Let's Talk About... Aging, Beauty, Body Image & Identity Crises 💀💀

[cascadiabound]

Applauds @Mrtenant for seriously engaging the OP questions. Any other man who does the same will get my respect.

*gauntlet thrown*

 

[SassySheDevil]

You need a bigger shovel for that hole, friend. I get your intent is good.
Now, shhh, and listen. Talk about YOU, not us.

Is this what you are calling "We did tell him"? "Now shh and listen" yeah. Perfect.
And yes. I saw that Aussie said his heart was in the right place.

We did say that. He didn’t listen. Seems you didn’t, either. I even quoted myself.
You know. In case he skipped over it because he was so fixed on his own opinion and not listening.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I am doing what I need to do to make Lit a better place for me.

Anyone can ignore me at any time. I hope they do.

And I certainly don’t need to thank zipper.

You are right. My ignore list has grown a shit ton these last few months.
Have a good night ladies. Enjoy the pile ons.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Applauds @Mrtenant for seriously engaging the OP questions. Any other man who does the same will get my respect.

*gauntlet thrown*

And perhaps my boobs

 

[cascadiabound]

Is this what you are calling "We did tell him"? "Now shh and listen" yeah. Perfect.
And yes. I saw that Aussie said his heart was in the right place.

To be clear once again @SassySheDevil, The part I objected to was this:

[ zipper01us said:

I think is just in a woman’s makeup to doubt their beauty and their body.]

Not the very general compliments to all women and their caressability.

I also said I believed his comments were likely coming from a good non malicious place. Twice. No pile on from me.
I hope zipper decides to come back and engage the OPs sustantive challenge to self reflection. THAT is the point of this thread

 

[Mrtenant]

Sips a cold beer and reads through the conflict on this thread. I wonder how any of that could have been better handled or stated. Not mine to do. Boundaries and shit. :cheers:

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Sips a cold beer and reads through the conflict on this thread. I wonder how any of that could have been better handled or stated. Not mine to do. Boundaries and shit. :cheers:

Shit stirrer

 

[HoneyMeadows]

Both opinions can be correct, they are not mutually exclusive. I objected to the same part as cascadiabound and set out my reasoning. I wasn't saying that zipper had to change his mind on thinking all women are beautiful, just accept that his perspective differs from mine. And that's ok.

I have been talked over since I can remember so I would love to see more acceptance of how I feel and to know that it isn't on anyone else to "fix". Come along for the ride, sure, but I can't be forced to feel something I don't.

Do my feelings become null and void based on someone's intent? I thought we had accepted that wasn't the case, but I may have misread the situation.

 

[cascadiabound]

Both opinions can be correct, they are not mutually exclusive. I objected to the same part as cascadiabound and set out my reasoning. I wasn't saying that zipper had to change his mind on thinking all women are beautiful, just accept that his perspective differs from mine. And that's ok.

I have been talked over since I can remember so I would love to see more acceptance of how I feel and to know that it isn't on anyone else to "fix". Come along for the ride, sure, but I can't be forced to feel something I don't.

Do my feelings become null and void based on someone's intent? I thought we had accepted that wasn't the case, but I may have misread the situation.

I'm thinking the following might be useful guidance...

 

[zipper01us]

Oh FFS. Seriously dude sit down and listen/read. You have a lot to learn about women. This is not an attack and I do believe your intent comes from a good heart. However, if you will pay attention to the series of very smart women who have responded to your comments it should be abundantly clear that they are misguided and not being taken well. I don't believe any of the women who have posted in this thread have any problems regarding our self confidence. Part of the serious conversation here is about the interior self talk (both men and women and gender non-conforming) engage in can be difficult to manage/change. Life experience and aging provide a lot of perspective and wisdom. I know I am healthier and have clearer boundaries and am better at self care than when I was younger. Am I beautiful? Damn right I am. Do I have a beautiful soul, heart and mind? Damn straight. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm good enough. I am. Nonetheless, I have stuff to work on. And will for the rest of my life (recall I said in my initial post on this thread that life long learning is one of my core characteristics), and look forward to leaning in to the new. I don't need you or anyone else to tell me generally and without specificity that I am an amazing example of womanhood. I am intelligent, creative, competent, powerful, have a spine of steel, am able, wise, confident, and beautiful through and through.

