out of the relationship, and even in a D/s one, there needs to be a balance.

It can be I agree. Obviously a fetish is like any other type of sexual need or expression. So the man wants to be submissive but what if he's interest in submission ceases the moment he orgasms? That is what I was thinking about.

One woman told me she entertained a man's CFNM fantasy by watching him on cam the second he came he turned the cam off. They were supposed to chat as well and if he had of been nice he could have had regular chat partner.

Likewise some Dominants are just sadists and expect 100% compliance regardless of how crazy or extreme their needs are.

 

[adam_miller90]

Well I definitely have a very submissive side and it's just not practicable to show that in everyday life and that of course also makes it difficult for my wife to understand that desire to just submit. I think in the end I like what Lady2020 said

I'm of the persuasion that both partners submit to each other, at different times. It makes for a more balanced relationship. There are those who can't submit, which is sad.

This is great but in my experience it also limits how far you can go in submission or dominance.
Either way in a relationship balance is important. If it's just a sexual encounter things can get much more one-sided I t hink.

 

[submissa]

Male submissives hardly have a monopoly on pain play and anal play, nor acts of service. Not having balls, I cannot compare CBT with tit or pussy torture (though I suspect it is worse), but CBT is pain play as far as I'm concerned. I have noticed when watching gay bdsm porn that the doms hit their subs with more force than I have ever seen with any other gender combinations, but to me that is not a result of the submission being particularly masculine. Generally women will not be able to strike with as great of an impact and I would not be surprised if we are also less inclined to strike as hard as we can. I also think doms in general, if they are bi, likely hit women with less force - but that has more to do with the dom than the nature of the submission.

As for maintaining an athletic physique, it has not been my observation that this is any more common among male subs than the general population.

So in short, I don't really see anything necessarily uniquely masculine in the listed activities. That is not to say the experience of submission is the same regardless of gender. How could it be when women are socialized to be passive while men are taught to be assertive or even aggressive?

 

[CEOescape]

we have not seen a story of a Dominant older couple next door to a new neighbor seducing and blackmailing them in so many way.