Not knowing you personally I can’t guarantee all of this but I have to admit if you can back up what you say here you have to be one hell of a woman !

 

[zipper01us]

Fair point...

Zipper comes in and says THE SAME FUCKING THING I'VE said before. No one told me I was sexist for saying it. If only we could look in a mirror and see what others see in us. Life would be grand right? The same thing.

No. Of course that doesn't fix you. Or how you feel about yourself. But for gods sake, the guy was trying to offer kindness and compliments.

Requoting yourself did not "Help him" Maybe just simply saying something like "Thanks Zipper. I truly wish I could look in the mirror and see what others do. Sadly. It is a me problem that I have to fix and thanks to my friends and loved ones. I am trying"

And if people are sending you dick pics. Then yes. get mad. But don't make your anger on them become something that all the men of Lit have to pay for.
I closed my PMs for years. Do what you need to do to make Lit a better place. Yes. Some guys are fucking pigs. Some guys are assholes. Some guys are truly misogynist assholes. But not all of them are, and this guy tried to be kind.

Thanks so much for helping me get my point across I in no way ever put down a woman. I was simply again trying to say all women are beautiful in their own way and for that I love them. Peace out !

 

[zipper01us]

Thanks so much for helping me get my point across I in no way ever put down a woman. I was simply again trying to say all women are beautiful in their own way and for that I love them. Peace out !

 

[cascadiabound]

Not knowing you personally I can’t guarantee all of this but I have to admit if you can back up what you say here you have to be one hell of a woman !

Nods. I am.

To be clear once again @SassySheDevil, The part I objected to was this:

[ zipper01us said:

I think is just in a woman’s makeup to doubt their beauty and their body.]

Not the very general compliments to all women and their caressability.

I also said I believed his comments were likely coming from a good non malicious place. Twice. No pile on from me.
I hope zipper decides to come back and engage the OPs sustantive challenge to self reflection. THAT is the point of this thread

Your point about all women being beautiful was NOT the one I intially objected to as I asserted above. As the thread evolved here you focused on the wrong part of the objection as did Sassy. However, I recommend you take a note about how anonymous assertions about the amazingness of others often does not actually bolster people's own self opinions, and in fact can instead undermine them. Such assertions from strangers have often made me more likely to suffer imposter syndrome in the past. This thread is about an exercise in self reflection about what we have learned about ourselves in the fullness of time.
This thread has proved itself to be safe for men who have taken that challenge seriously. again, I encourage you to do so.

 

[zipper01us]

Nods. I am.

Your point about all women being beautiful was NOT the one I intially objected to as I asserted above. As the thread evolved here you focused on the wrong part of the objection as did Sassy. However, I recommend you take a note about how anonymous assertions about the amazingness of others often does not actually bolster people's own self opinions, and in fact can iinstead undermine them. Such assertions from strangers have often made me more likely to suffer imposter syndrome in the past. This thread is about an exercise is self reflection about what we have learned about ourselves in the fullness of time.
This thread has proved itself to be safe for men who have taken that challenge seriously. again, I encourage you to do so

I just bet you are !

 

[cascadiabound]

"Don’t prioritise your looks my friend, as they won’t last the journey.
Your sense of humour though, will only get better with age.
Your intuition will grow and expand like a majestic cloak of wisdom.
Your ability to choose your battles, will be fine-tuned to perfection.
Your capacity for stillness, for living in the moment, will blossom.
Your desire to live each and every moment will transcend all other wants.
Your instinct for knowing what (and who) is worth your time, will grow and flourish like ivy on a castle wall.
Don’t prioritise your looks my friend,
they will change forevermore, that pursuit is one of much sadness and disappointment.
Prioritise the uniqueness that make you you, and the invisible magnet that draws in other like-minded souls to dance in your orbit.
These are the things which will only get better."

Donna Ashworth
From ‘the right words’

 

[Lord Pmann]

To all the women saying zipper was being condescending… do you girls even know the meaning of that word?

 

[cascadiabound]

To all the women saying zipper was being condescending… do you girls even know the meaning of that word?

Speaking of condescending...(which was not actually what I said he was doing)...
Yes.
I have not been a girl in a long time. Part of why this thread is of interest to me.

 

[Diosax]

Speaking of condescending...(which was not actually what I said he was doing)...
Yes.
I have not been a girl in a long time. Part of why this thread is of interest to me.

I like you!

 

[Mrtenant]

To all the women saying zipper was being condescending… do you girls even know the meaning of that word?

aww damn...smh...good luck to ya.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm not the same girl I was five years ago, or even one year ago. Some of the changes I've been through have been really good, others I'm struggling with, and there are cans of worms on my shelf yet to be opened. I like where I am now, the work that I'm doing on myself, the discoveries I'm making, but it does get tiring, and there are so many questions still to answer.

Who am I?
What do I want to be when I grow up?
How do I fit in to my world, and how do I want to fit in - or not?
Where do I belong, and where are my people?
When will I feel like I have 'arrived'? Or at least feel that I've crossed over from 'you're freezing cold' to 'you're getting warmer!'?

I'm confident that I'm not having a mid-life crisis as much as simply another installment in the ongoing process of reevaluating my life, although some of the issues are particular to where I am in my life cycle.

So where are you? and how do you feel about it?
What are you currently working on? Where are you struggling, and where do you feel like you've been making progress?
What is your relationship to your body?
Do you see yourself as valuable, worthy and deserving of a rich, fulfilling life?
Are you mostly content with the person you've become and the life that you've created, or if not, what changes would you like to make?

Come and talk with us about who you are, and where you're going.
(And if I haven't touched on everything in the thread title, I'm sure we'll get around to it.)

Great thread, Honey. This is quite an interesting read.

Where are you? I’m 39. A couple athletic injuries (okay, wanking injuries) have left me unable to do the main sport I like to play. That, along with pizza, has made me a little less energetic than I like. Overall, not too bad though.

What am I working on? Since my injury, I’ve been trying to do rehab and get better, so I can return to playing sports. That makes me feel better, overall, and ups my energy levels.

What’s my relationship to my body? There’s slightly more of it than I wish. Maybe 25-30 lbs. However, I’m mostly happy with it. It’s the body I’ve got and it works for the most part.

Do I see myself as valuable? Yes. However, no matter how much of an ass I may seem like, it’s often hard to prioritize your wellness over the competing constraints in life.

Am I mostly content with who I am? Yes. I’ve made many mistakes in life and I would change a lot of things in my past. However, I’m adorable as a panda’s ass and I’m pretty fucking likable.

 

[cascadiabound]

Great thread, Honey. This is quite an interesting read.

I’m adorable as a panda’s ass and I’m pretty fucking likable.

Respect for engaging the thread.
And I love that last sentence most of all.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Speaking of condescending...(which was not actually what I said he was doing)...
Yes.
I have not been a girl in a long time. Part of why this thread is of interest to me.

I have also not been in a girl in a long time either.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Respect for engaging the thread.
And I love that last sentence most of all.

It’s a good thread. Honey is fantastic with threads. I find her quite interesting in her postings.

 

[cascadiabound]

It’s a good thread. Honey is fantastic with threads. I find her quite interesting in her postings.

Indeed.
And sometimes I do take the bait.
You are no slouch with your threads either.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

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I have also not been in a girl in a long time either.

I SO want to flag this comment, but I think it would get lost in translation